She reaches up on the tips of her toes and bathes him with sensual, soft kisses that judging from Rage’s reaction, leave a trail of delicious sensations.
She kisses his temple, eyes, collar bone, and then makes her way down his chest. She takes the long and slow route to her destination. The ecstasy of her touch is too much for Rage. He groans and holds on to the trunk of the tree.
Once she grazes his belly button and works her way a few inches further south, Rage losses control. He forms power balls in both of his hands. He swears as she continues the whispered conversation with his body.
No longer able to stop himself, Rage drops the power balls. The trees around them are set on fire.
I start to panic until I realize it’s the same blue colored power ball he had thrown at the Demon, earlier. The flames on the trees are burning slowly and with control. They give off a magnificent soft glow.
By the time Ameana is done kissing him all over, he’s shaking and yes, begging. He longs for more for more of her. But it’s not like before. There’s no frenzy. There’s only longing.
When Rage picks her up and places her in the hammock, I can tell they are about to experience the inner Arc soon. Rage is no longer a lost Demon in search of something valuable. He’s a guy who’s finally found it. I’m sure Rage has had plenty of sex. But judging by his reaction, this is the first time the Demon has ever made love.
“Hey,” he says in a low voice.
I turn over on the bed and find him standing in the doorway.
“Hey,” I reply, slightly hoarse from all the crying.
I sit up and look at him directly. He looks worn out, and sad. His eyes are pensive and dark. He has his hands in his pockets and is looking down on the floor.
“So…how is she?” I ask.
“Bianca? I didn’t see her. I texted her that I’d come by later.”
“Oh, so where have you been?”
“Green Mountains; thinking.” He replies.
“Listen about earlier…” I begin.
“You wanted to know what happened the night I honeymooned with Bianca. The truth I don’t know what happened because the whole time I was there, I didn’t see her. All I saw was your face. When I reached for her, I felt you, and when I kissed her it was your lips I tasted. Emmy, you consume me.”
“Marcus I—”
He raises his hand to stop me from continuing.
“—please, let me finish, okay?” He asks.
“Okay.”
“I thought that I could make you happy but you’re always crying. And more often than not, it’s because of me.”
“That’s not true. That’s been a lot of death and horror in our lives, that’s not your fault,” I promise him.
“The Council put your name as the clue to the Triplex. They are responsible for dragging you into that one mission. But I brought you into this world and I’m the one keeping you here.”
“I’m here because I want to be,” I reply.
“Do you? Because you don’t seem happy. And the only thing I want more than to love you, is for you to be happy. And so far every decision I have has brought further and further away from happiness”
I get out of the bed and walk towards him, he steps back.
“Marcus, what are you saying?”
“I’ve asked you to endure things that no human should have to endure. I did it because I couldn’t take being without you. But today, standing at the door with you screaming at me that I’m never there for you, I realized something: I’m not strong enough to be with you.”
“What—wait—don’t say that. That’s not true; you’re the strongest being I know!”
“Then why can’t I get this right?”
“We just need to figure this Bianca thing out.”
“No, it’s not her. It’s us. We keep crashing and colliding. We keep dismantling each other, piece by piece. And no matter how much we struggle, it never works. I think it’s because no matter what, I’m always gonna be the guy that tries to save the world, even if it means hurting the girl he loves.”
My eyes fill with tears. I look down at the floor because I can’t bear to look at his face. He comes closer to me and takes my face in his hands.
“You don’t want me anymore?” I ask as the tears fall.
“I will always want you. I just don’t know how to keep you.”
“But I’m here; I’m with you, Marcus,” I reply, taking hold of his shirt.
“I always think that, but then we go back to the same thing: you doubt our love. And I can’t blame you, because so much has happened. But throughout everything I have never wavered. I have always loved you. But I don’t think its enough. I don’t think my love will ever be enough.”
“Marcus, your love is enough. We can get past this.”
“Until the next thing and the next thing…baby, I’m so tired…” I cry hard against his chest.
“Marcus, I don’t want to do this. We can’t break up.”
“I’m never gonna be the guy who puts you before the whole world. And you deserve that guy.”
“No, no, no,” I put my arms around him and tell him I’m sorry for what I said before.
“Stop, you don’t have to be sorry. I asked you to be okay with me marrying another girl. That was too much to ask of anyone.”
“But we love each other,” I sob.
“I don’t think it’s enough.”
The endless days and nights I spent without Marcus when we broke up before flash in my head.
The flashes come with a sea of panic that drives me to the depths of desperation.
I can’t lose him again. I can’t. I can’t.
I force myself to breathe deeply and stay focused. I wipe my eyes and tuck my hair behind my ears.
“Okay, okay, I know we’re both exhausted and trying really hard to make things work but we just need to keep trying okay. Okay? When you love someone, you don’t give up on them.” He looks at me with these sad eyes that tell me this is goodbye.
No! No! No!
I pull him towards me violently and kiss him. He tries to pull away but I won’t let him. I rip his shirt off and kiss him with the frenzy of a thousand tornados.
