I’ll pay you shit! my wife shot back. Your son rubbed his hands all over my breasts and kissed me on the mouth. That tree is payment for the theft of my innocence!
Ow! Ow! Ow! A bunch of half-grown youngsters shouted their approval of my wife’s comeback.
Renmei! I called out angrily.
What are you bellowing about? She climbed into Gugu’s car, stuck her head out the window, and said: He felt me through my clothes!
10
Chairwoman Yang of our unit’s family-planning committee arrived. She was the daughter of a high-ranking military officer, a division commander. Her name was familiar, but this was the first time I’d seen her.
The commune leadership held a banquet for her; she asked that Wang Renmei and I attend.
Gugu dug up a pair of leather shoes for Renmei.
The banquet was held in a private room in the commune’s dining hall.
I think I’ll stay home, Xiaopao, Renmei said. I’m afraid of meeting high-ranking officials. Besides, this has been nothing to be proud of, turning the world upside down and all.
Gugu smiled. What’s there to be afraid of? Even the highest official has only one nose and two eyes.
Chairwoman Yang invited Renmei and me to sit next to her at the table. Taking Renmei by the hand, she said cordially, Comrade Wang, I want to thank you on behalf of the army.
What I did was wrong, Madam Chairwoman, Renmei said, obviously moved. I caused you trouble.
I’d been afraid that Renmei would say something offensive, and was relieved to hear her speak with such civility.
My nephew’s wife is a woman of high consciousness who became pregnant by accident and asked me to have the pregnancy terminated, Gugu lied. Her frailty was the reason we waited so long to perform the procedure.
Young man, Chairwoman Yang said, it’s you I need to criticise. All you male comrades are careless, hoping to be lucky not to impregnate your wives.
I nodded in agreement.
The Party secretary stood up, glass in hand. Join me in thanking Chairwoman Yang for taking time out of her busy schedule to instruct us on our work, he said.
I’m familiar with this area, she said. My father fought a guerrilla war here during the Jiao River campaign. His command post was in this very village. That’s why I feel so comfortable here.
That pleases us a great deal, the Party secretary said. I hope the chairwoman will take a message back to our elderly leader, expressing our wish that he personally come to inspect our work one day.
Gugu stood up and held out her glass. Here’s to you, Chairwoman Yang.
Chairwoman Wan is the daughter of a martyr, the Party secretary said. She followed her father into the revolution when she was still very young.
Chairwoman Yang, Gugu said, there is a bond between you and me. My father, who headed the Eighth Route Army’s Xihai Hospital and was a student of Norman Bethune, treated Vice Commander Yang’s leg wound.
Really? Chairwoman Yang stood up excitedly. My father is writing a memoir, and in it he mentions a doctor Wan Liufu.
My father, Gugu said. After he died, my mother and I lived for two years in the Eastern Jiao liberated area, where I played with a girl named Yang Xin.
Chairwoman Yang grabbed Gugu’s hand as tears of excitement welled up in her eyes. Wan Xin, is that you?
Wan Xin, Yang Xin, two hearts. Isn’t that what Chairman Zhong said?
Yes, it was him, Yang said as she wiped away the tears. I dream of you often, but I never expected to actually see you here.
As soon as I saw you I thought you looked familiar, Gugu said.
Come, everyone, the Party secretary announced, join me in congratulating Chairwoman Yang and Chairwoman Wan on their exciting reunion.
Gugu flashed me a signal with her eyes, which I immediately understood. I took Renmei’s hand and went up to Yang. Chairwoman, I said, I owe you an apology for making it necessary for you to make a special trip here.
I’m so sorry, Chairwoman Yang, Renmei said with a bow. Don’t blame Xiaopao for this, it was all my fault. I poked a hole in a condom when he wasn’t looking.
Momentarily taken aback, Chairwoman Yang then laughed heartily.
My face was burning. That’s nonsense, I said as I nudged her.
