“You weren’t supposed to be back for another two days,” I continued in a softer tone.
She shot a nervous look at Ky before turning back to me. “It’s not a big deal. I came back early. Lachlan had a job come up, so I thought I’d head back and relax for a bit. It’s really not a big deal,” she responded lightheartedly and tried to shrug it off. Her locked gaze never broke from mine. “Honestly, it’s all good.”
I immediately called bullshit.
“Ashlyn, follow me,” I said in a low voice.
She didn’t hesitate, and that was another beacon of concern and reason why I was on alert. Stubborn Ashlyn was nowhere to be found. She had fled, and it now looked like she was running for the hills. The Ashlyn I knew would have told me to fuck off, and to stop acting like a caveman. She would never follow me willingly after I’d made those kinds of demands. Fuck, she would have rolled her eyes, pushed past me, and left. Completely opposite to the Ashlyn who was now following me like a puppy dog.
We stepped into the kitchen. I stood with my back to the kitchen island, and she stood opposite me.
“I am going to ask you again. Are you okay? And don’t give me a bullshit answer,” I stated, crossing my arms over my chest in a defensive stance. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t going to let her give me any of her ridiculous responses.
She huffed out a sigh, and the Ashlyn I knew started to slowly reappear. “I. Am. Fine,” she spat.
“The last time you crawled into my bed and cuddled up to me like that was two years and sixty-eight days ago.”
“You remember that?” she whispered, and her body swayed slightly in my direction.
“I remember everything, Ashlyn. Absolutely everything. And that’s why I won’t believe this bullshit that you’re fine.”
We remained in tense silence, glaring at one another, and putting our stubborn traits on show. Ashlyn and I had an intense friendship that started in the most unconventional way. One night led to an extraordinary bond, the likes of which I knew I’d never experience with anyone else, as well as a recurring case of blue balls, since I secretly wanted to get into her panties on more than one occasion.
I decided to be the bigger person and cease the standoff. “I know I’m not Ky, so I know you won’t talk to me, but please tell him whatever is going on with you,” I muttered softly and dropped my arms as rejection once again hit me.
“Josh, it’s not like that.” She took a step toward me and broke the distance.
“Yeah, it’s exactly like that, Ashlyn. Always has been.”
“Everything alright in here?” Ky’s voice questioned as he stepped into the kitchen and shattered the tension.
I glanced over his shoulder and my gaze met with Eden. She was standing in my living room, and nodded in acknowledgement. She knew exactly what I was thinking, and had witnessed Ky and Ashlyn’s unique friendship on more than one occasion since she arrived back in town.
“Yep, everything is great. I’m going to take Eden down to the diner. You two can talk.” I walked out of the kitchen and glanced at Eden. “Come on, pretty girl. We have a piece of chocolate cake waiting with our names all over it.” I grabbed Eden’s hand and we headed to the front door without a word. As I opened the door, I stopped and turned back at the exact moment Ky and Ashlyn started talking softly to each other.
Have you ever had one of those I-wish-that-were-me moments? A moment when you wished you could swap bodies with someone?
Yeah?
That’s exactly how I felt right at that moment.
IT HAD BEEN A week since my showdown with Josh. It had also been a week since I decided to give myself a slap across the face, a serious talking to, and a shopping trip to end all shopping trips. The horrendous trip to Australia was all but forgotten, and I had come to the decision that I would live my life as if it never happened. It was time to erase, forget, and move on.
Ridding my life and apartment of Lachlan felt like having a deep tissue massage and bringing the negative out and allowing it to disappear into nothingness. The biggest weight lifted from my shoulders, and I found myself believing that there was a new beginning within my grasp. It was all about me, and I freaking loved it.
I had never taken the opportunity to be so selfish. Maybe selfish wasn’t the right word, but everything I ever did was with someone else in mind, and now the feeling of doing something for myself was so unlike anything I could imagine. I felt like maybe I could start living the life I wanted. I could make decisions just for me. I could focus on just me.
