“About?”
“Something your grandma said to me a few days before she passed away.” Laura’s voice broke and she paused for a moment. “She. . .she told me to follow after my dreams, not to let anything stop me.”
“She said the same thing to me a few months back,” Jessica replied. “That’s odd.”
“That is odd.” Laura paused. “Funny thing is,” she continued, “My dream—the one I’ve put on hold for so many years now—is to open a bookstore. One of my own. I had almost forgotten.”
“Right.” For as long as Jessica could remember, her mother had longed to own her own shop. For years, she had worked in a large bookstore, but all along she had held onto the dream of one day owning her own place.
“The oddest thing has happened. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence, or if God is at the center of it.”
“What, Mom?”
“Madeline is selling the shop. She’s moving off to Abilene to be near her parents.”
“Really?” Jessica had known and loved Madeline from the time she was a pre-teen. If she left the store, everything would change. Of course, everything was already changing—and so quickly, too.
“I’m just wondering if your grandmother’s words to me were in some way. . .I don’t know. . .”
“Prophetic?”
“Not to over-spiritualize, but yes.”
“It is a little strange, Mom, Jessica confided. “Like I said, Grandma had a similar conversation with me awhile back about following my dreams. That’s why I decided to go to Dallas when I did.”
“You’re kidding. Your grandmother had something to do with your decision to move?”
“She had everything to do with it.” Jessica wrung her hands together and formulated her words. “And it was the right choice. I haven’t regretted it for one minute. It’s not that I don’t miss you guys. I do. And I miss the children at church, too. Of course, from everything I’ve heard, they’ve been too busy to miss me much.”
“That Mrs. Witherspoon,” her mother said with a smile. “She’s a pistol.”
“I know. I heard all about her from Grandma last time I was in town. She’s having a ball with those kids.”
“Their Christmas show is this weekend,” Laura’s face lit up. “Will you be staying?”
“Yes. I’ll be here till Sunday night,” Jessica explained. Colin, I’m so sorry I won’t be able to sing at your church like I promised.
“That’s great, Honey. It’s been so good having you here.” Her mother’s eyes watered once again and Jessica reached to embrace her.
“I hate to leave at all, Mom, but I really need to get back so I can get to work. We’ve got a show of our own next week, and my kids are missing me. I’ve already talked to Colin three times this week. He says they’re going through withdrawal.” She stopped to reflect on her own words then drew a deep breath. “I miss my students, Mom. I miss Dallas. I miss the Opera.”
“Is that all?”
“What do you mean?” Her heart lurched.
“I’m just wondering if you have the same sense of loss for Nathan when you’re up there. He’s the only person you haven’t mentioned.” Her mother’s face reflected more than a passing curiosity.
“Haven’t I?” Jess paused as she thought back over the conversation. “Of course I miss him. I love Nathan.”
“I know you do, Jess” her mother said, “and I’m happy you’ve had some time together over the past few days. But you two don’t seem to be struggling through this separation as much as I anticipated, that’s all. I’m not trying to pass judgment. Just wondering. Are things. . .I mean, is everything okay between you two?”
“We’re fine. We’re just so busy. Not that I regret the busyness.” If you only knew, Mom. I love it. In fact, I don’t know when I’ve ever been happier.
“I’m thrilled for you. I really am.”
For a moment, the two women sat in silence. Jessica reached to pick up a photo of her grandmother and examined it closely. “Everyone tells me I resemble her,” she whispered.
“Not just physically.” Her mother gave an assuring smile.
Jess held the photo a little closer. “What do you mean?”
“Your grandmother has. . .I mean, had, a lot of spunk. Not rebellion, just tenacity. It got her in trouble when she was younger. I’ve heard lots of stories about her antics. But mostly I’ve heard about the efforts she went to, to make sure everyone got a fair shake, especially the underdog.”
“Wow. I am like her, then.”
“Be proud of that, Honey.”
