“I’m clearly not good at relationships. My track record speaks volumes, and I only seem to attract men who want me for what’s between my thighs. I’m not enough for people, Josh. My history shows that, my relationship with my parents shows that, but I’ve come to deal with it. That’s why I won’t experience a Kyden kind of relationship.”
“Tell me about your parents,” I pressed through gritted teeth. I had a billion things I wanted to say to her. The fact that people had made her feel like she wasn’t enough caused me to want to commit a felony. But I had her talking, and if I could learn more about her, I would bite my tongue for the moment.
“They weren’t around much. Well, they were, but weren’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“I grew up not really getting too much love. The people who should have showered me with love didn’t get the memo, and the only one that gave me any form of affection was Austin.” Her gaze dropped to her hands in her lap, and she began chipping off her nail polish. “I had a house, clothes, food—the best of everything, really. To everyone looking in, we were the perfect family, but my parents didn’t have motherly or fatherly bones in their bodies. To be honest, I don’t know why they had Austin and I. Grandma basically raised us, and her and Austin have been the only ones to ever love or care for me unconditionally. You’ve heard the term trophy wives? Well, Austin and I were trophy children. We were only wanted and needed when our parents had to look good for the camera, and because of that I’ve felt like an inconvenience my whole life.”
Her eyes bounced around the apartment, avoiding any chance of meeting mine. Her whole facade was cracking, and I was seeing the little girl that hid behind the mask of a confident woman. The innocence, the fear, and the naked admissions of her past were hard for her to divulge, but here she was, sharing them with me. The fact that she had to deal with this her whole life and that her asshole parents didn’t realize the prize they had, riled me. She was anything but an inconvenience; she was a life-changing gift.
“Sorry for dumping all this on you,” she said softly.
“Look at me, Ash.”
Finally, her eyes met mine and she offered the most nervous smile I’d ever witnessed.
“You never have to apologize to me about sharing stuff. I’ve known you for almost five years, and this is the first time I’ve heard about this. You are far from an inconvenience, Ashlyn, and anyone that has you in their life should treat you like fucking royalty. I’ve never met your parents, and I hope I never do because I don’t want to I wish I could thank the woman that raised you because she did a great job.”
“Grandma would have liked you. She would have flirted with you like crazy, though. She had a thing for handsome men, and she was never one to hide that fact,” she said wistfully, and the smile I saw in the bathroom came out again.
“Did you just call me handsome?” I smirked with a lifted brow of suggestion. “You’ll make me blush, Ashy.”
“Oh, please. You know you’re handsome, and there is nothing I could ever say that would make you blush.”
“I’d be happy to have you try.”
She pulled the cushion from behind her and threw it at my head. The seriousness of our conversation seemed to have vanished, although it continued to swirl in my head.
After stumbling out of my bedroom just after eight A.M., I ran my hand through my crazy bed hair and stepped into my living room. The air was filled with the tempting aroma of sizzling bacon, and my stomach growled in response.
I entered the kitchen, and was greeted by a sight any man would want to see first thing in the morning. Ashlyn was dancing around my kitchen in barely-there bed shorts, with her hips wiggling and her hair flying everywhere, while humming along to some song I didn’t recognize. I leaned against the door frame, crossed my arms over my chest, and watched her with interest. Jesus Christ, I wanted inside her again. I wanted the feeling that I got all those years ago—the feeling of innocence, of mind-altering pleasure that came with sharing a moment with someone that was so unexpected. I wanted the feeling of complete shock at the unleashing of feelings you never thought you’d feel. That’s what Ashlyn was. Even beyond having sex with her, she’d provide me with those feelings that would mess with my head.
“She cooks me dinner and makes me breakfast. Watch out, Ashy, I may never let you leave.”
Ashlyn froze mid twirl and whipped her body around to face me. Shock covered her face, and her cheeks flushed pink at the thought of being caught dancing around in my kitchen. I shot her a wink and headed to the fridge to grab the orange juice.
