Just what she was hoping to hear. “I need to take a quick shower.”
“I’ll walk down to the water. Whistle when you’re ready.”
His blue eyes held a promise that made her heart stutter in her chest.
Chapter 41
The budget is always important. You must count the cost before you begin any renovation.
—HAMMER GIRL BLOG
Grayson tossed rocks into the rolling waves in Rainshadow Bay. The salty tang of the sea on his lips blew the last of his sleepiness away. He watched a ferry chug toward Whidbey Island. When this was all over, he wanted to spend some time getting to know this place.
He had a lot of thinking to do. He’d barely slept last night, and though he’d tried to blame it on the pain in his leg, he knew better. The real pain was the thought of leaving here, of missing Ellie. Seattle wasn’t that far, but far enough that it could be difficult with his crazy work schedule. He’d done what he set out to do, and Nasser was facing justice. Maybe it was time for him to reexamine his goals and figure out where he went from here.
Pebbles tumbled down the hillside, and he turned to see Zach coming to join him. The dogs scampered ahead of him and ran to nose the remnants of a tide pool.
“You doing okay?”
“Yeah, just trying to figure out life. A month ago I had no idea how differently I’d feel about everything.” Grayson rubbed the head of one of the dogs as it thrust its nose into his hand.
“Need a sounding board? I know what it’s like to have your whole life turned upside down.”
He probably did. Grayson had heard a little about how things had been after Shauna’s first husband died. “I thought I had my career and life all mapped out. Everything is turned on its head.”
“This is about how you feel about Ellie, isn’t it?” Zach tossed the Frisbee in his hand, and the dogs ran off to chase it. “While I’m not an expert on the topic of love and marriage, I can tell you that finding the right woman is worth turning your life in a totally new direction. You don’t want to leave her, do you?”
Grayson shook his head. “And I don’t want to leave Shauna now that I’ve found her. Or this place that suddenly feels more like home than anywhere I’ve ever lived. But yes, it’s mostly Ellie. She’s special, and I think we might have a future together. I don’t want to give up seeing her every day.”
“What are your options?”
“I could put in for a transfer to one of the Coast Guard stations here. Maybe Port Angeles.”
“You’ve done your homework.”
“Seattle is more of a boon to my career, which is why I took it in the first place, but it’s too far away to drive every day. Port Angeles is close enough, but since it’s small, I’d be able to get some experience in a lot of different things. The variety might be interesting, but am I trashing my career by asking for a transfer?”
“I’ll pray about it with you. God will give you direction on what you’re supposed to do.”
“Thanks, I’d appreciate it.” Several seagulls landed nearby and approached with beady eyes looking for food. “How’d you know Shauna was the right woman for you? I don’t have much experience with long-term relationships.”
“I couldn’t imagine life without her in it. It was as simple as that.”
“I’m pretty much already there. Here I am thinking about asking for a move that could either be the biggest mistake of my career or the best.”
He couldn’t leave her. He loved watching her smile slowly blossom across her face. He loved the way she pushed her glasses up on her nose and looked at him so earnestly. He loved the golden lights in her hair and the way it curled in the humidity of the ocean air. She believed in those she loved with all her heart, even when they had hurt her. He hoped to see those amber eyes look at him with that same unshakable loyalty someday.
A smile lifted Zach’s lips. “You already know what you want to do.”
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
Zach tossed the Frisbee to the dogs again. “Has Ellie talked to Mac yet?”
“She tried calling the hospital this morning, but the nurse said she was sleeping. Jason too. We’re going to head that way soon. There’s still the loose ends of the cocaine theft to tie up.”
A bandage around his head, Jason’s eyes were open to the ceiling, and he lay motionless and lethargic on the bed. He didn’t turn his head when Ellie entered with Gray on her heels, even though the whoosh of the door was loud in the quiet room.
Ellie’s shoes squeaked on the tile floor as she approached the bed. “It’s me, Jason. How are you feeling?” He still didn’t turn his head to face her. “Jason?”