Andrew entered the room and shifted her mother’s attentions in a different direction, but Jessica couldn’t seem to stop thinking of what she had just been told. If I’m like my grandmother, there must be some reason. I need the same tenacity, in my work and in my relationship with Nathan. In her heart, Jessica vowed to rekindle the romance with her precious fiancé afresh. He was worth it.
They were worth it.
Later that evening Nathan stopped by for a much-anticipated visit. After a quiet dinner with the family, he and Jessica took a walk to the neighborhood park, as they had done so many times over the years. Bundled in heavy coats and locked arm in arm, they talked. About everything. Missing each other. School. Work. Insecurities. Jealousies. And so much more.
With words of hope whispered in each other’s ears, the excited couple reestablished feelings and committed to work harder on their relationship. The joy of planning their wedding took root again and Jessica made herself a promise to do anything, everything, to make this thing work.
***
Jessica, I love you. Colin still felt a little queasy as he contemplated the words he had spoken less than a week ago. Where had they come from? Why couldn’t he seem to control them as they poured forth from his mouth?
“Jessica.” Even as he whispered her name, joy flooded Colin’s heart. Lord, take care of her in Houston. Bring her back safely this weekend. Give her wisdom about the music. If she’s supposed to stay in Dallas long-term…
Colin stopped his prayer immediately. She’s like a sister to me, he reasoned. I brought her to Dallas and I feel a need to take care of her. That’s all.
Is that all?
Of course it’s all. She’s engaged. She’ll be another man’s wife soon. I need to focus on my own love life. Even as the words drifted through his mind, an idea occurred to him, one he could not ignore. He picked up the telephone and nervously dialed Katie’s number. Keep your cool.
When she answered with a cheery ‘hello’ he almost hung up, but somehow forged ahead with the words fresh on his mind. “Katie?”
“Yes?”
“I have a huge favor to ask. Feel free to say no.” He went on to explain the predicament he now faced at church. Jessica had agreed to sing ‘Oh Holy Night’ this coming Sunday morning, but couldn’t make it due to her grandmother’s death. Would Katie be interested in singing it, instead?
“Oh, Colin! I’d love to. I’d be honored.” Her excited response both relieved and impressed him. And why not? Katie professed a genuine love for the Lord. Besides, she had an amazing voice. She would blow the choir away. And Ida would be thrilled above all others to learn that he had actually located a vocalist worthy of the coveted solo.
All the way to church, Colin thought about Katie. Truth be told, he had grown quite comfortable around her, perhaps more so even than he had been willing to admit to himself. Their evening together at the Italian restaurant had been truly enjoyable. In spite of the crowd, they had managed to find a table apart from the others, where they had visited at length. Her sense of humor amazed Colin. Why did I never notice it before? She’s been such a blessing and she’s been so patient with me. All this time she’s waited to see if I would show an interest in her.
Am I interested in her?
Colin paused at a red light and gave himself over to the ‘what-ifs’ in his love life. Father, if Katie is the one You have in mind for me, please open my eyes ?
?? and my heart – to the possibility. Otherwise, Lord, please shut the door.
Firmly.
The choir settled in for their final rehearsal a short while later, and Colin grinned with pleasure as he introduced a blushing Katie to thirty curious onlookers. When she opened her mouth to sing the beautiful carol, Walter very nearly dropped his teeth. The others sat in stunned silence. When she finished the song, the entire group rose to their feet and shook the room with their applause.
All but Ida. The elderly woman sat, arms crossed, in her chair with a skeptical look on her face. Clearly, she had issues with Katie. Jealousy, perhaps? As he moved forward with the rehearsal, Colin couldn’t help but wonder what thoughts his fiercest advocate held captive in her silence.
He didn’t have to wonder long. As soon as everyone left for the night, Ida approached him in the church foyer. “Wrong girl.”
“Excuse me?”
“That’s not the one I’ve been praying for.”
“I’m not sure I understand, Ida. Not the right one to sing your song?”
