“Inspired,” she completed his sentence. Sebastian nodded, unable to speak or think coherently with her brilliantly blue eyes fixed on his. She seemed to be searching his very soul, begging for an answer to a question he did not understand, yet before he could interpret or ask the question heavy upon his heart, she turned her gaze away.
Sebastian straightened. Closing his eyes and swallowing, he pressed the back of one hand hard against his mouth, fighting to stop the sighing moan from escaping. His other hand hovered a mere inch away from the creamy skin at the nape of her neck.
Lord, help me!
Hastily he backed up, desire surging so strongly that he feared his control spiraling beyond the point of reason. Distance, I need distance. Woodenly, he moved to the edge of the instrument. It felt as if a bass drum was lodged in his chest and cymbals were being rung next to his ears. Looking at her was out of the question, Sebastian knowing his shredded regulation would fail, but after what felt like interminable hours of thundering silence he risked a sidelong glance.
Georgiana sat with her eyes downcast, on the keys where her immobile hands were spread. She was flushed and breathing deeply, the rounded flesh of her bosom rising with each inhalation to further upset Sebastian’s control. He searched her face for some clue as to her sentiments, but she was unreadable, especially with her head averted.
He no longer denied how alive and happy she made him. He delighted in their conversations and collaboration, was consumed with desire for her, and sensed that there was a hole within that only she could fill. Is she as affected by me as I so ardently am by her?
She began to play the psalm. Her delicate fingers pressed the keys skillfully, the music arising from the belly of the piano heart-wrenching and vital. He studied her movements and had a sudden, vivid vision of those fingers touching his face in such a way. The sensation was so powerful that his knees weakened and his hands gripped the firm edge of the piano for support.
The ivory and ebony responded to her hands, bringing the music to life. Then she added the lyrics, wavering at first and then growing stronger. She sang of the longing for God, the thirst in one’s soul while searching through a dry land, the glory in finding that satisfying love that is richest of all, and the comfort attained in the watches of the night in knowing God is holding you fast. It was a spiritual psalm written by King David to worship his God.
Yet Sebastian heard a lover’s prayer in the phrases, just as he had when reading the verses and placing them to music, even if not recognizing why he was inspired to do so. He heard a desire for fulfillment, commitment, and communion that spoke to the thirst in his soul for her. His heart was open, bare, and ready to embrace what he had too long denied.
I love you, Georgiana Darcy, and I need you to be forever by my side.
The words tingled on the surface of his tongue. His lips hummed with the consuming epiphany. He was spellbound by emotion and the glory of her face, not immediately becoming aware that the song had finished.
Georgiana sat with misty eyes staring sightlessly at the keys. Her thoughts were similar to Sebastian’s yet with a twist. Emotions coursed through her veins—wild and glorious and frightening. Love indeed, yes. She may have been young and innocent, bemused and dazzled by Lord Caxton, and wrestling with a momentous decision offered by a worthy gentleman that she was attracted to, nevertheless she comprehended how intense her feelings toward Mr. Butler.
I love him.
It was surprisingly easy to admit. It was also agonizing. From a very young age, Georgiana’s interest and aptitude for the art of music had been recognized and endorsed. Books and compositions were purchased, Mr. Darcy housed the latest and best instruments at Pemberley, skilled musicians were hired as tutors, and dozens of performances were attended for her inspiration. She refused to consider herself a great proficient, but she knew gifted talent when encountering it. Weeks of immersing herself in Mr. Butler’s compositions, this one especially, revealed a genius, a masterful brilliance Georgiana believed in whether he discounted it or not.
Knowing that a remarkable talent was loosed upon the world made her heart soar and plummet into the abyss simultaneously. His passion is elsewhere, as it should be, not with me. My future is different.
“I take my earlier statement back,” she murmured, breaking the weighty quiet. “That is my favorite psalm. The composition was perfection, Mr. Butler. Your brilliance is astounding.”
“Thank you, Miss Darcy. Uttered by you, those words are dear, even if I deem them too generous.”