“Did you come here to stare at the blind man, Ellie?”
She winced. He’d never spoken to her with such a sharp, sardonic tone. “We came to see how you are. I thought maybe you’d like to know exactly what was going on.”
“I’m used to being kept in the dark. Especially by women in your family. I heard her, you know.” He gave a harsh bark of laughter. “I’ve always heard about people who are unconscious hearing things going on around them. I heard her say she figured out pretty quickly she didn’t love me.”
Ellie stepped closer and laid her hand on his arm, but he shook off her touch. “Jason, it wasn’t you. Mac is . . . broken somehow. She had this thirst for some kind of crazy adventure. I don’t think she even knows herself why she did all this.”
She laid out everything for him—the cocaine theft, the way Mac had gotten involved in the terrorist plot, everything. Jason listened, his face devoid of expression.
“We’re going to go see her now, and I’m sure we’ll find out more,” Ellie said.
He finally turned his head her way. “She’s not going to jail, is she?” He laughed again, a humorless sound. “Just like always, she landed on her feet. She’s like your cat, Ellie. Nine lives and all that.” He flung his arm across his eyes. “Just leave me alone. Go back to your sister and mother her like you always do.”
Stung, Ellie drew back. “I don’t mother her.”
“You’ve always mothered her. You’re so afraid of letting someone down that you never made her stand on her own two feet. This is your fault.”
Gray stepped forward. “That’s enough. None of this is Ellie’s fault. She got pulled in like everyone else. I’ve had enough of people blaming her to avoid taking their licks like an adult. Whatever Mac did or didn’t do rests squarely on her shoulders.”
“I suppose my blindness is my own fault too.”
“It’s no one’s fault. You think you’re the only person who’s ever had to deal with an unpleasant circumstance? Your life isn’t over even if you never see again, and you’re whining when you don’t even know if that’s what’ll happen. It’s not the tragedy that can ruin you—it’s your own attitude toward it. You can let adversity make or break you, Jason. It’s up to you.”
The words hammered into Ellie’s head. Even if Jason never took them to heart, she understood in an instant what Gray meant. And how she’d been guilty of it herself. She’d let the tragedy of Alicia’s death and the things her parents had said to her sink in too deeply, had let it define her.
Nothing could define her unless she let it. She had God in her life to heal those broken places, but she hadn’t let him do it. She’d held her pain to her heart like a lovey she couldn’t give up.
No more. She could let it go now. Gray had taught her so much in the short time she’d known him. This time when she put her hand on Jason’s arm, he didn’t shrug it off. “What’s the doctor say, Jason?”
“That time will tell. The blindness was caused by the blow to my head when I fell and not the gunshot, which was just a flesh wound on my arm. My brain is swollen, and the visual cortex might be involved. We’ll know more in a few days or a few weeks.” He turned his face toward her. “What am I going to do if I stay blind, Ellie? I can’t work. I can’t drive.”
“You can pray, Jason. I will too. God will take care of yo
u no matter what happens.”
He swallowed and closed his eyes. “Leave me alone, please. I’m tired and my head hurts.”
She squeezed his arm and pulled her hand away. Gray steered her toward the door, and they stepped into the hall. She wasn’t sure she was ready to talk to Mac yet, but she had to. Gray needed answers.
And so did she.
Chapter 42
Disaster can strike any home project. A stray ladder, a lid not completely secured on a paint can. Always be prepared for the unexpected.
—HAMMER GIRL BLOG
Ellie and Grayson walked through the hospital halls dodging squeaking carts and bustling nurses. The beige walls smelled freshly painted, and an undertone of antiseptic lingered. Grayson glanced at Ellie’s set face. This was going to be hard for her, especially after hearing Jason was still blind.
Grayson put his arm around her shoulder as they rode the elevator to the fifth floor. “You doing okay?”
“I’m still trying to wrap my head around all this, you know?”