“Not the right one for you to marry,” she explained.
“Who said anything about marriage?”
“Don’t waste your time on the wrong girl.” She huffed.
“Ida.”
She left the foyer, muttering all the way. “Don’t know why I bother to give my opinion. No one ever listens to me, anyhow.”
Colin shook his head in disbelief and turned toward the door. He drove home in dazed silence, trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts. Lord, is this Your answer? Is Ida Your mouthpiece? He could not seem to quiet his aching heart For some reason, every time Colin tried to focus on Katie—her voice, her charm, her beauty—he could only hear Ida’s firm voice, laced with irritation. That’s not the one I’ve been praying for. Don’t waste your time on the wrong girl.
eighteen
When Jessica arrived in Dallas the following Monday morning, she scarcely had time to collect her thoughts before finding herself in a musical whirlwind. The children met her with nervous anticipation. Colin greeted her with news of an additional performance opportunity. He assured her it would only take place if she felt up to it. She convinced him she could handle it. No problem.
However, with the deadline for the first show looming, Jessica had to wonder if she had taken on more than she could handle, both emotionally and physically. She found herself irritable and exhausted much of the time and the children seemed to bear the brunt of her frustration. I’ve got to try harder.
With just a few days left before their performance, Jessica fought to give them all her undivided attention. Try as she may, however, she couldn’t seem to see past the fog of grief. Many times she found herself picking up the cell phone to call Nathan. He talked her through each moment in his usual practical way, and Jessica found herself missing him more than ever before. For the first time since arriving in Dallas, she truly felt torn between both worlds.
And yet she had little time for such confusion. The children’s first performance of Amahl and the Night Visitors was upon her before she knew it. The excited youngsters sang their hearts out at several community functions in the two weeks prior to Christmas. Their final show would be held in two days on the big stage at the Met. They could hardly contain themselves as the big day approached. Jessica felt a little unnerved, as well. There was much at stake, after all. Several dignitaries from the city would be in attendance, as well as opera patrons and sponsors. This would be an awesome way to show off the new children’s chorus and place the program in good standing for the upcoming spring season.
But Jessica couldn’t stop to think about the spring right now. She just had to make it through this cold, hard winter – one day at a time. Though the weather had softened a little, her heart remained in a frozen state, unable to thaw. Grief held her in its tight grip.
Many times Jessica stopped mid-sentence as something would remind her of her precious grandmother. A word. A smile. A warm embrace. Someone would mention something silly—like pizza—and she would burst into tears. Jessica found herself unable to let go of this woman who had meant so much to her. Lord, I’ll never let go.
And yet, she must shift her attentions to the children. They needed her, especially now. In the same way her grandmother had always been there to offer courage and support, Jessica now found herself having to give pats on the back and whisper words of comfort and advice. The children looked up to her with admiring smiles, and their hopeful faces lifted her spirits when she needed it most.
On the night of the big show, Jessica dressed in a new gown, a burgundy, ankle-length chiffon. When she arrived at the theater, she found the children in a state of nervous panic. Many seemed irritated or even physically ill. She recognized the signs of stage fright all too well. She asked Colin if he felt comfortable starting off the evening’s festivities with prayer and he never hesitated. The kids, dressed in biblical attire, formed a circle and allowed him to pray a rich, heart-felt prayer for the evening ahead.
Then the curtain went up. Jessica watched from the wings as the children she had grown to love sang their hearts out. Was it really just a month ago I stood on this very stage, myself? How amazing to think these children will have the same opportunity. Lord, don’t ever let them forget how special this is. And thank You, Lord, for letting me be a part of this. I can never thank You enough.
Every now and again, her gaze would drift to the auditorium, and she would strain to locate Nathan. He should be sitting on the third row, somewhere near the middle of the theater. Ah. There he is. The young woman to his left looked strangely familiar, and Jessica realized, with an odd sense of betrayal, that Kellie was seated next to her fiancé. Why should that bother her? She was a good friend, after all. It was only natural they would sit together. In the meantime, she must stay focused on the children.
