I hear the smile in his voice. “That sounds exactly like something your parents would say. And I mean that as a compliment.”
“I know,” I say, snuggling closer to him.
He sighs again. “Come on,” he says, pulling me up to stand. “We should get some rest before we start tomorrow. You’re going to need it.”
“That bad?”
He smirks, and my heart pumps out of sync. “Nothing you can’t handle.”
THE NEXT MORNING, I MEET Jaxen outside my room and we head down into the city for breakfast. Sunlight wraps the city in gold. The sound of the water sloshing up against the high walls is calming. Moving around like just another person feels almost unreal. I never thought I’d have my independence back. That my feelings would ever be considered.
Jaxen takes me to a small boat vendor hovering over one of the canals. With a quick exchange, he purchases two apples and two protein shakes. The vendor’s wearing a beige robe made from burlap, and a mask in the shape of the sun. He takes Jaxen’s EC card and thanks him for the payment before gliding off under one of the many bridges that connect the intricate layout of the city.
Jaxen steps back onto the landing, tossing me an apple before handing me a shake. I catch the smooth, green fruit and look down at it, smiling as a thought flutters through my mind.
“What?” he asks, watching my smile.
“Nothing.” I take a bite.
“Well, obviously, something has you smiling.” He’s smirking a little now. “So tell me.”
I swallow down the bite and touch my fingers to my lips, trying to hide my grin. “It’s just a silly random fact I know. The apple made me think of it. That’s it.”
He tilts his head to the side, intrigued now. “By all means, do share.”
I look down at the fruit. Faint heat spreads beneath my cheeks. “I uh-I read somewhere… a long time ago, that in Ancient Greece, tossing an apple to a woman was supposedly considered the same thing as offering a marriage proposal.” I look down at the apple and take another bite, wanting to stuff my mouth as full as possible to shield my words from further humiliating me.
Why is it always the embarrassing facts that surface when he’s around?
Swallowing my bite, I sip on the strawberry-flavored shake. For a moment, I don’t think he knows what to say, but then his grin grows and he says, “Well, I’ll have to keep that in mind.”
I nearly choke on my shake. My whole body tingles as what he just said sinks in. A tentative smile grows across my lips. Don’t read into it, I tell myself. Don’t get carried away.
Jaxen looks down at his watch, oblivious to my internal struggle. “We have to report to our first session in thirty minutes,” he says. “Being late will dock your pay and probably result in an entire day cleaning out the labs where they keep the paranormal hauled in for studying.” He takes a bite of his apple.
“Studying?” I ask, feeling the few sips of my shake in my stomach roll.
He tenses a little. “Yeah, sorry.” He kisses the side of my head, finishes off his apple, and then grabs my hand. “That was insensitive.”
“It’s fine,” I lie. “They uh-what do they study?”
“Their habits. Their abilities. Knowing our enemy gives us better advantages.”
I look over at him. “It makes sense. We can’t learn without experimentation. We can’t—”
“Faye?”
My muscles clench up at the sound of Jonathon’s voice.
“Who’s that?” Jaxen asks as he dips his head in Jonathon’s direction.
I don’t dare look over. I don’t have the guts to. “It’s Katie’s dad,” I say on a tremor-filled whisper. “It’s who Clara tried to get me to drain.”
I drop my head when Jonathon approaches us, praying that he doesn’t hate me.
“How are you?” he asks. The genuine concern in his tone is enough to get me to speak.
“I should be asking you that,” I say, staring at my hands.
His fingers brush under my chin and gently lift until I’m looking into his eyes. “I’m not upset with you, Faye. What happened in that room wasn’t your fault, and not for one second did I blame you.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you. I just-I don’t have control yet, and Clara, she didn’t listen. She wanted more,” I rush out. “I hope you can forgive me. I’m sure Mrs. Coccia is probably so upset.”
“She doesn’t know,” Jonathon says quietly.
My eyebrows press together.