The elevator dinged, and they stepped onto Mac’s floor. Rosa sat on a chair outside a room two doors down from the nurses’ station. It had to be Mac’s room.
Rosa rose as they approached. “I thought you’d be along anytime. She’s awake and has been asking about you.”
“When will she be released?” Grayson asked.
“Probably tomorrow. Her lawyer has already been here. Go on in.” Rosa opened the door for them.
The room was a private one with sunlight streaming in a big window. The walls were a pale green, and the soundtrack to the movie Mac was watching was on low.
Dressed in a blue-and-white-striped hospital gown, Mac sat in an orange vinyl chair with her bare feet on the tile floor. She’d lost at least ten pounds, and her legs looked frail. Her hair had been washed but not dried and it frizzed around her head.
Ellie’s sneakers squeaked on the floor, and Mac looked up. Her eyes widened, and she didn’t smile as she rose to grip the rail on the bed.
“Mac, how are you doing? You’ve lost weight.”
“I’m okay. Did Isaac hurt you?” Her blue-eyed gaze raked Ellie from head to toe.
“Not really. Gray is a little worse for wear with his bum knee, but we’ll all survive.”
“How’s Jason?”
Ellie winced and looked down at her hands. “He’s blind, Mac. At least at the moment. We’re hoping once his head trauma heals, his sight will come back.”
“Oh no. He has to see again!” She looked over at Grayson. “I know you’re with the Coast Guard, but I didn’t catch your name.”
“Grayson Bradshaw.”
“He’s Shauna’s long-lost brother,” Ellie said. “Not that it matters right now, but it’s a wonderful turn of events.”
“And now you’re here to question me.”
Ellie pressed her hands together. “I mostly wanted to make sure you’re okay, but yes, Gray will have questions.”
Arms folded across his chest, Gray stood where he was. “I do need some answers.”
Mac squared her shoulders and set her cup back on the tray. “It all started when I went to South Korea. I met Tarek there, and to tell you the truth, I fell hard for him. Then little by little I found out he was a terrorist. I was so disillusioned and I broke it off. I tried to put it behind me and move on. Then I ran into him again at a restaurant in town when I first started dating Dylan.”
She shook her head. “I still can’t believe I let myself fall for it.” She sent a pleading glance toward Ellie. “Then a day or two later Tarek found me walking along the shore of Rainshadow Bay late one night. He told me he’d never gotten over me and that he wanted us to be together, that he was willing to give up his vendetta against my country. He said he was being pressured, though, and he had to deliver enough cocaine to buy his freedom so we could leave all of that behind.”
Ellie sighed. “Oh, Mac.”
“I know, I know. Oldest trick in the book. He said he knew Dylan would show me where the cocaine was if I asked him, and that he’d arrange for some men to help me. Once it was delivered, we could be together.”
“So you did it,” Gray said.
She nodded. “But not for that reason. By that time I saw him clearly. I called the FBI and told them what I’d discovered. They arranged for me to get the cocaine to prove myself to Tarek and to be able to be on the inside of the plans.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ellie’s voice was small and forlorn.
“Ego. If I delivered the cocaine, I’d be the hero.” She gave a heavy sigh. “Then I was at Monte’s house learning about ham radio.” Her voice rose. “We stumbled on a broadcast in Korean, and I recognized Tarek’s voice. I realized the cocaine was about to fund something really terrible and horrendous.”
“An EMP bomb,” Gray said.
Mac nodded and clicked off the television, then reached for her water and took a sip. “I’m so thirsty all the time. They didn’t give me much food or water.” Her raspy voice showed the damage to her throat. She sat down and clenched her hands together in her lap.
Mac stared at Ellie. “I’ve always been jealous of you, Ellie. I loved you and hated you all at the same time. You’re always so calm and in control. You always do the right thing. Just once I wanted to do the wrong thing and have fun doing it.” She pushed her curly brown hair out of her face. “It sounds so crazy to even say that. So stupid. I was stupid to get involved with Tarek.”