“We shouldn’t do this,” he says between labored breaths.
“Shut up,” I reply as take off the rest of his clothes and drag him down onto the floor.
He removes my clothes quickly. He objects again but I can feel the lust and longing in his touch.
He doesn’t want to leave me. He just wants the pain to go away.
He objects again but I don’t stop, I straddle and bring him to a feverish climax by touching all the places I know he’s most sensitive. Once I get to his inner thigh, he groans loudly and holds onto me.
‘Baby we shouldn’t…” he says, fearing it’s a mistake.
I don’t care if it is a mistake. I want him. I need him. I will have him.
I insert him inside me. I look him in the eye and dare him to pull out of me. This is the moment.
This is his chance to either make love or run away. Both of us are breathing heavily. Lust and need drip down our foreheads in the form of salty sweat.
“If you want to stop, you’ll have to pull out of me,” I dare him.
“Fuck,” he says, cursing himself for not having the strength to stop. In fact, once inside me, he thrusts harder and deeper. So much so, I gasp and I cut into his perfect flesh with my nails. He inserts himself into me over and over until I shudder.
The Inner Arc is the most powerful I’ve ever felt. And when the Outer Arc happens, and the Exchange occurs, it leaves us so weak; we never make it onto the bed.
I wake up and look at the clock by the bed. It’s four in the morning. I don’t remember how I got on to the bed; Marcus must have carried me there. I turn, but he’s not next to me. I head to the kitchen to get some water and think maybe I will find him there; I was right. He’s sitting at the island counter, drinking Coy.
“It is okay to do that
with the whole CP Tic thing?” I ask, hesitantly.
“I don’t think it’ll drive me back to being a Tic.”
“Okay. I woke and you weren’t there,” I tell him as I pour myself a glass of water.
“Couldn’t Recharge. I think I’m gonna go back to the Green mountains for a while.”
“You should come back to bed,” I offer.
“Can you sit down next to me?” he asks.
“Sure.”
I take a seat beside him.
“I should have had more control. I’m sorry.” He says.
“Don’t say that. You make it sound like us making love was a mistake.” He looks at me with regret in his eyes.
“Marcus, was it a mistake?”
“Being inside you could never be a mistake. But it was…makes this even harder than it was before.”
“Makes what harder?” I ask.
“Saying goodbye.”
“What? Wait, Marcus…”
He gets up from the counter, kisses my forehead and whispers in my ear.
“I love you. And I hope the next guy isn’t a guy who doesn’t make you cry as much as I did.”
CHAPTER THIRTY ONE:
R.I.P. EMMY
I remain seated at the counter because I can’t bring myself to watch him go. And as much as I want to run after him, I know there’s only so far I can get.
It’s over, again.
I’m out of tears. I didn’t think that could ever happen. But it has and now I’m empty; hollow. I place my head in my hands and think back.
Where did we go wrong? How could two people, so willing to die for each other, end up like this? How did we get here?
The night offers no answers. The refrigerator hums softy and says it doesn’t have any answers either. I sigh and take it out of my pocket; the ring he gave me. The one I carry every moment of every day, although he doesn’t know it.
I remember us making love for the first time. He placed the universe at my feet. He gave me the heavens and all the stars that come along with it. He even placed the light in my ring. But now he’s gone and he took my world with him.
Could I have loved him better? Could I have been stronger? Was there something I didn’t do?
How did I lose him? How did I lose my Guardian?
I can’t take the silence anymore. I head up to Miku and Jay’s room. When I get there, the door is closed and I can hear them, making love.
I smile to myself. I’m so happy they found each other. I remember how amazing Marcus was when my mom died. Miku deserves that kind of love.
I quietly head back downstairs. I get my jacket and head outside for some air. I don’t really know what to do with myself. Where do you go when your gravity is taken away?
I make my way down the beach and watch the tide rolling in. I’ve never been so alone in my life.
I zip up my jacket and pretend the reason I’m cold is because of the wind and not because of his sudden absence.
While I feel alone, I just now realize, I am not. A few yards away from me is an Akon, about to escape off into the sky.
“Did you at least leave her a letter?” I ask.
He turns and finds me looking at him with my hands on my hips, pissed.
“Mind your own business,” he snaps.
“She loves you and you’re taking off on her. Coward.”
“Screw you; you don’t know anything about me or us.”
“Maybe not but I know a lot about running away. I’m good at it,” I reply.
“She wants me to be someone I’m not.”
“Bull. She loves you for who you are. You’re just in denial because you never thought Thomas would we worthy of being loved. But she did it. She loved you. And this is how you thank her.”
“Human, you don’t get understand the pressure of being…”
“Being in love with a Guardian? Please, I could write a blog.”
“It’s hard,” he confesses.
“Yeah its damn near impossible; I’ve tried,” I mumble.
“She’s so…intense. She believes in me. Me, ” He says incredulously.