Yang took Renmei’s hand and regarded her closely. Comrade Wang, she said, I like candid, open people. You’re a lot like your aunt.
How could I be anything like Gugu? Renmei said. She’s a loyal running dog of the Communist Party. She goes after anyone the Party sics her on.
That’s rubbish! I said.
What do you mean, rubbish? It couldn’t be more obvious. If the Party told her to climb a mountain of knives, that’s what she’d do. If the Party told her to jump into a sea of flames, she’d do it.
All right, that’s enough talk about me, Gugu said. There’s more work to be done, and I have to dig in and do it.
Comrade Wang, Chairwoman Yang said, what woman doesn’t love children? One, two, three, the more the better. The Party and the nation love children too. Take Chairman Mao, or Premier Zhou – aren’t their faces wreathed in smiles when they see children? That sort of love comes from the heart. What is the revolution for anyway? In the end, it’s for our children, so they can live rich, happy lives. Children are the nation’s future, its treasure. But there’s a problem. Without family planning, our children may not have enough to eat or clothes to wear or could be denied the chance to attend school. Family planning is about achieving great issues of humanity by denying minor ones. By putting up with a little pain and making a little sacrifice you are contributing to the nation at large.
I’ll do as you say, Chairwoman, Renmei said. I’ll do it tonight. She turned to Gugu. Gugu, she said, go ahead and cut out my womb while you’re at it!
Again Chairwoman Yang laughed after a momentary pause of surprise.
Everyone at the table laughed with her.
Wan Xiaopao, she said, pointing to me, I love this wife of yours. A very intriguing young woman. But there’ll be no cutting out of wombs. You have to take good care of that, isn’t that right, Chairwoman Wan?
My nephew’s wife is very competent, Gugu said. After the procedure, I’ll give her time to get back to normal before transferring her to the family-planning work group. Consider this a heads-up, Secretary Wu.
No problem, the Party secretary said. We want our best people working in the family-planning groups. Comrade Wang Renmei can achieve excellent results by citing her own experience.
Wan Xiaopao, what are your duties?
I’m in charge of sports and recreation.
How long have you been doing that?
Three and a half years.
Then you should be in line for promotion to deputy battalion commander, Yang said. That way Comrade Wang can move to Beijing as an army wife.
My daughter too? Renmei asked timidly.
Of course, the chairwoman replied.
But I’ve heard it’s hard for an army wife to move to Beijing, that there’s a quota.
Go home and work hard, Yang said, and leave everything to me.
I am so happy! Renmei said demonstratively. My daughter will be able to attend school in Beijing, she’ll become a Beijing resident!
Chairwoman Yang sized Renmei up a second time. Make sure you take all precautions with the procedure, she said to Gugu. It has to be completely safe.
Don’t worry about that, Gugu said.
11
Before she was wheeled into surgery, Renmei took my hand and looked down at the teeth marks.
I shouldn’t have bitten you, she said apologetically.
That’s all right.
Does it still hurt?
Hurt? No more than a mosquito bite.
You can bite me.
Please, I said. You’re acting like a little girl.
She gripped my hand. Where’s Yanyan?
At home with her grandparents.
Does she have plenty to eat?
&nbs
p; Yes, I bought two bags of milk powder and two jin of butter cookies. I also bought some shredded pork and lotus meal. There’s nothing to worry about.
Yanyan takes after you. You’ve got single-fold eyelids, mine are double.
I know. She should take after you, you’re so much better-looking than me.
People say girls take after their father and boys take after their mothers.
Maybe so.
This one would have been a boy, I know that, I’m not joking.
The times have changed. Boy or girl, it makes no difference. I tried to sound casual. In a couple of years, you’ll follow me to Beijing, and we’ll find our daughter the best school there is. We’ll raise her to be someone of distinction. A good daughter is better than ten troublesome sons.
Xiaopao . . .
What?
I wasn’t naked when Xiao Xiachun touched me that time, really.
Don’t be silly, I said with a laugh. I’ve forgotten that.