Ellie went to stare out the window at the parking lot below. She leaned her head against the glass for a long moment.
“Ellie? Don’t you have anything to say to me?”
Ellie turned to reveal a pale, strained face. “I don’t know what to say, Mac. Why would you be jealous of me? You had the best job, an exciting life, the most friends. I could never compete with you. I never even tried. And I killed our sister. I live with that mistake every day.”
“It was an accident. And you were a kid. Sheesh! You need to let that go, Ellie.” Mac waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “You have always had something so valuable—a genuinely good heart. You always see the best in people. I hated that, but I can’t even tell you why. Jason always saw through me, you know.”
Ellie gave a slight shake of her head. “I’m nothing special, Mac.”
Mac’s eyes went frosty. “Stop it! I can see the way you’re internally making excuses for me. But I don’t want your pity. I’m being as honest as I know how.” Her voice quavered, and she fell silent.
Ellie took a step toward her. “I forgive you, Mac.”
Tears flooded Mackenzie’s eyes. “I didn’t even ask for that.”
“You don’t have to ask.”
Gray cleared his throat. “Where’s the cocaine now, Mackenzie?”
“I don’t know. I gave the cocaine to Nasser like I was supposed to.”
At least jail wasn’t in her future. That would be a comfort to Ellie, and he’d figure out the rest of it.
Ellie lifted her chin and closed her eyes, relishing the touch of the sun’s warmth on her skin. The ocean raged against the rocks below, but she felt safe with Grayson’s strong arm around her waist. They’d come straight here to Saltwater Point so she could let the scent of the sea wash away the taint of the hospital.
She examined how she felt and realized she truly had let go of her disappointment, pain, and shame. Only God could have helped her release it, and she already felt lighter. It had been hard to carry that all these years.
She rested her head on Grayson’s broad chest and listened to his heart thump under her ear. He guided her to a giant boulder looking out at the expanse of gray, stormy sea as thunder rumbled. The salty breeze carried the scent of ozone to her nose too.
He sat on the rock and pulled her onto his lap. “We won’t be able to stay long. The storm will be here in a few minutes.”
The thunder rumbled a warning again, and she rested her back against him. It felt as though nothing could hurt her if s
he was near him. Gray was a rock every bit as dependable and stalwart as the boulder. The thought he would be leaving soon was more heartbreaking than what she’d already gone through.
She pushed away the despair that was creeping into her heart. He was here with her in this moment. It had to be enough to see her through the lonely days and nights without him. When had he become as important to her as breathing? The love blossoming inside her had surprised her when she wasn’t looking.
She forced a bright note into her voice. “So, you’ll be leaving soon.”
His arms tightened around her, then one arm came under her knees, and he turned her on his lap so she was sideways and looking up into his face. “Maybe not.”
A tiny ray of hope began to push away the gloom she felt. “What do you mean? Don’t you have to get back to work?”
He pressed his lips to her cheek and spoke against her skin in a gentle voice. “I’ve put in for a transfer. I won’t hear for a few weeks, but there are several possible stations here. I think I’ve got a good shot at being reassigned.” His right hand cupped her cheek. “Here’s the thing, Ellie. I don’t want to leave you. I hope that doesn’t scare you. I know we haven’t known each other that long, but I think we might have a shot at a future together. I’m not willing to throw that away. Not even for my dream job.”
She searched his face, examining his tender expression and tentative smile. “Y-You aren’t leaving?”
He shook his head. “Not for long, at least. I promised Shauna I’d go talk to Brenna, and I’ll need to report back to work until my reassignment is approved, but I won’t be gone long. Will you wait for me? Don’t go running off and dating some pinhead while I’m gone, okay?”
It was too good to be true, and she reached up and pinched her arm. “Ow, that hurt. I don’t think I’m dreaming.”
His grin widened. “You’re not dreaming, but I might be because I think you’re saying you feel the same way.”
She planted her palms on his cheeks and nodded. “Kiss me, Gray. I don’t think I’ll believe it until you do.”