Summer picked up the mail on the way into her apartment and shuffled through the usual bills and sales flyers. The envelope was there, just as it had been on the first of the month for the past eleven months. A letter from James.
He couldn’t possibly have any idea how much she looked forward to hearing from him. The first letter had come shortly after they’d met on New Year’s Eve and had been little more than a polite inquiry. She hadn’t written him back mainly because she was embarrassed about spilling her heart out to a complete stranger.
His second letter had arrived February first. He told her about the weeks immediately after his breakup with Christy, how the pain had intensified when he’d expected it to lessen. His honesty and generosity touched her heart. It seemed uncanny that her anguish mirrored his so completely. She wrote back then, just a short note to tell him how she was doing, to thank him for writing.
That was how it had started. James would write at the beginning of every month and she’d answer. Gradually their letters grew in length, but were never any more frequent. She liked the formality of exchanging letters, preferring that to the quick and casual convenience of e-mail.
In the year since Summer had met James Wilkens, she’d been tempted to phone him only once. That was the day Brett got married. Ironically, his wife wasn’t the girl he’d brought to Las Vegas, but someone he’d met recently. Summer had felt wretched and holed herself up in her apartment with a quart of gourmet ice cream and three rented movies. She’d made it through the day with a little fudge swirl and a lot of grit.
Holding James’s letter in her hand, Summer tore open the envelope and started reading on her way into the apartment.
“That’s from your lawyer friend, isn’t it?” Julie, her roommate, asked. Wearing shorts and a halter top, Julie wandered barefoot through the apartment, munching on a carrot.
Summer nodded, kicked off her shoes and lowered herself onto a padded wicker chair. Her eyes never wavered from the page.
“He wants to remind me of our agreement,” Summer said, pleased he hadn’t forgotten.
“Agreement?”
“To meet him in Vegas on New Year’s Eve.”
“Are you going?”
Summer had always planned to follow through on her promise, although she probably should’ve thought twice about meeting a stranger. But he wasn’t really a stranger. She felt she knew James, was comfortable with him. He was a friend, that was all, someone who’d been there when she needed him.
“Are you going?” Julie repeated.
Summer looked up and nodded.
“What’s James like?” Julie asked, sitting across from her. The two of them had been close ever since high school and both of them were in the production at Disneyland. Summer had been especially grateful for Julie’s unwavering friendship in the past year.
“He’s older,” Summer said, chewing the corner of her mouth as she tried to recall everything she could about him. “I’d guess he’s at least forty. Kind of a stuffed shirt, to tell you the truth. He’s about six feet tall and he must work out or something because I remember being surprised by how strong he was.”
“Is he handsome?”
Summer had to smile. “You know, I don’t actually remember.”
“You don’t remember?” Julie was incredulous. “I realize you were upset, but surely you noticed.”
“He has very nice brown eyes and brown hair with some gray in it.” She raised her hand to her own hair and wove a strand around her finger. “I’d say he’s more distinguished-looking than handsome.”
“Is there something romantic going on between the two of you?”
Summer did care for James, but not in the romantic sense. He’d helped her through the most difficult night of her life. Not only had she clung to him and cried on his shoulder, but he’d stayed with her until the early hours of the morning, listening to her pain, comforting and reassuring her.
“We have a lot in common,” was all she’d say to Julie’s question about a romance.
“I have a feeling about you and the mysterious James,” Julie said, her forehead creased in a frown. “I think you’re falling in love.”
Love? Not Summer. She’d decided last New Year’s Eve that she was finished with love. It sounded melodramatic and a bit ridiculous to be so confident that she’d never love again, but she’d come to that conclusion the minute she found Brett with his girlfriend. Her feelings hadn’t changed in the past eleven months.
Although he’d never said as much, she was sure James felt the same way after losing Christy. It’d been six years, and from what she knew about him, there wasn’t a woman in his life even now. There wouldn’t be a man in hers, either.
This didn’t mean that Summer never intended to date again. She’d started going out with other men almost immediately. Pride had prompted her actions in the beginning. Later, she wanted to be able to write James and tell him she was back in the swing of things. He’d applauded her efforts and recounted his own endeavors in that area after Christy had broken off the engagement. As she read his account of various disastrous dates, she’d laughed, truly laughed, for the first time in months.
“You’re going to meet James on New Year’s Eve, and everything will change,” Julie said with a knowing smile.
“What do you mean, everything will change?”
“You won’t see him as just a friend anymore,” Julie predicted. “You might be surprised to discover there’s more to him than you suspect.”
“Julie, I told you he’s got to be forty years old.”
“You’re sure of this?”
“No,” she said reluctantly. “But…I don’t know. I picture James sitting in front of a fireplace, smoking a pipe, with his faithful dog sprawled at his side.”
“A basset hound, no doubt.”
“No doubt,” Summer agreed with a laugh. James was wonderful—no argument about that—but she could never see herself falling for him. Nor would he be interested in someone like her. The man was a distinguished attorney, while she starred in a musical version of Beauty and the Beast at Disneyland. Working in the theater wasn’t an easy way to make a living, but Summer loved the challenge and the excitement.
