Neither girl asked her any questions, and for that, Charlotte was grateful. She didn’t know what she would’ve told them if they had.
Leah and Jamie had arrived within minutes of Jason’s bringing her home. They were both happy and excited. If her complete lack of emotion bewildered them, they didn’t let it show. They chatted excitedly, recalling events at their own weddings, bubbling over with enthusiasm. Charlotte tried to smile, tried to pretend this was the happiest moment of her life. Leah and Jamie seemed to believe it, even if the girls had their doubts.
Jason arrived to escort her to the church, and her future sisters-in-law shooed him away. She wore the beautiful off-white dress Elizabeth Manning had insisted on buying her, and Leah had woven flowers in her hair.
Before she knew it, Charlotte was at the church. The number of guests surprised her. Tears clogged her throat when she reminded herself that she was playing a role. Tomorrow morning she’d go back to what her life had been before she met Jason Manning. Back to the emptiness. The loneliness.
At the appropriate moment, with organ music swirling around her, she walked dutifully down the aisle, aware every second of Jason standing at the front of the church. His eyes held hers as effectively as a vise, as though he suspected she might try to run even now. And if she tried, she didn’t doubt for a second that he’d go after her.
With her morning little more than a vague memory, Charlotte found it ironic that the actual wedding ceremony was so clear to her.
Jason stood at her side, revealing no emotion, and calmly repeated his vows. Charlotte wondered why the minister didn’t stop him. It was all too evident from the clipped, angry tone of his voice that he didn’t mean what he was saying. He had no intention of loving her, of cherishing her, of allowing her ever to be important in his life. Not after what she’d done. Not after she’d led him to believe her motives were so deceitful. Not after she’d made him think she planned to ridicule him and his family. Whatever love he’d once felt for her was dead. He’d practically told her so himself.
When it was her turn to say her vows, Charlotte’s voice was surprisingly strong. She would always love Jason, and she’d always treasure the months they’d shared. The sincerity in her voice must have caught his attention, because he looked at her for the first time since they’d approached the altar. His eyes narrowed scornfully. For a moment she nearly faltered, but decided she wouldn’t let him intimidate her.
His eyes seemed to be laughing at her—a mocking laugh that told her she was the biggest hypocrite who’d ever lived. He could think what he wanted, but in her heart she knew the truth.
After the ceremony, they were whisked from the church to the reception at the yacht club.
For Charlotte, the lengthy reception was a thousand times worse than the ceremony. They stood, for what seemed like hours, with the members of their wedding party, while an endless line of guests paraded past.
Everyone was so thrilled for them, so happy, everyone except the two of them. From the moment they’d arrived at the reception, Charlotte was a heartbeat away from dissolving into tears. Heaven knew how she survived the ordeal.
Later they had to cut the cake. The photographer took picture after picture.
“Resist the urge to shove the cake in my face,” Jason whispered behind a smile, when she went to feed him a small piece for the camera, “and I’ll do the same.”
They ate, they danced, they opened gifts. Outwardly they were the perfect couple. Madly in love, solicitous of each other, eager to be alone. Eager to start their lives together.
Only Charlotte and Jason knew the reality beneath the pretense.
Despite herself, Charlotte was impressed by what a brilliant actor Jason was. He refrained from touching her, but when it was unavoidable, his arms were gentle, his look as tender as he could make it, although she knew that he seethed with outrage. She could feel his anger, hidden below the surface, out of everyone’s sight but hers. At times Charlotte felt as if that anger would devour her whole.
“Just a few minutes longer,” Jason whispered harshly while they were on the dance floor. “Then we can leave.”
She relaxed. “Where are we going?”
“Not the airport, so don’t worry about it.”
“We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t. Everything’s been said. I’ll drop you off at your apartment and you can forget this day ever happened.”
“But—”
“Like I said, don’t worry about it. I’ll arrange everything. Once this is over, we won’t ever have to see each other again. Needless to say, I’ll expect you to find a new place as soon as possible.”
