Jason grabbed her around her waist, lifted her from the bleachers and swung her down. Her eyes shone with happiness and Jason thought he’d never seen a more beautiful woman.
Charlotte threw back her head and laughed. It wasn’t for several minutes that Jason was even aware of the crowd that had gathered around them.
A bit self-conscious now, he lowered Charlotte to the ground, but kept his arm around her. Paul and Rich were the first to congratulate him, followed by several other teammates, who slapped him heartily on the back. One suggested Jason bring Charlotte again, since she was definitely his good-luck charm.
“You were wonderful,” Charlotte said, smiling at him proudly. Jason found it difficult to pull his gaze away. The urge to kiss her was so strong, he had to fight to restrain himself. He would’ve done it, too, would’ve kissed her in front of everyone and ignored the consequences, if only his brothers hadn’t been present. He held back more to protect Charlotte from embarrassment than to ward off any razzing he’d get from his family.
“I’m hungry,” Ryan, one of the twins, announced once the excitement had died down. “When are we gonna eat?”
“Soon,” Leah promised. Paul headed toward the parking lot.
“I’ll be right back,” Jason said and, without thinking, did the very thing he’d decided against. He kissed Charlotte briefly, before trailing after his brother to get the picnic basket in the trunk of his car.
Jason couldn’t believe he’d done that. Neither could Charlotte, judging by the look of surprise that flashed in her blue eyes.
“Are you going to fess up?” Paul asked, holding a heavy cooler with both hands, studying Jason.
“To what?” he demanded, narrowing his eyes, hoping his brother would take the hint.
“Charlotte.”
“What about her?”
“Don’t go all defensive on me. I was just wondering how you met.”
Jason relaxed a little. He was being too touchy. “She lives in the complex.” He didn’t think it would sound good if he admitted Carrie had offered him money to take her mother out.
“She seems nice.”
“She is. Lay off her, though, will you?”
Paul’s eyes went solemn, as if he was offended by Jason’s remark. Then he nodded. “Whatever you want.”
Paul must’ve said something to Rich, too, because when they sat down to eat, after pushing three picnic tables together, no one gave Charlotte more than a glance. It was as though she’d been part of the family for years. Which was just the way Jason wanted everyone to treat her. Heaven forbid she figure out how special she was to him. He’d already made a big enough fool of himself, simply by inviting her and Carrie to this outing.
Charlotte’s daughter had won a few hearts all on her own, Jason saw, secretly pleased. Ryan and Ronnie had clamored to sit next to her at lunch, beating out Bethany, who cried with disappointment until Carrie agreed to hold the little girl on her lap.
“I think Carrie’s made a conquest,” Jason said to Charlotte, munching on a chocolate chip cookie. His fourth, and he was ready for another.
“She loves children. She’s the type of kid who’d prefer to be the oldest of ten.”
Jason watched as a sadness, however brief, flashed in Charlotte’s eyes. It told him she wasn’t speaking only for Carrie, but herself, as well. She must’ve wanted so much more from her marriage than she’d gotten. He remembered something else then, something Carrie had told him about Charlotte wanting more children. At the time he’d decided to stay away. A woman with marriage and children on her mind was someone he planned to avoid. Strangely, the thought didn’t terrify him nearly as much now.
Still, he had to admit that the fleeting look of pain got to him. He’d experienced the desire to protect her in the past, to guard her from hurt, but only when she was in his arms. Only when he feared he might hurt her. Now, the need to keep her safe burned in his chest. He wanted to block out anything that would cause her pain. Most of all, he wanted to meet the ex-husband who’d walked away from his family, and he’d prefer it be in a dark alley some night.
Although he didn’t know any details of the divorce, Carrie had told him she never heard from her father. What kind of man would desert his family? What kind of man would turn a warm, vivacious woman like Charlotte into a near-recluse?
“I like your family,” Charlotte said, smiling up at him, distracting him from his thoughts.
“Did Leah and Jamie bombard you with questions?”
