It was the best answer he could have given. Jenny brightened up, but still eyed Jeff warily over my shoulder. Finally she shook Alex’s hand as the stocky man in the sound booth in the middle of the room cranked up the stereo.
‘I’m Jenny, smile,’ she shouted, snapping a photo of the two of us with her phone. ‘And if you fuck with Angie, I’m going to use this photo to hunt you down and kill you.’
Alex stepped back and nodded. ‘Sounds fair,’ he yelled over the music. It was getting louder by the second.
‘I have to go talk to him,’ Jenny said, freeing herself from her barstool and passing us the two beers. ‘I can’t just sit here and not go say something.’
‘Jenny,’ I stepped in front of her and held her shoulders lightly. ‘Are you sure? We could just go somewhere else?’ I didn’t know if I could take a rerun of last week, and that time, she’d only seen him for five minutes in the hotel.
‘It’s fine,’ she said, gently pushing my arms down. ‘I’m in a good place, I’m owning my past and I’m just going to say, hi, how are you doing, yes, I do look hot, and then I’ll come back, we can go home, and I’ll cry myself to sleep.’
‘Sounds like fun,’ Alex murmured into my hair.
‘Jenny, really, don’t do it to yourself,’ I tried, but she was already gone. ‘I can’t look,’ I said, turning into Alex’s sweaty green T-shirt. ‘What’s happening?’
‘I was sort of hoping we might be,’ he raised my chin to kiss me, but I pushed him away.
‘What’s happening with Jenny and Jeff?’ I hissed as quietly as I could.
‘Uh, she’s talking, he’s talking, he’s kissing her on the cheek—’ Alex commentated.
‘He’s kissing her?’ I squealed, spinning around to see. Jeff was indeed kissing Jenny on the cheek, and it wasn’t a quick peck. It was a poorly disguised ‘I really want to kiss you but I can’t’ kiss on the cheek. I watched his lips linger near her face, in her hair, as they whispered to each other, staring earnestly into each other’s eyes, squeezing forearms and generally failing to disguise how badly they were still into each other. Looked as though Jeff’s ‘new girlfriend’ was nowhere to be seen.
‘So they know each other then?’ Alex asked, as we watched Jenny practically wind herself around Jeff. ‘And woah, that guy is not gay.’
‘Why did you think he was?’ I asked, turning away before they made me blush.
‘I don’t know, he’s seems cool, he’s got a great design job, great apartment and everything,’ Alex shrugged. ‘He’s never got a girl with him and he’s just got a vibe, you know? And the man is well dressed. Always.’
‘Well, if in doubt go with a stereotype,’ I said, turning back for a quick peek. He certainly wasn’t giving off gay vibes at that precise moment in time. ‘He’s her ex, but she’s never got over him.’
‘She carries on doing what she’s doing now and she’s definitely not going to get over him.’ Alex chugged his beer then pointed with his bottle. ‘Under him, maybe. You had your meeting today, right?’ Alex asked, turning his full attention back to me. ‘How did it go?’
‘Oh my God, I completely forgot!’ I clapped a hand to my mouth. ‘My blog is being uploaded at midnight!’
‘How do you forget something like that? That’s fantastic!’ Alex scooped me up in a bear hug. For a skinny boy, those muscles were so strong. ‘So as of midnight you’re a published columnist?’
‘As of midnight,’ I nodded and looked at my watch ‘In ten minutes!’
‘You know what I think?’ Alex moved closer, his breath tickling my ear. ‘I think we should finish up here and then go check out your blog. At my apartment.’
‘Oh,’ I said, my whole body prickling with anticipation. ‘What about Jenny?’
‘I was kind of thinking just me and you, but sure, if you’re into that,’ he grinned, that sneaky wink reappearing. ‘Just checking out the blog, scout’s honour.’
‘You were absolutely never a scout.’ I pushed him playfully. ‘And I can’t just leave Jenny here…’ but I couldn’t actually even see her. She wouldn’t have left without me, would she? She was supposed to be my chaperone!
‘Hey, Angie!’
She sneaked up behind me, hand in hand with Jeff, her face flushed bright red. Jeff stood behind her, a completely besotted look on his face.
‘Hey, man,’ Alex nodded to Jeff.
‘Hey!’ Jeff replied, snapping out of his trance for a split second. ‘Great show.’