She nodded, knowing she’d brought this on herself. But when it was time to go, there was a surprise awaiting both of them. Jason’s brothers and brothers-in-law had rented two limousines. The first to take them to the airport, Rich explained, grinning proudly. And the second limousine was so the entire wedding party could follow them and see them off with as much fanfare and enthusiasm as was allowed.
Jason’s eyes sought out Charlotte’s when she returned from changing her clothes. His gaze assured her not to worry. He wasn’t any more willing to spend two weeks in her company than she’d been about going through with the wedding. She was sure he’d find some way to miss the flight.
Except that he didn’t.
His mother waited with them at the airline counter, wiping the tears from her eyes as she hugged her son. Carrie was there, too, more relaxed now, excited that she and Higgins would be spending two weeks with Leah and Paul.
Charlotte hugged Jason’s mother farewell, tears brimming in her eyes. “No woman ever had a more beautiful wedding,” she whispered. “Thank you.”
Her father-in-law was waiting when she’d finished, holding out his arms to her as though she were a small child needing reassurance. Nothing could be closer to the truth.
“Eric, thank you,” she murmured, as she slipped into his embrace. This might well be the only opportunity she’d have to express her gratitude. Soon enough Jason’s parents would know. She wouldn’t be able to face them.
“You call me Dad,” Eric said, hugging her close. “We already love you like a daughter, Charlotte.”
Tears blurred her vision and when she turned, she nearly collided with Jason. He took her by the elbow, his fingers pinching her skin. “You’re laying it on a bit thick, aren’t you?”
She didn’t answer him, couldn’t have said a word if she’d tried. They got their boarding passes as everyone watched. They were going to Hawaii, like it or not.
Charlotte realized there was no escape for them, unless they owned up to the truth immediately. Jason didn’t look any more pleased than she did, but obviously didn’t want to disillusion the family quite so soon.
As he led her into the security area, away from his family, he muttered, “I didn’t plan this.”
“I know,” she said with a helpless sigh. “Oh—my car. I left it at the beach.”
“Mandy’s getting it for you.”
His thoughtfulness surprised her. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” he said sarcastically. “I wanted it back in the apartment lot so you wouldn’t have any trouble leaving again. Next time you can go with my blessing.”
Their seats were in business class and they were quickly served glasses of champagne that neither of them drank.
As the plane taxied away from the jetway and toward the airstrip, he closed his eyes, heaved a massive sigh and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll get us out of this yet.”
Charlotte nodded and lowered her gaze. “I’ll do everything I can to stay out of your way.”
“That would be appreciated.”
The flight was five hours, but it seemed closer to fifty. Jason didn’t exchange one unnecessary word with Charlotte. At this rate, she didn’t know how they’d be able to spend two weeks in each other’s company.
Jason must have been thinking the same thing. “I’ll see what I can do abo
ut arranging a flight back to Seattle as soon as we land,” he told her briskly, without a shred of emotion. No regret, no disappointment, nothing.
Charlotte bit her lip. “I…I didn’t pack much of anything…since the suitcase was just for show.”
He didn’t respond. By the time they landed and collected their luggage, Charlotte was falling asleep on her feet. Apparently Jason suspected as much, since he made some excuse about contacting the airlines from the hotel instead of rushing her onto a return flight. But she wasn’t sure if this small kindness was for her benefit or his own, since he couldn’t have had much more sleep than she had.
She barely noticed the scenery as the taxi carried them through town. Their hotel was on Waikiki Beach, built on white sands and surrounded by swaying palms.
When they went to check in at the front desk, Charlotte stepped back, letting Jason take care of the necessary paperwork. He was obviously upset about something, but she couldn’t tell what.
“Is everything all right?” she asked, as they moved toward the elevator.
“I thought we could get a double room, but…” Jason rubbed a hand across his face, looking weary and defeated. “My parents booked us into the bridal suite.”
