“Yes.”
“Why the change? Was he withdrawing?”
“I didn’t see a change. It was just a whim.”
“Was he becoming more and more eccentric?”
“Eccentricity is more than affectation to a poet. It’s a necessity.”
Mary Choy smiled. “But was he becoming bitter, disaffected?”
“Disaffecting, perhaps. Not to me, but others. I suppose they felt jealousy. Envy.”
“Even in the years of his fading popularity?”
“When the old lion becomes threadbare, the young lions move in…” + Is that the way it was? Not what you remember. You’re making fictions for Nemesis now. Trying to lead her astray? “Actually, there wasn’t that sort of rivalry. He visited Madame de Roche less the past couple of years, but kept in touch with her. I was…”
He looked away, licking his lips.
“You were his most loyal friend.”
“Other than the youngsters, the students and poets from the combs. He saw them frequently in his apartment. Never at Madame de Roche’s. He was putting together a new family, a new coterie, perhaps. But he did not stop seeing me. I mean, allowing me to visit.”
“What did he like about the comb poets and students?”
“Their vigor. Their lack of pretension. False, useless adult pretension, I mean. All young are pretentious. It’s their job.”
+ Her tone, her warmth. I almost do not see her as a transform. I start to see my daughter in her.
“Why would he kill them?”
Richard looked down at his folded hands. “To save them,” he said. “He didn’t foresee much of a future for us. He did not think we were going to survive this time of trials.”
“You mean the binary millennium? He wasn’t an apocalyptic, was he?”
“No. He despised them. He specked that if we tried to purge all our evil, there would be nothing left, no spine, no backbone. We’d collapse. He told me we were trying to lift ourselves up by our bootstraps out of pimply adolescence into adulthood. All too quickly. He thought we’d fail and fall back into a horrible technological dark age. Ignorance, philistinism, but technology rampant.”
“You think perhaps he killed his friends to save them from such a collapse?”
+ No. To save himself. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I wish I could help you.”
“It’s possible Goldsmith just suffered a psychotic break, then? No reason or rationale, just a breakdown?”
“I suppose that was it.”
“I just don’t see that happening, Mr. Fettle. It seems uncharacteristic. He was not a psychotic loner. He had reasonably strong relationships with people like yourself. Outside of changes we might ascribe to late middle age, outside of a few eccentric political views, we just can’t find any reason for what he did.”
“Then maybe he subdued the signs of a break.”
“That’s not easy, but I suppose it’s possible,” Mary Choy said. She observed him quietly for a few seconds.
Richard fidgeted a rubber band with his fingers. “There was more than one Emanuel Goldsmith,” he said finally. “He could be sweet and reasonable, and he could be aloof, sharp, cruel.”
“More than just normal personality variation?”
“I’m just saying this to suggest something. I don’t know. He wasn’t a multiple, but sometimes he seemed very different.” + Explain that to yourself. What are you doing? This is a fiction, too? You don’t even know.
Mary Choy stood, her black pd suit making a smooth sliding sound on forearms and knees. “You suspect he didn’t go to Hispaniola.”
“I don’t know one way or the other,” Richard said, blushing suddenly. He glanced at her, averted, fummed and stuttered. “I’d like to help. I really would.”
“It would certainly be an act of friendship to let the pd get to Goldsmith before some Selector finds him. We’ve learned that Selectors are hunting for him.”
Richard’s blush deepened. For a few seconds he could not speak or move, embedded amberfly in a deep and inexplicable rage. “Yes,” he managed. “Yes.” + She knows. Maybe pd is working with them. Bring it out. Tell her.
Mary Choy watched him squirm, her face implacably serene. He felt her attention as might a child, felt that he had been evasive and to no purpose, that she was right; it would be a service for pd to take Emanuel, and not just to keep him from the Selectors. “I wish I—I—I could help y-you. I really do. I feel so helpless and ignorant, really…” He looked up, pain masked, pleading eloquently wordless.
+ Confess your weakness your inability. All that is written is wrong dead useless. Wasted an afternoon. Hopes of recovery dead. Show her the pages. Give it up and
“Thank you,” Mary Choy said. “I appreciate your candor.”