‘Can I just have a quick word?’ I took Jenny’s arm and pulled her away, towards the doors. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Oh, Ange,’ Jenny mooned, hugging me tightly. How did she still smell so nice? I was fairly sure I stank by now. ‘It’s so good! He wants to go back to his to talk. He says he wants to talk about ‘stuff’. Isn’t that so good?’
‘It’s great,’ I said, peeling her arms from around my neck. ‘But shouldn’t you do it tomorrow, when you’re sober? When you’re both sober?’
‘No, no, no, no!’ When Jenny shook her head, her whole body followed. ‘This is it, this is fate. We’re absolutely meant to be together.’
‘OK, so you’re just going to go back to his?’ I asked. ‘What about us going home together?’
‘Oh, yeah, well,’ she looked back into the bar. ‘You know, you’re right. Jeff can come back with us!’
The idea of sharing a cab all the way back to the apartment with the two of them dry humping (at best) all over the back seat was even scarier than what would happen if I went back to Alex’s. ‘Come on then,’ I sighed, dragging her back into the bar. ‘But you’re coming to Alex’s for coffee before you roll into Jeff’s. You do want to remember this in the morning, don’t you?’
‘So, back to mine?’ Alex asked, putting his arm around my shoulders as Jenny collapsed back into Jeff’s arms. I had to admit, they both looked really happy.
‘Jenny and Jeff are going to come and see the website with us,’ I nodded.
‘I think Jenny and Jeff could make some money with a website of their own,’ Alex said, pulling me behind him while I chivvied Jenny along. ‘Why did they even break-up?’
‘Long story,’ I said, following him out onto the street. ‘And I think we’ve had enough of those to last us a while as it is.’
Alex and Jeff’s building was only five minutes’ walk away, but my nerves and Jenny’s drunken stumbling-slash-fumbling tripled the journey time. Alex hadn’t been kidding when he said Jeff lived in a nice building, what I hadn’t worked out was that by default, that meant so did he. For building, read huge converted warehouse, and for apartment, substitute fifth-floor loft with huge windows and views across the river.
‘How do you have this?’ I asked, drawn to the windows. I was such a lemming these days, too long stuck in a ground-floor maisonette. ‘I thought you were a penniless artist?’
‘I never said I was penniless,’ he said, fiddling with a Macbook and then Googling The Look website. Jenny and Jeff finally made it out of the lift and appeared in the doorway, making up for lost time, fast.
‘Clearly,’ I said. The whole place reeked of Alex. The original artwork from the band’s albums hung in frames on the white walls, cracked leather sofas, huge CD collection taking up practically a whole wall, and a tiny kitchenette that looked like the place takeaway cartons came to die. ‘It’s gorgeous, Alex.’
‘Thanks,’ he said, looking up from the computer. ‘My brother is in real estate so it’s really his find. We bought it a few years ago when prices across here were nothing. The page is loading, come see.’
I dropped onto the sofa beside him and peeked out from behind his shoulder as the different elements of the page flashed into life. The Look main banner, the navigation bar. And finally, the text box flashed into life.
‘Jenny, come and look!’ I squealed, clutching Alex’s arms and reading. It was surreal! ‘I can’t believe this.’
‘The Adventures of Angela: Twenty-six-year-old Angela is the latest re
cruit to our ever-growing glamorous group of bloggers. Read all about her New York adventures, only at TheLook.com…’ Alex read out loud.
‘Stop it, stop it,’ I wailed, proud and embarrassed and scared all at once. ‘Seriously, you don’t need to read it ever. It’s just–really, you don’t need to read it. Please?’
‘Twenty-six, huh? I’d have said twenty-five tops.’ He turned and smiled. ‘It sounds great. Now can I read it or not?’
‘Not?’ I winced as he started anyway.
Jenny prised herself away from Jeff just long enough for the two of them to come and look at the page. ‘I’m so proud of you, doll,’ she said, hugging me again. I couldn’t help but notice the traces of her perfume were now long gone but Jeff’s post-gig ‘glow’ was all over her. ‘Don’t be embarrassed! This is great!’
‘I couldn’t have done it without you and Erin,’ I said, hugging back. ‘I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, it’s just so out there. I just keep trying to think about all the things I’ve written in the diary and then trying not to think that they’re going to be on a website for everyone to read.’ For Alex and Tyler to read, I added silently.