“Oh.” Charlotte didn’t fully realize the implications of that until the bellman ushered them, with much fanfare, into the corner suite. There was one bed. A king-size bed that loomed before her.
Charlotte’s startled gaze sought out Jason’s as he paid the attendant and closed the door. The fear she’d managed to bury for hours spilled over now, but before she could say a word, he turned to her.
“Don’t look so shocked. It isn’t as if I intend to make love to you.”
“But where will…we sleep?”
He laughed, the sound abrupt. “If you want to call down to the front desk and order a rollaway for the bridal suite, then by all means, be my guest. Frankly, I feel enough of a fool for one day, so I’ll leave that option to you.”
With no real alternative, she showered, put on an old T-shirt and crawled between the crisp sheets of the bed, making sure she was as far on her side as possible.
She was drifting off to sleep when Jason finished his shower and returned to the bedroom. He stood for several minutes looking down at her. Her heart roared like a crazed animal as she wondered about his intentions. He could force her. Tom had often enough, using her body, leaving her feeling sick and abused afterward. She’d curl up tightly while he shouted how incompetent she was, how unattractive, how lacking. She’d lie there silently as the ugly, demeaning words rained down on her. When he was done with his tirade he’d leave.
The memories made her shiver with revulsion and fear.
“Charlotte.”
She didn’t answer, pretending to be asleep. Jason was angry with her, angrier than she’d ever seen him. Eyes closed, she lay still, her heart pounding with dread.
She heard Jason dressing, heard him pause and then, after a moment, heard him turn off the light and leave the room.
Abruptly Charlotte sat up. He’d left her, walked away just like Tom had, as though he couldn’t bear to be in the same room with her. Like Tom, he couldn’t wait to be rid of her.
He’d left without a word.
Wasn’t that what she wanted? Then why did she feel so alone, so deserted and unloved, so empty inside?
The tears that had threatened most of the day broke free with a low, eerie wail. She tucked her knees against her chest as the sobs overtook her.
She wept for all she’d lost. Jason’s love. Any chance of sharing their lives. The dream of having another child. The family she’d never had. It was gone now, crushed by her own hand.
It was too late to try and get any of it back. Jason hated her. She could never recapture what she’d destroyed with her fear. Never rebuild the trust she’d demolished when she’d run away.
She sobbed until the well of grief was emptied. Even that wasn’t enough. She tore at the sheets, pulling the blankets from the bed and beating the pillows.
It didn’t take long to exhaust what little energy she had, and she fell across the bed sobbing, then fell into a deep, troubled sleep.
Jason came back to the room an hour later, moving as silently as possible, not wanting to wake Charlotte. He wished he could hate his wife, punish her for what she’d done. She deserved to suffer, didn’t she?
But if that was really the case, then why was he the one in pain? He saw her climb into bed and curl up, and it was all he could do not to dash across the room and take her in his arms. This woman had betrayed him, and yet he wanted to comfort her.
It was either leave the room or beg her forgiveness for forcing her to endure this day. She wasn’t entitled to his forgiveness, he reminded himself, which meant there was only one option. He’d left.
He’d gone for a walk on the beach, which wasn’t exactly how he’d expected to spend his wedding night. Not that he was any great shakes as a husband. A hundred times or more he’d gone over his own part in this fiasco. He’d rushed Charlotte into marriage and so had his family, not giving her a chance for second thoughts. Looking back, he understood now that it was the urgency of his mother’s idea that he’d found so appealing. Now he understood why.
He’d rushed into marriage with Charlotte because, deep down, he’d been afraid that if she’d had the chance to change her mind, she would. And he’d been right.
Jason didn’t know what lunacy had prompted him to make her go through with the ceremony. To avoid embarrassment? Having their marriage annulled the following week would still embarrass him and his family. There was the problem, too, of returning all the wedding gifts. Eventually he’d have to face people. Make explanations.
He’d taken the easy way out, delaying the inevitable because of his pride.
