“Aella, what’s wrong?!” he screamed.
“I don’t know who Aella is! I need to find my passage - help me!” I screamed through my teeth as I tried to focus.
I watched as shock came across his face. He slowly stood, then ran from the room. I started to take slow breaths. I thought if I could calm myself down, I’d be able to feel the emotions and intent of this place and know if I were safe or in danger; the pain, however, wouldn’t allow any of my insights to surface. A tearing sensation came through my chest. It was as if my heart were trying to escape my body – as if it were going to find its way to Landen one way or another.
The boy returned with two older women dressed in stunning white gowns that flowed to the ground. The young boy rushed to my side as the other two walked cautiously to me, studying my every feature.
“Tell me your name,” the boy said to me.
“Tell me yours,” I said, more harshly than I intended.
“Nathaniel,” he said, reaching for my hand.
I squeezed his hand, using it as an outlet for the pain.
“Willow,” I said, breathing out.
“We’re going to take your pain, Willow – but you need to be calm for it to work. Do you understand?” Nathaniel asked me.
“The only way to stop this pain is to return me to my soul mate. Can you do that?” I asked with pleading eyes as I tried to sit up.
He gently urged me to lay down. “I cannot do that; soul mates are the only ones who can find one another. We’ll calm you so you can find him,” he mumbled.
I felt comforted by him; he reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t place it.
I stretched out on the stone floor. Nathaniel locked his eyes with mine, and the women knelt at my side. From the corner of my eye, I could see them slowly moving their hands above my body. I could feel their energy entangling with mine, pulling me up, and I felt the stone floor leave my back as I slowly began to rise. As Nathaniel stepped slowly back, I gripped his hand; I trusted him, and I didn’t want him to leave me. His eyes smiled, and I knew then that he expected whatever was happening to me. The women stood as my body began to rise. One was to my left, and the other to my right. I looked into each of their eyes and found calm. The woman to my right looked at Nathaniel. “Get the water,” she said as she reached for the hand Nathaniel was holding; I took hers as he let go.
The pain caused me to tense and pull my body into a ball. As I turned in thin air, the panic of falling caused me to slowly drift down.
“Listen, child,” the woman to my right said. “You have complete control over your mind. Hold the image of the one you love there. See him as if he were holding your hand.”
I gripped the hand she was holding and closed my eyes, seeing Landen, wanting him more at that moment than any other.
“Now,” she said, not seeming to mind the pain that my grip was inflicting on her, “let the tension leave your body and imagine you’re floating on a gentle current.
As I listened to her calm words, my body slowly began to rise again. I was floating just above their waist. Nathaniel returned, carrying a glass bowl with a breathtaking flower; it was just like the ones from Chara: the petals were emerald green with blue lines throughout it. The flower was balancing gently on the surface, and I couldn’t stop staring at it.
I could swear it was breathing. As Nathaniel stepped closer, I could see the details of the flower become clearer. I didn’t understand how a flower from Chara was there, how those colors laced together seemed to carry so much power. What looked like tiny diamonds coated the most beautiful shade of green I’d ever seen. The closer Nathaniel got to me, the more calm I felt. The pain began to dull, and my breathing slowed. As the tension in my body left me, I began to rise ever so slightly. The woman on my left gently held my body, preventing it from rising any further.
The woman to my right let go of my hand and reached for the glass bowl Nathaniel was holding. Once the bowl was safely in her arms, he looked at me. “You’re going to be fine – I promise,” he then turned slowly and left the room.
My eyes moved from where Nathaniel was to the flower. The petals were breathing – I was sure of it; I stared in awe as they moved in and out.
“Do you wish the pain you feel, the pain your soul mate is feeling, to end?” she asked me.
Grief swept through me as I realized that this entire time, Landen had been feeling the same agonizing pain I’d felt. A tear streamed down my face as the reality of it being my entire fault sank in. I nodded.
“Bear your heart,” she said, looking to my chest.
My mind was blinding me with horrible images of Landen in agony. I slowly reached for my shirt and pulled down my collar, bearing the center of my chest. Everything around me turned solid white. The women vanished, and I was floating in mid-air next to the glass bowl of water.
The flower’s breaths seemed to increase, then it slowly began to rise from the water. The petals mocked the movement of a majestic butterfly as it gradually moved over me. I held my breath as I stared, petrified at this awesome wonder. As it slowly began to lower itself to my chest, the petals felt as cold as ice as they settled on my skin. I gasped as the chill began to warm into a numbing sensation; it felt as if Drake himself were taking my pain once again. The sensation slowly began to ease its way through my body. When the tingle reached my toes, I felt an absolute bliss encase me. I closed my eyes and drifted into a deep sleep.
Chapter Fourteen
When I woke, I found myself lying in the center of a solid white bed. Before me was a window. The view was breathtaking. I could see distant mountains and small hilltops sprinkled with an array of flowers. A winding river carved its way through the emerald green valley. For a moment, I’d forgotten that I was lost, as well as the pain I’d been through.
