And I love every frakking second of it. How long has it been since I’ve laughed like this?
Falling onto him, I move my hand to the empty Chinese box, wiping a finger across the side. I’ve got him now, ’cause he totally doesn’t notice. His expression actually gets really serious. His eyes search mine, then my lips, then my hair as he reaches up with a shaking hand to play with the strands that have fallen in my face.
I almost let him kiss me, but the urge to get him back wins out and as he leans in, I wipe mandarin sauce across his nose. Laughing like a mad woman, I roll off him, landing awkwardly on the ground, and try to lock myself safely in the car.
He catches my hips before I can get to the handle, spins me around and traps me against the door. I scream as he wiggles his nose all over my face.
“Stop! Stop! You win!” I say through yells and giggles. He’s laughing with me and I can’t believe how incredibly dorky we are… and how cute he looks even with sauce all over his face.
“Success.” He smiles and we stare at each other as we catch our breath. But my breathing only gets quicker, my heart rate going as fast as the tempo in the chicken dance song after it plays for a while.
“Zak?”
His eyes sparkle when I say his name. “Hmm?”
I don’t care we’re both a mess right now. All that swims through my brain is how happy he makes me. And how much I want him. This guy.
“Can friends kiss?”
He drops his smile. Crap. I can see the argument he has with himself behind his eyes now that I’m giving him the chance to think about it.
He pulls away, not answering me and grabs the rest of the napkins. Handing me a few and wiping his own face, he says, “You ready to get going?”
I nod, staring at the napkins in my hands. My limbs seem to have forgotten how to move. I should’ve let him kiss me instead of getting even. Darn competitive nature.
“It’s not that I don’t want to, Zo.” He takes the napkin from my palm and wipes my face for me. “I don’t think we can be friends that kiss. Didn’t work out so well last time.”
I nod again. He’s totally right. And I don’t want to be just his friend, but I don’t know how I’ll handle him as a boyfriend without disappointing him.
“Well, let’s go. Do you mind driving?” I ask as I gather up the trash on the hood and chuck it in a garbage can chained to a tree.
“No, you need practice.”
I grimace at him. “Fine. But you still have to shift for me.”
“You just want to hold my hand,” he says pointing a finger and smirking.
“Well, duh.”
I can’t believe this surprises him after I asked if he would kiss me. But his eyebrows disappear into his bangs and his mouth drops as he struggles to respond. Cute.
“Oh, well. Okay.” He blushes. “But you have to be the one to shift.”
“Deal.”
I go to open my door, and he yells like I’m about to run over a cat. “Wait!” He jogs to my side and lifts the handle, but the door doesn’t open. He tugs on it with both hands, wiggling it up and down like it’ll suddenly start working.
Laughing, I ask, “You having a bit of trouble there?”
He cocks his head, exaggerating the roll of his eyes. “Keys?”
I press my hand against my pocket. My flat pocket. My eyes pop and I peer into the car window and sure enough, they’re dangling from the ignition.
“Whoops.”
Chapter 22
I must be PMS-ing with all the mood swings.
Zak laughs and whips out his cell.
“What are you doing?”
“Calling Ariana.”
It’s like a fire-breathing dragon hatches in the pit of my stomach. “Why?”
“Calm down. She’s got my truck. She can pick us up and you can get the spare key from your house.” He pauses to look at me. “You do have a spare, right?”
“Yes,” I snap, folding my arms and leaning against my car. Why the hell does Ariana have Zak’s car? “We aren’t going to leave my car here though with the keys inside are we?”
He shakes his head and presses the phone to his ear. I try not to unleash the ravenous beast growing inside me as he talks to her.
“She’ll be here in a few minutes.” He shoves his phone back in his pocket.
“Great.” I knew I’d ruin the date by doing something stupid. Now I have to share Zak with Clingy Girl.
“Hey,” he says, shuffling his feet in the gravel. “She’s my friend.”
