“I won’t apologize for anything I do when it comes to her,” I stated firmly.
“That’s fair enough. How is she? Was she able to relax last night?”
Of course she relaxed, I made her come twice.
I avoided his gaze. “Yeah, she was okay. She seemed to forget about it all.”
Before the conversation could continue and potentially get even more awkward, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I smiled after pulling it out of my pocket, when I found my friend from the West Coast’s name on the screen. Savannah Rae was a gorgeous Australian, who had moved to Los Angeles to take up a position at Beautify Magazine, one of the top periodicals owned by Anderson Publications. When we first met, we had some intense flirting. She had a sexy-as-fuck accent that I couldn’t resist, but then we went our separate ways, and next time I saw her she was loved up. It was a blessing in disguise, because now she was one of my best friends.
I opened her message and burst out laughing.
Since when did you become a boxer? You like making yourself known at events, don’t you? Being called the other guy at the west coast office Christmas party, breaking girl’s hearts all across the country, and now getting in a fight at your brothers engagement party. I wish I could have been there. Damn deadlines.
How the hell did she know about what happened last night? I busily tapped in a reply, telling her that I’d call her on the drive home, and shoved my phone back in my pocket.
“Coffee, I need coffee.” Ashlyn stepped into the kitchen and the scent of her perfume hit me like a ton of bricks. A white sundress hung loosely around her mid-thigh, but was tight across her chest. Fuck me, she was the cause of an instant hard on.
“Which one of you is going to make me one?” She fluttered her eyelashes and chewed on her lip when her eyes found mine.
“I’m the king of making coffee in this family,” I said gloating and shooting her a wink for good measure. I pushed away from the kitchen island and headed for the coffee machine. I could hear quiet talk between Ky and Ashlyn, but I focused on the coffee and got lost in memories of the night before. One thing that had sat in the pits of my gut for the past five years was the unnerving feeling that Ky would always be her go to Crawford, but slowly, I felt like she was beginning to give me more of her. For five years I had dealt with the feelings of second best, but with every glance, touch, and soft word, she was changing that, and she didn’t have a clue in the world.
“That smells good.” Ashlyn sidled up beside me and rested her body against mine. The closeness of our bodies could only mean that we were in the kitchen on our own. “How’s your hand this morning?”
I flexed it and pain shot up my arm, but I wouldn’t show her. “It’s okay.”
“Liar.” She snorted. “At least let me drive home today.”
“A gentleman always drives the lady home.”
She raised a brow and smirked. “A gentleman? Would a gentleman do what you did last night while in your parents’ house?”
“A true gentleman will always guarantee satisfaction, no matter where his lady is.”
“His lady?” She laughed and shook her head. “Well, just so you know, your guarantee of satisfaction was met last night.”
I shot her a wink and felt my chest swell with pride as her cheeks flushed. She crossed the kitchen and headed to the fridge to get the creamer, while I focused on the coffee.
“Joshy, I was told you were hiding in here.”
My eyes slammed shut at the sound of Tori’s voice. I turned around as she stepped into the kitchen and her eyes locked onto mine. “Where did you disappear to last night? I was expecting to have some fun with you.”
The fridge slammed shut, and Tori jumped and swung around. Ashlyn’s glare flittered between me and Tori before she stepped up to the kitchen island and placed the creamer beside the two mugs.
“Ashlyn, babe, I cannot believe that Lachlan cheated on you, and to hear he did it more than once,” Tori said without a drop of compassion.
She had to be fucking kidding. Why the hell would she bring that up? Ashlyn’s face dropped and her eyes flashed to mine briefly before she offered Tori an unenthusiastic smile.
“Sometimes people are just born to be an assholes, I guess. People do and say things they shouldn’t all the time.” Ashlyn shrugged her shoulders.
Silence fell between the three of us, though Tori didn’t hide the fact that she was looking at me with fierce intent. Awkward wouldn’t even begin to describe it.
“We will be out in a minute, Tori. I’m just talking to Ashlyn about something work related,” I said, desperate for her to leave.
