Dhruv crawled and sat next to Aranya. Aranya looked away. Dhruv sat there quietly for a while and they passed the bottle between the two of them. Ideally, Dhruv wanted to cry at her feet and ask her to not leave but he knew just that wouldn’t be enough after all that he had put her through. ‘Remember the time we first met?’ asked Dhruv.
‘Clearly. You were standing at the door of our class. You were late and the teacher scolded you.’
‘Before that. It was the day when I saw you near the ice cream cart. I know you saw me laughing at you and that you remembered that when you first talked to me.’
‘. . .’
‘You still talked to me. Why?’
Aranya sighed. She closed her eyes. ‘I was lonely.’
‘You didn’t have to be nice to me. I laughed at you and ran,’ said Dhruv, guiltily.
‘It always helps to be kind. Humans are hardwired to be nasty, vengeful people and who would know better than the two of us. We are programmed to hate, to destroy, to be born pure and die evil. We are a mob. So I was just being nice . . . because it helps.’
‘It’s what I fell in love with, Aranya,’ said Dhruv and shook his head. He reached out for the cigarette packet and found it empty. ‘I will just get another from my room.’ He waved the empty packet.
‘I’ll come with you,’ said Aranya and they both walked towards his room. Aranya found the cigarette packet under a month-old pile of unwashed clothes generously sprayed over with a strong insecticide-smelling deodorant. She tossed it to Dhruv. He lit one and took a long, languorous drag.
‘That’s why it hurt so much when you threw me under the bus,’ said Dhruv. ‘I know, I know, you had your reasons but I was twelve and I had fallen in love for the first time. And the last.’
‘I’m sorry, Dhruv,’ said Aranya. She sat on the creaky chair and leaned back. ‘Like you said, I really had no choice.’ She drank from the bottle till it was empty. She got up and kept it outside the room.
‘This is all so fucked up. Can’t you stay, Aranya?’
‘I can’t, Dhruv. There’s nothing to stay for,’ said Aranya and sat on the bed next to Dhruv. ‘I will have a life there. And as you said, it’s all fucked up here.’ Aranya looked at Dhruv, her eyes glazed over.
‘I’m here.’
Aranya laughed sadly. ‘For now, you are, Dhruv. But what about tomorrow? Day after? Forever?’
‘But you will never be happy with Raghuvir, will you?’
‘You overestimate love, Dhruv.’
‘No, I don’t. I spent three months in love with you when I was twelve and the wretched thing has followed me ever since,’ said Dhruv, grumbling.
‘That’s so sweet,’ said Aranya and pulled his cheeks.
‘I’m not a baby,’ said Dhruv and looked at Aranya, her face hovering around his. Dhruv held her gaze and leaned forward.
‘Don’t do this,’ said Aranya even as Dhruv’s lips almost touched hers.
‘Why not?’
They were kissing now. His lips were on hers. She sensed his eagerness and placed her hands on his shoulders to push him away but she couldn’t. He pulled her closer to himself. She wanted to fight but she realized it was already a lost battle. Dhruv’s kiss was more like an assault, an amateur kissing for the first time, and it almost took her by surprise as she struggled to make sense of the rapid and random movements of Dhruv’s tongue and lips . . . and of what was happening.
You’re a fucking dog, Dhruv could hear the words echo in his brain as he kissed Aranya in what would be the worst kiss in the world. He realized Aranya’s helplessness and the disarray and slowed down a little. Slow. He told himself and went soft on her.
‘We shouldn’t be doing this,’ said Aranya. She felt Dhruv backing off a bit. Maybe his education obtained from porn was giving way to what he had read in Cosmopolitan or something. Aranya felt like she should feel guilty but she didn’t. Instead she thought of hypothetical situations involving mad, passionate sex between Raghuvir and Farah Iqbal. It became quite tough when she felt Dhruv’s hand creep up inside her T-shirt. She felt more nervous, more conscious than she had felt with Raghuvir. She felt like a thousand cameras were trained on her and were relentlessly capturing every part of her.
‘Lights,’ she said.
