Page 18 of Going Under


  “That sounds ungrateful and it’s not that I grew up sad or had a bad life before. I had a good life before I came here. I had . . . have family and friends. It’s not like I didn’t know I was a witch. I know how to use my magick.” But this Molly was so much more. The woman—the witch—she was now was a universe away from who she’d been six weeks ago. It was hard to put into words how many feelings and fears all of that evoked.

  “I get that. And I agree. I didn’t even know I was a council witch before I met Meriel and then suddenly I’m her bond-mate and that means I’m this powerful witch and so I guess I’d been using such a small portion of my power and all that wasted potential kept me up sometimes. Made me wonder what I’d been missing. Sometimes I resented my dad who’d kept me away from all this stuff. To protect me of course, but still.” He lowered his voice as the sounds of Lark and Simon’s voices got closer. “I just wanted you to know you can always talk to me. We have a lot in common and I know this world can be overwhelming sometimes. Meriel and I want you to feel welcome here. We’re your family in a way. It’s got to be lonely sometimes. I know you work a lot so that cuts into the time you need to establish a life here in other ways. I’m probably messing this up, but I just wanted you to know you weren’t alone.”

  “Feeling that way less and less each day. I appreciate it. The reaching out I mean.”

  He nodded. “Meriel tells me your family is moving out here. You must be excited to have them close again.”

  “Yes. My mom, grandparents and my other mom . . . foster mom, whatever you want to call it—they’re coming out to look for places to live and work. Chicago has been difficult for them. Since the Magister I mean. I’ll be glad to have them here.”

  “Rosa, that’s your other mom right?”

  She nodded.

  “She’s welcome in Clan Owen. As is her son. Your mom and grandparents as well. We’ll have to be sure to introduce them to the human members of the clan too.”

  Molly sometimes forgot the size of the clan and that there were mixed families so there were human members too.

  “My nana will love that. She’s the most social person I’ve ever met. You can’t go anywhere with her and not have her end up in a conversation with the bagger, a random person in the parking lot, the server, whoever. She’s impossible not to respond to.”

  Anthony Falco had been that way too. He’d been short. Barrel-chested with salt-and-pepper hair and an infectious sort of joy. You liked being around him. The ache of his absence sliced through her, reopening wounds she wished would finally heal over.

  “What are you up to over here?’ Gage approached in that way of his. Smooth, like a predator.

  “Drinking wine. Talking shop. How’s your mom, Gage?”

  Molly liked that Dominic let their talk remain private. He seemed to understand she needed to process this all on her own terms. Which had equated pretty much to maybe at some point in the future when she was alone and had a week or a month or maybe a few months to let it go and let herself feel all she’d been pushing away.

  “She’s getting better. They’re being great at work so that’s a big relief for her.” Shelley Garrity was a doctor for a local health co-op, Molly had learned when she’d met her.

  “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “Work keeps her busy. When she’s busy she doesn’t dwell.” Gage grabbed one of the crackers and loaded it with meat and cheese. He looked at Molly. “How’s my great-aunt working out?”

  “Rita is awesome and I don’t know what I’d do without her. She scares away any casual interlopers. Manages my schedule like a bulldog. She knows everything about everyone. She’s like my own personal superhero. And she brings me sweets. But don’t share that. She likes it that people think she’s mean and scary.”

  Gage grinned. “She is mean and scary. You just pass muster.”

  “I imagine taking care of you keeps her mind busy too.” Dominic pushed a glass of wine Gage’s way.

  “I’m on duty.”

  Dominic snorted. “There are some pretty badass witches here and a giant wolf. Not to mention the four guards outside the house. I think we’ll be all right if you have some wine.”

  “Peer pressure!” Lark approached, laughing. “Dominic, you’re being such a bad example.”

  “I was born to be a bad example, Lark.” Dominic attempted to look stern but his laugh spoiled it.