“Like me?” I raise a questioning eyebrow which I’m sure gets lost in translation, since I can’t do it right.
His hair flops around as he shakes his head at the dirt. “No one will ever be like you.”
Freaking Spiderman, I’m going to maul him if he keeps saying cheesy crap like that.
Sliding down the car door, I plant myself on the dirt road. Zak sits next to me, brushing my arm with his own.
“Can I ask you about your dad?” Wow. I have no idea where that came from. I just don’t want to think about Ariana being all buddy-buddy with him, and my uncontrollable tongue takes over.
“Why wouldn’t you be able to?”
I shift, letting my legs fall, crossing them at the ankles. “Well, it’s not your favorite subject.”
“Uh…” He hesitates for like, three seconds before wrapping his arm around me again. “What do you want to know?”
I snuggle into his armpit, breathing in and trying not to be so obvious about it. But a moan slips out, and I snuggle farther into him to hide my face. “Like, has he tried to talk to you since that night?”
He shifts and I have to adjust so I don’t fall flat on my face. His ears burn as his hand pulls my waist back to where it was.
“Yeah, he has.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
His mouth turns up in a sort of smile. “I talked to Ariana about it—”
“Oh.” Yeah, I totally snap at him. That name sets my jealous teeth on edge.
“I was going to say, I talked to her, but you… you know how it is, you know? ’Cause you were there the first time around.”
I nod and the fire in my stomach starts to fade. Zak wipes his palm on his jeans before he reaches for my hand to play with my fingers.
“H-he came by my house.”
Oh shit. “What?”
“Yeah. Surprised the hell out of me.”
“When?”
He takes a deep breath. “Right after, uh, our second driving lesson.”
I shake off the discomfort crawling on my skin. That day sucked butt. I can’t believe how much worse it was for him. First dealing with me then having his prick father show up. Oh gosh. While he was talking to his dad I was deciding who to give access to “downstairs” Zoe.
“Um, so what happened?”
He tenses and I lean up to look in his dark eyes. His mouth twitches, and he takes another deep breath.
“Nothing really. I didn’t let him stay long.” He drops his gaze, and I scrunch my lips together.
“You’re lying. What happened?”
His cheeks blow up in mockery of me, and I pinch them together. Chuckling, he tucks me back into his side, hand trembling on my waist.
“He told me he was getting remarried, and he wanted to give us a heads up.” Zak pauses, and I toy with the zipper on his jacket. “I don’t know why. It’s not like he let us know anything before.”
His face goes a little red and I nod, unable to sort out what’s going through my mind and what’s actually happening. Zak’s dad is getting remarried. Holy starships! This is huge! And he didn’t say anything to me. Nada. Nil.
But he told Ariana.
Because she’s a good friend. Not ashamed of herself even though crap about her flies around school just as much as it does about Zak. Zit Face, Dragon Virgin, and a few names I’m not even gonna repeat in my head. And she’s not embarrassed to be seen with Zak in public, or to be with anyone from the D&D
table.
Why can’t I be like that? Then Zak may have confided in me.
“Are you okay? I know that’s a stupid question but…” I stop, gauging his reaction. He’s almost laughing at me. A real smirk on his face, eyes not teary but sparkly. He pulls me in for a hug—well, a tighter hug—and kisses the top of my head before answering.
“I told you, I really am okay.” The vibrations from his voice rumble through my body, making me shiver. His hold tightens. “When he left, I always wondered if he’d ever try to come back. Weasel his way into my mom’s heart again and then shatter it. But he didn’t want that.”
My whole body freezes, remembering exactly what Zak had said to me last night. The comparison to his father, how we both want to be back in his life. But as he voices his relief that his dad is moving on, I can’t help but feel he doesn’t want me back. He’d rather I move on as well.
“Now I have some sort of closure.”
I nod, the rest of my body too frozen to move.
“Zo?”
