Occasionally her mind turned to Enrico, and even though she was alone, a huge blush unfurled across her face, and then an ache of loss throbbed in her chest.
After covering every row, Birdie went down to the lake and threw rocks in the water, thinking about all the times she’d gone swimming there, and smiling when she thought about being there with Leeda and Murphy.
Birdie had never felt so empty and so full. She guessed it was because there was so much she would be leaving behind and because she knew that she had so much to leave in the first place. It seemed like her world had grown hugely. And there was more to love and more to miss.
As it got a bit darker, her legs carried her back along the pecan grove and along the property line. There, Birdie came to a halt and stared. On the other side, the Balmeade Country Club had been leveled. The water was in the sand pits and the sand filled up the water holes. Just over the rise she could see that a roof or two had been ripped off the condos. And strewn across the grass were tables, chairs, even doors—all mutilated—and a toilet bowl. It was amazing nobody had been hurt.
There wasn’t a sign of life except a duck waddling across the grass, quacking away happily.
Seconds later Birdie found herself standing outside the entrance to Camp B. She pushed through the creaky screen door. She made her way down the hall to Enrico’s room.
His room looked extremely empty and barren now that the rest of the house was empty too. Birdie sat on the bed gingerly and then sank onto her back. Her heart ached, but it felt good to be there, remembering her time there and how happy it was.
She closed her eyes, pulled her hands up beside her face, and drifted off to sleep.
When she woke, Birdie noticed two things immediately. It was dark. And there was someone else in the room. Birdie sat up in bed and stared down at the figure lying on the floor.
“Enrico?” She knelt beside him and put her hand gently on the back of his shoulder, shaking him gently. He stirred and rolled onto his back.
“What are you doing here?” Birdie whispered, as if there was anyone else around.
Enrico let out a sleepy sigh and sat up. “She is just a girl. Not my girlfriend.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry, Birdie. I am not good at…I was not sure. I thought, but then…” He paused and smiled shyly. “You are always running away.”
Birdie watched his face as he thought through how to say what he wanted to say. Finally his expression settled on a worried but tender look.
“I told her I will not see her again. Am I late?”
Birdie stared at him, unsure, trying to fit the pieces together. But before she could, Enrico put his hands on either side of her face and pressed his warm lips against hers. She responded immediately, kissing him back.
“I am not late?” he asked, grinning, looking at her lips, stroking her cheek. Birdie breathed in the amazing smell of him and feel of him and smiled back.
“You’re not late.”
She leaned forward and kissed him again.
The next morning, for the last free weekend of the summer, Leeda was going to Tybee Beach with Rex. Tonight she was relaxing on the white leather lounger in the Cawley-Smiths’ home theater, running her hands over her soft skin. She’d gone to the hotel spa that afternoon, where they’d scrubbed her and rubbed her and slathered her with all sorts of lotions and muds, getting her back to the old Leeda. The softness of her skin felt foreign to her.
Alicia was sprawled out in the next lounger over.
“What do you wanna watch?” Leeda asked, nodding to the big screen.
“I don’t know. What about you?” Alicia had come to get body wrapped with her and see her off for her trip. Only Leeda wished she hadn’t invited her. It just made her feel more alone.
“Why don’t you pick something?” she said, standing up irritably and ducking into the minibar for a club soda. The door to the theater cracked open, and Mrs. Cawley-Smith stood in the doorway. “It’s Danay, for you.”
“Really?” Leeda hadn’t expected to hear from her sister for at least another week, which was how long she and Brighton would be in the West Indies. She took the cordless from her mom and walked into the living room, sinking down on the couch.
“Hey.”
“Lee,” Danay said through static. “What’s going on?” She sounded exuberantly happy, giddy.
“Nothing. Just getting ready to leave for Tybee in the morning.”
“With Rex?”
“Yeah.” She braced herself for a lecture.