I pulled myself up and reached for my chest. I was dressed in a white gown; it felt as smooth as silk, and the V-neck top revealed my heart. I held my chest, remembering the flower. I thought it was all a dream, perhaps a delusion of the pain. I moved my legs to the side of the bed, and there was a doorway there. I sensed the emotions of the people I could feel just beyond it. They were peaceful, calm; so calm that for a moment I thought that somehow I may have made it to Pelhan’s world, but the curiosity I felt let me know that I was far from his certainty.
I took a deep breath before standing and walking slowly to the window. Once there, the sunlight poured over me. In the window pane, I could see my reflection. On my chest, in the shape of the flower, I could see tiny sparkles. I looked down in shock and traced my finger across my skin – whatever was there was beneath the surface. I couldn’t even see the scar from the knife anymore; just the beauty of the flower. An uneasy breath escaped me as hopelessness consumed me. I’d all but doomed Olivia; with me trapped here, she was sure to die. I didn’t even know how much time I had left, or if her death had already come. Gray clouds covered the sun, taking the marking of the flower away with them. Tears surfaced in the corners of my eyes when I realized I had no idea what I would do if I lost Olivia - if anyone lost their life because of me.
I felt someone full of curiosity approaching me, and I cautiously turned to face the doorway beside my bed. A moment later, Nathaniel appeared there, and his innocent, boyish face lit up with joy when he saw me waiting on him.
“Are you hungry?” he asked me.
“I need to go,” I said, walking to him.
“Your passage has called you?” he asked in a surprised tone.
Stunned by his odd reference to the string, I shook my head no and halted in the center of the room.
“Then it isn’t time for you to leave,” he said innocently.
I stared at him, wanting to realize who he reminded me of. His crystal clear blue eyes craved purpose, and his long, wavy blond hair made him seem angelic. He was at that stage in life when the innocence of boyhood was fading and the certainty of manhood was on the horizon. His energy beamed with confidence, peace, and calm. It was frustratin
g to think that I knew him but had no idea how.
“I need to look for it,” I said finally.
“Look?” he repeated, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Yeah,” I answered, not knowing how to explain the string to him.
He stepped closer, took my hand, and began to guide me from the room. Smooth gray stone made all the walls and floors, and the ceilings were over one hundred feet high. The doorways arched, and wide columns outlined the hallway he was leading me down. I could hear birds singing and the blissful sounds of nature. As we moved down the hallway, I could see that most of the place was open, leading to the outdoors. There were people in the open spaces. They were all dressed in the white gowns like I was wearing, and each of them had a different color belt holding their gown together. I looked down to my waist to see an emerald green belt around me.
I looked up at Nathaniel; I knew his intent was to feed me. “Listen, I don’t have time to eat. I have to find my passage.”
He stretched his arm around me. “Your passage will be there when you’re ready.”
“Ready for what?” I asked shortly, knowing I was never ready for the things that happened to me.
“To understand.”
“Understand?”
He nodded. “When your journey begins, your path will be very clear.”
My eyes moved back to the people casually sitting in the open spaces. They were all young, and for a moment I thought I was the oldest one there - that is, until I remembered the older women who helped me before.
“What is this place?” I asked.
“Utopia,” he answered, letting his arm fall from around me.
We turned to the right and followed the short hallway to an open oval terrace. White curtains were tied to the massive columns that framed the short stone banister, and a table with an array of fruit was in the center. As I casually walked to the banister, I could see that this place was eloquently carved into the side of a mountain. From where I stood, I could see at least ten levels, and oval terraces on every one peered out at the inspiring scenery. The sun had returned, and every color of nature looked so pure. The artist in me yearned to capture every detail.
“And what is Utopia?” I asked, fearing the answer.
He walked to my side and studied my face as I continued to take in the details of this world.
“A place that will create understanding and peace within.”
“Am I in danger?” I asked as fear swept through me.
In that instant, the blue sky turned gray and a crash of thunder echoed through the mountains. As panic swept through me, the wind began to increase. Nathaniel placed his hands on my shoulders and trapped my frantic eyes.
“The darkness cannot reach us here!” he yelled over the thunder.
I looked at him as if he were insane. Did he not notice the abrupt change in weather? Did he not realize that that could be the devil creeping over the mountain? As confusion consumed me, the wind circled around us.
Calm began to come over me as I realized that showing fear at that point was pointless. As I took ownership of that emotion, the gray skies faded and the clear blue horizon returned. As Nathaniel let his hands fall from my shoulders, I felt a sense of accomplishment beaming from him.
I had to focus (how did I get here in the first place?). Suddenly, I remembered when I first saw Nathaniel. “You called me Aella before...does she look like me?” I asked as hope spread through me and the sun seemed to beam brighter.
His eyes fell into mine, and I felt his doubt rise; it was almost as if he didn’t believe that, but he needed me to at that moment. My confusion was swarming out of control throughout every inch of my body, and adrenaline was rushing through my veins. The wind began to swirl around us. “You could say that,” he said quietly.
“Where is she? I need her. She has to come back with me,” I said, gripping his arm.
As the adrenaline of excitement rushed through me, the wind increased again. I held his arm tighter, fearing the weather in this place more and more.
He loosened my grip. “You’re going to have to find one emotion, a calm one - and stick with it,” he said, looking over my shoulder.