Charlotte had wanted to cancel the wedding and he’d perversely refused to release her. So now they were stuck in Hawaii on a two-week honeymoon neither of them wanted. Stuck in each other’s company, in the bridal suite no less, until he could find a flight back to Seattle.
Once his eyes had adjusted to the dark, Jason made his way across the elegant room. Charlotte was still curled up on the bed, but the sheets and blankets were strewn about as though a storm had raged through.
He discovered a second and a third pillow hurled across the room. One was on the floor, the other dangling from a chair. It looked as if his bride had thrown a temper tantrum.
So she hadn’t liked it that he’d left. A smile played across his lips. It was the first time since he’d found her on the beach that she’d displayed any emotion.
The thought of Charlotte losing her temper pleased him, until he remembered she wasn’t given to bouts of anger. He felt a pang of concern but brushed it aside—it belonged to the past, to the old Charlotte, the one he’d loved.
Exhausted and depressed, he gazed about the room and noted that the bed was all she’d bothered to disarrange. Everything else in the room remained untouched.
Not knowing what to think, and too tired to care, he quietly stripped off his clothes and slipped beneath a rumpled sheet. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep, but his dreams were disturbing and he woke several times before morning.
Not once during the night did Charlotte move. She stayed on her side, facing away from him, never changing her position.
He woke in the morning, the bright sunshine slashing through the bedroom curtains. Charlotte was on her back, already awake. She shifted her head and stared at him with eyes so filled with pain that he hurt just looking at her.
“I lied when I said I didn’t love you, Jason,” she whispered and a tear rolled down the side of her face. “I do…so very much. I’m sorry…for everything I’ve done.”
He nodded, his throat thick. “I’m sorry, too, Charlotte.”
Thirteen
Charlotte closed her eyes because looking at Jason was so painful, knowing he hated her, knowing he’d never really forgive her for what she’d done.
“I lied when I said I wanted to marry you because of your family. I…ran away because I was afraid.”
“Of me?”
Her pulse scampered. She should’ve told him the truth weeks earlier. She’d agreed to be his wife; he had a right to know. But the truth was so easy to put off, so easy to deny. So hard to explain.
There’d been opportunities to tell him, plenty of them, although she’d tried to convince herself otherwise. She’d been too much of a coward to present Jason with the truth. And then, when time ran out, she’d panicked.
“Charlotte?” Jason said in a low voice. “What are you afraid of?”
She couldn’t explain that she was, to put it bluntly, afraid of sex. Of intimacy. That wasn’t what a man wanted to hear. Not just Jason, but any man.
He deserved so much more than she was capable of giving him. He deserved a woman who was emotionally whole and healthy. A woman who was physically responsive. Not someone scared and battle-weary and all but dead to her own sexuality.
“I owe you an explanation….”
“I’d say so,” he agreed, but his voice was devoid of the previous day’s sarcasm, without a trace of anger.
“I meant to tell you sooner. To give you the choice of going through with the wedding or not. But as time went on I—I couldn’t…and then it was too late.”
“Tell me now.”
Charlotte thought back to an age when she’d been innocent, vulnerable and naive. “My mother died while I was in high school. My father had abandoned us years earlier and I don’t think my mother ever recovered. If he contacted her at any point after he left, I didn’t know about it. She was different after he was gone. It was like she’d given up on life. She loved me, though—I know she did—and she’d been insightful enough to plan for my future.”
Jason’s hand reached across the bed for hers. Their fingers entwined and Charlotte was grateful for his touch.
“I met Tom my first year of college. He came from another state and was attending classes on a limited scholarship. He was intelligent and good-looking. When he asked me out, I was thrilled. He seemed to like me…. Later I realized it wasn’t me that attracted him, but the insurance money I’d received when my mother died. After a few months, we made love and…and he asked me to marry him. I didn’t have any family and…I desperately needed someone. I was too stupid to know why Tom really wanted to marry me. He saw marriage as a way of paying for his education without having to work for it.