“Oh, well, I just wanted to thank you. For your speech. I didn’t get a chance to the other night.”
Leeda plucked at the beads on her sundress. She was still a little sheepish about her speech. “You’re welcome.”
“It’s funny, you said it was easy to be jealous of a sister like me. I’ve always felt the same about you.”
Leeda let out a half laugh. “Jealous of what?”
“Oh, I don’t know. You’re just different than me and Mom. I feel like a clone sometimes.”
Static cut in again and then out. Leeda didn’t respond. She didn’t know what to say.
“I talked to Rex at the wedding,” Danay said, seeming awkward. “He’s actually not such a bad guy.”
Leeda breathed into the receiver. “I know.”
“Lee, I have to go. Have fun at Tybee, all right?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Byeee.” Danay’s voice was punctuated with a laugh as she hung up the phone. Leeda held it for a minute, then hung up too.
The next morning, Leeda was sitting on the stairs of the verandah when Rex pulled up. They were going to the beach, but he looked like he was on his way to a funeral. As soon as he saw her face, he lowered his head and walked up to sit beside her.
They sat like that for a long time, Rex finally reaching out and taking her hand.
“Don’t say it,” she said, pulling her hand away gently and clasping her fingers in front of her. “You don’t have to break up with me.”
“Leeda, we can’t…”
“I’m not going with you to Tybee. I don’t think it’s working out, Rex. I don’t think I can be with you anymore.”
Rex looked at her, then down at the stairs beneath their feet.
“I don’t think you were ever really in love with me. Do you?” Leeda asked.
He let out a long sigh. “I do love you, Leeda.”
“I know, but that’s different than being in love, isn’t it?” She looked up at him. His eyes were wide and sad. “It’s a lot different, right?” she pushed.
He nodded very slightly.
“Rex, I’m not in love with you either. And the thing is, I don’t think I need you anymore, the way I did. I think I can take my family. Or myself. Or whatever it is I need to take.”
Rex looked a little hurt. But she didn’t really have much sympathy for him right now.
“The fact is, you’re the guy who broke up me and Murphy. And I think that makes me angrier than anything.”
Rex clasped his hands in front of his mouth and ran his thumbs along his closed lips thoughtfully.
Leeda kept her eyes steadily on his profile. “I know I’m not perfect. But I deserve better.” Rex didn’t answer. Looking at him now, she marveled at the idea that she had turned to him so long for some kind of strength, and she was so much stronger than him.
“Look,” she said, her voice cracking. “I love her too. But you should have told me. You owed me that.”
“I know. I wanted to. I thought maybe it wasn’t the right time. And then what happened at the orchard…”
Leeda held a hand in the air in a stop motion. “I’m not that evolved. Please don’t tell me.”
“Sure. Sorry.”
She shook her head, her curls wafting around her ears, using her own breath to calm herself down. “You’ve acted like such a dumbass.”
“Yeah,” Rex said.
“Say it.”
Rex looked at her. “S
ay what?”
“Say, ‘Leeda, I’m a dumbass.’”
Rex raised his eyebrows at her. She couldn’t keep a tiny smile from playing at the corners of her mouth. She shoved her knee into his, forgetting that she might bruise.
“Go on, say it.”
Rex rolled his eyes, pulled his hands from his mouth, and spoke flatly. “Leeda, I’m a dumbass.”
“And you are a goddess.”
He smiled slightly. “And you are a goddess.”
“And from now on I’m going to do anything you say.”
Rex looked at her like he’d had enough. But she continued. “And I’m going to make it up to you.”
Rex shifted uncomfortably, then managed to blurt, “Ditto.” It was good enough.
Leeda nodded once decisively. It gave her a sadistic pleasure to see Rex looking so uncomfortable and so desperate. She knew that it wouldn’t last—his discomfort and her pleasure in it. She cared about the guy, after all. But she milked it anyway.