“A few, but they’re so nice, I didn’t mind.”
“What did you tell them?” Jason was eager to know, partially because it might clear up a few questions he had himself. Maybe Charlotte could put into perspective what he was feeling and was unable to define.
She laughed, causing the others to momentarily look their way. “Are you worried?”
“No.” The question surprised him.
“For a moment there, you looked as if you were afraid I might’ve told them something you’d rather I didn’t.”
“You can tell them anything you want,” he said decisively, meaning it. If she chose to imply that they were madly in love, then fine, he’d deal with it. On the other hand, if she’d chosen to let his family believe they’d only just met, which wasn’t so far from the truth, then he’d live with that, too.
“I told them we’re friends…special friends.”
Jason approved. He couldn’t have said it better.
“Uncle Jase,” Ronnie shouted, clutching a Frisbee. “Are we ready to play?”
“Play?” Jason didn’t need to be invited twice. His favorite part of these family get-togethers was the time after lunch that he spent with his nieces and nephews. Chasing after Ronnie and Ryan and a Frisbee kept him young at heart, he told himself. Though he didn’t care to admit out loud just how much he liked running around with a pair of eight-year-olds. The boys enjoyed it, too, and before the afternoon was over Rich and Paul invariably joined in.
As they did now. The two brothers against Jason and a handful of youngsters in a game of Frisbee football. A few minutes into the competition, Jason dived to catch a wild throw, catapulting himself into the air and latching triumphantly on to the disk.
Ronnie and Ryan cheered, and Jason felt as pleased with his small feat as he’d been with the home run. After an hour, the two teams took a break. Breathless, he reached for a cold soda, pulled back the tab and guzzled it down.
He turned, looking for Charlotte. The last time he’d seen her she was with Leah and Jamie cleaning up the remains of their picnic. He saw her sitting on a blanket under a madrona tree, bouncing Jeremy on her knee. Bethany and Kelsey were sprawled out, napping, beside her. She was playing a game with the baby, nuzzling his neck and making cooing sounds. Her eyes radiated a happiness he’d never seen. A joy that transfixed him.
“Jason, are you in or out?”
Jason barely heard the words, his gaze on Charlotte.
“In,” he decided, tossing the empty can in the garbage and heading back to the field. A couple of minutes later he was completely engrossed in the game. Carrie had sided with his brothers against him and was proving to be a worthy opponent. Ronnie caught the Frisbee and lobbed it to his twin. Jason glanced toward Charlotte again and saw her lift Jeremy above her head and laugh up at him.
Jason’s heart constricted. Watching Charlotte with his brother’s child did funny things to his chest. She was smiling, happy. A powerful emotion seized his heart in a way that was almost painful.
One pain was followed almost immediately by another as the Frisbee hit him hard. The wind momentarily knocked out of him, he doubled over.
“Uncle Jase!”
“Jason!”
Paul and Ronnie were the first to reach him.
“You all right?” Paul asked.
Jason’s eyes moved toward Charlotte and he shook his head. “No,” he muttered, “I don’t think I am.”
Six
So this was what it meant to be part of a family, Charl
otte mused, as Jason drove her and Carrie home from the ball field. This profound sense of belonging, of acceptance. She’d never experienced anything like it before. It was as though Jason’s family had known and loved her for years. As though they genuinely cared for her. Charlotte couldn’t recall a time when she’d felt anything as uplifting as she had that afternoon.
After the game they’d gathered together for a picnic. Charlotte didn’t think she’d ever laughed more. There’d been good-natured teasing, jokes, games. Even now, driving home, laughter echoed in her ears. The cousins were as close as brothers and sisters, the older ones watching out for the smaller children. They fought like brothers and sisters, too, mostly over Carrie, each wanting her attention.
Carrie had beamed, loving every minute of it.
After the initial round of questions, Leah and Jamie had treated Charlotte like…well, like family. The women were obviously good friends, yet included Charlotte in all their conversations. Jason’s brothers, too, had tried to make her feel comfortable. Neither Paul nor Rich had asked a single question about her relationship with Jason, probably content to have their wives fill in the gaps later.
