Almost as if I was reading his mind, I reached for the water glass and placed the straw in his mouth. He took a short drink and managed a real smile this time.
“I hope you know you’re probably the most stubborn man I’ve ever met in my life.”
He grinned.
He knew and it was his stubbornness that had kept him alive. I wasn’t about to complain.
He frowned as if he had a question.
“You want to know how I’m able to be here? You’re wondering about the inn?”
He blinked, letting me know I’d guessed correctly.
“It appears you weren’t listening. I explained all that some time ago. No worries, I’ll tell you again. I have a boarder, Emily Gaffney. She moved into the area and is looking to buy a home. She’s a kindergarten teacher; you’ll like her. Our agreement was for her to rent a room over the summer. Recently she found an apartment and planned on moving out soon, but I’ve asked her to stay on. Emily’s been a big help. She’s taken charge of running the inn so I can be here with you.”
Mark closed his eyes, exhausted once again.
“Sleep, my love,” I whispered, and bending down, I kissed his forehead.
Mark grinned as if my kiss was what he’d been needing all along.
—
In the next two days, Mark woke intermittently and for longer periods of time. It wasn’t until the third day that he was able to speak.
His first word to me was “Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” I whispered, swallowing past the lump in my throat.
“You’re beautiful.”
“Yeah, yeah. I hope you don’t have it in your head that flattery is going to soften the lecture I plan to give you.”
His eyes brightened with amusement.
“You have no idea what you’ve put me through.”
“I bet you’re dying to tell me.”
This was the most he’d said to me at one time. “Give the man a prize,” I teased.
Bob Beldon arrived a few minutes later. He stood just outside the doorway, and when I saw him, he glanced toward Mark.
“He’s awake,” I told our friend, relieved and in high spirits.
Bob frowned. “Can I come into the room? The staff was pretty adamant that I could only stay a short amount of time.”
“Five minutes.” By this point I knew the routine well.
“Mark’s awake?”
I shook my head. “Not at the moment; he drifts off easily, but it’s only for a short while. Want me to come get you the next time he’s awake?”
“Please. I’ll be just down the hall.”
I was all too familiar with the waiting area. “Sure thing.”
Mark woke about ten minutes later, and I collected Bob and stood in the doorway during the visit.
“Hey, Buddy,” Bob said, stepping up to the hospital bed.
“Hey,” Mark returned. He rolled his head to be sure I was close by.
I waved, letting him know I was on the other side of the doorway. Only one person was allowed inside the cubicle at a time. I was fudging, standing in the opening, but by this time the staff knew me well. I didn’t expect anyone to insist I move.
“Guess you know you look like sh…” Bob didn’t need to say the word for Mark to get the message.
“No doubt.”
Bob was wrong. As far as I was concerned, Mark was beautiful. That might sound odd. Men aren’t normally referred to in those terms, but I couldn’t think of any other way to describe how I saw him. He was alive. True, he looked like death, which he’d narrowly cheated, but none of that mattered. Not to me.
Bob stayed for only the allotted five minutes. When he left, he indicated he wanted to talk to me outside the room.
I looked at Mark, meeting his gaze, and said, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Okay.”
When I joined Bob in the waiting area, which thankfully was empty, the first thing I noticed was his frown.
“You wanted to talk to me?” I asked.
Bob stuffed his hands in his pants pockets. “How are you doing?”
“Good. Thankfully, Emily is available to look after the inn.”
He kept his head down, studying the pattern on the rug as if a secret code was implanted in the design. “What about your…friend?”
Greg.
“What about him?” I asked, bristling and struggling to hide it.
“Does he know about Mark?”
“He does, not that it’s any of your business.”
Bob exhaled and offered a knowing smile. “So Peggy keeps telling me. I’m worried, Jo Marie. I realize I’m talking out of turn here. I hope you’ll let me say what’s on my mind without taking offense.”
I crossed my arms and nodded. Both Bob and Peggy were good friends and I didn’t want to damage that friendship.
“Mark loves you…”
“I know that,” I said, cutting him off. I was well aware of how much Mark cared for me. His decision to return to Iraq had a dual purpose. He felt responsible for Ibrahim and the other man’s family. But he’d also walked into the fire of hate and war because of me…for me. In his own words Mark said he needed to be worthy of me and he never would be as long as he carried the guilt of Ibrahim’s fate.
“He went to hell and back for you.”
“I’m well aware of that, too.”
“If he finds out there’s another man in your life, it might kill him.”
“Listen, Bob,” I said, packing a lot of meaning into my words, “I appreciate your concern, but I make my own decisions. Mark is the one who told me he wouldn’t return and that I should get on with my life. He specifically said he didn’t want me pining away for him and I did my best. You know better than anyone what this last year has been like for me.”
His face tightened and he nodded. “It was hard on you.”
“You think?”
“Okay, okay, you’re right. Peggy’s right. I’m out of line; still I felt I needed to have my say. Whatever happens is your business. Just know that Peggy and I will always remain your friends, no matter what you decide.”
I exhaled and nodded. “I appreciate that.”
