Things felt so out of control right now. I was like I had been strapped to a rocket that was hurtling through life. I couldn’t get a grasp on everything that was happening. Maybe it was more like I had been strapped to missile. I needed to figure out how to diffuse it and fast, or everything was going to blow up. And then that would be the end.
Trying not to think about my mother, I turned everything else over and over in my head. Alex was being pulled back. He didn’t have long. I had seen what happened to Cole, the way he started falling apart and slowly faded away.
If they can’t claim you, what are you willing to do to save him?
I was willing to do anything. But I just didn’t know what I could do.
And now the council was watching me. Cole had said to hide what had happened to me. That it was the only advantage that I had against them.
How was I going to use my supposed immortality against them? How was that supposed to help me? It wasn’t like I could give my life for Alex. He was already dead, traded his life for mine.
The countdown was on but I didn’t know how many numbers were still left on the clock until this thing exploded and it was all over.
Because if Alex was taken back for forever, that would be the end.
Exhaustion washed over me as the minutes rolled by as I sat on that swing. The answers weren’t going to come to me that day.
I had probably been sitting on that swing for almost an hour when my phone suddenly started vibrating. As I pulled it out I found two text messages.
You need to get home, like now! Amber’s said.
I think you should come back right now, Dad’s read.
Great. What was going on?
I crossed the park, made my way back down the grass-filled alley, and crossed back to the house. As I walked inside, I found Amber and Rod sitting very stony faced on the living room couch, looking on edge. Alex stood in the hallway, his arms crossed over his chest, his expression very serious. My dad was at the end of the hall, knocking on his bedroom door.
“Claire?” he called. “Are you okay?”
I just heard a muffled cry from inside.
“What’s going on?” I demanded. All of their eyes turned to me.
“Alex went to talk to Mom after you left,” Amber said, her face sullen. The way her eyes were so big, I knew there was more to it than she was going to say in front of Rod and my dad.
I looked over at Alex, my eyes questioning. He just shook his head, sending the message of talk later with his eyes.
“Claire?” Dad knocked again.
“Just…” my mom struggled to talk. “Just give me a little bit. I’m… okay.”
My dad glanced back at the rest of us, his brow furrowed. He glared at Alex for a second then looked over at me. I must have looked pathetic enough for him not to yell at Alex for doing whatever he had done to her.
“I’ll be out in the garage,” he said as he turned and started back down the hall. “Come and get me if she comes out.”
As soon as my dad was out of the house Amber and Rod turned confused eyes on Alex. “Dude,” Rod said, his eyes narrowing. “What did you say to her?”
I looked back at Alex, dying to know the same thing.
“I just went to talk to her,” he started. “I said that maybe she should be a little more supportive of her daughter.”
“And that made her scream like that?” Rod asked doubtfully. “I thought you must have suddenly turned into a vampire or something the way she screamed and tore out of that room.”
My stomach sank as I started putting the pieces together.
“Mom will be fine,” I said in a small voice. Taking Alex’s hand in mine, I half dragged him out the front door. Closing it behind us, I walked him to the middle of the yard so we wouldn’t be overheard.
“What did you do?” I demanded, my eyes burning as I looked at him.
“Like I said, I told her that maybe she should be a little more supportive of you and consider that the things you told her about were true,” Alex said, his voice not even defensive.
“And?”
“And… her reaction wasn’t what I was hoping for. It was just like you said it was, only I was hearing it from her myself,” Alex’s face was sad looking. “And so…”
“And so what?” I demanded when he paused.
“I showed them to her,” Alex said quietly.
“Them?” I said through clenched teeth. “You showed her your wings?”
Alex just nodded. “She can’t really doubt anymore.” He fought back a small smile.
I just stared at him for a minute. I didn’t know what to say. This was something I had never seen coming.
She finally knew the truth. My mom might not have understood it fully, but she had to know that I wasn’t crazy anymore. She had seen it with her own eyes.
“Thank you,” I said quietly, relief flooding through my body. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my head on his chest. Everything inside of me felt ready to collapse. I was so tired.
“You’re welcome,” he said as he laid his cheek on the top of my head.
I sighed, breathing in the summer air. “I’m ready to go home.”
“Me too,” Alex said quietly.
The next few hours were tense and awkward as we waited for my mom to come out of her room. To pretend I wasn’t freaking out inside, I called Emily to check on Sal. She said Sal wasn’t looking too good and Emily didn’t think she’d slept at all since I’d left. I made a note to call her doctor as soon as we got back.
With little else we could do, we started packing our things back up, the mood somber and quiet. Alex and Rod hauled our things back out to the truck. Amber and Rod both had to be back to work the next day, we couldn’t stay another night to make sure Mom would be okay.
Just as the boys stepped back inside, the door to my parent’s room cracked open.
“Are you guys leaving?” Mom asked quietly as she stepped out.
“In just a few minutes,” I answered. In a way I kind of felt sorry for her. I couldn’t even imagine the shock of seeing what she had seen, having never believed this was real.