“You might be surprised,” Julie said again. The tone of her voice suggested that great things were going to happen for her friend this New Year’s Eve.
New Year’s Eve
Summer freely admitted she was nervous about the rendezvous with James. She got to the gazebo nearly fifteen minutes early and was astonished to find him already there. He was sitting on the bench, the one they’d shared a year earlier. In that moment Summer had a chance to study him with fresh eyes.
The first thing that struck her was that Julie was right.
He was nothing like she remembered. Dignified and proper to the very back of his teeth, but there was something compelling about him. She recalled how Julie had wanted to know if James was handsome. If Summer were to answer that question now, she’d give an unequivocal yes. But he wasn’t handsome in a Hollywood sense. He certainly wasn’t boyishly good-looking like Brett, with his sun-streaked blond hair. But James Wilkens was appealing in a way that spoke directly to her heart. She knew from his letters that this was a man of conscience, a man of integrity, a man of honor. All at once Summer felt as if the oxygen had flown from her lungs.
He saw her then and slowly stood. “Summer?” He sounded equally surprised. His eyes widened briefly.
“Hello, James. I’m early,” she said, feeling guilty at being caught staring so blatantly. “I’m always early…it’s a family trait.”
“I am, too.” He grinned. “Usually early, I mean.”
Summer had been looking forward to this evening for weeks. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she had to tell him. All at once she couldn’t think of a single thing. “The streets are crazy,” she said in a hurried effort to make conversation. “I didn’t want to risk being late.”
“Me, neither,” he said. “I ho
pe you don’t mind, but I made dinner reservations.”
“Thank you.” She stepped into the gazebo and sat down next to him.
“So,” he said, as if he wasn’t sure where to start. “How are you?”
Summer laughed lightly. “A lot better than I was last year at this time. I told you Brett got married, didn’t I?”
“You wrote about it.”
Summer rarely felt shy, but she did now. She owed James more than she could possibly repay. “Your letters were a godsend,” she said, “especially during the first few months. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”
“You would’ve done just fine.” How confident he sounded, as if there was never a doubt that she’d get over her fiancé’s betrayal.
“The first of every month, I’d run to the mailbox. Your letters were regular as clockwork and I counted on them.” It had become a ritual for her, an important part of her recovery.
“I enjoyed your letters, too,” he said. Fireworks splashed across the night sky, momentarily diverting their attention. “Do you want to join in the festivities?” he asked.
Summer shook her head. “Do you mind?”
He smiled. “Actually I’m just as glad. The crowd got to be a bit much last year.”
“I’m so glad you were there,” Summer said fervently. “You were like a guardian angel. You helped me so much that night.”
“You helped me, too.”
“Me? How?” Summer could hardly believe that.
“It’s true,” James assured her. “Seeing your pain reminded me how far I’d come in the years since losing Christy.”
“Was it worse knowing she’d married that sheriff?” Summer asked tentatively. For her, learning about Brett’s wedding hurt the most. Friends, under the guise of being kind, were more than happy to relate the details and what they knew about his bride. Every piece of information had cut like a knife.
“Yes.”
“Weren’t you angry?” she asked. How anyone could treat James in such a shabby manner was beyond her. To be engaged to a man as wonderful as James and then to secretly marry someone else was the most underhanded thing Summer had ever heard of.
“I wasn’t angry at first, so much as depressed,” he said thoughtfully. “Anger came later. It’s the reason I took up squash. I worked out my aggression on the court. It helped.”
Summer figured that was a sport an attorney would enjoy.
“It must’ve been hard finding out Brett was married.”
She lowered her gaze and nodded. “Other than the first few weeks after he broke our engagement, the day of his wedding was the worst. It seemed so completely unfair that he should be happy while I was hurting so terribly. If it was ever in me to hate him, it would’ve been then.”
“And now?”
“Now,” she repeated. “I certainly don’t hate Brett, but I don’t love him like I did a year ago. He was a big part of my life, and for a long time my world felt empty without him.”
“Does it feel empty now?”
“Not in the least. I’m happy, James, and I didn’t believe that would ever be possible.”
“Then I was right. It took you a year.”
She laughed. “I’m over him and happy to be with you tonight.”
“There isn’t anyone I’d rather be with on New Year’s Eve.” He glanced at his watch and stood. “I hope you haven’t eaten.”
“I didn’t. I only arrived a little over an hour ago, and I’m starved.” She’d been anxious about their meeting, so her appetite had been nil all day. Her stomach wanted to make up for lost time now.
James led her into the Four Queens Hotel, weaving through the crowds gathered around slot machines and gaming tables. With several thousand people milling around outside, she’d assumed the casinos would be less crowded, but she was wrong.
James took her hand then, gripping it firmly in his own. Summer was surprised by how good that felt. By the time they walked down the stairs to Hugo’s Cellar, an elegant, romantically lit restaurant, Summer felt as if she’d survived a riot. So much for all the effort she’d taken with her appearance. She thought she was fortunate to be in one piece.