“Not generous enough in my estimation. After your education at the Conservatoire, I shall not possess the vocabulary to adequately praise your compositions. I, like others, will merely be blessed to listen and bravely attempt to play.”
“Please, do not—”
“I see you wrote a part for the violin into this one,” she interrupted, glancing upward then and across the narrow expanse of wood separating them. “Apparently, some of Lord Caxton’s instructions penetrated.”
“I may not be able to competently play the violin, or any stringed instrument for that matter, I confess, but I do know how to write music for them.” He bent over the piano to peer at the indicated sheet, his face a foot away from hers. “Biblical references to harp and lyre necessitated the inclusion of stringed music despite my amateur status.”
“You gravitated toward the piano as I have, I surmise. I can play the harp with moderate proficiency, however, thanks to Lady Matlock, and have done fairly well with the cello, thanks to Colonel Fitzwilliam. My brother tried to interest me in the violin, and I can manage basic chords but never took the time to practice.”
“Similar to my story, Miss Darcy. I fear I resisted the urging of my instructors and tutors thus my incompetence is of long standing.”
Georgiana nodded, once again staring intently into his eyes. Sebastian was still leaning over the piano surface and returned the frank stare. “So the baron was not your first instructor in the violin?”
“I was an incompetent before the baron got his hands upon me. He tried his best, but I fear it was useless.” The reminder of Lord Caxton was not a welcome one under the current circumstances, making Sebastian’s smile wan.
“How long have you known him?”
Sebastian straightened, managing to somehow keep his expression impassive. “Only for a few years. We met at Oxford.”
“Were you personal friends with many of your teachers?”
“No. Lord Caxton and I were never intimates either. He is quite a bit older than I am, and teachers did not generally socialize with the students. But we both have a penchant for cards and moderate gaming, often meeting at the university gaming halls. I am not a huge gambler, Miss Darcy. I pray you do not get that impression.”
She did not seem perturbed, nodding calmly and bringing the conversation back to Caxton, much to Sebastian’s annoyance. “And Lord Caxton? Is he what you would consider a huge gambler?”
“No, I cannot say he ever was,” he answered truthfully. “He is wise in that regard. For both of us, it was a casual pastime, the spirits and cigars as appealing as the game.”
“Yes, I can imagine. Or rather I know that is what gentlemen claim. It is a mysterious amusement, ladies only allowed to spin conjectures as to what truly takes place behind the closed polished wood doors.”
“I would reveal the truth, Miss Darcy, even to the point of facing being blackballed as a traitor to my sex, but trust me, it is not nearly as exciting as your wild fantasies. Best to leave the mystery intact. I will tell you that I win my games most of the time.”
“Then I am surprised the baron invited you! Perhaps he does not mind losing money?”
“I think he sees it as a challenge to supplant me,” Sebastian replied, wondering if she sensed the double meaning.
“Well, good luck tonight then. May the best man prevail.”
“Indeed. Let us hope the battle fairly fought with the outcome as fate designs,” he stressed, not referring
to a game of cards.
“Try not to leave him destitute or homeless,” she teased.
“I am not that fine a player. Besides, each gentleman there has wealth to spare. Their estates should be safe.”
“Have you ever been to Lord Caxton’s estate in Suffolk?”
“No, I have not.”
“My brother has been to Suffolk, to the Duke of Grafton’s estate, which is near the baron’s properties I understand. Perhaps I should have paid more heed to what Fitzwilliam said about the region or paid more attention to my geography lessons. Lord Caxton said his land is beautiful and a half day from the sea. I do adore the sea. Suffolk is a huge distance from Pemberley, but London is reasonably close. Lord Caxton expresses how he misses his home, and I know he is weary of living elsewhere while a steward manages for him. He plans to end his teaching and traveling abroad, desiring to settle in Suffolk and begin a family.”
She stopped her aimless rambling abruptly, refocusing on Sebastian and then reddening and averting her eyes. Sebastian stood rigid, his entire body screaming to run from the room rather than listen to her musings about Lord Caxton!
Into the awkward silence, the striking of the longcase clock was jarring. They both jerked violently, Sebastian recovering first to latch on to the interruption to blurt a hasty good-bye.
