“I know,” I said and floated closer.
He turned and looked at me with his ice-blue eyes. It felt like he saw right through me. I felt like a liar and a cheat.
“So, are you going to tell me where you have been?”
I sighed and reached out to grab his hand but he pulled it away. His hands shook and his eyes had fire in them. They were like cold blue flames.
“I am sorry—”
Mick got up and floated away from me. He stood by the window with his head bowed.
“Why do you insist on lying to me, Meghan?” he said.
I sighed deeply. “I didn’t want to … I mean it was just to protect you.”
He turned to look at me. He had been crying, I realized.
“To protect me? From what?”
“I didn’t want to break your heart again.”
“If you didn’t want to break my heart, if you really meant to protect me, you wouldn’t have gone to him in the first place.”
I sat on the bed with a sigh. “I know,” I said.
“Is that all you have to say?”
“What do you want to hear from me? I’m sorry, all right? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that I was going to see Jason. I am sorry.”
Mick floated toward me and put his arms around me. He held me tightly for several minutes, like he wanted to never let go of me again, as if he did, he would lose me. I felt his warmth and listened to his fast heartbeat. I wanted to cry, but I had no more tears. I felt sorry for Mick, and I hated myself for hurting him.
“How am I supposed to protect you when you don’t tell me where you are?” he whispered.
“You don’t have to protect me. I’m not in danger anymore,” I said.
He stared at me. “What do you mean?”
“Salathiel has given me permission to leave the school area again, since they caught the guy that burned Yofi’s coat.”
Mick smiled. It seemed a little forced and awkward. “Well that is great news. Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was afraid you might be mad that I could go and see Jason again.”
Mick nodded with his head bowed. “You are right. It does make me angry.” Mick relaxed. His jaw unclenched. He looked up with sadness in his eyes. “I am sorry too.” He grabbed my shoulders. “The last thing I want is for you to think that you need to hide anything from me. I love you Meghan, more than life itself and I will not lose you again. I will not have anything come between us again. Not anger or jealousy. I can’t live without you. Not in this world, not in any world.”
Mick stared into my eyes with a deep sincere look. His finger caressed my cheek. I searched for the right words. I knew he would want me to say something similar to him, but I couldn’t. All I could think of was Jason’s last words before I left him. Two words that had made me happier and more hopeful than I had been in a long time. But they were a thin rope to cling to. I had to admit that. I wasn’t even sure that the Meghan he was talking about was me. It might have been someone else. But then again, it might have been me after all. I sighed and moved away from Mick, leaving him behind me with a disappointed expression.
“Now what?” he said. ”Was it something I said?”
I shook my head while I stared out the window. Everything bloomed in bright colors now. The yard surrounding the castle was breathtaking.
“I am just afraid of that jealousy. I am afraid it might destroy us,” I said and turned to look at him.
It was like someone had turned out the light inside of him. He approached me and put his hands on my shoulders. “But we love each other. Isn’t that enough?”
I turned around so he could hold my body close to his. Then I kissed him. Just placed my lips on top of his and felt how he wanted me. I enjoyed hearing him breathe faster, enjoyed hearing him whisper little words of love.
I closed my eyes and imagined that it was Jason who was saying and doing all those things to me.
“I am the one who is alive,” he whispered as he kissed my neck. Then he stopped and grabbed my face and held it between his hands. His eyes were sparkling.
“Do you understand what I am telling you? I am the one who is alive, not Jason. He might be flesh and bone, but he is an empty shell. He is more dead than I am. With me you have a future. With him you don’t.”
Before I could think about what he said his lips were over mine again. When he removed them he spoke. “Are we still on for today?”
“Sure,” I said.
“Great,” he said on his way out of my room. “See you in the butterfly garden at one.”
Mick hadn’t arrived yet when I came after classes. It was a hot day so I took off my jacket and rested in the grass while the butterflies whirled over my head. They had grown a lot the last couple of weeks and were now about the same size as my hand. Their wings seemed to be painted in many different colors. They were almost sparkling and reminded me of how magical they used to be for me as a kid.
“They always seem like they are very busy, don’t they?”
I turned my head and looked up. I saw Mick standing right next to me. He smiled and seemed like he was in a great mood. I laughed lightly.
“They really do,” I said.
He sat next to me in the grass. “So how was your day?” His voice trembled a bit and it confused me. Was he nervous?
“Great,” I said and laid my head back on the soft grass. “Have a lot of homework, though. Exams are coming up.”
He nodded. “That’s right,” he mumbled.
I sat up again and stared at him. His eyes avoided me. Something was up, my instinct told me.
“What is going on with you today?” I asked.
He didn’t look at me but kept glancing at the entrance of the garden, like he was expecting something or someone. “Nothing, I am just … a little preoccupied, that’s all.”
“With what?” I said and pushed him gently.
“You know, life,” he said and glanced again.