After a five-minute wait, they were escorted to a booth and presented with elaborate menus. Candles flickered gently, casting dancing shadows on the walls. The noise and bustle upstairs and on the street outside the casino were blessedly absent.
They dined in leisure, shared a bottle of white wine and a calorie-rich dessert. They had so much to talk about—books, movies, world events, their families and more. James asked about her job at Disneyland and seemed genuinely interested in her budding career as an actress.
When she learned he’d recently been appointed a superior court judge to the King County bench, she insisted on ordering champagne to celebrate.
“You should’ve told me sooner,” she said. “It’s such wonderful news—so well-deserved.”
“It’s just temporary,” James explained, looking uncomfortable. “I’ve been appointed to serve out the term of Judge Killmar, who had to retire for medical reasons.”
Summer wasn’t sure he would’ve told her if she hadn’t asked him about his own hopes and dreams. Only then did he mention it was one of his lifetime goals to serve as a superior court judge.
“You intend on running for the position yourself, don’t you?”
“Yes,” he said. “But the primary isn’t until September, and the election’s in November. There’re no guarantees.”
“You’ll win,” Summer told him with supreme confidence. Wagging her finger at him, she added, “And don’t give me that look. I can’t imagine anyone not voting for you.”
James’s eyes met hers. “You’re good for my ego,” he said. She thought she heard him mutter “too good” under his breath but decided to ignore that.
By the time they’d finished dinner, it was close to twelve. As they made their way out of the casino, someone handed Summer a foil crown and a noisemaker. She donned the hat and handed James the whistle.
The New Year was fast approaching, which meant that her night with James was nearly over. She didn’t want it to be.
The crowds had thinned out considerably after the fireworks display. They were standing on the sidewalk outside the Golden Nugget casino when a cheer rose from inside.
“It must be midnight,” James commented and ceremoniously blew the noisemaker. “Happy New Year, Summer,” he said in a voice so low it was almost a whisper.
“Happy New Year, James.”
They stood facing each other, and then, as if this were the moment they’d anticipated all evening, slowly moved toward each other. Summer saw how James’s eyes darkened as her own fluttered closed. She wanted this. Needed it.
She sighed audibly as his mouth settled over hers.
Two
Summer was no novice when it came to kissing, but James left her breathless and clinging to him for support. She hadn’t expected anything like this. She’d expected them to lightly brush lips and then laugh and wish each other a happy New Year.
It hadn’t happened like that.
The instant James’s mouth was on hers, she’d gone languid. She was immobile, her arms locked around his neck and her body pressed intimately to his, her lips seeking more.
Summer would’ve liked James to kiss her again. And again. She didn’t want it to end. But she didn’t know how to ask him to continue.
Slowly, with what she thought might be reluctance, he released her. She stood there looking at him, arms dangling stiffly at her sides while her face reddened with embarrassment. She considered telling him she wasn’t usually this blatant.
“Happy New Year,” James said. He didn’t sound like himself at all. He cleared his throat and swallowed visibly.
“Happy New Year,” she whispered, and stepped away from him.
James reached for her hand and held it in his own. Summer was grateful for his touch. They started walking, with no destination in mind, or none that
Summer was aware of. She looked at James, wondering if he felt as confused and uncertain as she did. Apparently he did, because he grew quiet and introspective.
“I believe I’ll call it a night,” he announced unexpectedly. He checked his watch and frowned. Summer suspected it had been a year since he’d last stayed up past midnight. He was so proper, so serious and sober. Yet she’d enjoyed every minute of her evening with him. They’d talked and laughed, or at least she’d laughed. James had smiled, and she had the impression he didn’t do that often, either. Every time he’d grinned, Summer had felt rewarded.
Now she’d ruined everything. She couldn’t bear to know what he thought of her. An apology, words of explanation, stumbled over themselves, but she couldn’t make herself say them—because she wasn’t sorry about their kiss. She’d savored it, relished it, and hoped he had, as well.
“I’ll call it a night, too,” Summer said. She waited, hoping he’d suggest they meet the following day. He didn’t.
By the time they returned to the Four Queens, where they were both booked for the week, Summer was miserable.
“James,” she said as they walked across the lobby. Either she apologized now or regretted saying nothing. “I’m sorry. I…don’t know what came over me. I don’t generally…I can only guess what you must think of me and…”
“You?” He hesitated in front of the elevator. “I was wondering what you thought of me. I can only beg your indulgence.”
The security guard asked to see their room keys before calling for the elevator. James easily produced his while Summer sifted through the contents of her oversize purse before finding hers.
The elevator arrived, and they both entered. There was no one else inside. Still, James didn’t ask to see her again, and Summer’s heart grew heavier as they ascended. Her room was on the tenth floor, and his was on the fifteenth.
The silence closed in on them. When the elevator stopped at her floor, the doors slid open, and James moved aside.
Summer glanced at him expectantly. Okay, so he didn’t intend to see her again. It made sense, she supposed. A superior court judge wouldn’t be interested in dating an actress.