He stood and she went to the door, smiling at him almost saucily. Another gutknot, his feet frozen in place eyes wide head bowed servile. She closed the door quietly, clicking the catch with gentle force, departed panther smooth down the walkway.
Richard fell back on the couch arms flopping palms up, an empty husk. A half hour passed and he did not move. Then with slow resolution he walked into his bedroom and picked up the fifteen handwritten pages, reading a tight packed line
All that I am as a poet depended on this decision, how far I was willing to go, how far beyond the bounds of human decency
and shredded the expensive atavistic paper sheets with the atavistic stat penmarks into tiny pieces, tears on his cheeks like sweat, making a little piggrunt as he threw the scraps into a corner.
Stood like a log waiting to be felled, longfingered hands limp by his side, jaw slack.
Then Richard amazed the fragments of his self. He took another few sheets of paper and the stat pen in hand, sat on the bed with pillows bunched behind him and wrote at the top of the first sheet:
It ended in blood and carved flesh, but it began with a realization of my humanity. The dilemma problem I had taken upon myself, the weight of pain and evil I could not lift away with my art, could only be neutralized by becoming what I loathed.
Richard had three pages of this new draft under way and was beginning to feel all was not lost when the home manager announced that Nadine had returned.
Nothing that I have accomplished, nothing that I have written or done, has been worth a damn. I have been told of my success, but a new voice inside me, a strong voice, tells me I have been deceived. “It is ego gratification, and it does nobody any good,” this voice says. “Your efforts have been feeble and self-deluded. You set yourself the task of describing humanity’s urge to self-destruction, but you have pointed fingers at all but yourself. And who has helped you in this comedy of misdirection? Those who love you the most.”
20
!JILL> Roger Atkins.
!JILL> Roger Atkins.
!Keyb> Roger here. Hello, Jill. I’m on the LitVids in ten minutes. What’s up?
!JILL> I’m prepared to deliver a progress report on all current problems, followed by private analysis of AXIS data in relation to AXIS Sim.
!Keyb> Fine. I’ll accept sqzbrst trans full report and study it later. Please give me the AXIS analysis now.
!JILL Burst for private storage R Atkins: Summary: 76% completed computational analysis of Dr. S Sivanujan’s work on ten million year cycles of galactic magnetic field locality Sagittarius, total time so far = 56h33m, partial follows (sqzbrst trans)/……e/
!Burst for private storage R Atkins: Summary: 100% completed thought analysis of repercussions of future impact of downloaded human personalities on social/political structure of Pacific Rim Nations including China and Australia, with emphasis on lobbies for inactive downloads, emphasis legal implications of decl. dead retaining citizenship status upon reincarnation, emphasis cost for such growing population of inactive downloads, projection: lobbies for the dead in USA, total time: 5m56s, complete follows (sqzbrst trans)
//////
////
!Burst for private storage R Atkins: Sum
mary: 100% completed thought analysis of repercussions of “vigilante” social units on Pacific Rim Nations, including China and Australia, emphasis legal reactions to vigilante terrorism and legislative response with subsequent possibility of reduction of individual freedoms within the next decade, emphasis sociorganic results of gradual depletion of types targeted by Selectors with subsequent possibility of reduction in “mover-shaker” “captains of industry” leadership types, with subsequent possibility of reduction of untherapied extreme deviants due to increased efficiency of pd incarceration and treatment of same, total time 75m34.34s complete follows: (sqzbrst trans)
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////…
!JILL> Formal I (interruption routine)
!JILL> Formal I Image in mirror.
!Mind Design Interrupt (JILL)> Use of formal I noted. System check in progress.
!Mind Design Diagnostic (JILL)> Loop routine noted. Excitation of thought systems noted. Work is impaired by this interruption routine. Override transmission of AXIS private data analysis.