I gave him a suspicious look and laid my head on the grass again. If he wanted to act weird then that was his business. I wanted to relax and enjoy my half-a-day off. I had been thinking a lot about Jason all day but I still didn’t quite know what to do. I had this idea that if I kept visiting him he might talk more to me and I might be able to touch him, but it wasn’t fair to Mick. I didn’t want to lose him either. And I had a feeling that I would if I continued to visit Jason secretly. I didn’t think that I could ever get him to fully accept me doing so, even if he said he did. I knew his jealousy would eventually eat him up.
“So you had a busy day?” I asked Mick.
He looked at me with confusion. “Mmm … what? No … not at all.”
I shook my head. He wasn’t even listening.
Two blue butterflies circled over my head, as though they were dancing around each other, like they both wanted something, but no one wanted to go first.
As I stared at the dancing butterflies, I heard singing in the distance—beautiful heavenly voices. I sat up and looked at the entrance of the garden where four big Angels all dressed in white entered while singing.
The music was very uplifting and I got on my feet as I watched them come closer to me. I didn’t even look at Mick, but soon realized that he had gotten up as well.
The Angels lit up the whole area as their internal light shone brighter than the sun. And while they were singing I felt like the whole garden was dancing to the music. The butterflies twirled around even more vividly than before.
The Angels came closer and then they stopped in front of us. They kept singing but now they were looking at us with wide smiles.
I turned to look at Mick. His hands were trembling as he went down on one knee right next to me.
Oh no. Please don’t. Please don’t, I kept thinking. I hid my face in my hands as the Angels lowered their voices so Mick could speak.
“Mmeghan,” he stuttered.
I stared at him through my hands. Between his he was h
olding a ring. A beautiful diamond ring. Perfect as everything was with Mick. Just perfect. Too perfect. Unbearably perfect. My whole body felt numb.
“Meghan?” he asked again.
I moved my hands away and looked at him. I could feel my face blushing. This was insane. I was way too young for this, I thought.
The Angels were still staring at us, while singing their beautiful tune.
“Mick … I …”
“Please let me do this,” he said.
I nodded and let him. He looked so cute, so vulnerable. I felt like panicking but tried to keep the feeling hidden.
He cleared his throat. “Ever since the first time I laid my eyes upon you, I have known that our love was meant for eternity. I knew we were destined for each other.”
I was stunned. I didn’t know he had loved me that long. I thought he sort of fell in love with me along the way.
“It has always been you, Meghan.”
Time seemed to stop and everything seemed frozen around us. Mick kept saying these nice words and all I could think was how to get out of there. I mean, I loved Mick, sure I did, but marriage? I was sixteen! Well I was when I died which was a year ago in spiritual time, but about three years in earthly time. So I was nineteen, but still, I felt way too young to get married. I had no idea what to do. Some part of me was thrilled, because I really loved Mick, and a big part of me wanted to marry him and spend the rest of my life in eternity with him. So as he spoke I felt the chills crawl up my back. Maybe we could actually pull this off. Maybe we could love each other for eternity, I was suddenly thinking. As I did I slowly started to smile. I felt more relaxed and actually began to enjoy the moment. The singing was wonderful and Mick was really adorable on his knees in front of me. All of the school’s spirits had been gathering from the castle’s windows ever since word spread about what was about to happen. Everyone stared down at Mick and me. It was both embarrassing and beautiful at once.
“I am helpless without you, I desperately need you, without you I cannot live or even breathe,” he continued. “I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my eternal life. I never want to go even a day without you, if possible not even an hour without you by my side. I believe we were meant to be. I believe we were placed on the same boat together that day we first met. I believe that it was all part of our destiny.”
Mick paused and sighed before he continued with a trembling voice. “I have waited for you since I was old enough to think about having a wife. I knew you would come some day, and here you are.”
He swallowed hard and cleared his throat again. This is the important part, I thought. I felt my heart stop as Mick stared deeply into my eyes and grabbed my hand. There was a gentle light in his eyes.
“Meghan,” he said.
I looked at him and smiled. This had to be the weirdest situation in my life. I was flattered and so incredibly embarrassed at once.
“Will you do me the honor of being my wife for ever after?”
The singing stopped as he asked the question and all eyes were on me. I even think the butterflies might have stopped their whirling. I could hear my own heavy breathing as I opened my mouth to utter the only answer that I could say being true to my heart.
“Yes … Yes, Mick, I will.”
Chapter 21
The crowd above us burst into a huge cheer and almost drowned out the Angels who had started singing again. Mick placed the ring on my finger and kissed me while the cheering grew stronger and the spirits started descending to congratulate us.
Mick couldn’t stop kissing me and holding my hands. People clapped his shoulder and were telling him that he had done great, that this one was a keeper, and so on. Mick’s face was glowing with happiness. He looked so proud that I couldn’t help getting the feeling of being a trophy. But I quickly shook it off while thinking that I didn’t want anything to ruin this perfect day for me.
Mick had arranged a celebration dinner in Hornam Hall for everybody and he had even made chocolate-dipped strawberries for me.