“Look, we shared a laugh today, Ameana and I. That’s never happened before. Rage, you’re not the only one changing; she is, too.”
“You’ve been with them longer, are things always this…complicated and messy?” He asks.
“Always.”
“Human, you ever want out?”
“Yeah, but the exits aren’t clearly marked.”
“I don’t want to hurt Ameana,” he shares.
“She’s in love; what other outcome could there possibly be?”
“Wow, dark. I’m impressed.”
“If only you knew just how dark my thoughts have been lately.”
“I figured you were, you know, goody-good girl.”
“I’m sure I was, somewhere along the way.”
“Please, how dark can you get; you’re like a girl scout with rainbow cookies and a smile,” he jokes.
“You wanna see a girl scout lose it?” I ask.
“What do you mean?”
“If you’re done running from the only person who loves you, I could use a ride.”
“Okay, where to?”
“Rome.”
“Why?’
“I’m going to see Bianca. She took something from me; I’m going to get it back.”
Rage and I land somewhere outside of Rome, where the new Foundation headquarters is located.
The city, much like the rest of the world, is still recovering from the Goumy. However, they have made great progress. Most of the streets are clean and free of debris.
Rage waits for me outside while I go inside the apartment building that houses the Foundation members. According to the roster on the door, her apartment is the first one.
I take a deep breath and knock. She comes to the door a few moments later, looking gorgeous as usual.
“Human, what can I do for you?” She asks with fake politeness.
“I need to talk to you, can I come in?”
She lets me inside her ever so fancy apartment.
“What can I do for you?” She asks.
“Actually I came to do you a favor.”
“Really and what is that?” She wonders.
“I thought I’d give you a fair warning.”
“A warning about what?’
“Marcus.”
“What about my husband?”
“I’ve decided he’s the last guy on Earth I’m ever going to love. He’s not perfect. In fact, he can really get under my skin. But you see, Bianca, I love him. I mean ridiculous beyond reason kind of love.”
“Why are you telling me this?” She asks.
“Because sometimes people die and no one knows,” I explain.
“Excuse me, who died?”
“Emmy.”
She looks at as if I’m crazy.
“You see Bianca, Emmy was so nice and sweet. She worried about who did and didn’t like her. And she spent a lot of time caring about the consequences of her actions. Another thing Emmy used to do a lot, is lose people she loved. But that Emmy is dead. I want you to meet Emerson.”
“Really and what is the diff—”
She didn’t even see the blade until it was pressed against her throat.
“I want you to know I see you, Bianca. I see you and your sixteen faces. Marcus isn’t a stepping stone to power. He’s my heart and I would sooner carve into your pretty face than lose him.”
“You’re just posturing. Do you really think you can frighten me?” She replies looking down at the blade.
The blood runs down her neck, quickly. Shock spreads on her face. I smile. I only nicked her, yet the fear in her eyes would suggest I stabbed her repeatedly.
“You’re just a human. You have no power,” she says, glaring at me.
“That’s what Kairo thought before I sent him back to his mommy in pieces,” I reply as I pull the knife away from her neck and head out the door.
She comes after me and shouts down the hallway.
“I’ll give him back when I’m done with him; if the mood strikes me. Or maybe I’ll keep him around as a pet.”
“Bianca, test me.”
She sighs and shakes her head as if I just said something funny.
“The reason you’re ‘having a moment’ is because I slept with your guy. And we had lots and lots and lots of orgasms. But the truth is, I can’t take credit for that. The person who insisted we put an Exchange Clause in the contract, the person who made this all possible, is Julian.” I can’t feel my legs and my blood runs cold.
“What the hell are you taking about?” I ask.
She laughs.
“Silly, stupid human. Your father ensured that Marcus would have to spend the night with me. That way you would break up with him.”
As I storm out of the apartment building, Rage follows me.
“What happened?” He asks.
“Nothing, let’s go.”
I can’t find words to truly express the rage coursing through me. The worst moment of my life, second only to my mom’s death, was because of Julian. I replay the agony I felt the night of Marcus and Bianca’s honeymoon. I’m so livid I press the knife into my skin without realizing it.
I only stop when notice I’m bleeding.
By the time we get back to the beach house, it’s lights are out. Everyone in the house is out and about except Marcus. He stays up in one of the rooms upstairs, alone. I do the same thing. Alone is exactly what I need right now.
For the rest of the day, the team hangs out together. Rage even joined them for a game of Runner ball with a few Angels from the next island over.
Me, I stay in my room. I don’t eat. I don’t drink. I just sit and reflect. I go over the events of my life. And I find that the worst moments I face, are often brought on by Julian.
The next morning, the team packs to go back to New York City and prepare for the Shoma mission. Once again, my mind is on other things. The others check in on me but I don’t really say much. I let them believe Marcus is the reason I’m so deep in thought and distant.
At around noon, I spot Rage in the kitchen, getting ready to join the others outside. Not knowing when I’ll get a chance to speak to him alone again, I quickly pull him aside.