Chapter Thirteen
Two Nocturnes
Sebastian was determined to have a pleasant evening gambling and socializing with gentlemen of his class in a richly appointed establishment boasting the finest cigars and liquors. He was also determined to ascertain the level of commitment between the baron and Miss Darcy. Men tended to gossip and blather as freely as women, especially when loosened with alcohol.
He wanted to despise the older man for pursuing Miss Darcy, but he was too honest an individual to falsely direct his anger toward the baron. As evidenced by his opinion and feelings, she was in every way perfect and worthy of being sought after and fallen in love with. The greater mystery is why none had tried before! Or maybe they had and Miss Darcy had not returned the interest. Whatever the case, he could not fault her for developing affection for Lord Caxton.
The truth is he thought very highly of Lord Caxton. He came from a good family with impeccable breeding and abundant wealth. Sebastian knew him to be an honorable gentleman who would make any woman a fine husband.
No, the brunt of his anger was directed at himself. If only he had not been so selfish, so blinded to his budding sentiments, and so resolute that their relationship was one of friendship only.
“If only I had listened to de Marcov,” he grumbled.
“Sir?”
He jumped slightly at the question from his valet, grimacing. “Sorry, Hendricks. I am daydreaming.” The valet continued with the cravat-tying project as if nothing was amiss.
Sebastian again drifted off, barely aware when Hendricks finished the task and helped him into his jacket. He did not know how he would go about it, but it was time to discover the depth of attachment between Lord Caxton and Miss Darcy. He respected the baron, but he refused to lie down and let the woman he had fallen in love with slip through his fingers without a fight!
His prime desire was to see her happy, so ultimately he would bow to her choice. Nevertheless, he cringed from the idea of watching her waltz off with another man, even if her love was firmly placed therein, and knew he would not be able to bear it.
He shook off the disturbing images and forced the anxiety aside. There is time, I am sure of it.
“Time for what, sir?”
Sebastian jumped at Hendricks’s query to what he thought had been an internal musing. “Uh, time for me to have a bit of fun and win some money. Shall I place a wager or two for you?”
“Not this time, Mr. Butler. My purse is only fat enough to roll the dice with my peers, which I will be doing as soon as I clean up here.”
“Then I shall be on my way. Best of luck to you.”
“You as well, sir. Go forth and grab on to what you want.”
Sebastian’s eyes narrowed at the retreating back of his manservant, sure there was an odd glint in the man’s eye during that last statement. Figures, cheeky scamp. But it did put a smile on his face, and with a freer heart, a steady resolve, and a thick pocketbook, he left.
La Palu was swank and located in the heart of bustling Paris cabarets, taverns, and private clubs catering to the younger crowd of genteel gentlemen from all cultures inhabiting Paris. At La Palu, the atmosphere was excessively masculine, and the typical entertainments of cards, billiards, and darts were enhanced by abundant flows of wine, liquors, and Italian coffee. Laughter was rampant, coarse conversation abounded, smoke swirled in a thick cloud between the polished rafters, and the constant clink of coins and shuffling cards filled in the background.
It was a difficult place to remain glum, unless losing large quantities of cash at the games, and since the fates did seem to be on Sebastian’s side as far as poker was concerned, he was in a surprisingly fine frame of mind. The growing stack of chips on the table space in front of him was indicative of his luck.
He sat with five other men, including a jovial Lord Caxton, sipped a glass of fine red Bordeaux slowly, so as to keep a level head, and concentrated on the serious business of gaming. Of course, serious or not, the men did engage in a fair amount of raillery.
“Duc de Montmoron has a new mistress.” So spoke the Vicomte d’Érard.
“Another one? He is tired of Madame Legard already?”
“He is now with the actress, Mademoiselle Cérise Maigny.”
“Ah, understandable.”
Lord Caxton shook his head, tossing another chip onto the middle pile. “That man’s love affairs could easily be the plot to one of Mademoiselle Cérise’s plays.”
“He certainly is never bored,” Mr. Allison said lasciviously. “Something you can comprehend, yes, Caxton?”