“Now,” she said, her chest pinching a little at the thought of what she was about to do but pinching in a satisfying way, like she was overcoming a small part of herself and leaving it in the dust. “Are you ready to make it up to me?”
Chapter Twenty-five
Birdie couldn’t believe that it was light out. She curled instinctively against Enrico, pulling his arm tighter around her. It tightened gently and she felt his warm breath on her neck. “What is it?”
“My dad,” she said, sitting up. “He’s going to kill me.”
They both got up, readjusting their clothes, patting down their hair, staring at each other. Quickly Enrico walked Birdie to the front door, then out onto the porch. She pivoted and kissed him quickly, breathlessly. “Will you be here later?”
Enrico beamed. “Of course, Birdie.”
“Kiss me,” Birdie said boldly, and he kissed her one more time. Then she hurried up to the house. Walter was sitting on the porch.
“Where were you, Birdie?” His voice was deadly angry.
“Um, I fell asleep in the dorms, Dad. I’m sorry.”
“Fell asleep?”
Birdie nodded, her heart racing. “Go on inside and get cleaned up,” Walter said. “We’ve had good news. Balmeade is going to buy.”
“No.”
Walter snapped his head to look at her. “Birdie, this is a good thing. Now go on and get cleaned up. I want you to be polite to him. He’s on his way over with his lawyer. The man has lost a lot this week, so he’s not in a great mood.”
“But if he’s lost so much, why is he buying? I don’t…”
“Birdie, this is for adults to figure out.”
Birdie planted her feet where she stood. “I am an adult.”
Walter shook his head. “You don’t know what that means.” He stood up to walk off the porch. Birdie blocked his way.
“I know it means carrying the load with Mom gone. I know it means all the work I did all summer, doing your office work, directing the harvest, making sure the tractors were running. I know it means picking up the slack and all the things you weren’t doing.”
Walter shook his head at her. “Birdie, shut your mouth….”
“Does it mean giving up? Because that’s what you did, you know.” Her voice broke all along the syllables of the words.
Walter’s hands shot out and grasped her shoulders. “Go up to your room. I don’t want to see you….”
“You don’t see me anyway. You know, I spent the night with a guy, Dad. Is that adult enough for you?”
Walter let go of her shoulders and sank back on his chair, stunned. Birdie knelt beside him and put her hand on his. “And I want to be with him. And I want to stay here. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to do just what you and Mom want.”
When her dad looked at her, it broke Birdie’s heart. He was crestfallen.
“I exist, Dad. It’s my life too.”
Murphy hated to be interrupted when Days of Our Lives was on. With the remote still in her hand, she slunk to the door and peered outside. Rex stared back at her.
Murphy turned the lock and walked back to the couch.
Knock knock knock.
“Murphy, let me in.”
Murphy held the remote slackly and raised the volume. Bo was just about to say that the case Hope was on was too dangerous. And Hope was going to assert that he would never let personal feelings get involved with being a good cop. Murphy had the whole formula down.
“Murph, come on.”
“It’s Murph-y,” she muttered, upping the volume another few bars. But not loud enough to drown out Rex’s voice when it said Leeda had sent him.
Murphy walked up to the door and peered out at him again.
“I have something from her for you….” Rex was holding a brown paper bag and what looked like a little manila envelope.
“You can slide it through the cat door.”
The McGowens hadn’t had a cat for many years, but their trailer had always had a cat door. Rex frowned at her, then stooped and disappeared. A second later the package came creaking in.
Murphy sank down beside it on the ground and picked it up. It was a large, square envelope and it was blank on the outside. She ran her index finger into the seal and ripped it open, then turned it over. Out fell a folded piece of paper and a CD.
Murphy examined the CD. In neat purple marker it read THE BLUH MIX. She unfolded the letter.
Murphy,
You may notice I’m sending you a CD of all the crappy music you like. I’m also sending you my ex-boyfriend. I think he belongs to you.
Murphy kept reading.