“Um, yeah?” Oh crap, my voice is all crackled like I’ve been crying, and when I touch my face stupid tears are all over my cheeks.
“Hey.” He grabs my shoulders and pushes me back, examining my wet eyes. “What’s wrong?”
This is totally backwards. Zak’s handling everything all mature and crap, and I’m the one blubbering like a fool.
“It’s just…” I pause waiting to see whether my word vomit will push the frog out of my throat. It does. “You seem okay with him leaving this time, like you want it to happen. That your life is better without him.”
Zak nods, eyebrows pulled together, probably wondering why this upsets me.
“This morning, you said me and your dad were both trying to weasel our way back into your life.”
I actually see the light click on behind his eyes. Pulling me in again, he squeezes me so tight I envision all the tears and snot propel from all the holes in my face.
“Oh crap, Zo, that’s not what I meant. I hate myself for comparing you to him. I’ve regretted it since it came out.”
“So, you don’t think that?” I say into his shoulder.
“Not completely. I was upset and confused as hell. I’ve been trying to let you go because you’re so different than the girl I used to know. But then you are that girl sometimes, even if it’s just for a second, and I can’t help all the… feelings I have for you.”
He’s being honest, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. What if I’m not strong enough? If I let my weaknesses get the best of me? Let all the stares and the whispering trump my friendship with him?
“Maybe you’re better off without me in your life too.” Crap, it seems my mouth rules over my mind when he’s around. I pull away, folding my arms across my chest and wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I don’t want to put you through everything again.”
“Are you expecting to?” he asks, tears brimming in his eyes.
I shake my head furiously. “No. No. I don’t ever want to hurt you again. But Zak, I’m not perfect. What if I disappoint you? What if I fall short?”
“You’re trying aren’t you? I mean, that’s what this is right?”
I nod, but I can’t look at him.
“Please Zo,” he says reaching for me. “I can’t…I don’t want to lose both of you.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I whisper as he tucks his hand around my waist and pulls me into his side. “Not again.”
“I don’t want that either.”
The sorrow in his voice pushes me on his lap—it just happens. Can’t help it, because I can totally tell I’m hurting him right now. He seems somewhat surprised at my actions, but allows it. Taking a deep breath, I pull his head to lean against my shoulder and hug him so tightly I probably pop his eyeballs out. His breath hitches against my neck and a tear splashes the exposed skin on my chest.
He’s crying.
Oh crap. I was hoping one of us would hold it together. But darn it all, that’s not happening. I try to get the tears off my face while he holds me close and sobs into my shoulder. I stroke his hair, hoping I’m doing this right.
How did this happen? One second we’re laughing and smearing sauce on each other and the next…
I tug his hair, pulling him back so he’ll look at me. Attempting a smile, I wipe the tears from his cheeks and keep my hands there.
“Zak, I am sorry. About everything. With me. With your dad. I want to be here for you.” I press my forehead against his, keeping my eyes locked on those dark irises. “I promise. I won’t leave you alone again.”
And I mean it. I never want him to go through anything alone. His hand moves from my back, and he cups my neck, pulling me to his face.
“Ahem.”
My sigh is so loud, it’s nearly a growl as Ariana clacks her tongue behind us. Zak chuckles and pulls me close to whisper in my ear.
“We’ll finish this later.”
Chapter 23
Where did all these sympathetic feelings come from?
Zak helps me off him, my face going red as I look at Ariana. She’s got the you-killed-my-puppy look, but she’s glaring at him, not me.
“I didn’t mean to interrupt.”
Yeah right.
“Are you ready to go get those keys?” She’s still looking at Zak, and then it dawns on me. Is he leaving me here? To go with her? To get my extra key?
Zak nods and turns to face me, back turned to Ariana. I want to shoot her a “ha ha, you lose” sneer. But I hold it in as I look in his dark, dark eyes. Drool.
“I’ll keep an eye on your car, ’kay?”