“As long as we catch up later, Joshy. How about I head up to the city tonight?” she said, and raised a suggestive brow. “Text me, I’m sure you have my number on speed dial.”
With one last roving gaze, Tori turned and left the kitchen with extra swing in her hips. Once she disappeared, I turned to Ashlyn and found annoyance taking over her features.
“That’s my name for you. How dare she call you that? I call you Joshy, and you call me Ashy. Everybody knows that,” Ashlyn hissed in disgust, her eyes still locked on the door Tori had just disappeared through.
I took a step toward her, and my sudden movement grabbed her attention. Her eyes softened with each inch that I closed in. When I reached her, I grabbed her hand and pulled her against me until she wrapped her arms around my waist and fell into my hug. “Forget her,” I whispered.
“Joshy, we are nearly ready for breakfast.”
Both of our heads snapped up at the sound of Tori’s voice yet again. She had stepped back into the kitchen and was, once again, looking directly at me, clearly ignoring that I had Ashlyn in my arms. Ashlyn stiffened against me, and with a heavy sigh, she unwrapped herself from my waist and stepped away. Tori shot me a wink and left . . . again.
“Seriously, is she blind? Do I need to rip down your pants and give you a blow job for her to realize I’m here?” Ashlyn muttered under her breath.
I coughed at her brazen declaration and the thought of her taking my cock in her mouth. The idea of having those plump lips devour me caused me to groan as a shot of want shot through me.
“The thought of my cock in your mouth is something I shouldn’t be visualizing just before I’m about to sit down to breakfast with my family. How about we talk about blow jobs some other time?”
“Talk to Tori about blow jobs, she wouldn’t even care about your family. She’d probably choose your cock over breakfast and get you to whip it out while all of us ate our eggs.”
This girl was too much. I threw my head back, and my laughter soon echoed around the kitchen. Ashlyn put her hand on her hips and gave me a you-know-it’s-true look. Was she jealous? Was the annoyance in her tone and her fierce stance because she didn’t like the thought of Tori anywhere near me? Fuck me, the thought alone made my cock ache, and I wanted her to claim me, to use me, to do whatever the fuck she wanted to get the point across. My laughing died down and she still looked like she was bubbling with annoyance.
“Breakfast is getting cold. Get your asses out here.” Ky stuck his head around the door before disappearing just as quickly.
“Let’s go. I’m sure Tori has saved a seat for you.” Ashlyn rolled her eyes and stepped out of the kitchen before stopping and turning back to face me. “Don’t leave her waiting, it wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of you.”
I stopped just in front of her, and lowered my voice. “Two for you, zero for her. Just remember that.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Orgasms received last night. It’s your body that’s still humming, not hers. That’s what you need to remember.”
I didn’t wait around for a response. Stepping onto the back deck, I groaned when I found the only seats free beside Tori. I chose the one at the end of the table, which would mean that Ashlyn would be sitting between me and Tori. Breakfast was full of chatter and listening to Ky and Eden talk all things weddings. I had neve
r met anyone that planned things like Eden. The more she spoke, the higher her voice seemed to get. It was around the time she started talking about flowers that her voice reached optimum levels.
Soon, conversation changed to a topic I wished never existed. I shifted in my seat and focused on my breakfast, wishing for a spontaneous case of deafness.
“So when are you planning on going to London? That’s very exciting, sweetheart,” mom asked Ashlyn in an excited voice from across the table. “We will miss your beautiful face around here, though.”
I had been silently struggling with the thought of her fucked up idea of moving to London, and I wasn’t afraid to admit that the thought alone made me sick to my stomach. There was no way she was going. Yes, that made me sound incredibly cocky, but I was making it my mission to erase even the thought of packing up her life and leaving. I had a future planned, and it involved her, whether she wanted to acknowledge whatever was happening between us or not. I dug into my eggs and met Eden’s gaze briefly across the table. Her big blues narrowed slightly, and darted to Ashlyn before falling back to me, as if she was silently analyzing things. Something I didn’t need her doing.