  Molly grinned up at Gage, who looked at her like he did no one else. She had this . . . potential that had been missing since before the Magister. It was normal. And hopeful and romantic and silly and she hadn’t had that in what seemed like forever.

  She had to grab the counter tight to keep her knees from buckling as the realization hit. “Excuse me.” Molly put her glass down and headed back to the bathroom.

  Once she had the door locked she ran the sink and avoided looking at herself in the mirror as she washed her hands and tried to gather herself back together.

  She needed to think about her upcoming schedule. About where she’d stay and how she’d structure her time between meeting with Others and dealing with humans and the media.

  Calm came after the fifth hand washing, after she’d planned her upcoming trip to Washington, D.C., with precision that ran down to fifteen-minute buffers in some places.

  At last she dared to look at herself and then cursed. In her head of course. But she looked like a woman barely holding herself together.

  Probably because she was a woman barely holding herself together.

  She had a touch-up kit in her purse. Some powder and lipstick. Blotting cloths so she didn’t look like the sweaty mess she was just then.

  The hard-won control slipped a little.

  Even after some tissue blotting and a finger comb of her hair she still looked ill.

  Molly opened the door and went straight to get her bag.

  “You all right?” Meriel called out.

  “Yes. Thanks.” Molly headed back into the bathroom. The women would simply assume she had to deal with some sort of period-related issue. That thought allowed her to unclench her jaw.

  One breath after the other, she managed to pull the pretty black bag from her purse and unzip it.

  The touch-up kit was something she’d perfected over the years in public relations. A collapsible brush, a sewing kit, hairspray, stain pen, mini lotion and an array of basic cosmetics.

  She redid her hair and mentally made the city of Seattle into a grid and began to rate the pros and cons of each neighborhood for possible places for her family to settle in.

  By the time she closed the cap on her lipstick Molly had managed to get her mask of control back into place.

  * * *

  GAGE looked toward the hallway again. She’d been gone a while.

  “Don’t.” Lark patted his arm. “She’s fine.”

  “You sure?”

  One of Lark’s brows rose just a bit as one corner of her mouth quirked up. “Well now, Gage. Aren’t you a wild card?”

  “Don’t poke at him, Lark.” Simon bent and kissed the top of her head and she leaned back into him.

  “It’s adorable.”

  He should have known even Simon couldn’t stop Lark from poking once she was onto something. “It’s my job to protect her. Also she’s my friend. I’d be worried if it was you in there. Or Meriel.”

  Lark looked to Meriel and both women snorted.

  Finally Molly emerged with a smile that was uptight at the edges. She moved like she did when she was on camera. Precise and totally in control. Graceful. But there was a difference when she relaxed and opened up. A softer sort of Molly. One that had more humor and more than a little bawd.

  She put her bag back and joined them around the kitchen island once more, grabbing her glass.

  “So when are you finally going to Lycia to perform the binding ceremony?” Meriel simply continued their conversation as if nothing had happened.

  But there was a difference there and it niggled at the back
of his brain.

  She gave him no single moment of longer than a minute or two to get her alone so he could talk to her about it though and by the time they’d finally left Meriel and Dominic’s, she seemed pretty much back to herself.

  Chapter 18

  GAGE really hated the way Toshio Sato looked at Molly. There, he admitted it. The senator would lean in close and give her all his attention as she spoke. He saw her for the intelligent and well-spoken woman she was.

  Currently they were having a rather intense discussion while Gage and Helena pretended they weren’t watching.

  “You have to be patient,” Sato urged.

  Molly sat back and shook her head. “Tosh, how patient do we have to be? Hm? How much more should we take? This is all unconstitutional and you know it. You can’t just kick people out of apartments and fire them en masse because they’re Others! I’m out of patience. More importantly, my people are out of patience. How much do you think a werewolf is going to take when his business is repeatedly vandalized and his son is assaulted on the school bus in full view of cameras? You really think I should tell him to not fight back?”