It could possibly be life altering.
One thing that would never change was my love of books. There was no way I could say goodbye to my book boyfriends, because they would be the only men I’d be getting cock from for a very long time. For the past two hours, I had been curled up on my couch and wrapped in a blanket, with my attention firmly locked on my Kindle. My newest lover was a deliciously alpha man taking the heart of a woman who had been fighting his advances for years.
The door of my apartment swung open. My eyes shot wide and followed Josh as he stormed into my living room with a look of fury plastered on his face. Even though I had been doing everything possible to stay busy and keep my mind alert, I couldn’t deny that my body hadn’t stopped tingling from the feeling of Josh pressed against me.
Now as I watched fury come storming toward me, I had all but forgotten about his body and the way it felt against mine. The ability to breathe fled, and my mouth gaped wide. Clearly, saying I wasn’t shocked he was here would be a lie.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked when he reached the couch. His fists clenched at the side of his body, and the false calm of his voice was lost by the tightening of his jaw.
I rose to my feet to match his stance, and my defenses shot sky high. “Tell you what?”
“Why are you home, Ashlyn? Why did you climb into my bed the other night?” His eyes narrowed, and his voice dropped so low that it was almost a growl.
How dare he walk into my apartment and start firing off demands like that. First, I didn’t want to have this conversation because I wanted to forget about the fuck up known as Lachlan Johnson, and second, I didn’t want Josh knowing I’d screwed up.
Miss Stubbornness decided it was time to rear her head, and I responded the only way I knew how. “Fine, if it’s that much of an issue, I won’t climb into your bed again.”
I took a step and tried to push past him. My facade was close to breaking, and I wouldn’t give him the benefit of seeing it crumble. His hand reached out and wrapped around my arm, gently halting my escape. My skin felt like it scorched under his touch.
“You can climb into my bed whenever you want. You know that.” His voice was laced with intent and a lingering promise, which shot warmth through every inch of my tension-filled body.
My heart hammered in my chest. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I stiffened as Josh’s large, masculine hands encased mine, and his warmth offered a comfort I didn’t know I needed.
“What do you want me to say?” I whispered. I didn’t dare look at him, so I focused on the peach-colored polish on my toes.
Josh’s heat caressed my body as he moved closer. All ability to breathe fled when his hands landed on my hips and shifted my body so that I was standing before him. “Ashy, look at me.”
I shook my head and kept my eyes firmly away from his.
“Ashlyn, fucking look at me and tell me what he did.”
He knew. How did he know? My eyes moved from the floor, up his legs, and over his chest until I met his gaze. Determination stared back at me, and I knew he wouldn’t leave until he knew the truth. I summoned every inch of strength I could, but anger reared her head. I hated Lachlan, and I was seething that he had put me in this position . . . again.
“He cheated, okay? The moment I arrived I found him fucking another girl. I got played. He said I had been confused with the messages and emails he sent me, and that I was just a bit of fun. I was the fool, Josh
. I was the one who gave a second chance to someone who had broken my heart once before. Am I really that fucked up? What the hell is wrong with me?”
“Nothing is wrong with you,” Josh said softly. His fingers dug into my hips and the pressure encouraged me to really look at him. The intensity of his gaze shot through me like a bolt of lightning. “He is a fucking idiot, Ashlyn.”
“There must be, Josh. I’m done, though. I am completely done with the thought of giving my heart to someone. I am going to live like you. Random hookups, no commitments, and without cares.”
He shook his head dismissively. “That’s not you. You aren’t the random hookup kind of girl.”
“I am now. Either random hookups, or I’m becoming a lesbian.” I finally shrugged out of his grasp and put some space between us.
“I know this isn’t the time, and it’s probably highly inappropriate, but the thought of you with another chick is really fucking hot,” Josh said wistfully.
I turned at the exact moment he was pulling himself up onto the kitchen counter. The muscles in his forearms flexed under his weight, and it took all of my power to stop myself from focusing on them.