I hang out with my other friends, and they never screw with me like you do, telling me my faults, making me think about what an anal butt I can be sometimes. They all think I’m perfect, or at least they say they do. It’s annoying. But you’re annoying too, Murphy. Really annoying. I made a list of the reasons you are annoying.
I. Show-off
A. show off boobs
B. show off things you can do
C. can’t let anybody else get attention
II. Selfish
A. about who gets the most attention
B. about Rex
III. Evil
A. no need to elaborate here
But the difference between you and my other friends is that they buy into the crap, but you believe in me in spite of it. My parents don’t. And I don’t know if I’m willing to go along the rest of my life with people who don’t get me. Or try to make people think I’m one way when I’m really another now that I know it can be different. You and Birdie make me make sense. I think I’d rather forgive you.
Murphy sucked in her breath, unsure whether to be offended or not.
I can see you getting pissed off here. The truth is you wanted my guy, and you got him. And that is really hurtful, Murphy. But also, I know it makes sense. When I put aside the stuff I’m insecure about, I see it’s not just the way it is. The confident, unafraid part of me knows it’s the way it’s supposed to be. I can’t believe I’m saying that. But truthfully, even though I love the guy, I know he’s not for me.
Here is where I get to my apology. I know I let you down. I’m still hurt and jealous, even if I don’t need Rex anymore and I want to kick him in the balls. So please don’t expect me to say it more than once. But Murphy, I’m really sorry. I was hurt, and I don’t believe any of the stuff I said. I’m really sorry. Damn, that’s twice.
Murphy took a long deep breath.
It’s in your best interest to forgive me, you know. I am a girl people want to be friends with. Ha. And on top of that, I’m a good friend. Because I believe in you too. With you and Birdie, I am the kind of friend I always thought I should be. I didn’t think that would ever happen.
Anyway, thanks for the summer. It was the best I ever had.
Love,
Leeda hadn’t signed her name. She’d just drawn a little swan at the bottom of the page.
“Murph?” br />
“I want the bag she sent me too.”
“It won’t fit through the hole.”
Murphy stood up and rubbed away the tears gathering in her eyes so Rex wouldn’t see and unlocked the door. He pushed it open and held out the bag. “It’s from me anyway.”
Murphy took it and looked inside. It was filled with nectarines. Messed up as it was, she was suddenly pissed off at Rex on Leeda’s behalf. He looked so vulnerable, though, and so in love with her that the anger evaporated and didn’t come back.
“You should have brought peaches. These are only my second favorite.”
Rex smiled unsurely. “If I brought you your favorite now, what would you have to look forward to?”
She glowered at him.
“I can’t help it, Murphy. You’re the coolest girl I’ve ever met.”
Murphy knew that people only recognized parts of each other. But also, she was very cool.
Murphy couldn’t help smiling. Rex leaned toward her, and she pressed her nose into the softness of his cheek, tilting her head forward so that their faces fit like a puzzle, and her eyelashes fluttered against his skin.
“I gotta go,” she whispered, keeping her face there.
“Please don’t.”
“I’ll be back,” Murphy said, pulling away. She grabbed her purse and her keys while Rex stood in the doorway, wounded.
She rested a hand gently on his shoulder. “You’re gonna be my boyfriend, right?”
He smiled, his body relaxing. “Yeah. That’s what I was thinking.”
“Great. I’ve never had one.” Murphy pressed her lips against his, softly. And then she turned and walked toward her bike. Yellowbaby had died for good.
Even in cases where she was extremely nervous, Murphy liked the element of surprise. She didn’t call Leeda to let her know she was coming. She just showed up at Breezy Buds Plantation, only to be told that Leeda had gone out and that they didn’t know where.
Murphy hopped back on her bike. It was over ten miles to the orchard, and there was no guarantee she was there. But Murphy was impatient. She couldn’t go home and wait. So she pedaled. Thankfully, the air had started to get cooler.