  “We’re trying our best. If he reacts, we lose integral public support.”

  “Please do excuse me for this. But fuck that. Fuck that bullshit and fuck you for even suggesting that Others should let themselves continue to be assaulted and harmed and treated this way and to continue to be patient when this just gets worse every day. What would you do if that boy was your son? Hm?”

  Helena’s brow rose. So much like her sister that in that moment. She nodded, also like her sister, bloodthirsty.

  Gage was impressed. Molly rarely used really bad words so when she did the impact was explosive. Sato’s body language reflected that. He was being dressed down by one pissed-off, frustrated woman.

  “I’m saying if they go all vigilante, it makes anyone trying to support them think twice.”

  Molly stood, hands on her hips. “Vigilante? Excuse me? So the people burning crosses on lawns and breaking windows are doing what? Defending yourself from that makes the Other a vigilante? Not the other way around? This argument is beneath you, Tosh, and you know it. Don’t waste my time with this another second.”

  The senator sighed, abashed. “You know better than most the way this works. I’m not saying the humans doing this are right. You know how public perception reacts to this stuff.”

  “What I know is that I’ve got my own support to worry over. I’ve got my own people who are scared and angry and still grieving over their losses. None of us has even had a spare moment to mourn our own dead. And we keep being told to be patient and in the meantime Others keep on taking the hits. I’m telling you, totally up front here, that if things don’t change very soon, this will not end well for humans because there’s only so much patience a vampire or werewolf or witch has when our families and lives are on the line. You get me? Time’s a-tickin’ on this and we need to see a lot more, totally open support from humans in power. I can only hold people back so long.”

  Sato sighed heavily. “I understand. You know I do. But you know how this works. Just hold on. Keep your people in check so I can get some things done. Each time one of these horrible things happens, more humans begin to realize this has gone too far.”

  “Really? I could have told them all that six weeks ago. Eight weeks ago. I’ve given you nearly all the time I can. I’m telling you without any embellishment that this is just about ready to explode. Get that stuff done before it’s too late.” She looked at her watch. “I have to go. I’ll see you on Wednesday.”

  “We still friends?” Sato asked.

  “Yes. And I appreciate all you do for us, I truly do. But that’s not going to stop my people from getting fed up.” She looked to Helena. “See you Wednesday too?”

  “Yes, I’ll be there. Nothing like Washington, D.C., in late February. Wheee.”

  Molly grinned. “Ha. I’m just getting used to how nice and mild the winter in Seattle is and now I’ve got to dig out my big coat. Be safe, all right?”

  Helena nodded.

  Gage opened the door and checked the hallway first before gesturing her out.

  At the entry where the car was, their guard had grown. The cats had sent along some of their best, along with Gennessee.

  “This is not incognito.”

  He opened her door. “No. It’s ‘if you even try to fuck with us, we will crush you.’”

  She paused and then nodded, buckling her seat belt.

  “Too bad you don’t get frequent-flier miles for all this.”

  “Maybe National will give me a pen or something.”

  At least she could joke. That was something. He’d seen her put people in their place before, but this was the most tense exchange he’d seen between her and Sato.

  She hadn’t lied about the pressure she was under. Others were impatient. Sick of being told to wait. Some didn’t. Some had met violence with violence and Meriel had been working overtime on getting legal representation for all the Others they got reports on. They tended to throw Others in jail first and asked questions later.

  She fielded one call after the other, even as they’d gotten on the plane and strapped in.

  “Two and a half glorious call-free hours. Think on it that way.”

  She gave him side eye but sat back with a sigh and closed her eyes as they took off.

  He wanted to talk with her but she was so exhausted she dropped off to sleep before they’d even reached altitude so he put a blanket on her and watched her for a while before doing his own work.

  * * *

  “WHY are you turning here?” She looked up from her phone to ask. Once they’d landed and she’d turned her phone on she’d been on it nonstop.

