“I thought you wanted to work on self-defense?” I remind him as I trail more kisses onto his shoulder.
“We don’t need clothes for that.” He turns, crawling over top of me. I hook my legs around his waist, pulling him closer, and run my thumb over his jaw. I’d be perfectly happy letting him ravage me if it wasn’t for the sadness so evident in his eyes.
“Who was on the phone?” I whisper.
He hesitates, drawing his nose up the side of my neck. His elbows bend, bringing him closer, and he buries his face in my hair. “It must have gotten out about Morrison having the articles about Liv and me when he killed himself. It was a reporter wanting a statement from me. It just makes everything so much more difficult.”
I don’t expect him to offer more, but he continues, his voice a low murmur. “Losing Olivia gutted me. She meant more to me than anything or anyone else in the world. But to these reporters, she’s just a cold case. Just a name on a page. A pretty face and tragic story that sells.”
I can’t stand the agony in his voice. I clutch him to me, trying to convey how sorry I am for his loss with the pressure of my hands.
“I’m tired of just existing, Rocky. I want to live again. I do. But I don’t know how to do it without her.”
“You keep existing until you make a life for yourself. You loved her—you still love her—but you’re more than just the boyfriend who survived. If you let me, I’ll help you figure it out. And maybe you can help me too. There has to be more for me than alcohol and bar bathrooms.”
He raises his head, staring down at me. “I like you. A lot. But I’m not your happily-ever-after. I need you to know that. Even if that were something I might wish I could be for you, I don’t think I’m capable.”
I shake my head, smiling sadly. “People like us don’t get a happy ending. We just get an ending. But we can make the most out of the time we have. You make me feel good and that’s enough for me.”
What I don’t tell him—what I can’t say—is I think I could fall in love with him. If ever there was a man that could steal my heart, it’s him. The fact that I’ll never be that for him stings more than I thought it could.
He guides himself inside of me, fitting us together perfectly. If I could freeze time, I’d stay in this moment. Even amongst the unknown, the sorrow, and the pain, this is where I want to be. With Link. Always.
Thirteen
Link
Minus the call from the reporter, yesterday was pretty good. Rocky and I stayed in bed all day. The more time I spend with her, the more time I want. Every moment I’m happy with her weighs on my shoulders.
I don’t want to let Livie go. How do I say goodbye to the woman I’ve loved for so long?
But I’m not ready to let go of Rocky.
And above all else, Bates is still out there.
These thoughts chased each other through my head from the moment I woke up until we got to the gym. I pick up the clipboard and glance through my clients for the day, trying to focus on something else, if only for a little while.
Rocky takes a seat behind the desk and I tug her ponytail, tipping her head back to skim a kiss across her forehead. “I’m going to be here all day,” I remind her.
“And then you’re ditching me while you hit the bar.”
I don’t respond to that. I’m not comfortable leaving her alone while I sit at the bar waiting for Bates to show up, but there’s no way I’m bringing her with me.
She starts clicking away at the computer and I go out to meet my first client. I stop by the counter to grab a couple of towels and notice today’s newspaper sitting open. A younger version of my face looks back at me. Next to my photo is Livie’s high school graduation picture. I read the headline twice before picking the paper up.
I fold it in half and toss it into the trashcan. I glance around the room, wondering who brought this in and who would leave it out like this. The door opens and Lea rushes inside, holding her coat close to her chin. In all of the time I’ve known her, she’s never come into the gym. No once.
“I need to talk to you,” she says breathlessly, grasping my arm. “In private.”
Her hand is cold against my skin. She shivers uncontrollably as I guide her to the office in the back. Rocky looks up from her work as we walk through the door. Her eyes zeroing in on Lea’s hand, gripping me tightly.
“What’s going on?” I ask Lea.
She swallows with difficulty and drops her hand, finally releasing me. “There was a man waiting for me when I was leaving for work this morning,” she begins. Her gaze bounces around the room.
“What man? Who?”
“He said you’d know,” she utters, turning to Rocky. “He was leaning against my car, waiting for me. He told me to tell Link’s new woman that he misses his sweet cowgirl. He took a knife out of the side of his boot and touched the tip of his hat with it, like a salute, and then walked away.” She turns back to me, her eyes wide. “What have you gotten me involved in, Link?”
“His hat,” Rocky chokes. Her face is pale, her knee bouncing frantically. “Was it a cowboy hat?”
Lea nods in confirmation.
“The cowboy.”
I try to contain my rage, but I feel like a volcano ready to explode. I’m not just going to kill Bates, I’m going to fucking rip him apart.
“Did he touch you? Threaten you in any way?” I ask Lea.
She shakes her head. “No. He just scared me.”
“What did the knife look like?” I already know, but I want her to verify it.
Lea holds her hands about a foot apart. I notice they’re trembling. “It was about this long. Sharp. And the end pointed upward.”
“Like a flaying knife?”
“Could have been.” And then I watch understanding settle over her features. “It’s him? The man that stabbed you? That killed—”
“Yes,” I say cutting her off. “Do you have someplace to lay low? You can come stay with me, but I think at this point you’re both safer somewhere else.”
I place my hand on the wall for support. He knows about Lea. He knows about Rocky. He must be watching me.
My ears fill with the sound of rushing water. My head feels light. He’s been fucking watching me. How long? How long has he been this close? How long have I been oblivious?
I yank the door open, slamming it into the wall, and go straight for the trashcan. I take the newspaper out and tuck it under my arm, then head for the door. I might not know where to find Bates, but I know one person who most likely does.
I finally have my reason to take Gregory Anthony down. Family or not—he’s giving Bates up or he’s not living to see the birth of his child. This ends today.
Book five in the Dirty series, Staying Dirty, coming soon.
Acknowledgements
Thank you to my awesome family. You guys are the best! I love you!
Thank you to my sister and editor, Dawn. And my sister Tammy for all your help with my website. I love you both bunches!
My author besties, thank you for your friendship. The talks, the laughs, and the ongoing words of wisdom. Love you guys!
Bloggers! I LOVE YOU! I can’t imagine writing without you.
And readers, thank you for reading my books—even the short novellas! XOXO
Other books by Cheryl McIntyre
Sometimes Never
Blackbird (a Sometimes Never novella)
Before Now (Sometimes Never 2)
Long After (Sometimes Never 3)
Dark Calling
Getting Dirty (Dirty 1)
Playing Dirty (Dirty 2)
Talking Dirty (Dirty 3)
Staying Dirty (Dirty 5) Coming Soon
Infinitely (Releases May 13, 2014)
About the Author
Cheryl McIntyre is a mother, author, and insomniac, as well as a reader, movie critic, and incredibly bad singer. She’s lived in the same area of Ohio her whole life, though she secretly has dreams of moving somewhere a little warmer—pre
ferably near a beach.
Her life revolves around four things: family, music, books, and really bad scary movies. If she doesn’t have a kid on her hip, an iPod in her hand or a laptop in front of her face, it’s one of those rare moments when she’s actually sleeping.
You can follow her author page on Facebook where she lives part time. On Goodreads—which is like crack for avid readers. Or on Twitter, though it’s rumored she has yet to master the art of tweeting. Sadly, this is still very true.
Find Cheryl at:
http://cherylmcintyrebooks.com/
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/CherylMcIntyreauthor?ref=hl
Twitter:
https://twitter.com/CherylHMcIntyre
Goodreads
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6431156.Cheryl_McIntyre
Cheryl McIntyre, Fighting Dirty
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