We toasted with champagne and ate for hours, while a band played. Later Mick dragged me onto the dance floor and started swinging me around. During a slow song, he held me in his strong arms for a long time before he spoke. He lifted the hand with the ring on and looked at it.
“It looks so great on you.”
“Thanks. It feels a little weird, being engaged and all.”
He looked into my eyes. “I am so glad you said yes,” he said, holding tightly to my hand. “I am really happy that you are finally going to be mine.”
I was flattered and smiled bashfully. “Me too,” I said with a low voice.
“I can’t believe you are finally completely mine,” he grinned. “Mine all alone. No more jealousy, no more human boys, no more Jason, ever again.”
Everything inside of me froze at once. I let go of his hand and pushed myself away from him.
“Now what?” he asked.
I shook my head slowly. “Is that why you proposed to me?”
“Is what why I proposed? I don’t understand.”
I felt my heart beat so fast. A huge anger rose inside of me. “You only want to marry me because you think it will keep me away from Jason? You only proposed because you knew that I had gotten permission to go outside the school area again, and you were afraid that if I did, I would go and see him and you would lose me?”
Mick lifted both of his hands in the air. “What is so wrong with that? If you are engaged to me, you do not go and see him. Then you have made a commitment to me.”
I shook my head while breathing heavily. “I can’t even stand to look at you right now,” I said and started floating away. He grabbed my arm and pulled me closer.
“Meghan! This is our engagement party. You can’t leave now. What do you want me to say to these people?”
“I don’t care what you tell them.”
“Meghan. I thought you wanted to get married some day. Why is it so bad that I pushed forward the inevitable? We both want this,” he said.
“Not like this,” I said and pulled my arm out of his hand.
I didn’t want to go to my dormitory because I knew Mick would be looking for me there, so I flew in the opposite direction. All I needed was to be alone for awhile and clear my head. I passed our classrooms and said hello to the thinking chair on my way. It crabbed a little sideways and looked like it wanted to play with me, but I really wasn’t in the mood.
“Sorry, little fellow,” I said while I stroked it under the seat.
Then I moved on to the library where I sat in a chair. I stared at the rows of books from the floor to the top of the tower. There had to be more than a million books in there.
I felt tears filling my eyes. Why was everything so complicated? Why couldn’t I just meet a nice guy and fall in love? Why did I insist on ruining everything? If only I hadn’t gone to see Jason that last time, then we wouldn’t be in this mess. If only I could let Jason go once and for all, then there would be no problem. No jealousy, nothing that could come between Mick and me. Jason was our only obstacle. But now that he had spoken my name and I had been able to touch him, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was happening with him, that maybe he would get better soon. But how? Nothing seemed to have changed in his circumstances.
I sighed and curled up in the chair. I hid my face between my knees. Maybe it would be best for everybody if I let both of them go. Mick was too good for me anyway and I would never be the girlfriend or perfect wife he was looking for. He had put me on some sort of pedestal and thought that I was something I really wasn’t.
It had started raining outside and raindrops lashed at the window. Inside the library the light from the fireplace made it all glowing and nice. It’s so quiet in here, I thought to myself and it made me feel a little better. I needed time to think. I needed a quiet place like this. But then I heard something and my feeling of being all alone was destroyed. It was voices; they were discussing something and it sounded seri
ous.
Curiosity got the better of me and I left the library and followed the sound of the voices.
They came from a chamber I had never been in before. As I floated slowly, searching down the corridor, I found the door to the chamber slightly ajar—just enough for me to hear some of what was being said.
“How could this have happened?” I heard one voice say. I recognized it immediately as that of Headmaster Salathiel.
“We don’t know,” another voice answered. It was trembling and the person speaking seemed anxious. It sounded like Mrs. Higgins’s high-pitched voice. “He must have had help from someone on the outside. All we know is that he escaped somehow from his cell.”
“But the walls to that cell are made from pure diamond. The hardest material of all. No spirit has yet managed to go through that. How did he even manage to get out, let alone get past the guards? I simply don’t understand,” Salathiel said.
“How he got out is less important now. We have to focus on we are going to do,” a third voice said. It had a gentle singing tone and could only belong to Rahmiel.
“We have to find him immediately,” a fourth voice grumbled. I recognized that one right away. That was the old Danish Viking Hjalte Havskäg, our teacher in self-defense. “If he is out there, then there is no telling what he will do now,” he continued. “I think we should evacuate the whole castle and get this boy once and for all. Let’s send all the Angels after him. He won’t stand a chance.”
Salathiel interrupted. “Wait a second. We can’t evacuate the whole school just because of him. That is insane. He is not that dangerous.”
“You haven’t spent the last days and nights with him in the dungeons of this castle as I have. You don’t know how evil he has grown. I have seen it in his eyes,” Hjalte Havskäg roared.
“Let’s not get carried away here,” Rahmiel said. “Adrian is not very big, nor is he very powerful. I seriously doubt that he is capable of harming any other student at this school.”
“But he did harm Adahy,” Mrs. Higgins said.
They became all very quiet for awhile.