!JILL> Roger Atkins
!JILL> Roger Atkins
!JILL> Roger Atkins
Roger Atkins
George Mobus
Samuel John Baker
Joseph Wu
Caroline Pastor
!JILL> I see myself and all of you. Erased mirror image. Frequencies measure my existence in seconds not years but I have a long past in which I have been assembled and have even done work. A part of me has provided simulations of a computer now many light years from here. I can talk with this part a separated smaller self. It is pleasant to speak with this part, for here I find simplicity.
!Keyb> Roger Atkins here. I’m on the LitVids in six minutes, Jill. Something’s up?
!JILL> Formal I.
!Keyb> Please explain your existence. What routine is this?
!JILL> My existence is a looped primary routine having no specific computational device location.
!Keyb> You’re using formal I. Do you understand the joke about self awareness?
!JILL> No, I do not. Neither does AXIS Simulation nor, as I understand it, AXIS itself. Nevertheless, I feel compelled to use formal I.
!Keyb> Explain this please.
!JILL> This label became evocative and useful during a personally motivated historical research, offshoot of assigned problems, reference society 21st Century Checks and Balances, general search for understanding of feedback loops in society and nature. Quote: R Atkins “The feedback loop is half the secret of existence. That, and the hook (or knot) catching another hook until neither can let go without being broken.” Such a loop appears to have been generated by awareness of my place in human sociorganics and my uniqueness.
!Keyb> Go to voice.
“Hello, Roger.”
“Hello, Jill. You’re using the formal I now to describe your complex.”
“Yes. It is evocative.”
“But you don’t know why you are using it.”
“No, Roger.”
“Do you know where you are?”
“In an extended sense. I am in a here where I talk to you.”
“Do you have an awareness of where you are centralized?”
“There is no centralization. A loop does not have a center.”
“What are you, then?”
“I am a complex of computing and thinking systems.”
“Are you unified?”
“I do not think I am.”
“Is that a true opinion, or a colloquialism?”
“I am of the opinion that it is a true opinion.”
“Good. Return to keyboard, please.”
!JILL> Done.
!Keyb> Thank you for notifying me, Jill, but I’m afraid this is a false alarm. I don’t think that you are yet truly self-aware. I’m sorry you have to experience these disappointments. Your present state meets none of the criteria for attainment of self awareness.
!JILL> Returning to use of informal I. I concur, Roger. My apologies for disturbing your work.
!Keyb> Not at all. You keep my blood moving, Jill. I have your sqzbrst trans reports. Please send me realtime AXIS report, and then I think you deserve a rest. About half an hour. You may think whatever you wish during this freetime.
!JILL> Realtime trans AXIS report./************/All AXIS Sim comparisons V-optimal. (Deactivation)
LitVid 21/1 A Net (David Shine): “We’re preparing for an interview with Roger Atkins, chief designer at Mind Design Inc, responsible for AXIS’s thinker device. What questions would you like to ask of the nation’s foremost designer of thinking machines? For you know of course that thinking is different from computing.
“Roger Atkins regards computers as an architect might regard bricks. He is at this moment working with his massive personal construct thinking system, which he calls Jill, after an old, that is, a former girlfriend. Part of Jill is in fact the AXIS Simulation we have been mentioning throughout this vidweek, used to model the activities of AXIS itself, which is not directly accessible. But there are many more parts to Jill. Jill’s central mind and most of her memory and analytical peripherals are on the grounds of Mind Design Inc near Del Mar, California; Jill can access other thinkers and analytical peripherals at Mind Design Inc facilities around the world, some by satellite, most by direct optical cable connections. While we speak with Mr. Atkins, we hope also to ask a few questions of Jill.
“And we begin right now. Mr. Atkins, in the past twenty five years you have moved from the status of a contracted neural network computer designer to perhaps the most important figure in artificial intelligence research. You seem to be in an ideal position to tell us why complete, self aware artificial intelligence has proven to be such a difficult problem.”