“Well, I wanted to say good-bye then,” she said as she walked into the living room. My dad walked back in from the garage then, his face looking relieved to see her.
Amber rushed forward, wrapping her arms tight around my mom’s shoulders. “We’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah,” Mom whispered back. “Congratulations again. I’m really happy for you.”
She hugged Rod next, and to my surprise, hesitantly hugged Alex. I didn’t miss the fear in her eyes though.
She looked at me with a mix of emotions in her eyes. I tried to smile as I looked back, unsure if I succeeded or not. I wrapped my arms around her loosely.
“I’m…” she started to say, her entire frame trembling. But she couldn’t seem to make herself say it.
“Bye, mom,” I said quietly. “I’ll see you in two and a half weeks?”
She just nodded as we stepped away from each other. She still looked at me with fear in her eyes. Like I was more of a freak now than I had ever been.
Wrapping up the good-byes, the four of us headed outside and loaded into the truck.
“Well, your dad didn’t shoot us,” Rod said as Alex pulled onto the street. “I guess that makes this weekend a success.”
I gave a half smile as everyone else laughed. I wasn’t sure if I would call this weekend a success or not.
Just as we were getting back into Idaho Falls a light went off in my head. “Hey get off on this exit,” I said. I then gave him a few more directions. As we pulled into the parking lot I saw a smile creep onto Alex’s face. “Um, I’m kind of going to have to borrow your card. If that’s okay?”
“Of course,” he said with a smile as he pulled out his wallet. I glanced back at Amber and saw her beaming face. I bounded back into the store by myself.
Less than fifteen minutes later we were rolling back down the freeway
.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I collapsed into my bed thirteen hours later. In less than two minutes I was asleep.
And then Emily showed up.
“How long ago did she crash?” I faintly heard her say just outside the door to my new room.
“About three hours ago,” Alex answered. I heard him rummaging around in the kitchen. I wondered if he was cooking for Emily.
“Dang,” she said. “Well, I guess I’ll let her sleep them. We all know she doesn’t get enough of that.”
“I’m up,” I called in a throaty still-asleep voice.
The door opened and in came a yoga-clad Emily. I suddenly felt bad for missing so many of her classes lately.
“So,” she said as she planted herself in my bed. “How did the trip go?”
“Alex showed my mom his wings,” I said as I rubbed my palm against one of my eyes.
“You did what?” she called toward the door.
“I showed her my wings,” he said as mundanely as if he were repeating something about the weather.
“I heard that the first time,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “And why was that a good idea?”
“Let’s just say not all of the trip went so well,” I said as I rolled onto my side, propping myself up on an elbow.
“I’m sorry, babe,” Emily said with a small sideways smile. “Was everything else okay though?”
“Uh, sure,” I lied, thinking of the council member who was following me, of the fight that broke out at the engagement party.
“Well,” Emily drew out the word, her face forming one of her brilliant smiles. “Today was my first day at the University.”
“Oh yeah! How’d it go?”
“It was so amazing! I actually felt legit, and I’m getting paid some real money! And I’m finally done at that crappy coffee shop.”
“That’s great,” I beamed at her. But I saw the way her smile didn’t quite meet her eyes, saw the bags under them. Cormack leaving was harder on her than she was letting on.
“Then I’m actually going back down to the homeless shelter in a few hours,” she said, her face falling just slightly. “I’m volunteering at a few different places. Gotta’ tip the scales back in my favor.”
I wasn’t sure what to say as the conversation turned to Emily’s judgment. I put a hand on her knee, giving it a small squeeze. “You’re a good person, Emily.”
“Who’s done a very bad thing in her past,” she said quietly as her eyes fell to the comforter under us.
“You can do it,” I encouraged.
She suddenly flashed me another smile, unfolding her legs as she got up. “Well, if you’re really awake you should get out here and see what Alex is working on.”
Furrowing my brow, I climbed out of the bed and walked out the door and into the kitchen.
Alex had two cakes before him, one three-tiered and square shaped, the other six-tiered and rounded. He was kneading a big white ball of what I assumed was fondant icing. The round cake was already flawlessly covered.
“So which one do you like?” Alex asked as he started rolling out the icing.
“Uh,” I struggled. “You’re making full-on preliminary cakes?”
“Well,” he said as he started covering the square one. “To be honest, I’ve never made a wedding cake before. I wanted to make sure I could do it.”
“You had doubts?” Emily said as she rolled her eyes.
“Hey,” he defended as he glanced up at her. “I’m not perfect at everything.”
“Yeah, right,” Emily and I both said at the same time. Everyone erupted into laughter.
“So, have you picked your colors yet?” Emily asked as she turned her eyes on me.
“Yeah, I need to know how to proceed after you pick one of the cakes,” Alex piped in as he put the finishing touches on the fondant.
“And we need to get dresses figured out,” Emily said.
“Geeze, I’ve only been home a few hours,” I said in mock defense.
“And your wedding is in only eighteen days,” Emily said seriously as she raised her eyebrows at me.