“She wasn’t summoned when I was, and when I went back after everything happened, I decided not to tell her. She didn’t need to know.”
“Where is she now?” I ask.
“Grabbing us breakfast. I saw you and figured I’d stop you to let you know. I didn’t want you thinking you had disappointed me.” He leans in, his eyes growing serious. “If anything, you impressed me. I’m not supposed to tell you this, but after I saw your contempt for Clara and the Priesthood, well, I just thought you should know there’s a band of us who are behind you.”
“Behind me?”
“Yes, well, it’s only a small number of us, but we see the effect the Priesthood has on the Coven. We don’t like it. There’s corruption in this government, and the more I try not to see it, the more it stares me dead in the face.”
“A rebellion?” Jaxen asks.
Jonathon nods. “We’ve lost over sixty Watchmen in the past two weeks. Sixty.”
My heart sinks to the floor.
“All from surprise attacks planted by Darkyns. They’re working with every paranormal they can get their hands on, and our government hasn’t done a single thing to intervene. They keep sending us out with a hope and a prayer that tonight won’t be our night to pass. We’re getting antsy waiting. We’re tired of burying our friends.”
“Who’s the head of this rebellion?” Jaxen asks. I look over at him, surprised by the interest I hear in his voice.
“Who do you think?” A smile spreads across Jonathon’s lips. “Mack, of course.”
“Jonathon?” It’s Mrs. Coccia calling for him.
He looks over his shoulder at her, and then back at me. “Listen, Mack wanted me to tell you to keep doing what you’re doing. Get stronger. He wants you to know he hasn’t given up on you, and that he’s fighting it from the outside. Know that there are a number of us rooting for you. Okay? Even Katie.”
“Katie? How is she?” I ask, wishing I could speak to her.
“She’s good. Really good. She asks about you all the time. She missed you at her party.”
My stomach clenches and for once, I wish I didn’t know guilt, or emotion. I wish my heart and my mind would just switch off. Become numb to responsibilities.
Become used to what it feels like when I screw up.
I exhale with my eyes squeezed shut and drop my chin. Slouch my shoulders. Her birthday was February 21st. I forgot all about it. “I’m a horrible friend,” I mutter, feeling heat behind my eyes.
“You’re not horrible, Faye. You’re stuck. There’s a huge difference,” Jonathon says, and I can hear in his words that he’s trying so hard to remedy the truth. To fix the fact that even though I am stuck in Ethryeal City with no way to communicate with the outside world, I still should have remembered.
“Tell her I miss her,” I say past the fist of pain lodged in my throat. “Tell her happy birthday, and that I’m sorry.” The last two words are barely understandable, carrying all of my guilt for me.
He smiles sadly. Tilts his head. “She knows. She misses you too, Faye.”
“Jonathon Coccia!” Mrs. Coccia yells out. “We have to go!”
“We’ll talk soon, I’m sure. Stay strong, Faye,” Jonathon says before turning away.
“That was strange,” Jaxen says after Jonathon is gone. I don’t follow his steps. I can barely wrap my mind around all that he just said.
“I don’t get it,” I say, trying to make sense of it.
“I don’t know what Mack thinks he’s doing,
but sending someone in to spread the word for him is dangerous. Especially with Clara in charge.”
“Why is he gathering people? He can’t possibly think he can take the Priesthood,” I say, feeling my stomach churn.
“He’s thought this for quite some time now. Losing Clara must have been the last straw for him. It probably pushed him into going through with it. I just never thought I’d actually see the day when we turned against our own, but then again, I never thought there would be so much corruption in our government either.”
“He could be killed for this,” I say on a whisper.
He grows quiet as we enter the Military Compound. Once inside, I switch my emotions off and head for the front desk. Elites walk in and out. Some sit in chairs, and others wait for the elevators to take them to their next class. I give the lady behind the desk my name and wait for her to tell me where to report. She’s wearing all black, like all Watchmen.