“It’s only an eight-hour flight, so I’m sure I’ll be travelling back when I can. You’ll have to come over and visit. We can hit up the stores,” Ashlyn replied softly.
“Will you go and visit, Josh?”
I looked over at my mom and found hope staring back at me. Beside me, I felt Ashlyn’s eyes burning into me, but I kept my gaze locked firmly on mom. Placing my fork on my plate, I offered the weakest smile I could. “I guess it just depends.”
Mom nodded and her lips fell into a brief frown. There was no way she’d let me off with that response, but for the time being it seemed she would accept it. Conversation resumed around the table and, as Ashlyn spoke of her plans and answered questions, I remained silent, just finishing my eggs and coffee.
“You okay?” she whispered once conversation moved from her.
I lowered my coffee cup and turned to her slightly. “Yep.”
“Now who’s lying?” She frowned.
I shook my head slightly and moved my attention to Mom. “Thanks for breakfast. I’m going to head upstairs and start packing. Duke is coming over to watch the game, so I’ve got to head back soon.”
I pushed back from the table and grabbed my plate, then headed to the kitchen. I was in a foul mood, and needed a moment to sort through my thoughts. I headed upstairs to my bedroom, and pulled my phone from my pocket. I needed a distraction, and decided returning Savannah’s earlier message with a call would do just that.
“Can I start calling you Rocky, seeing as how you seem to like boxing a little too much?” she said in greeting after answering my call.
“You can call me whatever you like, Sav.”
Her laughter shot down the phone. “Always the flirt. So you’re a modern day Prince Charming, rescuing girls from idiot ex-boyfriends, I hear? Ashlyn’s lucky to have you.”
I paced my bedroom, picking up clothes and putting them in my bag.
“He is a motherfucker,” I growled. “But I don’t really want to talk about it to be honest.”
Savannah immediately changed the subject, and talk turned to what she loved best—my non-existent love life, and finding out about the women I’ve been with. I swear it was like a sickness to her. She craved gossip of my time between the sheets. I’d swear I was chatting to one of the guys most of the time.
“So how are things going with you in the lady department? Still sowing your oats around town?”
Fuck me, I loved her Aussie way of speaking. Even though her accent wasn’t as strong as it was when I first met her, it was still thick. I thought of my reply options. Savannah could be the one person I needed to be able to get everything off my chest. Mostly, she would allow me the privacy to discuss my innermost thoughts without the fear of judgment I knew I’d receive from everyone else.
“I haven’t sowed my oats in weeks,” I finally admitted.
Her gasp rang through the phone, as if I’d just announced the most shocking thing in the world.
“It’s really not a big deal, Sav.”
“Who is she?” she asked abruptly. All teasing tone in her voice had vanished. “Josh Crawford does not stop sowing his oats for no reason.”
Maybe she could help sort out my fucked up and confusing thoughts. I inhaled sharply before speaking truth. “She is someone I can’t risk hurting, but someone I want more than anything.”
Her voice dropped low. “Do I know her?”
“Yep, you know her.”
“Where has this thought of hurting her come from?”
I took a seat on the edge of the bed and sighed. “You know me, Sav. I jump from pussy to pussy. I don’t do commitment. Fuck, I wouldn’t even know monogamy if it hit me square in the face. And she knows that. But she is different. So fucking different. And she doesn’t deserve my bullshit. I need my shit together to make this what she deserves, but I can’t keep myself away from her.”
The feeling of relief at saying it out loud was immense.
“Can I offer you one piece of advice? A risk is worth taking if it leads to a happily-ever-after. I took an enormous risk, and look where it led me. I was all of those things, Josh. My plan was to screw my way around Los Angeles, but look at me now. I have a man and son who I love more than life itself. The girl you are talking about could be yours. She could be your turning point, she could be your happily-ever-after.”