“You’re very quiet,” Jason said, taking his eyes off the road for a second. “Anything wrong? My brothers didn’t—”
“No,” she assured him with a smile.
The only sound was the hum of the road. Carrie, usually filled with boundless energy, was exhausted after chasing the children around for most of the afternoon. She’d enjoyed herself as much as Charlotte had.
And perhaps her daughter was thinking the same thing Charlotte was—that she’d missed out on something important because they only had each other.
Jason parked the car, then carried the near-empty picnic basket into her kitchen. He hesitated after setting it on the counter. “You’re sure nothing’s wrong?”
Charlotte nodded. “Positive. I had a wonderful time. A fabulous time. Thank you for asking Carrie and me.”
He didn’t seem to believe her. “Did Leah and Jamie hound you with questions?” he asked for the second time that day, a pensive frown on his face.
“Jason,” she murmured, resting her hands on his forearms and gazing up at him. “I meant it. Every word. This day with you and your brothers and their families was one of the happiest of my life. If I’m being introspective it’s because…well, because I’ve never realized until now how much I’ve missed in life.” Jason’s questioning eyes sought hers, as if he wasn’t sure he understood.
She managed to meet his eyes. She felt close to Jason just then, closer than she had to anyone, and that confused her. She was falling in love with this man and that was something she couldn’t allow. Was it Jason she loved, or his family?
“Charlotte, look at me.”
She ignored the request. “I was an only child, too,” she told him, “like Carrie.” She wanted to explain. “There were never outings that included aunts and uncles or cousins. This is a new experience for Carrie and me.”
“Look at me,” he said again, his voice low and commanding.
Slowly her gaze traveled the length of him, up his chest, over the width of his shoulders, to his eyes. She stared into them and felt a sudden sense of connection. It was a powerful sensation, powerful and exciting.
“Where’s Carrie?” Jason asked, glancing over his shoulder.
“She’s on the phone in her room. Why?”
“Because I’m going to kiss you.”
Charlotte’s heart tripped into double time. She was tempted to make some excuse, anything that would put an end to the craziness that overcame her with Jason, but she didn’t trust her voice, let alone her heart.
Whatever she might’ve said was never meant to be. Jason’s kiss saw to that. He gathered her in his arms, and lowered his mouth to hers. His lips were there, warm and moist, reminding her of sunshine. The kiss was chaste, yet curiously sensual.
Of her own accord she deepened their kiss. Jason responded quickly.
He moaned, or perhaps it was her own voice making those soft sounds. She melted into him, her body responding instinctively, naturally, to his.
“Charlotte.” He brought her even closer, and their kiss went on and on. She grew hot, and hotter, then hotter still…until…
“No more…” she cried, breaking away, panting. “Please…no more.”
Jason trembled with restraint, closing his eyes. “You’re right,” he murmured. “Carrie’s in the other room.”
“Carrie,” Charlotte repeated, grateful for the excuse.
Jason drew in several deep breaths, then said, “I should be leaving.”
Charlotte nodded, but she didn’t want him to go. Her body was on fire. She wondered if he was experiencing the same kind of torment himself—and if he was angry with her for sending him away.
“Would you like to come with me again next Saturday?” The question was offhanded, as though he’d just thought of it.
Charlotte’s heart soared at the prospect. “If you’re sure you want me.”
Laughter leapt into his eyes, melding with the fire that was already there. “Trust me, Charlotte, I want you.”
With that, he was out the door.
No sooner had Jason left than Carrie appeared in the kitchen. “Did Jason leave?”
Charlotte nodded, too preoccupied to answer outright. She was trembling, and all because of a few words. He wanted her. He’d been honest and forthright as she’d come to expect.
“Mom, we need to talk.”