“You love tormenting me, don’t you?” I said while pouring both of us a glass and sliding one to her. I couldn’t stop myself from running my eyes over her body yet again. F#@k those shorts should come with a serious warning: hard on is guaranteed.
“What are you talking about?” She scrunched her face up in confusion, before turning back to the cooktop to tend to the sizzling bacon.
My hand shot out like it had a mind of its own and connected lightly with her ass.
Her reaction was immediate, and she jumped with a yelp.
“That is what I mean about tormenting me.”
The bacon was soon forgotten, and she twisted around until she was standing barely an inch from me. “Joshua, keep your hand away from my ass.” She laughed, dramatically rubbing her ass and giving it a little wiggle for good measure. “My ass if off-limits.”
“Well, Ashlyn, keep your ass from looking so spankable and I will. Otherwise, your ass is mine.”
“Did you just make up a word? I am pretty sure spankable isn’t in the dictionary.”
“I have many words when it comes to your ass,” I murmured, and focused once again on her poor excuse for bed shorts.
The sound of cutlery dropping to the floor broke me from my stare, and I finally looked at her.
Amusement flashed over her make-up free face. “Oh, crap. I just dropped a spoon,” she said in a low, husky tone. As if I was watching in slow motion, she bent over at her waist and made a point to stick her ass in my direction. Then she wiggled it to make a point. “Have a good look, ‘cause you aren’t touching it.”
“You’re the spawn of Satan, aren’t you? Because only Satan’s daughter would wiggle her tight ass in front of the guy she just said would never touch it.”
“You constantly walk around without a shirt on, so I’ll wiggle my ass. Payback is a bitch.”
She shot me a smug look before turning back to the sizzling bacon and focusing on finishing breakfast. I pulled out a stool, sat at the breakfast bar, and unlocked my phone. Last night, as Ash and I were watching mindless television, Ky and Eden called to tell us that Ky had finally manned up, grown a set of balls, and proposed. After that, Ashlyn disappeared into her bedroom with an excited shriek to talk all things weddings with Eden, and I took that as my cue to go to bed. During our four-way conversation, I was somehow roped into helping out with the engagement party that they decided to have sooner rather than later, and now that I had agreed to be Eden’s slave boy, the text messages were starting. As I scrolled through Facebook, my phone chimed and Eden’s name appeared. Christ, it was barely eight A.M., and she had already started.
Can I start calling you my brother yet? I’m going to email you a list of what we need to do. Are you bringing a date to the party? I can find a gorgeous girl for you. Oh, can I play matchmaker?
I groaned loudly. Matchmaker Eden was out in full force, and I know she wouldn’t let up any time soon unless I snuffed her out.
I tapped out my response after shooting a quick look at Ashlyn, who had started humming again.
I’m bringing someone.
Immediately, I saw that she was responding when the grey bubble appeared on the phone. This would make her crazy, and I found that highly amusing. Fuck, Ky was going to hate me for doing this, because I knew Eden would drive him crazy until she found out.
WHO ARE YOU BRINGING? Joshua, tell me. Do I know her? ARE YOU D
ATING? Why hasn’t Ky told me this? He is in so much trouble.
Eden’s mind would be racing with different scenarios, and I loved it. I was such a prick, and I enjoyed razzing her . . . maybe a little too much.
“What color dress are you wearing to the engagement party?”
Ashlyn looked up from the plates she had been loading up with bacon, and shot me an inquisitive glance. “Um, I’m thinking it will probably be my light blue one.”
“Okay, sounds good.” I dropped my gaze back to my phone and began scrolling through my emails to see what kind of day I was facing. The feeling of being watched hit me, and I glanced up to meet Ashlyn’s amused gaze.
She shook her head as laughter spilled from her. “Why in the world would you want to know what color my dress is going to be?”
“I need to make sure that my outfit doesn’t clash with yours. My date works in fashion. I can’t fuck that up.”
“Your date?” She laughed. “Seriously, have you been drinking?”
“It’s eight A.M.”
“And the point is?”
