“Leave nothing but a footprint, take nothing but a picture.”
“Exactly. That’s why the company had the name it did. My new partner hired villagers to be guides and we sponsored a couple of households who wanted to provide accommodation to guests. It was a hefty investment but one I could handle. Barely. I came back to the States and printed up a brochure using some of the pictures I took, then hit every travel show I could talk my way into, spreading brochures on all available surfaces.
“I went with the first tour group to make sure everything ran smoothly and the village laid out a welcome like you wouldn’t believe. There was a naturalist on that trip and he took more even pictures than I had. It was a resounding success.”
“And they told two people and they told two people.”
“Well, not quite as easily as that. Eight happy tourists does not a company make. I had to keep finding more adventurous souls, a lot of them to turn a profit. There were more than a few lean years. The first office was in a warehouse loft where I also lived. Just when I thought it was never going to work, it really started to cook.” He smiled. “I remember when we went into the black as though it was yesterday.”
Phil smiled back at him. “There’s nothing like it.”
He took her hand, because it seemed a natural thing to do. Her hand fit perfectly into his, her fingers small and slender compared to his own.
“No. And after that, everything just went insane. People loved the trip but wanted to go somewhere different the next year. They liked the no-impact tourism and the small groups. They liked stepping into another world, and wanted to give us their vacation tour business. That was too good a chance to turn down, so I was on the run, finding new destinations, making partnerships, training guides, booking, hiring office staff, putting together brochures and selling selling selling.”
“But you wouldn’t have had it any other way.”
He shook his head. “Probably not. It was fun in a hectic kind of way. That naturalist was the first one on every trip and found me so many new customers I used to joke about putting him on commission.”
He stopped then, because this was the hard part of the story.
She tilted her head to watch him. “So you just got tired?”
“No.” He looked at her hand in his, not as certain how to continue as he had been of how to begin. She waited, and he decided she was more patient than he deserved. “That first place always held a special corner of my heart. It was the beginning of everything and even though I used the same model everywhere, always taking a local partner, always hiring local people, that valley was my touchstone.”
“That makes sense.”
“But I had a few complaints this last summer about that trip. The first one or two I figured were anomalies—on a trip like the ones I arranged, anything can happen. Some people adjust less well than others to the unpredictable. Then that naturalist revisited the valley and afterward he came to see me personally. He was pretty solemn when he told me that I’d better go have a look. So I did.”
He shook his head, still unable to accept what he’d seen. “The village was so different, Phil, that I didn’t recognize the place. It had grown and prospered, which was good, but it had gone far beyond my expectation. The roads were paved and there was advertising all over the place. The people were wearing jeans and sweats covered with logos. You could have plucked them out of anywhere in America.
“The worst thing though was that there were now six different companies doing the same thing that we were, but doing it without the rules. They had signage everywhere and salespeople prowling the streets. And the valley itself...”
He shook his head and shuddered. “It was infested with tourists, all grabbing samples and souvenirs. They were swimming in the river and climbing the rocks, shouting in a dozen languages and leaving litter all over the place. The birds had left, the flowers had been plucked, there were footpaths worn all along the shore. The dream had become a nightmare. My partner looked a hundred years older.”
“Why didn’t he tell you sooner?”
“He didn’t want to worry me.” Nick sighed. “More likely, he didn’t want me to think he was incompetent. But I knew he wasn’t. Maybe he didn’t want me to shut the business down, because that would affect the income he’d gotten used to, not to mention his status in the village as the one who’d started them all on the road to wealth. He’d done the best job he could, but couldn’t make my mistake better.”
“What are you talking about?”
He gave her a sharp look, wondering why she was being coy about something so obvious. “I made a mistake, Phil. I should never have started that partnership. Far from taking nothing but a picture, I took everything from those people. They lost their independence, they’re probably losing their culture and the whole world lost a treasure that can never be refound.”
“Surely they could legislate...”
He didn’t let her get any further, though his irritation with himself was starting to show. “Phil. We’re talking about third world governments. They’re not big on environmental issues, but they are fond of revenue. The tourists have to pay a head fee, so the more the merrier. The locals are consuming more manufactured goods, so they’re paying more taxes. The government there is not going to do anything to discourage this—in fact, I’d expect just the opposite. The damage is done.”
He rubbed his temples where a headache was beginning to loom. “So I tied up all the loose ends and let my partner decide whether he wanted the business or to be bought out. Then I flew around the world and did the same at all the other partnerships. Most of them opted to stay in the game, but I didn’t have the stomach for it anymore.”
Her silence made him certain she agreed with him. “Then I took the offer that the competition had been shoving under my nose for five years, albeit with a bunch of conditions. Surprised them, but that’s the way it goes. They’re a good bunch of guys. Maybe they’ll do better than I did. If nothing else, I can’t make it any worse.”
He kept his eyes closed, waiting for her to condemn him.
“Wait a minute.” She eased closer. “You aren’t blaming yourself for this, are you?”