“See! That right there is what I want. You always think with your dick. That’s it, I’m going to start thinking with my vajayjay.”
“Your what?” He laughed deeply.
“My vajayjay. Vag. Baby maker. Pleasure chest.”
He shook his head while still chuckling. “Jesus Christ.”
“Yep, I’m doing it. Get ready for the best wing woman of your life,” I announced triumphantly.
His face stilled and all amusement was lost. “There is no way in hell that you are going to become my wing woman.”
“I’ve been there plenty of times when you’ve hooked up with girls,” I scoffed. “I don’t see how this is so different.”
“Are we seriously having this conversation?” He shook his head, and it was clear he was uncomfortable with the direction this was headed.
“I might text Duke and organize a night out,” I declared. “So do you want to stay for dinner? I’m making lasagna.”
The old changing the subject and getting off topic seemed to be working. Lachlan seemed to be a distant memory, and I knew Josh loved my lasagna. It was win win.
“It’s not working this time, Ashy. We have to talk about this.” His voice dropped and serious Josh appeared.
Shit.
“There is nothing to talk about. I should have listened to all of you when you tried to warn me.”
“I shouldn’t have let him in my fucking apartment when he came back.” His voice was tainted with anger and remorse.
There was no way in hell I would allow him to blame himself for this.
I spun around, my hands fell to my hips, and I glared at him. “Don’t even go there, Josh. I was the one that let him back in. I should have learned my lesson. I’ve had my cry, I’ve decided to move on, and, to be honest, I don’t want to talk about him any longer. Lachlan who? That’s how we will refer to him from now on.”
His lips turned up at the edges and he offered me a smile in understanding. That’s what I liked about Josh. He didn’t push. He took what you said as truth, or he would wait until you thought he’d forgotten and lay it back on you. He was sneaky like that. Sneaky and stubborn, and I think that’s why were worked as friends. If we didn’t, we would constantly be at each other’s throats.
I turned my attention back to the fridge and started busying myself with getting the ingredients ready for the Famous Ashlyn Hart Lasagna. I sighed as softly as I could, thankful that the conversation about Lachlan seemed to have ended. It wasn’t the first time I got into things about Lachlan with Josh, but usually it was Ky that brought him up. When I grabbed the cheese from the top shelf, I froze as it dawned on me. Why did I not realize as soon as Josh started speaking? Why didn’t it cross my mind when he stormed in and demanded answers? It was Josh that came to confront me, not Ky.
Did that mean Ky didn’t know?
I swung around. “How did you know? Why didn’t Ky come here?”
For a split second, Josh’s face dropped and his eyes darted away from mine. The once-calm air in the kitchen was now electric.
“Lachlan emailed asking me how you were, and if I’d seen you. I’m guessing he didn’t want to ask Ky because he knew how he would react, seeing how we are all aware of the relationship between you and Ky, you being his girl and all.”
What the actual fuck. Me being Ky’s girl? The way Josh said it made it sound like he was spiteful or jealous, something I’d never seen from him. What the hell was it with this man and his ability to utterly confuse me?
“Eden is Ky’s girl, Joshua.”
Our eyes locked solid. I wasn’t jealous of Eden. I loved Eden, and I was beyond happy that my best friend had finally gotten his happily ever after. But I couldn’t stop the emptiness I felt at the loss of the time Ky and I always spent together. I wouldn’t lie, I missed him.
“I know I’ll never be Ky, but I’m more than happy to step in when you need.”
My answer was immediate. “I don’t want you to be Ky.”
Josh’s face completely stilled, and emotion flashed within his chocolate brown eyes. Darkness shadowed his handsome features, and I knew I’d said the wrong thing the moment the words fell from my lips. I started moving toward him, but what he said next caused me to freeze.
“At least I can say I tried.” He jumped from the countertop and, without giving me a second glance or the opportunity to explain, he stormed out the door, slamming the door behind him.