I burst out laughing, and she soon joined me. When she laughed like that, her whole face changed. Her eyes crinkled, her cheeks flushed, and a dimple would pop in her cheek. It was a content, completely-at-ease laugh, and knowing I could bring that out of her unleashed the beast within me. The beast that wanted to make sure I was the only one that brought it out of her.
“So, Ashlyn Hart, will you be my date to the engagement party? Will your blue dress accompany my charcoal suit? Will you be the Lyn to my Jos, and become Joslyn for the night?” I laid it on thick. Fuck, maybe I could be romantic when the moment called for it. A Josh Crawford kind of romance.
“Oh . . . my . . . god . . .” She laughed, snorted, and chuckled all in one go.
Okay, I said I loved the laugh before, but this laugh was even fucking better. I rested my chin in my open palm and watched as she tried to control herself.
“You said Joslyn!” And that caused her to laugh even louder.
“Fuck, Team Kyden, its all about Team Joslyn. That shit needs to be on a shirt, or something.”
Lachlan: When are you going to come back to me?
Lachlan: You know we suit each other. We can give each other what we want. I want your pussy and you want my cock.
Lachlan: Match made in heaven. Who gives a fuck about love?
Lachlan: You’ve got daddy issues anyway. I can’t deal with that shit.
Lachlan: I hear you’re staying with Josh. You think he will give you what you want? He will use your pussy and you’ll be thrown away like the rest of them.
Lachlan: Ignoring me will not make me go away.
That was how my day was spent.
Lachlan refused to give up, and I refused to get embroiled in his nasty texts. What should have been a productive day ended up revolving around panic attacks and stupid tears that I wished I could have stopped. I loathed that he brought out my weakness, and I hated that I allowed him to. He detonated a bomb where he knew it would cause the most damage.
My heart.
The fact that he had brought Josh into it pissed me off. How the hell did he know I was staying here? Was Josh in contact with him behind my back? Paranoia reared its ugly head, irrational scenarios engulfed my mind, and they distracted me all day. I found myself staring into blank space, and twisting my hair around my finger as I begged my head to shut off. I could have easily answered his text, but even though I was on the brink of emotional collapse, I still had the fire and stubbornness to refuse to give him what he wanted. My attention.
“Ashy?” Josh’s voice floated through the apartment and pulled me away from my increasingly-surreal thoughts.
I, in my crazy state, had just come up with the scenario that Josh and Lachlan were secretly best friends, who had connections to my parents, and the four of them were all conspiring with one another to break me down. Seriously, I was on a one way trip to insane.
“In the guestroom,” I replied loudly, hoping that my voice covered the unnerving feeling that was sitting low in my stomach. Get ahold of yourself, Ashlyn.
Seconds later, Josh appeared in the doorway. My eyes longingly roamed over his body and drank in the perfectly-cut suit that sent my pulse racing. His shirt was opened at the neck and, with his tie undone, I was allowed a brief glimpse of his firm chest. Dark gray slacks clung to his hips, covered his thick thighs, and complimented the white shirt. Give me a man in a suit any day, but combine it with the spray of stubble that covered his jaw and I was about ready to rip off my panties, spin them around my finger, and fling them at him.
“How’s your day been?” he asked softly, leaning against the frame and shooting me a questioning look. “I thought you’d be out in the living room working?”
Now that he had spoken, I couldn’t look at him. He had the ability to read every emotion I felt, and I couldn’t risk giving him the opportunity to start reading me now. My gaze fell to my suitcase that was propped up in the corner, and I focused on the stitching and zipper. “I decided to take a break.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked immediately, and the atmosphere changed as he stepped into the room.
I couldn’t stop myself from looking up at him, and I felt my façade being stolen by his concerned look. “Nothing is wrong. I just wanted a break.” I closed the laptop I hadn’t used in hours, and stood from the bed to meet his stance. My hands rested on my hips, and my teeth chewed the inside of my lip. Seriously, could I be any more obvious?
His eyes narrowed. “You’re a terrible liar, Ashlyn.”