“Go ahead,” Charlotte said, as she unloaded the picnic basket. There was surprisingly little food left over. Ryan and Ronnie had discovered her chocolate chip cookies, thanks to Jason, and the three dozen she’d brought had disappeared in no time. She’d set out the fresh fruit-and-cheese platter and that had disappeared, too. There were a couple of sandwiches still wrapped, but they’d keep for her and Carrie to eat the following day.
“It’s about the ninth-grade dance,” Carrie said stiffly from behind her.
Charlotte froze. This wasn’t a subject she wanted to discuss, not again. “I’ve said everything I’m going to say about it, Carrie. The subject is closed.”
“I hope you realize you’re ruining my entire life,” Carrie announced theatrically.
“Dropping you off at the dance and picking you up myself is a reasonable compromise, I think.”
“Then you think wrong. I’d…rather walk to school naked than have you drive me to the dance as if…as if there wasn’t a single boy in the entire class who wanted to be seen with me.”
She sighed. “I’ll be happy to pick up Brad, too, if that’ll help.” That was more than she was really in favor of, but she supposed she could live with it.
“Then everyone will think I asked Brad to the dance. I mean, I know girls do that, but it’s important to me that a certain girl find out that Brad asked me. How can you do this, Mom? Can’t you see how important this is?” Her eyes were imploring, a look designed to melt any mother’s heart.
Charlotte steeled herself. “You’re too young, Carrie, and that’s the end of it.”
“You don’t understand what you’re doing to me!” Carried wailed.
“The subject is closed.”
“Fine, ruin my life. See if I care.” She stalked out of the kitchen, arms swinging.
With a heavy sigh, Charlotte watched her go. This argument was getting old. She’d been under the impression that her daughter had accepted her decision. But now it was apparent Carrie had only been regrouping, altering her tactics. Cool reason had evolved into implied guilt. Her fifteen-year-old made it sound as though Charlotte had done untold psychological damage by not letting her go on an actual date. Well, so be it, Charlotte decided. This issue was one she didn’t intend to back down on any more than she already had.
Pulling out a kitchen chair, Charlotte sank tiredly into it, resting her face in her hands. She sighed again. She had trouble enough raising one child; she was insane to even contemplate having another
.
A baby.
But she did want another child, so badly she ached with it. Holding Jeremy, Jamie and Rich’s little boy, had stirred to life a craving buried deep within her heart. She attempted to push the desire away, rebury it, anything but acknowledge it. She’d had to repress this desire several times over the years.
A baby now was out of the question, she stubbornly reminded herself. She was too old; there were dangers for a woman on the other side of thirty-five. But age was the least of her concerns.
Getting pregnant required a man. Even more problematic, it required making love.
The sadness that weighed down Charlotte’s heart felt impossible to carry alone. Tears blurred her eyes. If ever there was a man she could love, it was Jason Manning. But the thought of falling in love again terrified her. Charlotte was afraid of love. Afraid of all the feelings and desires Jason had stirred to life. He was wonderful. His family was wonderful. But it was a painful kind of wonderful, taunting her with all that was never meant to be in her life.
Charlotte had dealt with her share of problems. Finances. Isolation. Low self-esteem. Everything had been a struggle for her. She didn’t know how to react to wonderful.
For the first time since her divorce, Charlotte felt the protective walls she’d erected around her heart being threatened. Those barriers were fortified by years of disappointment, years of resentment and pain. Now they seemed to be crumbling and all because of a man she’d never even seen without a baseball cap.
For now, Jason was attracted to her, but in her heart she believed his interest in her wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. The time was fast approaching when she wouldn’t be able to put him off, and he’d know. That very afternoon, she’d seen the way he’d trembled in an effort to restrain himself. She’d watched as he’d closed his eyes and drawn in several deep breaths.
Soon kissing wouldn’t be enough for him. Soon he’d discover how inadequate she was when it came to making love. She had never satisfied Tom, no matter how hard she’d tried. In the end he’d taunted her, claiming the day would come when she’d realize all the ugly things he’d said about her were true. She didn’t have what it took to satisfy a man.