“Who else would there be to blame?” His voice rose and he didn’t care. “I screwed this up, just like I screw everything up! Here I am, the one person in the world who thinks that rampant consumerism isn’t so all-fired terrific, and I manage to export it better than anybody else! I destroyed a local culture and replaced it with nothing worth a damn and started who knows how many untouched places on the same path. It’s the worst fucking failure that I could have made of my life!”
He turned away, not wanting to see the censure that must fill Phil’s eyes.
So much for his last friend.
Instead, he felt her hand on his arm. He could smell the soft perfume of her soap and feel her warmth close beside him.
“Hey, cowboy, ever heard of free will?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He risked a sidelong glance to find Phil considering him, no disgust in her expression.
“You don’t look like God to me.” Her lips twisted. “I always figured he was an older type. You know, flowing grey beard and all that.”
“Phil, this is not funny.”
“No, it isn’t, but you look like you could use a laugh.”
“You can make all the jokes you want, but I’ll never forgive myself.”
She sobered immediately. “But what about them, Nick? Are those people happy with what’s happened to them? You’re not the grand puppetmaster, you know. You had an idea and they liked it—you’re not responsible for the fact that they turned into something entirely different.”
“But, I...”
She continued firmly, not acknowledging his interruption. “Maybe something that suited them just fine.”
“But...”
“Don’t you think it’s important that all your partners chose to stay in the business? They can’t share your
view, Nick.”
She was a dangerously persuasive creature.
“Maybe they’re happy with their choice.” She nestled closer, her eyes filled with sincerity. “Do they have better living conditions? Cleaner water? Better access to schooling for their children?”
He didn’t know.
“Well? Every facet of western life isn’t bad, Nick. There are good things too. Maybe they’re living longer now and having better medical care. Maybe women aren’t dying in childbirth and children are getting vaccinations. Subsistence farming is a tough way to get by.” She shook his arm. “Maybe they have choices. What could be more precious than that?”
He eyed her warily. “I’m starting to think that optimism should be classed as a lethal weapon.”
Her smile flashed briefly and she took his hand in both of hers. She was so intent on casting him as a hero.
And he wanted to take the role more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life. It was different this time—he couldn’t accuse her of not knowing the worst of him.
Trust Phil to still turn everything up roses.
“Nick, what if that boy had found someone less altruistic than you? Anyone could have set up tours there and sucked the money right out of the country. They could have been left even more deeply impoverished, used by another company and left without any of the spoils. You did a good thing by letting them not only run the tours but share in the wealth.”
“The valley’s still ruined.”
“Who says it can’t be fixed? One of the wonderful things about the earth is how incredibly forgiving it can be. A few paths are nothing compared to some of the stuff we’ve managed to do in a lot of the world—yet natural places recover quickly once given a chance. I’ll take you to a place we’ve been working on. It was a dumping ground for chemicals and old concrete. It’s taken a lot of work, but there are flowers growing there, Nick. It’s still got a way to go, but every year, it comes a bit closer.”
He looked down at Phil and felt the burden he’d carried ease slightly. Maybe he could fix it. Maybe he could go back and help, make an alliance between the competitors. They had to see that the change would affect their business. Maybe all was not lost—maybe they could all learn something from this and make things better in the end.
He held Phil’s gaze and decided that the earth wasn’t the only one that was forgiving. She smiled that little Mona Lisa smile that awakened all the slumbering passion in him.
“I think,” she whispered as he stared at that widening smile, “you need to cut yourself some slack, Sullivan.”
When she stretched up to kiss him, the touch of her lips on his seemed the most natural thing in the world.
He could have done the chivalrous thing if she’d jumped his bones, but this gentle touch was impossible to resist. She offered solace, and hope, and Nick desperately wanted some of each. He kissed her back, a wordless gesture of gratitude for the way she listened, and Phil framed his face in her hands.
The slide of her tongue across his lip changed everything. Their kiss turned hungry, the heat between them crackling with just that small provocation. They were horizontal on the couch before he knew what happened, she was sprawled on top of him, the perfection of her butt was filling his hands. His erection pressed against her stomach and she writhed on top of him, greedy for everything he had to give.
His good intentions had a hell of a fight to break that kiss. He wanted some of her sunshine more than he’d wanted anything in his life. But he knew, he knew that just wanting something wasn’t enough.
Even loving someone wasn’t enough. He’d loved his parents, but they’d left him. He’d tried not to love Lucia, but he’d lost that battle, and he’d lost her too.
He didn’t want to lose Phil.
He caught her shoulders in his hands and held her slightly above him, refusing to look down her gaping gown at her breasts.
“Last chance, Phil.” He looked her steadily in the eye, his pulse thumping at the flushed just-kissed look of her. “Kiss me again and I won’t be able to stop.”
Her eyes widened as she looked at him, and he saw that she was hopeful for a promise he wouldn’t make, couldn’t make. He speared his fingers through her hair, still shaken by the eruptions she’d caused, and rubbed her cheek with his thumb. She was more than he remembered but it wasn’t in him to make impulsive choices.