Dhruv hopped off like an eager monkey and switched off the lights. He took off his T-shirt and walked towards her. She had to blink twice to make herself believe that those abs actually existed and were soon going to crash into the sea of fat that was her stomach.
‘I’m not sure about this,’ said Aranya as Dhruv stripped her, slowly yet dexterously.
‘Obviously, you are,’ said Dhruv and kissed her everywhere. Aranya froze in pleasure and embarrassment. How could Dhruv like kissing the girl he had called ugly all his life? She almost felt guilty for looking the way she did. Dhruv whispered in her ear, as he nibbled, ‘Plus, I won the bet, didn’t I?’
‘Fine,’ said Aranya and pushed Dhruv over. She sat on Dhruv, unmindful of how heavy she was, and dived into his neck. ‘Just because we had a bet.’
‘Fuck. You’re hot,’ murmured Dhruv as Aranya slobbered and sucked on his neck.
‘Remember that tomorrow and for the rest of your life.’
They spent the next two days in Dhruv’s bed, making out, reading newspapers, watching Homeland, Vampire Diaries, Black Mirror, mocking each other, kissing each other till their lips went dry, arguing about who was responsible for their doomed relationship, reading books they liked in the library, soaking in the afternoon sun, eating all the bad canteen food they had never tried, and not talking about what stared them right in the face.
Dhruv clicked a lot of pictures of them being in love. Because he was Dhruv and he wanted her for life.
I Love u Rachu
79
‘That’s so sweet of you,’ said Aranya as Dhruv got her breakfast for two days in a row. It was burnt toast and badly scrambled eggs. Since they drank and made out late into the night, they never got up in time for the breakfast at the hostel mess. ‘But it ends today.’
‘I know,’ said Dhruv and placed the plate on the table.
‘He’s coming to college today. Raghuvir. The administration people called. The papers are ready. Raghuvir has the tickets booked. I will be in the US in a week, Dhruv.’
Dhruv nodded. He passed the little bottle of Coke to Aranya.
‘I don’t think you’re listening, Dhruv. I’m leaving.’
‘I heard that,’ said Dhruv and clambered up on the bed. He sat next to her and hugged her. Aranya started to cry. ‘We knew this was going to happen.’
‘Still doesn’t make it better,’ said Aranya through her tears. ‘I need to go. I need to pack my things before Raghuvir comes.’
‘Stay.’
‘I can’t, Dhruv. The longer I stay the harder it will get for me.’
‘At least have breakfast,’ said Dhruv.
‘That’s the last thing I will be thinking about,’ said Aranya and got off the bed. She put on her clothes. Dhruv looked on, forlorn. ‘There could have been a thousand ways our relationship could have ended. And it ended in the worst of ways.’
‘I will never forget you, Aranya.’
‘I know you won’t, Dhruv.’
‘That’s very pompous of you,’ remarked Dhruv. ‘Will you forget me?’
‘I will try to.’
Dhruv sighed. Aranya collected her things from around the room and tidied it a little. It was time for her to go. Dhruv got up from the bed to bid her goodbye.
‘You need your sleep. I will find my way,’ said Aranya and closed the door behind her.
She walked out of the hostel and to the far end of the football field where she scrunched up in a little ball and cried for a few hours. Late afternoon, Raghuvir reached the college. She put on a fake smile, something she had to get used to, completed the formalities for the college transfer, packed her bags, and loaded them into Raghuvir’s taxi.
Raghuvir was supposed
to stay with her parents for the next three days. ‘I hope your parents like me,’ said Raghuvir. ‘These three days will be the biggest examination I have ever taken.’
‘They already do,’ said Aranya.
She saw Dhruv, the spineless, adorable, scared little man she loved, staring through the iron grille of the college gate as the car drove away.
I Love u Rachu
80
Aranya’s bags were packed and were being hauled out of her apartment by her brother, father and Raghuvir. An Innova had been called by Raghuvir—he was certain they would need one. Shifting bases is a cumbersome process. Clothes, electronics, memories, all stuffed into polyacrylic suitcases. But much to Raghuvir’s surprise, all her belongings fit into two average-sized suitcases.