Bob stared hard at me for a long moment. “Be gentle with him, okay?”
He should already know I would. “I will, no worries.”
Bob left then. I watched him walk down the corridor and disappear behind the mechanical doors before I returned to Mark’s cubicle.
He frowned when he saw me, and for one wild second I was afraid he might have overheard our conversation, although that wasn’t possible. The waiting room was at the far end of the hall. Even Superman didn’t have hearing that good.
“What was that about?” Mark asked.
“Bob had a few concerns he wanted to discuss.”
“About?”
“Things. Nothing that need worry you.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.” I softened my words with a gentle smile. “All I need you to do is get well so I can take you back to the inn.”
His eyes widened.
“Yes, you’re staying with me. It’s already arranged.” With his house sold, Mark had nowhere else to go. He was family to me and his home was with me until he was well enough for us to decide where our relationship was headed.
An immediate sense of guilt came over me. I hadn’t been dating Greg long, but the time we’d shared had been intense. I cared for him, too. Most important, I didn’t want to mislead or hurt him.
We’d been in touch and he knew Mark was alive and in critical condition. Greg accepted that I was currently spending every available minute with Mark and wasn’t able to connect with him as we had earlier in our relationship.
I also knew Greg didn’t like it. He’d made several attempts to get in touch with me. At the end of my stay at the hospital, my voice mail was full of messages from him. If Bob had said anything of substance, it was that I needed to be square with both Mark and Greg.
The afternoon sp
ed past and I left Mark for the night around nine-thirty, dreading the long drive back to Cedar Cove. Before I pulled out of the hospital parking complex, I turned on my cell and noticed Greg had sent me a text message. It was simple and direct.
Call me.
Sitting in my vehicle, I pushed the button on my cell that would connect us. He answered right away, as if he was sitting with his phone in his hand.
“It’s me,” I said.
“I know.” His voice was low and devoid of emotion. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“You don’t sound it.”
“I’m tired is all.”
“How long were you at the hospital today?”
I didn’t remember. The hours seemed to run together. “Awhile.”
“All day and half the night?”
“Something like that.” No need to go over the details.
“Is he awake more of the time yet?”
“Pretty much, but he sleeps a lot, too. A little at a time. He’s able to talk now.”
“He’ll recover?”
I wasn’t sure how best to answer. The experiences Mark had lived through, the agony he’d suffered, couldn’t help but change him. It’d changed me just knowing the danger he’d been in. “Physically, it looks promising. Mentally…I don’t know. I don’t think either of us can imagine everything he’s been through.”
The line went quiet. “Probably not.”
I knew this was a difficult time for Greg. It was hard on me, too.
“Miss you,” he whispered, almost as if he was afraid to say the words out loud. As if I wouldn’t welcome hearing them.
“I miss you, too.” And I did. My entire life had been uprooted in the last two weeks. Not that I would change a second of it, well, other than not knowing Mark was in the country until he was at death’s door. Even now I found that unforgivable.
“I talked to Emily,” Greg told me.
“Oh?”
“You weren’t answering my calls and I needed to know how you were doing.”
“Sorry, it’s just that—”
“You don’t need to explain,” he said, cutting me off. “Emily said you leave first thing in the morning for the hospital and you don’t arrive back at the inn until late. The first few days she said you were at the hospital nearly around the clock. I don’t want to be a pest.”
“You aren’t.”
“When do you think I can see you again?”
I pressed my hand against my forehead, mussing my hair. “I…I don’t know. For now Mark has to be my priority. I can’t promise you anything more. I’m sorry, but—”
Greg cut me off. “Jo Marie, please, don’t worry, I understand. I’ll take whatever time you can give me.”
Closing my eyes, I pressed my head against the steering wheel. “Greg, I’m sorry. I don’t want to mislead you or hurt you. I don’t know what’s going to happen between Mark and me. I love him and I know he loves me, but it’s been a year and a lot has happened. We’re different people now…”
“I hear you,” he whispered.
“Do you?”
“Yes,” he said, stronger this time.
“Maybe it would be best if we both moved on…” It wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t want to risk breaking his heart.
“No.” Greg’s response was immediate. “You need time. You got it. I’ll give you whatever time you want. I know we haven’t been seeing each other long and that you have a history with Mark. I accept that, but I’m willing to take a chance, willing to wait.”
Tears crowded the corners of my eyes. “You sure that’s what you want?” I asked.
“Positive. You’re worth it. If things work out with Mark, I’ll accept that and move on, and if they don’t you need to know I’ll be right here waiting for you.”
I really did feel like weeping then. I bit into my lower lip. “Thank you,” I whispered.
I obsessed over Nick kissing me, and really, who could blame me. He’d basically told me there was no future for the two of us. It hurt, and I’m downplaying how badly his words cut through my heart. At the same time I was grateful for his honesty. Jayson had said my infertility didn’t matter and that we’d adopt. He loved me. Me. Not my ability to reproduce. However, when his mother learned that not only didn’t I share their same religious beliefs but I wouldn’t be giving her grandchildren, it was too much. Under pressure from his family, Jayson caved. Because in the end, I realized, my lack of a uterus did matter. I’d been devastated, crushed to the very core of my being. Again, I’m downplaying my grief at that first broken engagement. Grief perfectly described the way I felt. To me the broken engagement was a death. I mourned for all that I’d lost when Jayson called off the wedding. For a short while I didn’t know if I’d survive. I was convinced no man would want me…and then I met James.