I had on a heavy jacket, a sweater underneath, and a shirt under that, and a . . .
And your bra, right?
I washed my bra that day, so I wasn’t wearing it, but I was wearing an undershirt.
Okay, that’s enough goofy talk.
He caught me by surprise when he kissed me.
So what? It was just a kiss, and you were going to marry him.
But I made him pay. I kneed him, and he squatted with his hands down there.
Oh, poor Xiao Xiachun, I joked. Why didn’t you knee me when I kissed you?
He had bad breath, you don’t.
What you’re saying is we were fated to be married.
Xiaopao, I’m so grateful to you.
What for?
I’m not sure.
That’s enough sweet nothings for now. You can talk later. Gugu stuck her head out the operating room door and waved to Renmei. You can come in.
Renmei grabbed my hand. Xiaopao . . .
There’s nothing to be afraid of, I said. Gugu says it’s a minor procedure.
When I get home you have to stew a whole hen for me.
Sure. I’ll make it two.
She turned to look at me just before she walked into surgery. She was wearing my beat-up old grey jacket with the missing button. The thread hung loosely. The cuffs of her blue trousers were muddy. She had on the old leather shoes Gugu had given her.
My nose ached, my heart felt empty. From where I sat on the dust-covered corridor bench, I heard the clang of metal instruments inside and envisioned what they looked like, imagining the blinding rays of light; I could almost feel how cold they were. Children’s laughter erupted in the yard behind the health centre. I stood up and looked out the window, where a three- or four-year-old boy playing with a pair of blown-up condoms was being chased by two girls about the same age.
Gugu popped out of the surgery, looking anxious.
What’s your blood type?
Type A.
How about her?
Who?
Who do you think? Gugu’s anger showed. Your wife.
Type O, I think.
Shit!
What’s happened?
Gugu’s smock was coated with blood, her face was ghostly white. My mind went blank
She went back inside and shut the door behind her. I tried looking through a crack in the doorway, but could see nothing. I didn’t hear Renmei’s voice, but I did hear Little Lion shouting into a telephone, ordering an ambulance from the county hospital.
I pushed open the door and immediately saw Renmei . . . saw Gugu with her sleeve rolled up and Little Lion drawing blood from her arm through a thick needle . . . Renmei’s face was the colour of paper . . . Renmei . . . hang in there . . . a nurse pushed me back out of the room. Let me in there, I said, goddamn it, I want to be in there. People in white smocks came running down the corridor . . . a middle-aged doctor who smelled like cigarette smoke and disinfectant sat me down on the bench and handed me a cigarette. He lit it for me. Don’t worry, he said, the county ambulance is on its way. Your aunt gave her 600 ccs of her own blood . . . everything’s going to be fine . . .
The ambulance shrieks bored into me like snakes. A man in a white smock with a medical kit. A bespectacled man in a white smock with a stethoscope around his neck. Men in white smocks. Women in white smocks. Men in white smocks carrying a collapsible gurney. Some went into the surgery, others stood in the corridor. Their actions were brisk, but their faces looked calm. No one paid me any attention, no one even looked my way. The sour taste of blood filled my mouth.
The people in white smocks emerged listlessly from the surgery and stepped back into the ambulance, one at a time. The gurney went in last.
I burst through the surgery door and saw Renmei, hidden from me by a white sheet. Covered with blood, Gugu slumped in a folding chair looking crestfallen. Little Lion and the others stood around like wooden statues. The silence in my ears was broken by what sounded like buzzing bees.
Gugu, I said, didn’t you say there’d be no problem?
She looked up, wrinkled her nose, her face ugly and frightening, and sneezed violently.
12
Sister-in-law, Elder Brother, Gugu said numbly in the yard, I’m here to apologise.
An urn with Wang Renmei’s ashes stood on a table in the centre of the main room. There was also a white bowl filled with wheat seeds to support three sticks of incense. Smoke curled towards the ceiling. In my uniform, with a black armband, I sat beside the table holding my daughter, who had on mourning garb and frequently looked up at me to ask a question.
