Then they were together, holding hands and talking to each other. I wiped away my tears as they stood in a small church for their wedding, and saw the joyous looks on their faces as the doctor handed my mom a tiny infant as she lay in a hospital bed.
There was a brief flash of the three of us as a happy family. That was followed by my mom rushing inside a tiny house with a terrified look on her face. She hurriedly packed some things, secured me in my car seat, and sped off. I watched as the little blue Mazda tore down the expressway and later onto a smaller highway. As she turned a corner, she slammed on the brakes, narrowly avoiding a massive wreck where an SUV and a huge 18-wheeler-truck lay mangled and in flames.
It was a remote road, and the fire was getting bigger. I watched as my mom jumped out of the car, yelling and screaming. Dad had said she and I had been in the accident as well, but now I saw that wasn’t the case.
My mom continued to run around the ball of fire, perhaps looking for any survivors, until finally she gave up and dropped to her knees. Obviously distraught, she then ran back to the car, took me out of my car seat, and hurried over to a patch of grass beneath a low tree. She looked around, and I could see terror in her eyes. She set me down, held her hands over my body, and started chanting.
She was casting a spell on me.
But it was what happened next that really shocked me. She turned and waved her hand, and our little Mazda flew into the burning heap of twisted metal. There was a huge explosion… no bodies would ever be identified in this accident.
My mom kneeled over me again. Sobbing, she kissed my forehead and whispered words I wished I could hear. The moment the first rescue vehicle came into sight, she gave me a final hug and several more kisses, and wrapped me up in a snug blanket that had Calista McCoy embroidered on it. Then she moved her lips and wiggled her fingers, pointing them at herself…
And turned into a fireman!
One second she was my mom, the next she was a young man wearing a fireman’s uniform. I caught my breath, stunned. There was chaos and confusion as more rescue vehicles arrived, and before long the place was a noisy swarm of ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars. She picked me up and I saw her hand me off to a nice looking policeman. Then she disappeared in the crowd.
After that came a blur of random images that didn’t make any sense. They were all pictures of me, from before I could even walk, until after I’d arrived here in Crystal Cove. I was just doing every day, ordinary things, like buying groceries, walking to school, or sitting in class listening to the teacher… nothing interesting or important. What were these pictures supposed to mean? How were they significant?
But as the images continued to flash, I began to notice something odd. In every picture, someone was looking at me…very discretely and always out of my line of sight. Almost as if they were spying on me.
It was always someone different. An adolescent boy, a classmate, a middle-aged woman…all staring at me as I went about my life, unaware I was being observed. And each one of them had the exact same look in their eyes.
The truth hit me like fiery lightning. I gasped out loud and fell back on my hands as if I’d just been kicked in the stomach.
All this time as I was growing up…wherever I was, from my homes in Tennessee, to the swamplands of Louisiana, to the majestic shores of Crystal Cove...
My mother had been there every step of the way, watching me.
Chapter 30. Now or Never
I sat and stared at the layer of fog until long after the final image had faded. My cheeks were stained with tears, and my teeth chattered uncontrollably. But still I sat, immobile.
How was it possible that she’d been so close to me this whole time and I never knew? How could I not have felt it? And why did she want us to think she was dead?
Questions swirled through my mind in a muddled mess, but I had learned one important thing today. Something that gave me hope. Regardless of what form my mom took as she watched me throughout the years, her eyes had always been brimming with love. Even as recently as the Winter Ball, she had been one of the adults in the corner and had gazed at me with a happy smile on her face as I danced with Justin.
So what had changed to make her reject me now?
Finally, I forced myself to stand up and go back inside. Was that what Saffron’s spell was meant to reveal to me? The fact that my mom had not simply abandoned us without a second thought, but had been there, hiding in plain sight, my entire life?
Back in my room, I quickly changed into some warm pajamas and crawled under the covers, while I tried to make sense of it all. But I still had more questions than answers.
I did know one thing for certain—I was going back to confront my mom again, and I was going to make her tell me the truth if it took every ounce of my strength and all my powers to do it.
*****
I tossed and turned all night, and if I’d slept at all, I couldn’t tell.
“Geez, girl, you look like death warmed over,” Sophie greeted me when I saw her and Lily at school the next morning.
I shrugged. “I was up late…tons of homework. I’d kinda let it get away from me.” I could feel their skepticism, and I didn’t mean to be deceptive, but I just didn’t have the energy to get into it right then. I’d tell them about the spell and what I’d seen later.
Fortunately, they didn’t press it. But I couldn’t get out of it so easily when Nicholas cornered me by my locker after first period. “What happened last night?” he asked as soon as Sophie and Lily were distracted with their boyfriends.
I pulled him close as if to give him a kiss, and whispered, “She’s been watching me my whole life. She’s always been nearby. Now I just need to find out why.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Does it make you feel any better to know that?”
I thought a moment, then shook my head. “Actually, it just makes me even more confused than ever. But also more determined to get to the truth.”
“Good.” He smiled and gave me a quick kiss before Lily, Sophie, and I headed to History.