When James and I called it quits it’d been my idea. I knew he was in love with his high school sweetheart. When I handed him back the engagement ring, he hadn’t put up a lot of resistance. Later I was left to wonder, if I’d been able to give him children, would he have tried harder to talk me out of my decision? No matter now, the deed was done, and being the kind of man he was, James insisted I keep the ring.
Nick, at least, saved me the agony of another broken heart. He knew himself well enough to admit he wanted children at some point in the future: a family he wouldn’t be able to have with me.
On the heels of that announcement, he’d then asked the impossible of me. He wanted us to be friends. He claimed spending time with me somehow helped him deal with the horror of what had happened with his brother. I didn’t understand it, couldn’t define it—and for that matter, neither could he.
Unfortunately, I’d been swayed and then everything had gone, as my grandmother would say, “to hell in a handbasket” when he kissed me. The thing is I didn’t know that friendship between us was possible. The physical attraction had been there from the beginning, and it sizzled.
I’d made every attempt to downplay it in my mind, and apparently so had Nick. That turned out to be a colossal failure. All the proof we needed were the most recent kisses we’d shared.
Nick must have realized how impossible friendship was since I hadn’t heard from him all weekend. Maintaining a respectable distance was what I knew had to happen, but it left me depressed and miserable. I wandered around the inn, restless and bored, at loose ends with myself ever since. I stopped counting the number of times my thoughts drifted to Nick. Without provocation he bounced into my thoughts like a pesky mosquito. No matter how many times I swatted him away, he returned to torment me.
Because of the situation with Mark, Jo Marie was in and out of the inn, staying only long enough to snatch a few hours’ sleep, shower, and change clothes. I didn’t know how long she would be able to maintain this killing pace. Thankfully, I was available to help her and at the same time grateful to be busy with the inn’s tasks.
Luckily I’d been able to get out of my lease agreement with the apartment complex. It seemed Mark had done work at the apartment building and the owner was grateful and therefore willing to do what he could to help in Mark’s recovery. That included releasing me from a signed lease. Truth be known, I was more than happy to remain at the inn. It felt like home and I was content living here.
On Monday morning I’d cleaned the rooms and was loading sheets into the washer when the doorbell chimed. Rover let out a loud bark and I dumped what was left of the bedding onto the floor and went to answer the door. I wasn’t expecting guests this early and sincerely hoped I’d have more of a chance to set the inn in order before having to deal with the next set of visitors.
When I opened the door, Nick stood on the other side.
For one long moment all we did was stare at each other. Just seeing him made me feel light-headed.
“Hey,” he said and gave me a chin nod.
All I could do was stare back at him and try to convince myself that I would remain strong.
??
?Can I come in?” he asked.
My throat thickened. I resisted asking him what possible good would come of that. “Why?” I asked instead.
He held up several strips of paint samples. “I wanted to get your opinion on the colors for the kitchen. You were the one who suggested brown. I thought you were kidding, but you’ve got a good eye and I’d appreciate your advice.”
I remained frozen, unable to move. The paint choice was a weak excuse. Even knowing that, I stepped aside to let him inside.
Nick followed me into the kitchen and I automatically poured us both a cup of coffee. My hand shook and I was surprised that I managed to fill both mugs without spilling it. After I handed Nick the coffee, I turned and leaned my back against the counter, striving for a relaxed pose. And failed. I’d never been one who could ignore the elephant in the room, and I wasn’t about to start now.
“We both know this visit isn’t about paint, so say what you want to say and be done with it,” I urged.
He looked relieved, as though grateful I’d confronted him with the truth.
Before he could say anything, I felt I needed to reiterate the truth one more time. “I can’t be your friend, Nick. We both agreed there would be nothing physical between us, and then you kissed me. I’m not without feelings and I refuse to let you use me.”
He blinked at the abruptness of my claim as if I’d sucker-punched him. “I’m sorry, Em, so sorry.” His shoulders sagged with the weight of his regret. “I know I’m asking the impossible, but I need you. I don’t know why being around you helps me, but it does. I told myself a thousand times how unfair I was being to you. I had no right to come see you again, no right whatsoever. If you want to kick me out of here, I wouldn’t blame you. All I ask is that you hear me out.”
“You’re asking too much of me.”
He set the untouched coffee aside and splayed his fingers through his hair. “I know. I had an awful weekend. I holed up in the house and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Everything closes in around me and I’m paralyzed, completely paralyzed. I’m not sure how much you know about…”
“Enough.”
He raised his gaze to meet mine as though my answer surprised him again. I’d gone online and done a bit of reading on the subject. Although I wasn’t completely sure of the details of the car accident that had killed Nick’s brother, I realized Nick blamed himself.