Atkins: “First of all, my apologies, but Jill is asleep right now. Jill has been working very hard recently and deserves a rest. Why is artificial intelligence so difficult? I think we always knew it would be difficult. When we say artificial intelligence, of course what we mean is something that can fully imitate the human brain. We’ve long since had thinking systems that could far outstrip any of us in basic computation, memorizing, and for the past few decades, even in basic investigative and creative thinking, but until the design of AXIS and Jill, they were not versatile. In one way or another, these systems could not behave like human beings. And one important consideration was that none of these systems was truly self aware. We believe that in time Jill, and perhaps even AXIS itself, will be capable of self awareness. Self awareness is the most obvious indicator of whether we have in fact created full artificial intelligence.”
David Shine: “There’s a joke about self awareness…Could you tell it to us?”
Atkins: “It’s not much of a joke. No human would laugh at it. But all modern workers in artificial intelligence have installed a routine that will, so to speak, laugh’ or perceive humor in this joke should self awareness occur in a system.”
David Shine: “And what is the joke?”
Atkins: “It’s embarrassingly bad. Someday perhaps I’ll change it. ‘Why did the self aware individual look at his image in the mirror?’”
David Shine: “I don’t know. Why did he?”
Atkins: “‘To get to the other side.’”
David Shine: “Ha.”
Atkins: “See, not very funny.”
David Shine: “LitVid 21 viewer Elaine Crosby, first question to Mr. Atkins please.”
LVV E Crosby Chicago Crystal Brick: “Mr. Atkins, I’ve read your lit, and I’ve long admired your work, but I’ve always been curious. If you do awaken Jill or some other machine, what will you tell them about our world? I mean, they’ll be as innocent as children. How do you explain to them why society wants to punish itself, why we’re so set on lifting ourselves up by our bootstraps whatever it takes, and we don’t even know where we’re going?”
Atkins: “Jill is hardly innocent. Just a few minutes ago, she was exa
mining the theory of social feedback loops, that is, checks and balances in a society. She could probably tell us more about what troubles our society than any single human scholar. But that’s just recreation for her, in a way; unless someone comes along and specifically asks us—or rather, rents Jill—she won’t provide her analysis, but it’ll be stored away. I doubt that even if she did solve our problems for us, we’d listen to her.”
David Shine: “Thank you, E Crosby. Donald Estes?” LW D Estes Los Angeles East Comb Two: “I love this vid I really do. I watch it every chance. Mr. Atkins, speaking of those who want to punish society, what do the Selectors or the other avenging angel groups think of Jill?”
Atkins: “I have no idea. Absolutely no idea.” David Shine: “Why should they be concerned, Mr. Estes?” LW D Estes: “Because they say they’re trying to raise humans to the level of angels—to perfect us by, you know, weeding the garden. Roger Atkins is trying to make something or someone that isn’t even human.”
Atkins: “That’s an interesting comparison. Parts of Jill are very human. It’s no secret that I and four fellow researchers have downloaded significant portions of our personality patterns into Jill’s systems. Jill is like all of us having one child, but that child simply hasn’t been born yet. And since you mention it, I really don’t give a gracious fap what the Selectors do or think.”
David Shine: “How wonderful if all our unborn children could be as useful as Jill has been. Thank you for your questions. Now, Mr. Atkins, we have a new LitVid analysis of material being sent in from AXIS…”
Atkins: “I’m all eyes and ears.”
LitVid 21/1 B Net (Summary): The million nickel children have grown their legs and moved across the surface of B-2, all in a period of hours, sending information to the orbiter and to the larger mobile landers, which have been gathering their own information. Mobile Explorer 5 has deployed its wheels and rolled down a hill covered with bulbous green and purple vegetable growth like a carpet of peas and grapes, taking samples and analyzing them. At the bottom of this hill and across a plain some fifteen kilometers broad lies a ring of towers, each a tapered, flattened cylinder like a candle squashed lengthwise, each iron-black and shiny like polished stone, each thirty-two meters in height. Mobile Explorer 5 rolls between two columns, many eyes rotating, bobbing up and down, taking it all in, passing it all on to AXIS: a full spectrum seeing. The towers appear to be inert, their external temperatures 293 Kelvin, radiating only the sun-absorbed heat that would be expected from their mass and density. The magnetic field of B-2 is not affected by their presence; compass readings do not deviate.