At lunch, I took Lily aside. “Can you come over after school for a little bit? I need to talk to you… I need a favor.” I lowered my voice so no one could hear. Fortunately Sophie was wrapped up with tossing grapes in the air and watching Brady catch them with his mouth.
“Sure,” Lily replied, a slight frown creasing her forehead. “Everything all right?”
I nodded. “It will be. But can it just be us? Nothing against Sophie, I just want to talk with you privately.”
I could tell her curiosity was piqued even more, but she just nodded and gave me a small, reassuring smile.
Once I’d made my decision I was eager to get started, and the rest of the day crawled by at a snail’s pace. Over and over I rehearsed what I was going to do and say when I confronted my mother again, and prepared a list of questions I was going to ask... and demand answers to.
I tried to think of every possible argument she could come up with, and how I would counteract it. Of course, I realized that any powers I had at this point were dwarfed by hers… she could change her appearance with a few words and a wave of her fingers. But at least I was going to put up a good fight and not give up until I’d gotten what I wanted—the truth. Good or bad, right or wrong, I wanted to end this ridiculous game of deception once and for all. Even if we went our separate ways and never saw each other again, at least I’d know why. And then I could move on and maybe start to heal from the fresh wounds her sudden reappearance had caused.
After what seemed like an eternity, the last class of the day was finally over. “I’ll be there within the hour… whenever I can get away,” Lily thought to me as she went to meet her mom by their car.
I nodded in her direction, and waved at Sophie. Then, hand in hand, Nicholas and I walked across the parking lot to the cluster of trees across the street. Once we were safely out of everyone’s sight, the icy ants began to tickle my skin.
I opened my eyes to an unfamiliar
bedroom, but a quick glance told me it was Nicholas’s. I’d never been in his house before, which was odd considering we’d been seeing each other for a while, and he lived so close by. But I’d always gotten the impression it wasn’t a very happy place for him, so I hadn’t pushed it.
He met my surprised gaze with a mischievous smile. “Sorry, but I couldn’t deliver you to your house, and the beach is too conspicuous today.” He smirked playfully, and I raised an eyebrow.
“Not sure how much safer it is for us to be in here,” I said under my breath as he lowered his face. His long eyelashes tickled my cheek as his lips devoured mine, and I pulled him closer.
We fell back onto the bed, and he positioned his body next to me and wrapped his fingers through mine. As always his kisses were sweet, but strong enough to stir my blood and awaken my senses.
“I have to go,” I whispered regretfully after a few moments of bliss. “Lily will be coming over any minute, and I need to be there.”
He rolled over on his back and tucked his hand behind his head. “She taking you to your mom?”
I nodded. “I’m going to ask her to. I wish you could take me, but she’s the only one who knows how to get there.”
He propped himself up on one arm and used the other hand to lightly run his fingers down the length of my hair. “Good luck,” he whispered and gave me a soft kiss on my forehead. “I love you.”
I smiled. “I know you do… that’s what gives me strength when I think I don’t have any more left.”
“I think you’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for,” he whispered, gazing deep into my eyes. “I know how hard all of this has been on you, and I’m so proud of you for not giving up… and for not hating me too much that I’m not revealing my deepest, darkest secrets.” He cracked a wicked grin and lay back down.
I leaned over and gave him another kiss. “Don’t get too cocky, mister. If my mom doesn’t come clean, I may just have to torture you until you confess everything.”
He rolled me over until his lips hovered millimeters over mine. “That sounds like it might be fun.”
*****
I opened the sliding glass door to my room and was greeted by Lily’s perplexed expression. “Oh, there you are,” she said. Then she looked at me a bit closer and giggled. “Oooh, I see.”
I quickly smoothed down my tousled hair and my wrinkled blouse.
“I need a big favor from you,” I started right in. “I need you to shimmer me back to my mom.”
Lily’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? You’re going to try talking to her again?”
“Yup.” I headed to my closet to change out of my St. Morgan’s uniform. I reappeared a moment later to her curious gaze as she sat on my bed.
“What happened? Why’re you going back?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Just figured I’d give it another chance. But only me this time. Can you get me as close as possible without her knowing?”
Lily nodded slowly, and I could feel her apprehension. “Yeah, I can get you right onto her street. The spell was only a few hundred yards around her house.”
I clenched my jaw. “All right… let’s do this.”
“Now?” Are you sure?”
I nodded. “It’s now or never.”
Chapter 31. Showdown
We touched down on the end of my mom’s street, and for once my inner turmoil was more unpleasant than the sensation of shimmering.
“You really sure you want to do this by yourself?” Lily nervously eyed the swirling black cloud at the end of the road. “Because I can go with you if you want.”
Her words touched me, since I could tell how uncomfortable she was. I gave her a reassuring grin. “I’m fine. Really. I need to do this alone.”
She glanced around. “I’m just not sure it’s a good idea…”
“Lily, she’s my mom. I mean, okay, I admit she’s not exactly up for ‘mother of the year’, but she’s not going to hurt me. She just wants to hide. But there isn’t even a tiny part of her that is dangerous to me, so don’t worry.”