The aroma of fresh garlic and basil filled my apartment, and the sultry tone of Lana Del Rey swam through the air, but the only thing I could concentrate on was Josh. Seeing him in my apartment with concern flooding his voice and his crazy reaction completely confused me. All it took was for him to walk in and make his demands, and the butterflies that had been dormant for years suddenly came to life. To be honest, I hadn’t fluttered that intensely since he took my virginity.
I knew I should have tried to call him or send him a text, but what I said was truth. I didn’t want him to be Ky. I didn’t need another Ky. Josh was so unique and so different than his brother. Josh was a mystery. He was my excitement, my frustration. He was my . . . he was my secret temptation. But, I could never tell him that, not after all these years.
With an aggravated sigh, I wrapped the lasagna with foil and placed the garlic bread and salad I had prepared into containers, then loaded up my picnic basket. It was close to eight P.M., and my stomach was roaring in hunger.
I left my apartment and made my way down the hall to Josh’s apartment. I knocked once, before grabbing the doorknob with my free hand and stepping into his living room. I was immediately greeted by a swarm of people, loud chatter, and music. It was Saturday night. I should have known he wouldn’t be having a quiet night.
“Ash! How are you, babe?” Duke asked with a flirty grin, then put his arm around my shoulders and gave me a drunken smile.
“Hey, Duke. You are looking as charming as ever.” I laughed and kissed his cheek quickly, then put the picnic basket on the counter.
His eyes ran over me from head to toe. “And you are looking as delightful as ever.”
“You, me, and Josh are heading out one night. I want to go crazy with you two,” I said.
“Crazy is my middle name. Josh is out on the balcony.” He nodded toward the closed balcony door.
“Thanks, handsome. I’ll see you around.”
I grabbed the picnic basket and dodged my way through the guests. When I slid the door open, I was hit by a warm breeze, but what I saw sent a tormenting chill through my veins. Josh had his hands and mouth on a brunette, who was moaning in erotic delight. His body had her pressed against the railing, and one of her legs was wrapped around his hips as she ground into him. This was the epitome of dry humping. I couldn’t move. I stood there, allowing the scene before me to cement itself in my memory. This wa
s so reminiscent of walking in on Lachlan with the brunette wrapped around him in Sydney. The only difference was that Josh still had his pants on. My heart stammered and I couldn’t move. I was frozen to the spot.
“Baby, we have company,” the brunette said, as her eyes met mine over his shoulder.
Fuck! Run, Ashlyn. Go!
I spun around, desperate for an escape, but the sound of Josh’s voice stopped me.
“Ashlyn?” he asked breathlessly. “What are you doing here?”
Could this moment be any more embarrassing? I cursed myself under my breath and turned back around to face him. Josh still had the girl in his arms, but his entire focus was now on me.
“I brought dinner. I made lasagna,” I muttered and dropped my eyes. I felt my cheeks flush. I made lasagna. I needed to leave. “Sooooooooo, I guess I’ll leave you to it. Just remember to wrap it, you know, be safe.” My eyes actually dropped to his crotch as I spoke.
Please, God, tell me that I didn’t just tell him to wrap his dick and be safe? A billion cool points just vanished, and mortified was nowhere near what I felt. Since when had I become a stuttering mess when I saw Josh with a chick that I knew he’d end up balls deep in later in the night?
I didn’t bother waiting around. I rushed through the crowded living room, then escaped down the empty hall and into my apartment. The moment I got into the safety of my space, I leaned against the door and sighed loudly. Suddenly, the desire to eat had disappeared, and all I wanted to do was drink red wine and hope to God it would erase the memory of giving Josh Crawford sex education. Mr. Sex himself certainly didn’t need advice from the girl who couldn’t even keep a fucking boyfriend.
I placed the food on the counter and grabbed my phone, desperate for girl talk. As I scrolled through to Eden’s number, the screen lit up with a text message, and Josh’s name appeared.
Josh: Come back to my place.
Me: No thanks. I have Lasagna to eat and wine to inhale.
Josh: You come here or I come there.
Brilliant. Just brilliant.
Me: Josh, I’m not going back there.