‘Check everything once again. Passport? Visa? Documents? Ticket?’ asked Raghuvir like the responsible man he was. Over the past three days that he had been living with them he had floored her parents. He was the perfect prospective son-in-law. So much so that even her brother, she thought, got a little jealous from all the attention he enjoyed.
Though sometimes she could see the confusion writ large over her parents’ face. Why would a seemingly perfect guy date their daughter?
Quite obviously, they didn’t know that Farah Iqbal and Raghuvir were now steadily moving towards what could only be described as sexting. Raghuvir would go down for a smoke every night after everyone slept off and would talk to Farah till early morning. Aranya had now zero to no guilt about what had happened between Dhruv and her, only a crushing longing.
Everyone boarded the cab. Her parents were the happiest people. Aranya was happy, too. After all, her long-standing dream was coming true. Soon she would be miles away from the family which had failed her. No longer would she be concerned about what they felt about her moral or social takes. No longer would she have to depend on them for alms. She was finally going to be independent.
She rolled down the window and felt the Delhi smog run through her hair for the last time. Raghuvir held her hand. Aranya smiled weakly at him and wondered when her relationship would break down. She would have to stop pretending to be Farah Iqbal quite soon. It was too time consuming for her to be someone else. She had done it for far too long. But she knew it would happen sooner or later. Two years is a long time. Raghuvir would forget her, find a new muse, fall in love and leave her alone.
What really bothered her were the miles between Dhruv and her. Would she ever forget that boy? Would success and acceptance obliterate signs of his presence? It didn’t feel like it would. The car stopped at a red light and suddenly she felt trapped. She wanted to run back to the hostel and hug him, handcuff herself to him and never leave. She found herself crying. Raghuvir put a loving hand around her.
About half an hour later, the cab reached the airport. Her luggage was loaded into a trolley and Raghuvir pushed it towards the gate. He bought visitor’s tickets for all four of them. Aranya had never seen her mother cry before. Or her father not use his Aranya-specific tone at her. What was what? Was that a sense of sadness she saw on their faces? Aranya didn’t feel it though. One moment of kindness can’t erase the years of harshness she had been subjected to by her family. She maintained a stoic face as she played with her tickets, the forms, and rechecked her visa.
Her parents, her brother and Raghuvir waited in the lounge while Aranya stepped into the check-in line. Far in the distance she could see Raghuvir chatting up her family effortlessly. Now she felt like she could cry. Like always, she would be alone and lonely at a place far from here.
She took out her alternate phone and texted Raghuvir.
FARAH IQBAL
What’s up?
She saw Raghuvir feign busyness while her parents talked amongst themselves.
RAGHUVIR
Dropping my girlfriend off. She’s leaving today.
FARAH IQBAL
Oh! Party then! You must be happy. At least she would be! Into the land of handsome hunks.
RAGHUVIR
Umm . . .
FARAH IQBAL
By the way, I’m coming to Bangalore next week.
RAGHUVIR
That’s awesome!
FARAH IQBAL
That’s only if my friend doesn’t ditch me. Then I won’t have a place to stay.
RAGHUVIR
You can stay at my place.
FARAH IQBAL
I can’t do that. My boyfriend won’t let me.
RAGHUVIR
You don’t have to tell him.
FARAH IQBAL
I’m guessing you won’t tell your girlfriend either. *wink*
RAGHUVIR
Obviously. *wink*
Aranya had reached the counter by then. She gave the tickets and her virgin passport for inspection to the smiling ground staff of Emirates. Her baggage was checked in and she was given two boarding passes for her flight from Delhi to Dubai to San Fransisco. Her heart started to pound with nervousness and excitement. Her phone beeped again.
RAGHUVIR
Are you coming then?
FARAH IQBAL
Can’t wait!
RAGHUVIR
Same here.
FARAH IQBAL
Should I be a little scared?
RAGHUVIR
You should be. *wink*
FARAH IQBAL
*Heart starts to pound*
RAGHUVIR
*Can’t wait to inspect it*
FARAH IQBAL
Didn’t know you were into role play.