I felt her relax a little, and she managed a wobbly smile. “All right… if you’re sure. You’ll call for me when you’re ready to be picked up?”
I nodded and gave her a hug. “Thanks again, and remember, this is just between us for now.”
“Yeah, okay. Good luck.” She squeezed me back before fading away.
I squared my shoulders, took several deep breaths, and started walking down the street. It was the middle of the day and the sun was shining brightly, but within a few moments I was shrouded in darkness like before. I snapped my fingers for the flames to appear and willed them higher so I could see my way. I didn’t feel anything yet, but she had to know I was here. But just in case she didn’t, I decided to help move things along.
“Hello? Mom! I’ve come back, and this time I’m not leaving so easily!” I yelled.
I thought I sensed something… a hesitation or a confusion. I called again.
“I know you’re here. I know you’ve always been here… with us… watching me. Don’t act like you don’t care, because I know you do. And I’m not leaving until you talk to me. You can send me away, but I’ll keep coming back!”
I felt a presence nearby and looked around, but I could see no more than a few feet in any direction. I knew I could easily get lost in this black cloud if I wasn’t careful, and the nerves in my stomach began to flutter. If my mom wanted to be really cruel, she could leave me out here and ignore me forever.
But something told me she wasn’t going to. And a moment later, I knew I was right.
“You came back,” her soft voice sounded behind me.
I spun around, and she swished her hand. Instantly the clouds dissolved, and the sun was shining brightly again.
“I came back,” I whispered, letting the flames die from my fingers as I slowly lowered my hand.
I couldn’t help but stare at her as she stood not five feet away from me, her aquamarine eyes a mixture of sadness and wonder. She was wearing a long gray sweater with a pair of black leggings and some knee-high boots, and her hair was up in a high ponytail. The similarities between us were striking, and I felt like I was looking at an older sister, not my mom. No matter how many times I’d seen her pictures, this was different. This was real.
For several long moments we sized each other up. I felt her apprehension—as if she had resigned herself to some terrible fate. Or maybe that was just me I was feeling.
Finally, she turned and started walking away. Uncertain, I stood there motionless, until she beckoned for me to follow. I fell in behind her and we continued on in silence. I couldn’t make heads or tails of her feelings. They were strong— that much I knew, but at this point I couldn’t distinguish her myriad of emotions from my own.
“So what do the neighbors think of your decorating job?” I asked in an attempt to break the ice. I didn’t really expect an answer.
“The house and I are only shielded from those with magical sight… those who could harm me. To humans I am one of them, and they see me as I am,” she replied flatly, and without turning around.
“Those who would harm you?” I repeated. “Surely you don’t think I’d ever hurt you.”
She turned and gave me a sad smile. “You break my heart every day.”
I was floored. “I do? How? What did I do?”
She didn’t answer, and I vowed not to get upset or emotional no matter what transpired between us. She hadn’t sent me away again… that was huge progress. I didn’t know how much more she was going to let me in, but I couldn’t help the swell of excitement in my belly, just knowing that I was walking and talking with my mom. We were having an actual real conversation where we each said words, and the other one heard and responded. Well, mostly. It was almost the most amazing thing that’d ever happened in my life, and I still couldn’t quite believe it wasn’t a dream.
We turned down a small dirt path and headed to the house I’d seen in the Looki
ng Stone. A small tan dog bounced over and sniffed around my feet.
“Go, Shasta. Leave us,” Mom commanded weakly. The pup gave a happy yip and bounded away.
I thought we might go into her home, but instead she led me over to an old swing set. She sat in one of the two swings, and after a brief hesitation, I sat in the other.
“How did you find me?” she asked, without looking up.
I shrugged. “I-I just looked. I used Ana’s Looking Stone.”
She glanced at me from the corner of her eye. “I’m impressed. No one else has ever been able to break through my glamour. Not even my own mother.”
I gulped. She was almost talking to me as a regular person. Like she liked me. “I found you the first time I tried,” I said, then closed my eyes. Why was I trying to impress her? Was I seeking her approval after all this time? How pathetic. After all she’d put us through—
She immediately got off her swing and moved away. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this with you,” she said shaking her head. “Not with all those feelings you have for me right now. You need to go—”
I jumped up. “Wait! Don’t leave. What feelings? Why can’t you talk to me?” And then it dawned on me—my mom was an Empath, too. Of course, she was picking up on my conflicted energy.
“Wait, Mom, please,” I begged softly. She stopped walking, but didn’t turn back around. “What you’re feeling from me, it’s not all about you. A lot has to do with me and other stuff, too.”
“I feel your anger… your disappointment… your disgust.”
“Can’t you also feel my love? My yearning? How I’ve missed you every single day of my life? Don’t you know that more than anything in this world, I’ve wanted to see you and know you… and that you being alive is nothing short of a miracle for me?”
Her shoulders slumped forward. “I’m not worthy of your love,” she whispered. “I don’t deserve it. I do deserve your anger and disgust, but it’s too much for me to take. I’m sorry.” She started walking again.