I take a seat next to Colby but at quite a distance now, not wanting to make Sage uncomfortable.
Hand on her knee, body tilted in her direction, Colby listens intently as she speaks. “I finished my baking early. I think it helped that Rowdy and Rocky weren’t home.”
“Don’t worry”—Rowdy winks—“I’ll be home soon, and I’ll be sure to taste test for you.”
“Touch my cookies and you’re dead,” Sage cutely threatens, pointing her finger at Rowdy. She might be small, but it sure as hell seems like she could pack a punch.
“What are you baking for?” I ask, my legs crossed and trying to focus, even though I can feel the alcohol starting to flow deep.
“The elementary school on base is having a bake sale and one of the girls I work with asked if I would help make four hundred cookies.”
“Four hundred cookies? Are you insane?”
She laughs, and Colby squeezes her knee. “Yeah, I might have been, but it’s for a good cause, and I love baking so I didn’t mind helping out. I’m just glad I was able to get my half done and come hang out. Although, I missed the mark on the bathing suit. I was in such a rush to get out of the house, I completely forgot.”
“No one has stepped foot in the pool,” Colby says, pulling her in even closer. She snuggles into his side, smiling at him with brilliantly white teeth.
Where the hell did he find this girl? She looks so perfect.
Unlike me, she’s soft and feminine. She’s an angel to my devil, reminding me of the Mother of Dragons in Game of Thrones.
Brining her attention back to me, Sage asks, “How do you know Colby?”
Awkward.
Skipping right over the part about how WELL I know Colby, I answer, “He dated my best friend for a bit before he went off to flight school. His best friend is now married to my best friend.”
“Oh . . . really?”
I nod and wave off her concern. “It’s cool, they’re all good now. For a bit there though, whew, who knew if Colby was going to get over it.” I wince, realizing what I’m saying. “Uh, you can thank the shots on that last comment. Sorry.”
She chuckles. “No problem.” She blinks a few times and presses her finger under her eye. “Ugh, I never wear contacts but thought sunglasses would be better to wear today. Is there a bathroom around here?”
My body voluntarily stands as I say, “I’ll take you. I have to go to the bathroom anyway.”
“Oh, that would be awesome. Thank you.”
Colby stands with her, helping her up like the freaking gallant knight that he is, and then asks, “Want me to order you a drink or any food?”
“Do they have sliders? I’ve been craving some.”
Is this girl for real? Sliders? What I wouldn’t give to eat something like that right now. I’m starving. But every time I look at food, I’m reminded of the outfit I’m wearing and think otherwise.
“I think so. Buffalo sliders. I’m assuming that’s good. And a Sprite?”
“Perfect.” She squeezes his hand and takes off with me. I keep my eyes focused on the ground, placing one foot in front of the other, trying not to show just how much alcohol I’ve consumed, even though I told myself I wouldn’t. I guess I’m drinking my calories today.
Once we make our way out of the busy pool area toward the bathrooms, I ask, “So how long have you and Colby been dating?”
“Not very long,” she answers, steadying me when I veer off course for a second. “We’ve been on a few dates. We talk almost every day though. Obviously only when he’s able to.”
“Is texting and flying against the law?”
She laughs. “Pretty sure he could lose his job if he did that.”
“Makes sense. How did you guys meet?”
I catch the smile that lights up her face from the question. Oh God, it’s going to be a cute story, isn’t it? I prepare myself to swoon, because if anything, I am a romantic, always looking for my very own meet cute and someone to love me . . .
Let’s not go there.
“In the commissary actually. He ran his cart into me causing me to drop a watermelon. We talked for a little bit but then went on our own ways. The next day, I was looking through our mail and realized we had some of our neighbor’s mail a few houses down. It was Colby’s.”
“Seriously? You guys live that close?”
“I live with my brother, Rocky, or as the guys call him Balboa, and Rowdy.”
I still, the marble hallway we’re standing in echoing my voice. “You live with two fighter pilots?”
She nods and continues down the hall, taking my arm with her. I thought I was the one showing her where the bathroom is. “It has its moments, but most of the time, I’m dodging girls that are constantly coming over. Not so much fun.”
“Ugh, that’s annoying.” I think about it for a second. “Wait, your brother brings girls home?”
“Yeah, he’s the worst actually. Rowdy not so much. He’s a little more reserved.”
That makes me laugh. “Rowdy is so not reserved. Before you got to the cabana he was flinging one of the girl’s shirts around his head and flossing it between his legs.”
“Really?” She stands aghast. “Oh my God, I would have loved to see that. That’s so crazy; he is kind of quiet at the house.”
I shrug. “Maybe he’s winding down. Doesn’t flying take a lot out of them?” I’m just throwing stuff out there; I really don’t know anything.
“No, that’s something I remember when Rocky started flying. He had a really hard time unwinding afterwards, sometimes it was almost like he was a zombie when he got home. It was startling. He’s better now.”
We reach the bathroom, thankfully it isn’t crowded, but there are just enough people where I’m not peeing alone with Sage having to listen to everything I’m doing. Like the sound of me struggling to take my bathing suit off. It’s so freaking tight.
