Not even a walk in the magnificent butterfly garden seemed to cheer me up.
Finally one day, I decided I couldn’t keep this up any longer. I was miserable, worried, and depressed beyond what was good for anyone. I had come to know the marble ceiling above my bed better than I knew anything and I was sick and tired of feeling this way. So I made a decision. I decided to tell Jason. I had to warn him. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try to do something.
So when the lights were out one evening and everybody was sound asleep I got out of bed. I tiptoed down to the cellar and found my way to the mirror again. I felt such a relief when I saw it. In a few moments I was about to see Jason again, I thought to myself. I couldn’t wait. I stood for a few seconds in front of the beautiful mirror and took in a couple of deep breaths. I had to think this through. How was I going to tell him? What would happen after I told him?
I sighed deeply at the task I had in front of me and put my palm on the mirror. That was when I heard a voice behind me.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
I turned around and saw Mick standing right behind me. His blue eyes stared at me like they were agitated with anger. Even when it was angry there was something very handsome about his face. He was so attractive it was unbearable to look at him. He took a step toward me.
“What …? What are you even doing here?” I asked. “How did you know I would be here?”
“Meghan …” His expression became softer as he shook his head. “Don’t do this. Don’t go to him.”
“I have to,” I insisted. “I have seen his death.”
Mick froze and stared at me.
“In that book,” I continued. “I saw him die. I can’t go on knowing this about him and not warning him in time. I can’t live with myself if I don’t. I am very sorry but I have to go,” I said and turned away from him.
Mick grabbed my arm. “You can’t do that. You can’t mess with this kind of stuff.”
“That is not something you get to decide,” I said smoothly sliding my arm out of his hand.
In a moment of vulnerability his eyes suddenly showed both warmth and love for me. It surprised him as well, I think, and it made my heart start pounding in my chest. I hadn’t seen that kind of affection in his eyes for a long time. And I had missed it.
“I can’t let you do this to yourself,” he said. “I care too much for you to let you do it.”
“I think you should go now,” I said looking straight at him. I felt tears stinging in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry but this situation was hurting me. I hated having to be like that toward Mick. The truth was I really cared for him as well, and I knew he was only trying to protect me. But at the same time, I had made up my mind, and there was nothing he could say or do to make me change it. I was going to visit Jason, and I was going right now.
A tear slipped down my cheek. Unfortunately Mick saw it. At that second I hated my own vulnerability. I turned my back to him and I felt him touching my shoulder. I tried to pull away from him, but he wouldn’t move his hand.
“Meghan, I know you care for the boy, but you can’t mess with his destiny. This is how it is supposed to be. This is the way his life is supposed to end. Horrible things happen all the time all around the world, and you can’t help everybody.”
“But I can help Jason. I can make a difference in one person’s life. Doesn’t that count for anything? It has to count for something.”
“It is very noble of you, but it is not your battle to fight.”
I turned around again. Now more tears were running down my cheeks, but I didn’t care anymore.
“Then whose battle is it then?” I yelled. “Who is going to do something to help Jason? No one. That is who. His step-dad is going to beat all life out of him, and no one is going to stop him. Why? Can you tell me the logic in that? Why don’t the Angels or even God do something? If they all know this is the way he is going to die, why don’t they help him? Why don’t they stop it?”
Mick shook his head. “I don’t know. But there are a lot of things you and I don’t understand about this world and about the human world.”
“I thought I would get all the answers when I died. That there would be some kind of explanation. But not even then, huh?”
Mick sighed. “It is a process. They cannot tell you everything the day you come here. You need to learn, and sometimes it means you have to experience things before you learn from them.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Let me tell you something I haven’t told you. Once you graduate they let you in through the gates of Heaven, and you get to see all the people you have known in your life, even some you haven’t known but to whom you are related. And that is pretty awesome. In Heaven you get to meet Jesus and, even though he will answer a lot of questions for you, there is still a lot you will not understand right away. But it will come to you eventually. Oh I forgot, you get to have a whole new body if you would like. You can choose to be any age you want to be.”
I was sobbing. But I really liked what he was telling me.
“That sounds very nice. Have you been there?”
“I go there as often as I get the chance.”
“But you have been in this realm for so long and you still can’t tell me why no one helps the people who are suffering on earth. Why no one is helping Jason.”
“All I know is that there is a lot of evil in that world. There will always be evil on earth.”
“I’m sorry, but that is simply not a good enough answer for me,” I said and turned around again.
Then I felt Mick grabbing my wrist and pulling me. As I turned he pushed me back against the wall. I felt his body pressed tightly against mine. Then much to my surprise I felt his lips pressed roughly against mine in a desperate passionate kiss. And even more to my surprise, I found myself kissing him back. It was strange kissing another spirit, but it wasn’t that much different from kissing a human. It was as though our lips were all tangled and became like one. It felt incredible. My heart was beating so fast I was afraid it would jump out of my chest. I felt so disarmed.
