I fret about it and I call for an urgent ‘conference’ with Sriram and Latika, to discuss in depth, to help me decode ‘guy-behaviour’. I text them and ask them if they can meet me at Coffee and Conversations on MG Road. All our offices are within a five kilometre radius of each other, and I know that Latika can easily get away, as she is ‘on the bench’ now and hardly has any work. Sriram too has a pretty flexible work-schedule and I know it isn’t too hard for him to get away either. Besides, it has been a while since the three of us met.
When I reach the coffee shop, Sriram and Latika are already waiting. Turns out Sriram went and picked up Latika and they arrived together.
I feel delighted to see both of them. The very sight of them, sends a ‘tring’ to my heart and I feel better already.
‘Oh my God—what have you done to yourself? Look at the dark circles under your eyes. Haven’t you been sleeping at all?’ asks Latika.
I haven’t. As soon as I wake up (which is around three or four in the morning) I check my phone to see if there is a message from Aman. I have checked at least a thousand times till now. If there was an app in the phone to tell you how many times I checked it would probably give you an accurate figure. Who knows, maybe it is two thousand times. It has become a kind of habit now—every few seconds I check to see if Aman’s name pops up in my phone. But I don’t want to seem so desperate in front of Sriram and Latika.
But they know me inside out. We haven’t been together since class six for nothing. Sriram has it all figured out from my desperate call for a conference and from the way I look.
‘Ho-Ho-Ho, I can’t believe this,’ Sriram says.
‘What?’ I ask.
‘The great Anjali Prabhu, the turn-downer of six rejected-dejected men, is finally chasing a guy and he is turning her down. Ha, ha, ha, see the irony?’ he laughs.
‘What? Is that the reason that you are looking like this?’ Latika looks shocked.
I take a moment to answer. Then I draw in a deep breath and say, ‘Firstly there is no word like turn-downer. Get your language right, Mr Surve. Secondly I am not chasing him and I am just asking you, my closest buddies, what I should do.’
(Okay, I am chasing him but I am not going to admit that to Sriram.) I try to sound as casual and nonchalant as possible. Like I don’t care. But of course, I fool no one.
For once, Sriram doesn’t reply immediately and instead stirs his coffee. Latika is quiet too as she sips her iced-tea. I have asked for a double-shot espresso and I grimace as I taste it and then add four sachets of sugar. I feel so low, I need an extension ladder to get out of this one. The espresso is supposed to help, coffee being a mood-elevator and all that.
‘Hmmm, if you ask me there is nothing much you can do. Other than wait for him to get back,’ says Sriram finally.
‘I could bump into him, you know. I know where his office is,’ I say and as soon as I say it I don’t believe I have said it.
‘God, no! Don’t even think about it,’ Latika pounces on me.
‘But what I am wondering is why the hell he hasn’t messaged back and why he has suddenly gone cold. Why do guys do that Sriram?’ I ask.
‘Yeah, really. Why do they? I too have had my fair share, before I married Manish, of course. One moment you think you have got a great thing going. Two, three dates and then wham. The guy has vanished and then there is no trace of him. The least you owe a woman is an explanation,’ Latika is vociferous in her disapproval.
Sriram, for once is speechless instead of the usual smart-alecky sexist jokes that he comes up with. I think he has figured out that this one means a great deal to me. Latika and I are looking at him like whatever he is going to say is Gospel.
‘Hmm, why a guy doesn’t get back? I think there can be several reasons,’ he says and Latika and I wait for him to go on as he leans back and sinks a little lower into the chair and stretches out his legs.
‘Such as?’ I prod, impatient now to know what could be the possible reason for Aman to have suddenly clammed up.
‘See, I think he could genuinely be busy and neck-deep in work or maybe his phone is acting up and messages aren’t going through, or maybe he is fighting his feelings for you and is deciding what next course of action is to be taken and he wants to be sure.’
‘Or maybe he just isn’t interested in me anymore,’ I shrug and even to my own ears my voice sounds laden with glumness and despair, as hard as I try to make it sound like I am okay about it.
‘Yeah, I don’t buy that “neck-deep in work” excuse. How long does it take anyway to reply to a message? Fifteen seconds? And he can tell her that he is busy, right?’ says Latika and I nod in agreement.
‘See, when a guy focuses on work, he cannot think of anything else. Trust me, guys are wired differently. I know that I don’t even look at my phone for hours together when I am busy,’ Sriram says.
‘Yes, but once you get back from work, you surely do?’ I am still sceptical.
‘Of course. Usually I do but if I have had a tough day, I usually unwind by watching a game on TV or some movie. I don’t want to text someone.’
But Aman isn’t like that. He always responds. No matter how busy he is. I had sent him a couple of messages on the IM of my phone, telling him that I had a great time and asking if he had shifted to the new house and whether he was settling in. He hadn’t read it for a long time. Then when finally he had (the notification in the chat app shows me when my message has been delivered and read), there was no response. After waiting for a few hours, I thought that perhaps the messages weren’t going out from his end (I have faced that a couple of times). So I had copy-pasted it and resent it as a text. He could have texted back, but he didn’t. I waited for a day and then texted a casual, Hey, how are you doing? All good? Settled in? and there was no response to that too. Then I waited for another day and finally, when I wasn’t able to contain myself, I had texted him asking, Are you getting my messages? After a few minutes, I had got his reply, Yes, I am. Just that and nothing else. Couldn’t the guy explain? Why was he so curt? Why hasn’t he messaged after that? I feel like I will go insane if I don’t get the answers soon.