  She was a machine, but even machines needed to be powered off sometimes or they’d break. He decided to do his part in that.

  “I’m taking you to my house where I’m going to feed you, make you sit in my hot tub and then I will smooch you and make you get nine hours’ sleep.”

  “I have work to do. I need to go to my office.”

  “Rita has forwarded everything pressing to your email. I have a nice work setup at my place so you can check in then.”

  “I don’t have time for this, Gage.”

  “For what? Shutting down for a while so you can recharge? Molly, you’re pale. You have big dark circles under your eyes. You’re impatient and snappy. Cut yourself a break. Let me fucking take care of you for a few hours. The world won’t end if you let yourself turn off for a while.”

  “But it might!” Her voice rose, nearly breaking and the full brunt of just how on edge she was hit him.

  “I know better than most that you can’t protect everyone. You can’t. You can only do what you can do. And you will fail some people. But you won’t help anyone if you’re so strung out you can barely speak. Your work will be there tomorrow. And more the next day. I hate seeing you like this. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”

  She sighed, leaning back in the seat. “Fine.”

  “That’s a start. Thank you.”

  He hadn’t brought her to his place yet. He’d known her for nearly two months and they’d been . . . involved for nearly a month of that time. They’d been in hotel rooms in multiple states but never his bed.

  “It’s not as big as Simon and Lark’s house.” He opened his front door and ushered her in. No one had been here since he’d been there a few mornings prior to get fresh clothes for the trip they’d just made to Sacramento.

  “Your view.” She moved to the windows overlooking downtown and the Sound off in the distance. “Wow.”

  “The building is old. The heat is mercurial. The hills are impassable when it ices up after snow. But the view keeps me here. In the summer I like to walk down the hill to downtown. It’s only about fifteen minutes.”

  “My apartment . . . my old apartment that is, had a nice view too. I guess everything is packed up and being shipped ou
t here. Maybe someday I’ll have a house to put it all in.”

  He came up behind her, pulling her to his body. “You want to talk about it?”

  She tensed up. “No.”

  “You need to.”

  “Trust me, no, I don’t. Not here and not now. Didn’t you say you were going to make me dinner? I’m starving.”

  “I’ll call for take-out. There’s not much here fresh since I’ve been living at the hotel so many days a week. You like Thai?”

  “Yes, that’ll do nicely. I like it hot.”

  He turned her slowly. “I know.”

  She smiled in her secret Molly way. “Dirty.”

  “All for you.” He kissed her and moved to the phone to call the food in.

  “You’re staying over tonight so you may as well get comfortable.” He drew her down the hall to his bedroom.

  “You have weapons on your walls.” She stared at them all.

  “I do. Easy access if necessary.”

  “And a reminder of who you are and what you do.”

  He paused a moment, his hands in his dresser as he looked for a shirt that wouldn’t drown her.

  She understood him better than most. It made him uncomfortable, but he couldn’t deny it also made him feel as if he belonged.

  “Here’s a shirt. I’d pretend to give you some of my boxers but we both know I’d have you out of any underpants in moments anyway so let’s skip that part. My shower is right through there. Go on. By the time you’re finished the food will be here and then we can go up to my hot tub.”

  “I can’t sit in your hot tub without underpants. Ew.”

  Gage burst out laughing. “You’re right. But as it happens I’ve got a swimsuit here. You can use that one.”

  “Why do you have a swimsuit?”

  “Why does Toshio Sato look at your mouth too much?”

  One of her brows shot up. “Are you joking?”

  Ooops. “It’s my mom’s suit. Like two years old. They house-sat for me and she left it here. It’s been in a drawer all that time. It’s clean.”

  “I just remembered I have an overnight bag with sweats in it. Not for your hot tub.” She paused. “He doesn’t look at my mouth. And you know, if you didn’t think it should be such a secret that we’re together, maybe no one would look at my mouth because they’d know I was taken.”