Then he pulled himself away from me.
“I can’t do this,” he said. “I am so sorry. I should not have done that.”
I looked at him feeling really confused. He kept shaking his head.
“It is not right,” he said. “We cannot do this again.”
I sighed. I was so confused. I kind of knew he might have feelings for me, but I never thought he would actually kiss me. I thought I was more like a sister to him.
“Maybe we should just go back to being friends again?” I said.
He looked at me and smiled. “I would very much like that,” he said.
I convinced myself that maybe Mick was right, I shouldn’t go to tell Jason, I shouldn’t interfere with what was meant to be, what was destined for him. So when Mick asked if he could walk me back to my dormitory I accepted with a smile.
When we reached the entrance, I turned and looked at him.
“About that kiss,” I said but he stopped me by putting a gentle finger on my lips.
“Shh. Let’s not talk about it. Some things are better left in the past.”
“Oh, okay,” I said. “Well, then goodnight, I guess?”
“Sleep tight.”
I gave him a very awkward hug and turned away, when he suddenly spoke.
“How did you know about the mirror in the cellar anyway?”
I turned and looked at him. “What?”
“Someone must have told you about it and where it was. Did you go through it alone the first time?”
I looked at him and he was still smiling.
“Portia heard about it from someone in the second year, why?”
“So she went with you the first time?”
I nodded a little confused as to why he was asking that all of a sudden. “Yeah.”
“Who else?”
“What?”
“Who e
lse went with you through that mirror?”
“Uhm … Mai and Abhik. Acacia tried but couldn’t go through the mirror, why do you ask?”
He shook his head. “No reason. Just curious.”
“Oh okay … well …”
“Goodnight,” he said and lifted his hat off while he bowed elegantly in front of me.
I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. He was so old-fashioned that it became rather funny. When he heard my laughter he seemed a little hurt then he turned around and started to float away.
I moved a little in his direction. “Hey!” I yelled.
He stopped and turned around.
“It was nice talking to you again. I really enjoyed that,” I said.
He smiled and bowed again. “My pleasure,” he said.
And then he was gone.
Chapter 13
That night I dreamed about my parents again. They were still searching for me. I heard my mother calling my name and I felt a pang of longing in my heart. Her voice sounded so desperate, so filled with worry and sorrow. I woke up with a scream. It was still dark outside but I was afraid to go back to sleep—afraid of hearing that voice calling for me again. It made me so sad inside. That was when I realized that I was not the only one awake in the dormitory. Someone was sitting in the window staring at me.
“Who’s there?” I asked and got out of bed.
As I approached the figure I realized it was Jackline.
“Bad dream?” she asked me.
I nodded and came closer.
“Yeah, me too,” she said and turned her head away from me.
“Are you having dreams too? I thought I was the only one. I thought most spirits didn’t dream.”
She lifted her shoulders. “Well I don’t know about others, but I sure do dream.”
“Maybe it’s because we’re still new or something.”
“Maybe we just have a lot on our minds,” Jackline said.
I looked at her. “So what’s on yours?” I asked.
She shook her head and turned to look out the window. A bright moon lit up her face.
“You know… stuff,” she answered.
“Yeah, I know. Me too. I keep dreaming about my parents. That they are looking for me and that they don’t know I am dead. But I can’t see their faces and I don’t know where they are. I can’t even go look for them when I don’t know what they look like, and I am scared that I will lose all my memory of them. I know I get to visit them later on, when our training is done here, but that might be a very long time for them to wait.”
“Yeah, probably, but don’t forget that time goes faster back on earth than it does here.”
“Yeah, I know. It is hard to know that they might be searching for me. I really want to find them and let them know that I am fine, but all I remember is that I am an American girl, and that is a very big country to go look for two people.”
Jackline nodded. “It sure is.”
I looked at her again. She had such a great sadness to her.
“Say, do you know how you died?”
“Sure. I was shot. First some guy raped me for a couple of hours and then he shot me.”
I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at her. ”Wow,” I said. ”That’s a horrible story.”
She turned her head and looked at me. Then she smiled for the first time since I met her. A line of pearly white teeth.
“Are you kidding me? It is the best thing that ever happened to me. My life on earth was miserable.”
I was a little speechless. I hadn’t thought about that. “You were a child soldier?”
“That’s right.” Jackline’s eyes turned hard as stone.
“How did you become a soldier?”