‘Leave him alone. There is nothing you can do unless he decides to get back to you,’ Sriram finally says and what he has said is true.
‘Yeah, let us change the topic and talk about something else,’ I say.
Latika and I quiz Sriram about his love life. He had been on a couple of dates with a German girl who Latika and I instantly hated. But he hasn’t mentioned her for long now. He is shifty and evasive when we quiz him about her. But we worm it out of him. (She dumped him and went back to Germany.)
‘Now don’t you both say, “I told you so”,’ says Sriram.
‘We told you so, we told you so,’ Latika and I chant in a sing-song voice like we used to at school, and suddenly three of us are laughing again without the slightest care in the world, just like we used to at school, whenever we had got into some mischief and there was no way out. There is something so darn comforting about old friendships.
And then finally, when we stop laughing Latika springs a surprise on us. She announces that she is expecting.
‘OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD,’ I scream and nearly trip over myself as I jump up to hug her. She leans forward and we hug each other for a while and then we are aware that the others are staring at us.
Sriram squeezes her hand and says, ‘Congratulations, that is amazing,’ and he is staring at her in a new light now. Somehow being pregnant automatically elevates you and makes you special.
‘And why didn’t you tell us immediately? Why did you let me go on and on about a guy who doesn’t bother to return messages?’ I ask her.
‘Because you are so madly in love with him, babes, and you so desperately want to hear from him. My news… I have known now for a while. So…’ she trails off leaving her sentence unfinished.
I lean over and kiss her on the cheek and she looks embarrassed at my sudden display of affection.
I know she is right.
Right now I am craving for a message from Aman much like a junkie craving for the next fix. But there is nothing I can do. We finally part and I reluctantly trudge back to my office. I have to submit my column.
Most of the staff has left early today as there is an IPL match on TV and the Bangalore team is playing. Some of them are also going to the stadium to watch. The office feels eerily empty but it matches my mood. That is exactly how I am feeling inside.
I sit at my desk for a while, thinking about my next column.
Finally I begin to write:
Five Things You Should (Or Should Not) Do If The Guy Doesn’t Get Back To You
By Anjali Prabhu
So, you are into this guy and you think you have something going. Why even up to last week, the communication between both of you was great. But suddenly he has clammed up. He hasn’t got back to you even after a couple of texts from your side or worse still, his replies have become monosyllabic, brief and to the point.
What can you do now?
Here is what you can and should be doing.
1. Do not stalk him online: Do not keep checking his Facebook profile to see what he is up to. It can be very tempting, but you are only setting yourself up for more punishment. It will certainly cause you heartburn to see that he has plenty of time to play football, or party with friends, but none to text you. Leave his FB profile alone. Disable your account for a while, delete it, do anything, but stay away from his profile.
2. Exhibit supreme patience: The only way to do this would probably be to retire to the Himalayas and become an ascetic. If that is not an option, then distract yourself like crazy. Bury yourself in work so you do not obsess over why he hasn’t texted back. Go join an exercise class, go meet your old buddies, catch up on movies, restart an old hobby. Patience is the name of the game. Master it.
3. Leave him alone: You cannot make a guy text you back. He has your phone number (no, he didn’t lose it). If a guy wants to get in touch with you, he will find a way. Do not make excuses for him and do not fool yourself.
4. Talk to your buddies: Talk to one or two close, trusted friends, who have been in a similar situation. If you have no close friends whom you can talk to or confide in, join an online forum. Talking about it may not make the problem go away, but it definitely helps you cope, especially when you see that there are many others who have gone though this. It also makes you feel lighter.
5. TTYL or vanish: If he does wake up (whether after three days, a week, a month or whatever time period) and texts you out of the blue, act cool. Yes, we know you are elated, excited and supremely happy that he texted you. But do not show your excitement. If you allow him to think it is okay to treat you as he has just done, you are setting a precedent for repeat cycles. Wait at least a day or two or more (yes, that long—depending on how long he has taken to get back to you) and then text back a short polite text, saying you are busy.
If you follow the above methods, chances are he will get back to you soon. And if he doesn’t, you have to rethink whether you want a guy who can treat you so casually.
Good luck girls!
I read what I have written thrice. I correct the typos and the small grammatical errors that have crept in, and then hit the ‘send’ key to Jeena.
I get her reply just as I am about to leave work.
Anjali,
The piece you sent—it is good. You have captured it spot-on.
I think it will help thousands of women out there who wait to hear from the bastards who text back only when it suits them or when they want something.
Jeena
P S: It helped me too.
Praise from Jeena is like winning a grand-slam title when you are seeded 2000 in the world. It is next to impossible. I feel inordinately pleased with myself.