“Now be careful, Allison,” Monsieur de Lignac interjected. “Rumor has it that the good baron is smitten.”
“Is this true?” d’Érard asked, brows disappearing into his hairline.
“Do not look so amazed, d’Érard. Love does happen, even to the best of us,” de Lignac replied.
Allison snorted. “Not everyone, let us pray. I would sooner chew glass.”
“Love is it? How extraordinary! Who is the fortunate woman?”
“Unfortunate, you mean to say, d’Érard,” Allison grumbled. “Butler, are you going to call, raise, or stare at your cards for another hour?”
“Fold, actually.” Sebastian laid the cards down, pressing his palms onto the tabletop to still the trembling. He dared not lift his gaze to Lord Caxton’s face, but every nerve tingled with anticipation, awaiting his response to the jibes.
“The lady’s name is Miss Georgiana Darcy, and it is I who am the fortunate one.”
“Darcy? As in Darcy of Pemberley?” Mr. O’Byrne asked, the baron answering affirmative. “My father knows him. And I was so blessed to dance, twice, with Miss Darcy at Almack’s! She is quite beautiful and has a dowry of over thirty thousand pounds, so the rumor goes.”
“Ha! I knew there had to be a sound reason for the carefree bachelor to proffer sudden declarations of love! Well done, Baron, well done.”
Caxton trained a severe glare on Mr. Allison. “I shall excuse those remarks, Allison, as we are friends of long standing. However, rest assured my interest in Miss Darcy is honorable.”
“Of course it is, Caxton,” Lignac added his glare to the baron’s, Allison merely shrugging and tossing in another chip.
“Nonetheless, it does inspire stronger feelings of affection if the lady in question is worthy, you must agree with that Caxton?” d’Érard asked with a smile.
Caxton nodded curtly.
Mr. O’Byrne spoke next. “I was not aware Miss Darcy was in Paris. Or is your arrangement dating from when you were in London, Baron?”
“I owe my present happiness to Butler here.” He smiled gratefully toward Sebasti
an, who was intently stacking his chips into orderly rows. “He is a Darcy, indirectly as it were, and introduced me to his kinswoman on a day that shall be remembered as one of the best in my life.”
“So, one of those whirlwind romances, eh, Caxton? Love at first sight and all that?” Lignac asked, ignoring Allison’s mock retch.
Caxton laughed, pitching a number of chips into the large pot and laying his cards onto the table. “Straight flush, queen high, gentlemen. Beat that!”
The groans reverberated around the table, the slap of cards falling in disgust muffled by Caxton’s gloating chuckles and sweeping of the pot.
“Unfair,” d’Érard grumbled. “The baron wins the hand of cards and the fair maiden.”
Lignac laughed and patted d’Érard’s shoulder. “Cheer up, old friend. We married men can make him suffer by inventing endless horror stories of the dreariness of matrimony!”
“No false inventing necessary if you ask me,” Allison said.
“We did not ask you,” Lignac countered, grinning. “So, when is the wedding, Caxton? How long do we have to try to save you?” He winked at Allison, who grunted.
“I doubt if I would tell you, all considered. But the truth is that we have not reached a permanent arrangement as yet.”
Sebastian’s head jerked up at that and he cringed at the sight of the baron’s elated face. But Caxton was organizing his winnings and did not notice.
“Yet?” O’Byrne asked.
“In time, my boy, in time.” Caxton grinned at the youngest member of their group, Mr. O’Byrne, barely twenty and on his first adventure beyond England. “But I am supremely confident.”
“Oh, do tell! This promises to be provocative.”
“Again, I shall excuse your crassness, Allison, but please understand that this is the future Baroness Caxton we are discussing. And Miss Darcy is a great lady. As such, she deserves the utmost respect. This is why I have asked her permission to court her formally, if her brother approves, once I have returned to London.”
“And she agreed?”
“She was speechless in her joy, and that is all I shall say on this subject at this juncture. I deem this topic exhausted, gentlemen, in honor of my lady’s reputation and modesty. Now, Butler, are you ever going to stop shuffling the deck and deal?”