‘Everyone knows not to take these things so seriously,’ Jenny said, easing herself back towards the sofa, where Jeff was waiting with open arms and, oh look at that, an erection. ‘Everyone totally reads it as fiction.’
‘Do you think so?’ I asked Alex, nibbling at my little fingernail. I hadn’t bitten my nails since Louisa had made me use some horrible-tasting stuff, a month before the wedding.
‘Yeah, she’s right,’ he said, gently brushing his free hand up and down my back. ‘Besides, what’s it matter what strangers read?’
‘Strangers, school teachers, my mum,’ I said out loud, but silently repeating Jenny’s comment about guitarists while his fingers played up and down my spine. We’re taking it slowly, I reminded myself. We’re taking it slowly. ‘It’s not all strangers, is it?’
‘I guess not, but anyone who knows you will know what’s real and what isn’t,’ he said, finally turning back to me. ‘You want me to print it out?’
‘No, that would be too cheesy,’ I said, trying to tear my eyes away from the screen. ‘Actually, maybe we should. Just in case they take it down again in the morning.’
Alex laughed, pressed print and placed the laptop on the low coffee table in front of us. ‘You think they’re going to make it back to Jeff’s place?’ he asked, looking over at Jenny and her ‘ex’ furiously kissing. It was more or less impossible to work out which denim-clad limb belonged to which person.
‘I don’t know.’ It was like a car crash, I couldn’t stop looking, but I knew that I really shouldn’t be. ‘How far away is it?’
‘Across the hall.’ Alex stood up and lowered the lights. I wasn’t sure if that made things better or worse. ‘I really hope they make it, that couch isn’t going to take much more.’
He held out his hand, which I gladly took. It was either leave the room now or settle in with some popcorn for the live action porno. Really, people paid a lot of money to see what we were getting for free. Whether we liked it or not.
‘I vote we leave them to it,’ Alex pulled me gently towards a dark doorway. ‘I don’t think we’re going to be playing late-night Boggle.’
The dark doorway led to his bedroom. A rumpled, but made, futon took centre stage, accessorized by an acoustic guitar, another stereo and an open wardrobe, packed full of faded T-shirts and leather jackets. Weirdly, hiding at the very end, was a suit. I supposed everyone had to have one. The low windowsill was lined with candles and I noted that without exception, they all had fresh wicks, so either Alex went through a lot of candles or they had been laid on for my benefit. I wasn’t sure if it was too sweet or too smooth, a potential throwback to his serial shagging days. I lingered in the doorway while he turned on the stereo.
‘We might not be able to see them in here, but I don’t really want to hear them, either.’ He took a matchbook from a tall thin chest of drawers by the bed and started lighting the candles. I was starting to err towards too smooth.
‘Yeah,’ I replied, my eyes being drawn back to the bed again and again. On what I assumed was Alex’s side was a big stack of well-read books, biographies, classics, newer cult stuff. Was he really a reader or were they just more props?
‘Angela, I didn’t bring you in here to…’ he trailed off and stood awkwardly by the window. I realized I was clinging on to the doorframe for dear life. ‘You can come in, I’m not going to attack you.’
I laughed softly, at myself, and moved over to the bed, perching on the very edge. ‘Sorry, I know. I should just go home,’ I said, looking at my shoes. They were edged in black crap from the gig. Now all I could think about was whether or not I’d trekked it all round Alex’s apartment. ‘Jenny’s safe and everything.’
‘I don’t want you to go home,’ Alex joined me on the foot of the bed, ‘but if you want me to call you a cab, I will. Or you can stay, we can talk a while and I promise I’ll keep my hands where you can see them.’
He looked so sweet, so earnest and held out his hands, palm up. How could someone who had crashed up and down the stage, writhing around a guitar and thrashing into his microphone stand so many times I was sure he’d have bruises, become this tender, soft guy in just a couple of hours? Was this all part of the act? There’s only one way to find out, I thought, taking one of the hands in mine.
‘You’re going to have to do most of the talking,’ I said, lurching backwards and leaning on an elbow. ‘I’m actually shattered.’
‘Not a problem,’ he smiled, giving my hand a squeeze and then rolling over onto his side. ‘I can go all night.’