What’s in the box, Papa?
I couldn’t say anything as tears wetted the stubble on my face.
How about my mother, Papa, where is she?
Your mother has gone to Beijing, I said. We’ll go see her in a few days.
Will Grandpa and Grandma go with us?
Yes, we’ll all go.
Father and Mother were out in the yard sawing a willow plank in half. The plank was tied at an angle to a bench. Father was standing, Mother was seated. Up and down, back and forth the saw went – shwa shwa – with sawdust floating in the sunlight.
I knew they were sawing the plank in half to make a coffin for Renmei. Even though cremation had supplanted burial in our area, the state had yet to set aside a place to store funerary containers, and so the locals chose to bury them under a grave mound. If a family could afford it, a coffin was made for the ashes, and the container smashed. Poor families simply buried the container.
I saw Gugu standing out there with her head down. I saw the grief on my parents’ faces and the mechanical repetition of their movements. I saw the commune Party secretary, who had come with Gugu, along with Little Lion and three commune cadres. They had brought fancy boxes of pastries and sweets, which they placed alongside the well opening. Beside the boxes was a damp cattail bag that gave off a strong odour. I knew the bag contained salted fish.
No one could have anticipated such a turn of events, the Party secretary was saying. Experts from the county hospital have determined that Chairwoman Wan followed all the appropriate protocols to the letter, and lifesaving attempts were carried out properly. Dr Wan even gave the patient 600 ccs of her own blood. We are deeply saddened and wish that more could have been done.
Are you blind? Father scolded Mother angrily. Can’t you see that black line? The saw is a half inch off, and you should have seen that. Can’t you do anything right?
Mother got to her feet, began to wail, and went inside.
Father threw down the saw and, with a bent back, walked to the water vat. He picked up the gourd ladle, tipped his head back, and drank, some of the water spilling down his chin to his chest, where it merged with the sawdust. He returned to the plank, picked up the saw, and recommenced sawing with a vengeance.
The Party secretary and cadres went into the house, where they bowed three times to Renmei’s ashes. One of the cadres placed a manila envelope on the stove counter.
Comr
ade Wan Zu, the Party secretary said, we know that no amount of money can make up for the terrible loss this unfortunate incident has caused you and your family, and this five thousand yuan is merely a token of our respect.
Someone – apparently a clerk – said, Three thousand of this is public money. The additional two thousand was donated by Secretary Wu and several leading cadres.
Take it with you, I said. Please take it back. We don’t need it.
I understand how you feel, the secretary said sadly, it won’t bring her back, but the living have to continue on the revolutionary path. Chairwoman Yang telephoned from Beijing to express her sadness over Comrade Wang’s death, to pass on her condolences to the bereaved family, and to inform you that your leave has been extended two weeks to give you time to take care of the funeral and matters at home before reporting back to work.
Thank you, I said. You may leave now.
The Party secretary and his retinue bowed once more to the funerary container and then walked out, still bent at the waist.
I gazed at their legs and at their backsides, some fleshy, some bony, and my tears flowed again.
A woman’s wails and a man’s profanities emerged from the lane, and I knew that my in-laws were coming.
My father-in-law was carrying a pitchfork. You bastards, he cursed, give me back my daughter!
My mother-in-law was making all sorts of wild gestures and bouncing on her bound feet, looking as if she was about to pounce on my aunt. But she fell before she could get there. She sat there beating the ground with both hands and howling. My poor daughter, why have you left us like that . . . how are we going to live without you . . .
The Party secretary stepped forward. We were on our way to your house, he said to my in-laws. What a tragic affair. This has saddened us deeply.
My father-in-law pounded the ground with his pitchfork handle. Come out here, Wan Xiaopao, you son of a bitch, he growled.
I walked up to him with my daughter, whose arms were wrapped around my neck, her face tucked up against my cheek.
Father, I said when I was right in front of him, you can take it out on me.