It takes me longer than I wish to go to the bathroom, and when I exit the stall, Sage is sitting in a chair off toward the entrance waiting for me. I smile politely, wash my hands, and walk to her while drying them off.
“Sorry it took so long. This bathing suit is a maze. It’s hard to find where everything goes.”
“It looks really complicated, but it’s pretty.”
I know she doesn’t mean that. She seems like a really nice girl, someone who has never truly insulted another human being to their face, so there is no way she would tell me my bathing suit was built for hookers.
But I have no problem saying it.
“Pretty not so much. Slutty? Now we’re talking.”
“No, not slutty . . . it’s . . . it shows off your confidence.”
That makes me laugh. “You’re sweet, Sage.”
* * *
“You really didn’t have to take me home,” I say to Colby and Sage who are sitting right next to each other in Colby’s truck, holding hands, and looking like a picture-perfect couple. God, they are so sweet together.
Seriously, that’s the only word I can come up with: sweet. He’s the doting boyfriend who’s always checking on her, making sure she’s well fed and hydrated, and she’s sneaking kisses here and there, holding his hand, and allowing him to fawn all over her.
It was sickening to watch, but I also couldn’t tear my eyes off them. Not because I’m jealous. I don’t have feelings like that for Colby, despite our history, but because I want what they have so desperately. I can’t remember the last time I had a guy in my life who wanted to hold my hand whenever I was close to him, or a guy who would instinctively push a stray lock of hair behind my ear because he didn’t want anything distracting him from taking in my face. Now it’s right in front of me again, it makes me think of Rory and Stryder. Just another couple who found their very own happily ever after.
Watching Colby with Sage reinforces how lonely I really am. And I know I came out here to improve my career, to take the next step forward, but now I’m here, about to start my job, I can’t help but re
alize how empty my life is without someone to share it with. And I think deep down, I had expected Colby to be one of those friends I could occasionally hang with when we were both bored. Not for sex, but just a friend I genuinely liked. And now, that was doubtful.
Ugh, single lady problems.
Rowdy sobered up toward the end of the night and took Sage’s car so he could give the rest of the guys a lift home, while Colby and Sage were stuck with me. I almost feel like the annoying little sister whose brother had to take home while with his date. Rather pathetic, really. But Leah met up with Tyler a few hours ago and never returned. I shot her a text to make sure she was okay, and she sent me a picture back of Tyler sleeping on a pillow, his torso completely naked.
So, I’m pretty sure I know what they were doing.
“I don’t mind,” Colby says.
“Take a right here, and I’m in the apartments on the left.”
Colby leans his head forward to get a better look at the apartments, and the distinct sound of his disapproval rings through the truck.
“It looks sketchy at night, but I promise it’s a great area, super cheap and, hey, no kitchen to clean, so yay.”
“You don’t have a kitchen?” Sage asks, astonished.
I shake my head. “Nope. It’s an efficiency apartment, so I only really have a mini fridge and microwave, but it works.”
Colby pulls into a parking spot and checks out the area, a crease in his brow. “I don’t like it.”
“It’s fine,” I answer, exasperated. “Trust me, I’m incredibly safe here.” I gather my things and open the truck door. “Thank you for the ride, and Sage, it was so nice talking to you and getting to know you.” I point at Colby and smile. “You got a good one there; don’t let him fly away.” I elbow her in the arm. “Get it, fly away.”
She chuckles. “Totally got it.”
“Okay, good night, you two, and no funny business. You both are to go straight to bed when you get home.” I tap my nose twice and then point at them. “Safe sex is abstinence.”
I don’t know why I just said that.
“Christ,” Colby mutters under his breath. “Do you need help to your apartment?”
“Nope, all good.” I hop out of the truck. “Thanks again, and call me; you have my number, Sage. I would love to get together, really show you the town . . . not a buffet.”
“You can leave now,” Colby says as Sage laughs.
I shut the truck door and make my way to my apartment. That was fun today. I made a new friend and set a new mission: find a man, but not just any man. There have been enough douches in my life. Rory is settled and so happy. And well, I want that. The benchmark is high though, because I want a man like Colby. After all the shit I’ve been through in my life, surely by now I deserve nothing less.
Chapter Sixteen
COLBY
“I’m fucking tired,” I say, flopping on my couch.
Bent sits across from me, beer in hand, a weary look on his face. “That was brutal today.” He runs a hand over his jaw, looking into the empty space.
“What happened up there? You were off your game.”
“So were you,” Bent counters.
I was.
And this is why I’ve avoided getting into a relationship, because my mind wanders when it shouldn’t, when I’m flying a heavy piece of machinery at Mach speed. It’s dangerous when your mind isn’t clear. And my mind isn’t, not after the other day . . . after running into Ryan.
“What’s up?” Bent asks, interrupting my thoughts.
“I should be asking the same with you. Still seeing that girl?”
He takes a sip of his beer and sucks in a sharp breath of air before slowly letting it out. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with her.”
“Looks like she’s got you twisted.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, temporary insanity. What about you? Does your lack of focus have anything to do with the hot-as-fuck girl who walked back into your life the other day?”