He had to think.
He had to be sure.
He refused to feel guilty when Phil’s baby blues clouded with disappointment. He had been honest with her—she deserved the truth, even if she didn’t like it much.
Nick closed his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitability of feeling her slip away.
Chapter Thirteen
Well, I’ve had my face slapped a few times, but this was too much. “So, I’m still too fat for you?” I snapped, took another swat at Nick, then bounded to my feet. I was furious with him for not being able to see beyond the size of my butt.
I expected better from him.
“Phil...” He had his Be Reasonable tone which only made me more angry.
I paced across the room, figuring I had nothing to lose at this point. “So, what, you were just playing games with all those steamy kisses before? Giving me a little bonus offer so that I’d help you out?” He got to his feet and glowered at me but I was on a roll. “Hey, you had somewhere free to stay, a few lifts into town. You had to put up with me, mind you, and touch me once in a while to keep me on the team...”
“Phil, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what? Don’t speak the truth? It’s okay, the jig is up. And don’t you lay any more of your charm on me to make it all better.” I jabbed a finger through the air at him, disregarding the way his lips had tightened to a thin line. I was pushing the limit but I didn’t care.
“I get it already.” My voice rose slightly and those stupid tears gathered. “Fat Philippa doesn’t do it for you. Fine. Don’t let me cut into your beauty sleep any longer.”
I left before I humiliated myself any further.
I managed three steps before he caught me around the waist. He spun me around, caught my butt in his hands and lifted me off my feet so fast that I didn’t have a chance to protest. I would have said something then, but he kissed me hard and backed me into the wall with a thump.
And I got a good sample of how hot the core of that volcano was.
He lifted his head, his eyes as green as new grass. “Never imagine for a moment that you aren’t the sexiest woman I’ve ever known.” He rolled his hips against me. “Does that feel like disinterest?”
He smiled. “Kiss me, Phil, and let’s do something about it.”
I did. There was nothing but Nick, his tongue, his hands, and his erection pressed into my belly. I hung on to his shoulders and surrendered to the moment. He moaned when I opened my mouth to him and his hands slid under the flannel to slide over my bare skin.
I shivered, but he braced me against the wall, trailing kisses down my neck as his fingers slipped into my own heat.
Then I moaned.
I was squirming on his fingertips in nothing flat, certain I couldn’t stand it a minute longer. He made me wait though, tempting me more than I thought I could bear. When I came, I think I screamed.
I must have, because Joe upstairs thumped the floor again.
But Nick was grinning. He nuzzled my earlobe and laced our fingers together high over my head. His erection nudged against me and my mouth went dry at the size of him.
“What was that about me not wanting you?” he whispered in my ear.
I mumbled something incoherent and he chuckled, then pulled back to look into my eyes. He looked smug, pleased, and very male. “Not true, Phil,” he murmured. “I’ve always wanted you. Only you. I thought you deserved better.”
“Wrong,” I whispered unevenly.
He eased into me, hot and thick and hard, even as I tried to catch my breath. He held me against the wall with his hips as I got used to the siz
e of him, then impatiently tugged my nightgown over my head and chucked it across the room.
He looked down at me and smiled, his admiration unmistakable. “Beautiful,” he whispered. “And don’t let anyone tell you differently.”
“Lots to love,” I said, trying to make a joke.
Nick shook his head. “Perfect.” He cupped one of my breasts in his hand, meeting my gaze his palm fitted exactly around me. “See?” He arched a brow, watching me as he slid his thumb deliberately across my tight nipple.
I gasped and his gaze darkened as he bent closer. “Come again, Phil. Come with me inside you.”
I’m not too clear how things proceeded after that, save that it’s true what they say—all things do come in threes.
Including me.
* * *
I woke to the sound of rain and the smell of chocolate, and a space on the mattress beside me. For a moment I thought I’d had particularly good dreams, then a cheerful voice proved me wrong.
“Up and at ‘em, Phil. Daylight’s wasting.”
I rolled over and eyed the man who had kept me awake most of the night. Nick was dressed and shaved, disgustingly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
“I thought two nights without sleep was your limit.”
He shrugged. “Live and learn. Some cushy job you’ve got, Coxwell, laying around half the morning.”
I tried to sling a pillow at him but missed. “Be warned that I may bite before I’m fully conscious.”
“Which would be when?”
“Noon at the earliest.” I rubbed my eyes and yawned, wanting nothing more than to dive deep beneath the covers and stay there. I knew I must look like hell, but I peeked and Nick didn’t seem to be making a run for it.
In fact, he looked as though he was trying not to laugh.
“I don’t look that funny.”
“No, you look grouchy and rumpled and about as mean as a goldfish.”
“Don’t underestimate me.” I bared my teeth at him. “I enjoy munching on morning people, especially those who are cheerful and organized.”