“What?!” Both Ariana and I say at the same time. Zak throws his hands up like we’ve got a gun to his head.
“Well,” he stutters as he explains. “Zo, since the keys are in your house, you have to go get them. And since Ariana probably doesn’t want to sit here alone in the mountains, I think I should be the one who stays.”
He’s totally right and both of us know it. But that doesn’t mean we’re happy about it.
“Fine. Get in the car.” Ariana stomps around the truck and hops in, her glare never leaving my face. My lips curl in an evil smile, and I throw my arms around Zak, and plant a kiss right below his earlobe. She flips me off and I chuckle.
“What’s funny?” Zak pulls back, his whole face red as he touches the spot I kissed.
“Nothing. I’ll see you in a few.”
He gulps, bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking at the top of my head.
Oh just go for it, Zak.
I take a step toward him, and he lets out a cute nervous laugh before giving me a kiss on my forehead.
Instant goose bumps. I rub them out as he opens the truck door for me. The second my butt hits the seat, Ariana revs the engine and Zak has to hurry and close the door before she takes off down the bumpy road. I snap my seatbelt on, watching her shift as easily as Zak does.
“Where did you learn how to drive?” My voice bounces around with my body as she plows the truck across the dirt.
“Sorry, I don’t want to be in your presence for long.” She shifts again when we hit the smooth gravel and speeds down the mountain pass.
“I wasn’t talking about the way you’re driving. I meant where did you learn how to drive stick?”
“Same place you did.”
Jealousy crawls all over my body, igniting my face in what I imagine to be a bright shade of green. “Zak taught you?”
“Duh. That’s what I said.”
“How long ago?” What I really want to know is how long they’ve been so tight. I have no right to feel like she’s moving in my turf, since I totally abandoned Zak, but that’s exactly how I feel.
“Can we not talk?”
I fold my arms and press farther into the seat. “Fine. I’ll ask Zak when we get back.”
“Why do you care?” She shifts and throws me a nasty look. I knew she wouldn’t resist the bait. “He’s not yours to claim.”
“He’s not yours either,” I shoot back.
Her voice rises. “You need to leave him the hell alone. I’m not saying that because I want him to myself—”
“Yeah. Okay,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“I’m not! Not everyone is as selfish as you are. He’s going through a lot right now, and he doesn’t need a bitch like you hurting him. And that’s exactly what you’ll do. This is all a big game to you. Like you’re bored and he’s the only guy you haven’t nailed so you take advantage of it. Of him. I’m tired of seeing him upset because of the shit you pull. You’re going to make him think he has a chance, then drop him as soon as he pulls out his deck of Magic cards, or asks you to go to Comic-Con with him. Or even if he even speaks to you in the hall.”
She stops and catches her breath. I take it all in, knowing she has every reason to think these things. Still, I’m defensive and hurt. I’m ready to throw crap back at her, but I can’t think of any.
“What? No comment?” She says it so forcefully spit flies onto the steering wheel.
“I’m not playing a game,” I say through my teeth, looking out the window. “I’m trying to be his friend.”
“Yeah right.”
“I’m not! And don’t try and tell me there isn’t a tiny piece of you that wants me to leave him alone because you want him to yourself. It’s obvious you like him.”
“Yeah. I do.”
My head whips around so fast, I kink my neck. I really didn’t expect her to admit it.
“Why are you surprised? You said it was obvious.” She starts to pick at a scab on her face from a popped zit. I’m amazed she can do that while she’s driving.
“Does he know you like him?”
She barks out a laugh, putting her hand back on the gearbox. “Yes. But he’s still stuck on you from forever ago. Don’t ask me why. I don’t put him as someone who’s so shallow he just wants you for your skinny ass. Must be your amazing personality.” She tosses her eyes at the ceiling and shakes her head. “Guys are so stupid.”
I flinch like she’s slapped me across the face. “He’s stupid for liking me?”