She sighed. “Do you really want to know that?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
“I was kidnapped. It was back home in Uganda. My sister and I had left our hut to walk down to the well in our village to get water for our grandmother. She was old and sick. We had made the trip hundreds of times, but this day we never came back. After that day nothing was ever the same. I was never the same again.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“As I was drawing the water I heard a lot of noise coming from the road and women and children were running around screaming. I knew we had no chance of getting away in time and seconds later a truck came by and grabbed all the children by the well. Including me and my sister.”
“Then what happened to you?”
“They raped us and told us they owned us now. That we had to work for them. We had to do as we were told or they would kill us. They gave us weapons and told us we had to shoot children in the villages we came to. So we did.”
I felt a heaviness in my heart.
“You … shot children?”
Jackline nodded. Her eyes were cold and hard. She didn’t say anything. She just nodded.
“That must have been so tough. Having to do that, I mean.”
“It was them or us.”
“What happened to your sister?”
Jackline froze.
“She is already in Heaven.”
“So she died sooner than you?”
I was sure I heard Jackline sniff while she nodded.
“Then you will get to see her again soon,” I tried to encourage her.
“Yeah, well. I just hope … you know … that she has forgiven me.”
“For what?”
“For … killing her … I shot her. Three days after we arrived to the camp where the army trained us. The leader gave us both a weapon and told us to shoot at one another. They wanted to teach us how to kill, they said. They wanted the strongest to survive. If a person could kill her own sister she could kill anyone. It was either me or her.”
Jackline bowed her head and I saw tears roll down her cheeks.
“But I don’t understand why I wasn’t send directly to Hell, where I belong,” she said through her tears.
I wanted to hug her but something inside of me was frozen. I was afraid, I think. Instead I grabbed her hand and held on to it.
“Probably because you don’t belong there,” I said. “I am sure your sister is looking forward to see you.”
Jackline looked at me and wiped away her tears. “You think?”
I nodded reassuringly. “I am certain. Remember, she was the one who got out of there. She never had to kill children or be raped again. She got to go here and then into Heaven.”
Jackline was sobbing but seemed a little relieved.
“I hadn’t thought about it in that way,” she said. “Thank you.”
Chapter 14
We both went back to bed and slept until the next morning. I had no more bad dreams after that but I wondered why Jackline remembered everything so vividly about her sister and her death, when I seemed to remember nothing about my loved ones but some faceless parents who might be worried about me. Maybe it was just as Mick had told me—no two stories were alike. Maybe what each of us remembered was individual as well.
Speaking of Mick, just as I got out of bed in the morning, he came to me. I smiled when I saw him. He sat on my bed with a grin.
“What’s with you today?” I asked.
He smiled at Jackline as she exited the dormitory and left us alone.
“You are not going to class today,” he said.
“What are you talking about?” I said, not believing him.
“I have gotten permission from Rahmiel to take you with me.”
I looked at him a little confused. “To go where?”
“You’ll see.”
“Does it involve leaving the school area?” I asked a little too excitedly.
Mick smiled and nodded.
“It does?”
He nodded again.
“But why?” I asked.
“I told Rahmiel that I thought you were ready for it. And she trusts me.”
I looked at him skeptically.
“Ready for what?”
 
; He got up from the bed and leaned toward me. “Ready to see what spirits do?”
“Sure!”
“Well it is not the only thing we do, but it is a huge thing.”
I stopped. “But … I don’t know how to make myself invisible yet. People might see me if I go to earth.”
“I thought about that,” he said and took out a small bottle with some pink fluid in it. Then he handed it to me.
“It is an invisibility potion. Drink it and no one will be able to see you.”
I looked at him even more skeptically but took the bottle.
“Trust me, it will be fine,” he said with a smile.
I looked at the pink liquid and then at Mick. He was still nodding and telling me to trust him. Then I opened the bottle.
“Well, here goes nothing,” I said and drank it. It tasted rather good, actually. Like strawberry.
When I was done, I looked down at myself. I looked exactly the same as before. Nothing had changed. Then I looked at Mick.
“What?” he asked.
“Nothing happened.”
“Well, what did you expect?”
“To be invisible.”
“Only to humans. Are you human?”
“Well, I guess not.”
“See, no worries. I have got it under control. No humans will be able to see you now.” He reached out his hand and I grabbed it, feeling a little like Wendy going off to Neverland with Peter Pan.
“Remember no brick walls,” I said just before we took off.
Seconds later, we flew over snowcapped mountains and then the smooth glassy surface of the seemingly endless ocean. It was as if I had plunged into a fabulous dream. This is the way to travel, I thought. Flying through fluffy white clouds, the whole world beneath us in the bright sunlight. Mick and I both had big smiles on our faces as we flew with high speed through the thin air.
“So where exactly are we going?” I asked when we took a break halfway. We were lying on a huge cloud staring at the blue sky above us.
Mick sat up and looked at me. “We are going to get a spirit and guide her into our world.”