That’s all Ashlyn ever wanted, to live her own happily-ever-after, but now she was living one chapter at a time, never knowing what ending she was facing. I was the cliffhanger, but could I be the happily-ever-after she was searching for? Could I be the author and rewrite my story to get the ending I had always craved, the ending that would include Ashlyn Hart?
“When are you coming to the East Coast?” I asked, wanting to get the conversation away from me.
“Tate, Tanzi, Jack, and I are coming over for Red Velvet NY anniversary. You should all come.”
“Email me the dates.”
The door slowly opened, and Ashlyn stepped in before closing it behind her.
“I’ve got to go, but I’ll call you later,” I said without breaking my gaze from Ashlyn.
“Call me later. Remember, risks can lead to amazing, life-changing things.”
I ended the call and stood from the bed to meet her stance.
“What was that downstairs? Are you not talking to me?” she asked hastily.
I crossed my arms over my chest defensively, knowing that we were about to talk, whether I wanted to or not, so it was balls to the wall, or nothing at all.
“Why, London?”
“Why not?” she countered immediately.
A billion responses hit me. Stay for me, start a life with me, be my girl, let me make up the past five years. “Why runaway when everything you need is here?”
She dropped her gaze to the floor defensively, and I knew I’d hit something inside her. “I’m not running.”
“Bullshit,” I said with a huff, and took a step until I was standing before her. “You’re running, and you’ve got nothing to run from. Look at what’s around you, Ashlyn, and standing right in front of you. Then tell me if you’re making the right decision.”
Anger, confusion, and trepidation covered her face. Like a switch had been turned on, she went from placid to pissed off in seconds. “What do I have, Josh? London is a new beginning. Its closing one fucked up chapter and writing a new one. I had plans for where I was headed, but you know what? Plans change, people change, dreams crash and burn.”
She tore her gaze from mine and started shoving her belongings into her own bag. We fell into heated silence, both simmering with words that should be said, but neither willing to divulge. It was a conversation I didn’t wish to have in my parents’ house, but a conversation I was desperate for.
“You can always come and visit,” she said under her breath as she
picked up her dress from the floor. Her eyes flashed to mine with hope.
“Or you can always just stay,” I shot back.
This was one thing we would never agree on, and I would continue to fight it until I made her realize she wanted to stay.
“The pussy I had on Friday was unbelievable. Where have you been, though? I have to actually work for it now, and not just get the friend of the chick you hook up with. ”
Duke had arrived just after seven, and was firing on all cylinders. The car ride back from my parents’ had been silent, aside from Ashlyn’s soft humming along to the radio. We were both stubborn, so neither backed down. As soon as we got back to my apartment, she disappeared into her room. I collapsed onto the couch, and was joined an hour later by Duke to watch the game.
“Good to see you are as charming as ever, Duke,” Ashlyn shot as she appeared from the hall wearing the jeans that made her ass look incredible and a black tank top that fit her body like a glove.
“And good to see you are looking as fuckable as ever, Ashlyn.” Duke’s eyes roamed freely over her body, and my jaw tightened at his blatant eye fucking.
“That’s what every girl wants to hear.” Ashlyn laughed. “I’m ordering pizza from downstairs. That okay, Duke?”
She hadn’t looked at me once, and was acting like I didn’t exist. Duke looked between the two of us, while I stared at her waiting for any kind of acknowledgement.
“Are you two having a lovers tiff?” Duke mused, not knowing how right he was.
“I’m ordering pizza.” Ashlyn strutted into the kitchen and shot me an aggravated look over her shoulder, before she disappeared out of view.
“What the hell was that?” Duke asked, after I turned back to look at the television. “I swear you two act like a married couple with a non-existent sex life.”
“Give me a sec.”
I stood from the couch, and didn’t wait around to hear what he had to say. Crossing the living room and entering the kitchen, I refused to let this go on any longer. This was getting sorted now. Her voice was soft as she ordered dinner, and green eyes collided with mine when I appeared. I leaned against the kitchen island and waited while she finished up. After placing her phone in her pocket, she crossed her arms protectively over her chest and waited.