As I turned to chase his gaze, on a distant balcony three stories higher than us I could see the silhouette of a young woman, her long hair flowing in the gentle breeze. I couldn’t see her face, but I could feel an immense amount of panic, fear, and uncertainty coming from her as she turned and left my view.
“Why is she afraid? Is someone hurting her?” I asked, turning to Nathaniel.
“She isn’t afraid - you are,” he answered.
“No, I’m not. I need her. Where did she go?” I asked, growing frustrated.
As thunder rumbled in the distance, Nathaniel pulled my hand and urged me to sit at the table full of fruit.
“I’m not hungry,” I argued. “You have to understand, people will die if I don’t get back...they may already be gone.” My words were encased in tears. As they left my lips, a gentle sprinkle began to fall from the clear blue skies.
Nathaniel sat across the table from me and leaned forward. “Aella is reflecting the emotions you’re feeling – at a higher intensity. It’s a gift, a curse – and now it’s yours.”
His words brought nothing but more confusion. How was it my curse? I ignored that part of what he said and asked, “She can feel emotions?”, believing without a doubt that I’d found Drake’s soul mate.
Nathaniel’s eyes grew sad, and I watched him struggle with his words; it was almost as if he were trying to teach me a new insight, but that didn’t make any sense...we were talking about Aella, not me – right?
“She can. But now, she also unwittingly reflects them. If she’s near someone who intimates a core negative emotion, she feels the emotion on a physical level, a level that could bring pain. As a defense, her energy projects the emotion she’s feeling to everyone and everything around her. She has the power to make an entire world cry or laugh,” he explained as his young eyes reflected a warning of the ominous power behind this insight.
“The weather,” I whispered.
He nodded. “You must control your emotions.”
My eyes fell to the table, and images of all the worlds I’d seen and felt came to me. As hope spread through my emotion, the rain stopped. I thought of how simple it would be if I could simply make the priests and evil I was fighting just laugh; no one can be angry and laugh at the same time. I was beginning to think that maybe I hadn’t made a mistake running from Landen, that somehow the universe was leading to me to the desire of my thoughts - that if Aella was my twin, then Drake would have his soul mate, and the power, the insight she carried could end this.
“She could save us all,” I said in a whisper.
“Why do you think that?” he asked curiously.
“Half of the war I fight is in my mind. I’m torn between two amazing people I love: Landen with my entire soul, but I feel like I should love Drake, too. If I wasn’t distracted, I would have found a way to end this war long before it began.”
“Aella isn’t what you’re seeking, Willow.”
Holding my calm emotion, I leaned forward and furrowed my eyebrows. “I’m not leaving without my twin; her soul mate needs her.”
Before he spoke, his pale blue eyes danced across my face. “You think that will bring you true peace? That a twin image is your solution?”
“I don’t think – I know she’s my solution,” I said, turning to see if she’d returned to the balcony.
“Listen,” he said, calling my attention back to him. “You should know that there are no endings, only new beginnings. An ending can never truly be reached. True, that moment will be a marked one to be remembered, but it will not bring you the peace you truly crave.”
“Right now, I don’t want peace for me; I want it for Drake. If I can give that to him, I know I’ll be able to help everyone. I can help them because my mind will be focused, clear.”
Nathaniel’s eyes fell to
his lap as he struggled with impatience; apparently, I wasn’t understanding what he was saying clearly enough. “Besides,” he said as his eyes rose to meet mine, “you cannot bring soul mates together; they have to find each other.”
I smiled confidently. “I come from a place that knows more about soul mates than you could ever imagine. We lead them to each other on a daily basis. It’s the purpose of my world.”
“So you walk up to a random person and say, ‘It’s time for you to be in love. Come with me; I’ll take you to your mate’?” he asked with a bit of humor in his tone.
“No,” I said, offended by his words. “They tell us when they’re ready to search, and then we guide them on their path.”
Nathaniel raised his eyebrows and grinned, then slowly sat back in his seat. I looked over my shoulder to the empty balcony, then back to him. “Wait, are you saying that she isn’t ready for him?” I asked.
“I’m saying that it isn’t your place to tell Drake or anyone else who to love – or when to fall in love,” he answered.
“Trust me, Drake is ready to be in love. With each breath, he yearns for it.”
“How do you know he’s not yearning for you?” Nathaniel asked, tilting his head.
Struggling to hold my calm, I let out a frustrating sigh. “That’s the problem: he thinks I’m her. If he sees her, he’ll understand it’s not me - it’s her.”
He carefully reached across the table and took my hand. “If you place two people who aren’t ready for one another together, they won’t see each other in that way.”
“Well, we won’t know until we try, now will we?” I said, pulling my hand from him and standing to find her.
I’d made it to the doorway before I felt him reach for my shoulder, then turn me and capture my gaze. “This anger will kill you if you let it.” He looked to my chest to the flower that was sparkling in the sunlight. “This flower is only protecting your heart; it cannot protect you from the emotion you’re feeling right now. The insight to reflect your emotions in the atmosphere is more powerful than you can imagine; you need to stop thinking about what’s at home and focus on how this insight works – focus on control.”