“She’s just a friend.”
“She’s got to be more than that. I saw the way you reacted to her.”
Who wouldn’t react to her in that bathing suit? Almost everything was visible apart from a few strategically placed pieces of nylon. The moment I saw her, flashbacks of our night together seared through my mind. Her ass in the air as I drove in behind her, the look on her face when she came. Yup, every part of the last time we “hung out” together came back to me, and it made me feel guilty as fuck.
Those were the kind of memories I needed to wash away, not have at the forefront of my mind, especially when my girl showed up shortly after.
“Is there history there?” Bent pushes on.
My hand falls to my forehead where I rub it a few times before saying, “A little over three months ago, at my buddy’s wedding, we might have hooked up.” Bent nods his head, understanding crossing over his face. “It was nothing really. We were both kind of lost and horny, so we had sex.” I leave out the details of spending the wedding together, the next day, and then the night together. “It was stupid and dumb, but at the time it felt good. We left with a mutual understanding that it was a one-time thing.”
“She knows that?”
I nod. “She does. And she’s chill. But . . . I don’t know, man, I felt uncomfortable having her there. I didn’t want Sage to feel weird.”
“Does Sage know something happened between you and Ryan?”
“No,” I answer quickly. “Fuck no, and I would never tell her. I don’t think that’s something she needs to know. It was one time, and I didn’t even kiss her.” Well, I kissed her, a lot. Everywhere but her mouth.
“You didn’t kiss Ryan? How is that possible?”
I smirk. “We fucked, dude.”
He returns my grin. “Okay. So what’s the problem?”
What is the problem? Exactly what I’ve been asking myself. I don’t have feelings for Ryan. She’s a friend, yeah, and she’s pretty, but that’s the extent of my feelings. It’s pretty shallow, nothing like I feel for Sage right now. But . . .
“I don’t know. I have this feeling like I need to watch over Ryan, make sure she’s going to be okay.”
“Why?”
For someone like Bent who might not have suffered the kind of childhood I have, I understand why he’s missed it, but I haven’t. To me, it’s clear as day. Ryan is damaged, her soul bruised and beaten down. I can see it in her eyes, how she puts on a good show, is fun and outgoing, but deep down, her smile doesn’t reach her heart.
I don’t know why she’s like that, because I have no insight into her past, but what I do know is she carries the same heavy and cracked heart that I do.
“I feel like she needs a friend. A solid friend who’s going to be there for her and guide her. Rory was her rock and without Rory here, I fear Ryan will go down the wrong path.”
“Do you think it’s your responsibility to take care of her?”
“Sort of. I’ve known her for a long time now and even though we haven’t been super close, I still think we’re tied together by our friends, which means she’s my responsibility. I know Rory and Stryder would appreciate it if I watched over her.”
“Then be that friend.”
I scratch my jaw. “You don’t think that will be weird for Sage?”
“Let me ask you this. You’ve been on a few dates with Sage. Does she seem like a girl who you could see yourself with? A girl who would follow you from duty station to duty station, waiting for you to come home, being okay with you missing holidays and birthdays because you’re overseas? Do you think she has what it takes to be an airman’s girlfriend?”
Pretty, sweet, understanding Sage. Does she have what it takes?
She’s put up with my lame dates.
She’s already endured a cancelled night together and me picking her up.
She’s dealt with my crazy schedule thus far, not seeing me much, even though I live only a few houses down from her. Every time
I do see her, instead of annoyance, she beams with joy, pulling me into a tight hug. Whether or not it’s because of her brother also being a pilot, she seems to have the ability to quietly accept and respect the responsibilities of an airman. I don’t feel like I need to constantly apologize, and that’s actually a relief. If there is one feeling I remember more than anything else when I was with Rory so many years ago, it was the feeling of guilt. Of my dreams and goals being something that competed with her. And with Sage? Even though things are so new, I don’t feel that same guilt . . . and it feels good.
Do I think she has what it takes? One hundred percent.
“She does. I could see a future with her.” I take a long pull on my beer. “She gets me, and she gets the lifestyle. And fuck, she knows all about planes. Turns me on, dude.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “That’s some weird shit.”
“Come on.” I level with him. “If a girl you were dating started talking about the speed an F-35 can fly at and you watched her eyes light up while talking about it, you can’t tell me that isn’t a turn-on.”
Slowly, Bent nods his head. “All right, all right. I get you.”
“See? It’s hot.”
Growing serious again, Bent says, “So if you like her, and you think she could be the one, don’t worry about what she might think of Ryan as your friend. If she likes you, she’s going to deal with all your baggage, and I mean all of it.” After Gramps's funeral, after that whole fucking disastrous week I was in the Springs, Bent was there. Stryder was definitely one of my best friends, but in the last few years through flight school, and on our home assignments and overseas, this man is someone I've come to deeply respect. As an airman. As a man. I trust his opinion and also his wisdom. He knows about my baggage. He knows how much I was screwed up. He knows how much I've changed too. For the better, I hope.
"So, what the hell do I do about Ryan?"
“Be her rock, dude.”
Be her rock. That I can do. And nothing less.