RAGHUVIR
If the patient’s like you, why not?
FARAH IQBAL
That was cheesy.
RAGHUVIR
I intended it to be sexy.
FARAH IQBAL
You don’t have to try. *wink*
Aranya laughed. Fucking men. She kept that phone inside and took out her other phone. There were still no messages from Dhruv. It was as if he didn’t exist and had never cared. She dialled his number as she walked towards the visitors’ lounge.
‘Hello,’ said Aranya, fighting her tears.
‘Hey!’ said Dhruv, almost cheerful.
‘You seem to be happy.’
‘And you don’t? Why?’ asked Dhruv, his jolly tone felt like death to her ears.
‘Fuck you, Dhruv. You know why.’
‘Oh, is it because you love me and I love you and we will ruin anyone else we will be with and that bothers you because you won’t be able to be with anyone else and you will live a lonely life and die alone?’
‘Are you out of your mind, Dhruv? Why would you say that?’ said an angry Aranya into the phone. She was now only yards away from the visitors’ lounge. ‘You will always be the asshole I always thought you to be. And I said it’s my fault I ever chose you.’
‘Yes, it is. And you clearly don’t know how big an asshole I am,’ said Dhruv and disconnected the call.
Aranya tried his phone again but he kept disconnecting the call. This boy had single-handedly ruined her and yet she couldn’t stop loving him. What the hell was wrong with her? She walked towards the visitors’ lounge. Her parents were still there, chatting with Raghuvir when she was stopped by the guards. Apparently, passengers couldn’t cross over to the lounge after they got their boarding passes. She pleaded a little bit and they let her go.
But as soon she looked at her family again, she saw them looking towards a boy who had joined them. He was looking at his Converse sneakers as he talked. Aranya gingerly walked towards them and saw Dhruv sitting right in front of them. The spineless, adorable, scared little man she loved had turned up.
Dhruv looked at a stumped Aranya and she thought he winked at her.
I Love u Rachu
81
‘I’m sorry for whatever happened in the past but you need to listen to me,’ said Dhruv, his eyes stuck at his untied, dirty laces.
‘What are you doing here?’ Raghuvir grumbled.
‘I’m talking to her parents,’ said Dhruv. It wasn’
t the first time he had found himself in such a situation. His last victim was Satvika from not so long ago.
‘Why are you here?’ asked the father.
‘Sir, I’m extremely sorry to bring this up now. I know I have put your family through immense pain before but this time it’s not my fault. I lied that day in school and I have been sorry ever since but I am not lying today. I don’t know if Aranya was exacting revenge on me for what I did to her earlier, but your daughter has cheated on me. She played with my feelings and she ran away with Raghuvir. I understand she has a better future than I have but she had no right to do what she did with me,’ said Dhruv, his voice quivering. He was careful not to overdo it.
Sanchit had warned him against that. It was with him that he had planned this out.
Dhruv continued, ‘We spent days together holed up in my hostel room. I really loved her.’ Dhruv passed on his cellphone to Aranya’s father and mother and they flicked through pictures of Aranya and him in college, the library, the mess, cute pictures of a couple who seem to be in safe, platonic love. It wasn’t for nothing Dhruv was clicking those pictures. It was all a part of his and Sanchit’s plan to take back what was his.
Raghuvir snatched the phone from him and went through the pictures. He looked at Aranya angrily, his gaze demanding an explanation for the series of pictures that looked like they had been clicked over a period of a month or two.
It was then that it hit Aranya. The nights and days that followed the announcement of the results had been carefully orchestrated by Sanchit and Dhruv. The drunk night, the passionate make-outs, the pictures taken by Dhruv to capture the moments they spent together were all leading up to this moment.
She was quite clueless to be frank. That ass, Sanchit! Devious Dhruv!
‘And she left me,’ said Dhruv. ‘I did everything to please her. I even scored the highest marks in the first semester but to no avail. I’m sorry but I had to tell you this. You’re the only ones who can make her realize that I really love her.’