“Faye Middleton, you’re to report to General Sterling on floor 3, room 317.” She hands me my EC, looking over my shoulder at Jaxen. He slides the card across the counter and looks over at me, searching my face. I plant a small smile on my lips.
The lady gives him the same orders. He takes his card, and then we head for the elevator. The doors starts to slide shut before a hand slides in between them.
“How rude,” Weldon says as he slides into the elevator. When the doors close, he turns to Jaxen. “You never used to escort me anywhere.” He wears a mock-sad face, and I can’t help but giggle.
Jaxen’s mouth quirks up. “That’s because you played hard to get,” he shoots back.
Weldon looks mildly surprised. “Touché.” He bites the corner of his lip, flicking a glance at me over his shoulder. “Can you believe they’re letting three misfits train together to become one of their precious Elites? The Underground had to have frozen over.”
A smile breaks across my face, and I nudge him with my shoulder. He’s the perfect friend—sensitive, yet logical. Firm, yet understanding. I’m grateful for the small distraction when the doors to the elevator slide open. We step out and make a left, heading for my first official class. Gavin, Cassie, and Jezi are waiting by the door when we approach it.
“Took you long enough. Sterling’s about to blow his shit,” Gavin says, reaching for the handle.
“We couldn’t get so lucky,” Weldon says as he steps through the door.
General Sterling is everything I would expect him to be. Tall, built through many years of heavy lifting, meticulous, cold, and calculating. His hair is white and kept closely shaved to his head. His mustache hides the thinness of his lips. He’s standing at attention in front of a chalkboard when we enter the room. He’s imposing, looming, domineering… exactly what a general should be.
“Welcome to Survival 101,” his deep, hard voice says. “By High Priest Seamus’ command, I am to teach you sissies how to complete a mission without losing a life. To this day, I have never lost a comrade during a mission. To this day, neither has any Elite who has ever been under my command. If you listen well and follow everything I say, then you will survive.”
“Great,” Weldon says with an eye roll.
The general steps to the center of the room. “Magic won’t save you. Strength won’t save you.” He spins on one foot, looking at me. “Love won’t save you.”
“I’m catching a common theme,” Weldon says sarcastically, leaning into me.
I try not to smile as the general spins back around and points to his head. “This, your mind, that’s what will save you. I want you to repeat this after me—remain calm, remain collected, remain alert.”
We all repeat what he says in awkward unity.
“Good. That’s the essential. That’s what you need to know, and that’s what I am going to teach you, because if an affinity bond is separated, you’ll be rendered powerless, and in order to survive, you’ll need to know where to pull strength from to combat the paranormal. Follow me.”
He turns on heel and heads out the door we just entered. I look to Jaxen, who’s looking to Gavin, who just shrugs. We get in the elevator, and I bite my lip when the general pushes the button for the top floor. He doesn’t say a word to explain what he’s doing or where we’re going.
By the time the elevator door opens, I’ve already concocted ten different scenarios, none of them making me feel comfortable. The general opens the exit-only door and leads us out onto the rooftop. Wind rips across us, singing out like a warning as we step out into the soft morning light. From this height, I can see the entire city. I think I could jump and be able to touch the clouds.
I suddenly feel like I’m wearing my mortality.
The general walks all the way to the ledge of the building and peers over. He’s a breath away from death, one nudge from his ending, and I’m not sure what he’s expecting from us.
I can’t stop blinking. Twice my emotions have flicked back on from the fear overpowering all my senses as my hands clam up. I look to Jaxen, who stands rigid and in control out of the corner of my eye. Not knowing doesn’t scare him. It puts him in his element.
He’s home when he’s inside fear.
“Your whole life you’ve been taught not to let fear control you, correct?” General Sterling asks, his deep, belting voice carrying over the top of the wind.
We all nod.
“I want you to abandon that thought, because without fear, we cannot be logical. We cannot value the price of life. Fear is healthy. It can even be beneficial when used correctly.” He steps onto the ledge of the building, and it takes everything in me to stand still. To not grab him, pull him back to safety, and smack him for being so careless with his life.