“Whoa, you’re right,” I breathed as it all hit me. “What do you think Alex? Colors?”
“Sorry,” he said as he chuckled. “This one is totally up to you. I’m a guy, remember?”
I chuckled and rolled my eyes at him. “Fine, I’ll look through some of Amber’s bridal magazines and see what I like.”
“Then we can go shopping?” Emily asked hopefully as she pressed her palms together.
“Then we can go shopping,” I smiled at her.
“Yay!” she cheered like a high school girl. I wondered if her overly cheerfulness was a cover for how she was really feeling inside. “Well, I’ve got to get going but I will be back tomorrow morning to give you a hand with this stuff.”
“’K, see you later,” I called as she walked out the door.
“So, which one?” Alex asked as he wiped his hand on that silly white and pink checkered apron. It was a relic of his grandmothers.
I considered for a moment. “I like the square one. The round one is just going to be ten times more cake than we are ever going to need.”
“It’s a wedding,” he smiled. “We’re supposed to go over the top with everything.”
“Yeah, and what are we supposed to do with these cakes?” I teased him.
Alex’s brow furrowed. He hadn’t thought of that part. And then with perfect skill and balance, he picked the both of them up and headed toward the door. “Wanna’ get that for me?”
I chuckled as I opened it and he bounded to Emily’s car before she pulled away.
The homeless would get to enjoy two undecorated mock wedding cakes.
Alex came back inside and started cleaning up the remains of his cake experiment.
“No word about Caroline, right?” I asked as I settled onto one of the barstools.
Alex shook his head. “I did go file a missing person’s report about two hours ago. They didn’t seem too eager to help find a drug-addicted woman though.”
“She’s still a person.”
Alex nodded. “A person who isn’t wanting to be found. Honestly I’m not planning on her showing up for the wedding.”
“She’ll be there,” I said, feigning confidence.
Alex looked up at me, giving a sad half-smile. “I was thinking we should go look at wedding locations today. We’ll be lucky if anything is available.”
“I’ve got the rest of the day off,” I smiled. “I’m working the next six day straight to make up for all the work I’ve missed so I guess today’s our only chance.”
X
Over the course of the next seven days Alex and I found our perfect venue, I finally settled on the colors of rosewood red and bronze, worked more hours in a row than I had ever worked before, and finally managed to drag Sal into her doctor’s office.
It hadn’t been a smooth experience and would have been impossible if not for Alex helping to keep her calm with his angelic talents. She left the office with a prescription for sleeping pills and an anti-anxiety medication. Sal said she would refuse them, that she didn’t want their drugs.
Was I a bad person for slipping them into her food every day? Sal was finally looking rested and finally seemed to relax. I didn’t feel too terrible.
Emily, Amber, and I went dress shopping. I was grateful for Alex’s deep pockets as they both picked out matching dresses, found shoes and jewelry. And together we picked out my bouquet.
It was starting to feel like my time at work was my only down time. I could quietly stock the shelves, letting Rita handle the cash register. Work was busier while Austin took it easy and let his casted arm heal up. Life felt slower within the walls of the bookstore. It felt like everything inside made sense, like my impossible world was just another story from one of the books on the shelves.
But things were far from perfect. As I left work late one night, the silent council member had been standing across the s
treet, just watching. And literally with the blink of an eye, he was gone again.
I didn’t like sleeping by myself at nights. I hadn’t done it for months and months now. I had gotten used to curling up into Alex’s body in the middle of the night, stealing his warmth, of the sound of his breathing. Now the sheets on the other side of the bed were always cold.
But I knew what would happen if we stayed in the same bed before the wedding.
On a morning when Alex was at the house finishing up the rest of his remodels and showing it to a potential renter, I sat on the floor of the master bedroom, my folder of drawings spread out before me. Next to them lay the leather bound book of names.
The names of the dead I had stood trial for.
My eyes trailed over the images, taking in the details I had captured with pencil. The council’s chairs, my holding cell, Cole’s shadowed brand. I picked up one of the drawings, looking at it more closely.
It was rougher than most of the other ones, as if I had drawn it in a hurry. It was a picture of me, about to fall off the catwalk, a pair of beautiful wings sprouting from my back. One set of angels was trying to pull me up into never ending bliss, another set were trying to drag me down to the fiery depths with them.
It may have been the council who sentenced a person to heaven or hell but it was their minions that took them there.
I opened my leather book, my eyes trailing over the names.
Lisa Donovan.
Ted Meyer.
Gabriel Sanchez.
Kimberly Seely.
So many names. I had experienced trial for hundreds and hundreds of people.
Why had they gotten out of it?
I felt like there should have been an answer here. There was something I was missing.
What are you willing to do to save him?
What could I do? How could I fight against beings that weren’t even in my world?
If they can’t claim you…
I’d seen the proof that I couldn’t die at this point. As Cole had said, four times now I should have died, and yet I had not stood before the council. But the thought that the council could not claim me seemed too impossible.
I wasn’t sure how this was supposed to help me.