“I’m going to the living room,” I muttered, not bothering to acknowledge his accusation. I crossed the room, desperate to escape Josh’s inquisitive gaze and avoid the comments teetering on the tip of his tongue. There was no way in hell I wouldn’t fall for his concern and blurt out everything that was on my mind if I didn’t leave. Josh took a step to his right and blocked the doorway, ultimately halting my escape. I groaned loudly and pushed on his chest with as much force as I could muster, but he didn’t budge.
“Can you move?”
“What do you say?” he asked in a teasing tone, his face twisting with arrogance.
“Please, Joshua. Move your lard of a body out of the way.”
His eyes flashed with playfulness and he moved. Way too quickly. One minute I was trying to push past him, and the next I was lifted and put over his shoulder. My verbal protests and demands to be put down bounced off the walls as he took off out of the room.
“What the fuck are you doing? Let me down,” I screeched as I bobbled up and down with each step he took down the hall.
“Quiet,” he said.
I went to object and call him out for being a caveman, but again but my words were stolen when his hand connected sharply with my ass.
My body flushed in delight as the sweetest kind of pain shot through me. “You did not just spank me,” I shot in a voice that was a little too high pitched.
He carried me through the apartment as if I was a featherweight. My hair swayed, and my shirt bunched under my arms, allowing the cool air to kiss my skin. The living room floor came into view, and soon I was flying once again through the air. When my back hit the cushion of the couch, my hair sprayed over my face and took my ability to see, though I couldn’t ignore the heat of Josh’s body hovering over mine. His forearms rested on either side of my head, and his face was barely an inch from mine.
“I can’t believe you just did that,” I whispered as he swiped my hair from my face.
“Did I hurt you?”
I sucked in a breath as his gaze locked onto my lips. “No.”
“Now are you going to tell me what is going on?” he asked, and his eyes finally met mine.
For a brief moment, I had forgotten all about Lachlan’s text messages, and it took me a second to work out what Josh was talking about. Being this close to him was the best kind of diversion. The idea of Lachlan tainting my time with Josh caused me to swallow
the words I should have said. In my selfishness, I just wanted Josh. I didn’t want to share our time with anyone else . . . especially Lachlan. But the more Lachlan tried to reach me, the more he infiltrated my plans.
“It’s been a big week. I’m just tired,” I stated without any conviction.
“Bullshit.”
My breathing stilled, and I watched in slow motion as his face dropped closer to mine. What was he doing? All sense of reason disappeared when I felt the curve of his bottom lip enticingly graze mine as he spoke. “I’ve known you a long time, Ash. I know what pushes your buttons, I know what you like, and I certainly know when you’re lying.”
The deep growl and promise in his voice inundated me with thoughts of lifting my mouth to his. I wanted the calm of a breathtaking kiss and the shudder of a body in need of relief. As Josh hovered over me, the warmth of his body caressing mine, I knew I wanted to feel the softness of his lips. I wanted nothing more than to relive those feelings and emotions that I felt when I was nineteen, completely carefree, and living in a vortex of innocence. Could he be the one to inhale all of the lies and taunts that Lachlan had fed me? Did I truly want it to be Josh that breathed life back into me? Time seemed to stop. Our breathing collided, and my heart thundered in my chest.
“When you’re ready, I am going to have your mouth again and devour those lips of yours, but I need to learn patience with you.”
“Why do you need to learn patience?” I whispered. My gaze dropped to his lips and I shifted my body under his, desperate for any friction I could get.
“Don’t look at my mouth, Ashy,” he said with a groan, and his eyes slammed shut.
“Why not?”
“Because I’ll lose my patience and I won’t be able to stop myself.”
I don’t want you to stop yourself. “Have you been talking to Lachlan?”
What the hell was wrong with me?
The moment the words fell from my lips, he froze. It was a question that I needed answered, but I could have chosen a better time to ask. Josh on top of me and talking about kissing me was not the best time. The look of need in his eyes diminished, and was replaced by a look of frustration and utter confusion.