And yet, I cannot stop myself from checking my phone for the millionth time to see if there is a message from him.
There isn’t. I am very tempted to call him and ask him if he is all right, and what has caused this silence, but I force myself not to. It is so darn hard to follow your own advice sometimes. If he wants to get back to me, of course he will.
And for now, there is nothing I can do except cross my fingers and wait.
Chapter 21
Shruti
There are passersby rushing towards him and my mother-in-law and I join them. He has hit his head on a cement block and blood is gushing out like water from a tap. I am shell-shocked, terrified. I frantically take out my mobile and try hard to remember the ambulance number. What is it? 1001? 1002? I have no clue.
A small crowd has gathered around and my mother-in-law is now sitting next to my father-in-law whose eyes are shut. Someone has produced a bottle of water and he asks my mother-in-law to sprinkle some water on his face.
‘No, don’t do that. Move back please, give him room to breathe. Move back, move back,’ says a voice and I see a middle-aged man taking charge. The crowd listens to him and he whips out his mobile and calls a hospital.
‘There is a hospital just three minutes away. The ambulance will arrive in less than five minutes. Do not panic please,’ he says to me.
It is then that I notice him. He is tall and lanky and very fit. His t-shirt is covered in sweat and he wears Nike shoes, sports arm bands and knee pads. There is some sort of a strap on his arm in which he probably carries his phone and he must have been on his evening jog. His hair is peppered with grey and his eyes look kind. There is something very strangely familiar about him. Have I met him before? I am not able to place him immediately as I am too taken aback, scared and fighting hard to control my panic and take charge of the situation.
‘Thank you so much,’ I mutter, not able to think of what to say.
My mother-in-law has gone pale and she doesn’t know what to do. She is fanning my father-in-law frantically with her sari pallu.
Then we hear the ambulance arrive and I heave a sigh of relief.
The paramedics rush out and check his breathing and pulse. They transfer my father-in-law to a stretcher and carry him in.
They ask if any of us want to be in the vehicle with them or whether we will follow them. I tell them that I will ride with them and the stranger who has dialled the ambulance says that he can follow the ambulance and bring my mother-in-law over. I gratefully agree. I don’t think my mother-in-law would have been able to ride in the ambulance.
Inside the ambulance, I realise that this is the scariest ride I have ever had in my life. I frantically dial Rishabh’s number, but he does not answer. I text him and all I say is, Call me ASAP. I don’t want to tell him in a text message that his father is in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
The paramedics have now attached an oxygen mask to my father-in-law’s face. They clean up the blood, but it is still gushing out. I say a silent prayer begging the Gods to save my father-in-law. I have an inherent fear of everything to do with hospitals after frequenting them for my mother’s treatment and I try to calm myself by gazing out of the ambulance window. The stranger who helped us, is following us in his car. I can see my mother-in-law next to him but they are too far to make out her expression.
When we arrive at the hospital, my father-in-law is rushed to emergency care and I am asked to fill up some forms. My mother-in-law too arrives and is taken to the emergency room.
As I am completing the paperwork I become aware of the kind stranger who came to our rescue. I realise that I haven’t even asked his name and thanked him properly.
I go up to him.‘Thank you so much for your kindness, I am Shruti,’ I say as I extend my hand. I have to fight the urge to address him as ‘Sir’. Somehow his persona is one that commands respect and awe. But I resist the temptation as it fee
ls odd to address someone I don’t even know as ‘Sir’. It would be ridiculous.
His handshake is firm and he says, ‘Sanjeev.’
I don’t know what else to say. He has been so kind, this man.
‘Your parents?’ he asks.
‘No, my in-laws. I am trying to reach my husband,’ I say.
‘Where is he right now? In India or abroad?’
‘He is very much here in Mumbai, but he is probably in a meeting. I have texted him and he should be calling back soon.’
‘I can stick around till he gets here,’ says Sanjeev. That is kind of him. I mean, getting us to the hospital here is one thing. But sticking around till Rishabh gets here—that is the kind of thing a friend would do. He has a manner that is easy and reassuring. And somehow very familiar.
On the one hand I want to accept his offer but on the other I do not want to take advantage of his kindness. I am terrified and having this guy around would be a relief rather than waiting outside the emergency with just my mother-in law for company who is as panic-stricken as I am.
‘That would be very kind of you indeed but I hope I am not holding you up,’ I say.
‘Don’t worry about it. I have nothing to do anyway,’ he says and his eyes twinkle.
It is then that I recognise him. It is an ‘Oh-my-God’ moment for me. I just can’t believe it. He can’t be—or is he? I look at him once more and I am certain now of who he is. I am not making a mistake. He is Sanjeev Adani, the founder of Sneha Kutir and a few more organisations which are involved in the betterment of society, improving the quality of life, empowering street children, helping destitute women and many such things. He is extremely well known, respected and has even won a Padmashri Award for his services to society. I had met him many years back, while still at college under different circumstances. No wonder he seemed so familiar! No wonder I had this crazy urge to address him as ‘Sir’. It all makes sense now.