“This building is twenty-one stories high. If I fell, I would surely die. Right now, I’m scared. My heart is pushing out double the amount of adrenaline that a human heart can produce. As an Elite, we know how to use that. How to manipulate it to help us when we’re in a moment of panic. And we know how to trust in our partners to get us to the end.”
He steps off the ledge and walks over to us with his hands folded behind his back. He takes his time looking each of us in the eye, sizing us up. I keep my chin high when his cold, steel blue eyes find mine. I wonder if he can see the veins pounding in my neck. If he can sense the discomfort weaseling through my blood.
His eyes shift over me and land on Jaxen, where they stay. “This class is going to require complete and total trust in me. I’m going to ask a lot from you, probably more than any instructor ever will, but in return, I can guarantee you one thing. You’ll leave my class strong, confident, and in control. You’ll leave my class being the best Elite ever known to this Coven. And, you will not fail your mission, each other, or yourselves.”
I swallow down the many questions that threaten to consume my imitated bravery, keeping my eyes pinned on the horizon. I imagine that I can do anything, be anything, and in that thought, I center myself. I find my balance. I don’t want to be a victim anymore. I don’t want to be the sad girl with the lost parents and freakish abilities.
“I want each of you to close your eyes and think about what scares you the most. Let it fill you up. Let it absorb your rationality until you can’t process a single, feeble thought. Get that adrenaline pumping. Let it fill your muscles and calm your mind so you can see clearer, sharper.”
A sharp, cool breeze whips past me, blowing my hair into my face. I can’t find one thing in particular that scares me the most. My parents dying, losing Jaxen, turning into a monster, failing everyone… they’re all on equal levels for me.
“With your eyes closed, take three strides forward. Do not peek, or I will fail you from this class and send your asses back to Watchmen duties.”
I take my three steps, listening to the uneven sounds of the other’s footsteps. My heart speeds up with every step as the ledge appears in the forefront of my mind. I know it’s only a step or two away from me now. Death… it’s only one unforeseen shove away.
“By now
, your hearts are probably in adrenaline mode. You know the ledge is close. You know I could push you, and you would only have your magic and your partner to rely on.” I feel him lean into me. “I see your heart beating through your neck. I smell your fear. Good.”
He steps back. “I want you to take your fears and discomfort, and channel it. Rein it in.”
I focus on my thundering heart. I imagine the adrenaline pumping through my veins, strengthening me beyond any magic. Fear wants to hold me down, but I don’t have to let it. I can continue to grow, to try and change my future by learning from my past.
I can be better.
“Tune into your surroundings,” the general continues, his voice drifting from all around us. “Use the adrenaline your body is feeding you to see past magic. To see past human and paranormal falsities, because when you’re out in the field on an Elite mission and you get separated from your partner, your adrenaline and your knowledge will be all you have left to survive.”
I feel him behind me. I sense his hand lifting, drifting toward my back, and I spin fast, bringing my arm out just enough to push him away from me. The moment my hand connects with his chest, I regret it. He flies back and lands against an air vent.
I should never touch an elder that way. I should never fight against them… but a small part of me, a part that’s buried under all the rules and regulations fed to me since birth felt… it felt freed.
General Sterling surprises me with a smile followed by a small chuckle as he picks himself up off the ground. “Well, well, the mouse has wit after all.”
The others open their eyes and look over at us, trying to guess what just happened. I sense Jaxen’s eyes on me, feeling his gaze surveying every inch of me, checking off some mental checklist he keeps tucked away in the dark recesses of his mind.
“The Coven wants you to believe you need your partner for your magic and strength. They want you to be dependent on your magic,” General Sterling says on an even tone. “But that’s not the truth. You can sense without magic. You can fight without it, and you can surely survive without it. That’s what this class will teach you. That’s what you’ll need before heading into this godforsaken mission.”