I burst out laughing. ‘Did you really just say that?’ I asked, punching him in the shoulder.
‘You know what I mean.’ He laughed, rubbing his shoulder with a hurt expression. ‘You punch pretty hard for a girl.’
‘You’ve got to be able to defend yourself if you’re going to go into cheesy boys’ bedrooms and sit through their terrible chat-up lines.’ I smiled, relaxing a little bit. ‘That was awful.’
‘Yeah, whatever,’ Alex pulled a face. ‘You know what, I really stink. Do you mind if I take a quick shower?’
I shook my head. ‘Not at all but don’t expect me to be awake when you’re done.’
‘I won’t wake you,’ he rolled towards me and kissed me gently, ‘unless you want me to.’
Before I could work out what I wanted, he pushed up off the bed and disappeared through the door.
‘Not looking, guys,’ I heard him call out into the darkness. ‘You just keep on desecrating my couch.’
I smiled and dropped backwards. Now all I had to do was work out what I was going to do when Alex came out of the shower, all clean and fresh and wet and…I closed my eyes for just a second, the candlelight blurring at the edge of my vision.
‘Someone should blow them out…’ I muttered to the empty room.
By the time I opened my eyes, someone had. I felt a body above me, breathing softly and stroking my hair back off my face, gently bringing me round.
‘Alex?’ I murmured as soft, hot lips pressed against my bare neck and a damp hand trailed along my collarbone. My eyes flickered open but it was pitch black in the room, the only light coming from the city, a world away in the window.
‘Sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I know I said I wouldn’t wake you, but…’
‘S’ OK,’ I said sleepily, shifting slightly, accepting the weight of his body. His damp hair fell against my face as we kissed lazily, our hands entwined above my head. Slowly, I began to wake up, and steadily, the kisses grew stronger and more urgent. I pulled my legs up, accidentally pulling his towel away as we slid up the bed, and felt his soft skin all around me, warm from the shower. In the dark, without visuals, it seemed his skinny boy act was entirely illusory, the muscles in his back moving under his skin as lowered himself onto me. Just as our legs began to wind themselves around each other
and my hands lost themselves in his thick black hair, the bedroom door was flung open, spilling light all over the bed.
‘Shit, sorry,’ Jeff said, purposefully looking away. ‘Alex, man, Jenny threw up on your rug. Do you have cleaning stuff anywhere?’
I covered my face with my hands, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Even if she didn’t know it, Jenny had implemented her chaperone role just in time.
‘Is she OK?’ Alex rolled off the bed, wrapping his towel around his waist as he went. ‘Is she in the bathroom?’
I loved that he asked if she was OK before he had even put his boxers on. Which tragically, he did next.
‘Not tonight, huh?’ He gave me a lopsided smile from the doorway. I shook my head and smiled back. Damn it, Jenny, I thought, why did you have to make me stick to my word? Tiptoeing through the big, stinky mess in the living room, I found Jenny had taken up residency in the bathroom face down in the toilet, kneeling on top of Alex’s sweaty T-shirt.
‘Oh, Jenny,’ I sighed and knelt down beside her, scraping her hair back from her face in an entirely unromantic gesture. ‘Are you going to be OK?’
Words were still a way off, but she managed to nod before she started retching again. Once she had calmed down to one dry heave every three minutes, I left to get some water and find the bottom half of her outfit. Apparently things had got fairly far with Jeff before all her beers made a break for freedom, and, as close as we now were, I would have been much happier if she had some pants on. American usage or English.
Back in the living room, Alex and Jeff, both half naked, were scrubbing away at a big watery stain with spray-on cleaners and makeshift cloths. I knew it would be a bad time to laugh out loud, but I couldn’t help a bit of a smile.
‘You two all right?’ I asked, filling up an empty, cleanish-looking glass I found on the kitchen top.
‘Uh-huh,’ Alex grunted from the floor. He didn’t look all right. Jeff looked as if he’d been all right until about ten minutes ago when things had gone horribly wrong. His T-shirt was stained and his trousers, like Jenny’s were MIA. I sidled over with my glass and gingerly picked up Jenny’s jeans. Giving them a quick once-over, I was satisfied that they had come off pre-puke and took them into the bathroom. Jenny was trying to prop herself up against the shower stall and wash her face, but without much luck.