When the curtain came down after the final song, Jessica cried like a baby. All of her pent-up emotions of the past two weeks came tumbling out. In order to avoid the children’s curious stares, she pressed her way beyond the crowd to the props area. Here, she could be alone to think, to pray. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. In between snatches of memories about her grandmother, she found herself facing inevitable questions about her relationship with Nathan. In spite of their recent conversation, she still felt something was amiss, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on the problem.
“Jessica?” She looked up as she heard Colin’s voice. “Are you okay?”
She nodded. She quickly dried her eyes, determined not to let him see into her heart. I don’t need to be sharing my emotions with anyone except Nathan. It would be wrong. She quickly dismissed herself to the foyer, where she congratulated the children and visited with their excited parents. One by one, they thanked Jessica for her work. Many shared, through tears, of the difference this program had made in the life of their family. Coming to Dallas was not a mistake. I would have missed all of this.
As she made the rounds from child to child, parent to parent, Jessica couldn’t help but wonder about Nathan. Why isn’t he here? Did he forget we were supposed to meet after the show? She finally excused herself from the joyous crowd and made her way to the theater. There, in the third row, Nathan and Kellie stood, completely engaged in a lively conversation. Jessica approached cautiously, trying to squelch the feeling of betrayal that now gripped her.
“Nathan?”
He turned to her, a wide smile on his face. It seemed to diminish a little when their eyes met. “Jess. Are you ready to go?”
“Yes. I’ve been waiting in the foyer,” she explained. “Did you forget?”
“I’m afraid that’s my fault,” Kellie said with little giggle. “I had a financial question for him. I’ve been thinking about getting into day trading, and thought he might have some advice.”
“I see.” Jessica rolled her engagement ring around her finger and eyed her fiancé for some sign of response. When he said nothing, she asked, “Did he?”
&n
bsp; “Did he what?” Kellie’s lips curled up in a cute grin and Jessica noticed for the first time how adorable, truly adorable, her neighbor was.
“Did he have any advice for you?” she asked.
“Oh, yes!” With an admiring smile, Kellie dove into a detailed explanation of Nathan’s words of wisdom.
Jessica couldn’t seem to focus on Kellie, however. Her gaze remained fixed on her fiancé, who hadn’t seemed to notice she was still in the room.
***
From the stage, Colin looked out across the near-empty auditorium with curiosity. Jessica, Kellie and Nathan stood just a few yards away. For some reason, he couldn’t help but think of Katie’s whispered confession that night at the restaurant. Kellie is crazy about Nathan.
But what about Jessica? Where did that leave her? Colin had to wonder if she knew about Kellie’s feelings. She didn’t need to be hurt, especially not now. It wouldn’t take her long to figure things out.
Colin felt a little sick as she watched Kellie toss her blonde hair. Her giggle bounced across the room. Jessica looks upset. Should I say something, do something? He looked at Kellie once again, wishing above all that she didn’t resemble Katie so much. That only served to complicate his already confusing feelings.
Right now, Colin had to confess, he only felt an overwhelming need to protect Jessica, to keep her from being hurt. She’s been through too much in the past few weeks. He left the stage and slowly walked toward their row, approaching from an angle that gave him clear access to Jessica’s expression. By the time he came up behind the group, there was little doubt in his mind about where things stood. Her beautiful green eyes overflowed with the pain of betrayal, though she continued to paint on a quiet smile. I know what you’re thinking, Jessica Chapman. Go on and admit it. He’s hurting you. Right now.
And Colin wanted to hurt him right back. Stop it. This isn’t your battle. And you don’t know for sure that Nathan is to blame for this.
He managed to catch Jessica’s gaze and whispered, and “Are you okay” with silent lips. She nodded, but a lone tear slipped out of her right eye. Then he spoke. “Hey, everyone.”