“So, why did you tell us?” Fawn snapped back.
“'Cause I thought we were friends. Mistakenly, I thought we could talk like that.”
“I want to be your friend, Zoe,” Fawn said. “But I have to be honest. I have to intervene when I see two Christian friends about to fall. It doesn't make sense for you to put Chase in a situation that will compromise all that he's done. I truly hope that he remains a virgin. There aren't too many out there.”
I swallowed. I had never told Fawn or Shay that Chase was a virgin. So, I knew that he had told Fawn's husband everything.
“And from what you told me about your relationship with that guy who left you at the altar,” Fawn continued her case, “you're not a virgin. So, don't try to mess up someone who is.”
I was angry now. And hurt. And I wanted to hurt Fawn back. “I think you're just jealous 'cause you don't get enough, even though you're married.”
“Hey, y'all, calm down,” Shay said, standing up between us as if she were going to have to be a referee. “Let's get some love up in here.”
I stared at Shay, but I wasn't mad at her. She was cool, though I knew she didn't understand where I was coming from. She and Byron were getting married. All they had to do was set a date. They had a level of commitment that was much higher than what Chase and I shared.
But Fawn! How dare she look down on me? She was married. She couldn't possibly understand what I was feeling, wanting to be with my man but being weighed down by knowing that wasn't how God wanted it to be.
If I'd learned anything in my relationship with Devyn, it was that doing things my way wasn't right. Now I was learning that doing things God's way was really hard. All I needed was a little help and I thought I would get it from my friends. But Fawn was definitely not helping with her high-and-mighty talk.
“Hey, guys, look!” Shay pointed to the TV.
While we were arguing, the Storm had made a comeback.
“This is quite a turnaround,” the announcer said. “But I don't think the Storm can pull it out.”
The score flashed on the screen: San Diego 21, Seattle 14.
The announcer continued: “There's only one minute left and San Diego has the ball deep in Seattle territory.”
Silently, the three of us settled on the edge of the couch. We watched the San Diego quarterback roll back and toss the ball to one of his running backs. But a moment later, a defensive back knocked the ball from his hands, giving the Storm possession.
We stood and cheered.
“There's still plenty of time,” I said, clasping my hands together.
“It was a good play, but with only forty seconds left, I think the Storm's good luck has run out,” the announcer said as if he were responding to me.
I shook as the Storm huddled and then lined up. The quarterback rolled back and threw the ball to Frankie. The ball wobbled in his hands for a second and then dropped to the ground.
Fawn groaned.
Ten seconds had been wasted and I realized the Storm had no time-outs left. Again, our quarterback dropped back, and this time, he threw the ball to Chase. He caught it on the thirty-six yard line and ran toward the end zone.
Shay and Fawn and I jumped up and screamed at the TV.
“Run, Chase! Run, baby!” I yelled.
When Chase scored, running all the way to the end zone untouched, our screams rattled walls.
We screamed and laughed and hugged.
“You can't tell me that brother don't deserve some lovin' when he gets home,” I said. Instantly, the joy and excitement evaporated from the room.
Fawn dropped her arms from around me. “I'm gonna say one thing to you, girl, and then I'm gonna go.” Fawn paused. “I think you need to pack your stuff and leave before that brother gets home.”
I couldn't believe what Fawn was saying. But before I could say a word, she continued. “The reason that man's got the talent he does is because he's being blessed by God. And your desires may cause him to stumble. His relationship with God could be altered because of you.”
I stood, speechless. How could this woman be saying such things to me?
“Now, I'm not saying this to be mean or cruel,” Fawn went on, “so don't look at me like I'm something horrible. We Christians usually don't stand up for what's right when others come and destroy our walk with Christ. We just sit back and allow it to happen. But the Bible says we're supposed to bear one another's burdens, and that means we've got to get involved, even get in each other's faces when we have to.”
I was too angry to speak. This was exactly the kind of thing I'd tried to explain to Chase when he encouraged me to make new friends. I knew I was headed for trouble with females.
“Zoe, I'm telling you what I believe God wants me to say. If you really care about Chase, you can't go bringing him down. Which is better—passion that will make him feel good for one night, or being able to smile when he gets to heaven because he knows he honored God?”
Finally, words came to my lips. “Get out of my face, Fawn. And get out of my house.”
“Your house?” she asked. Without waiting for an answer, she grabbed her purse and strutted out the door. I slammed it as hard as I could behind her.
I turned. Shay was sitting quietly on the couch. By the time I joined her, her silent look of concern had melted my anger, and all I felt was confusion. “Do you think she's right, Shay?” I asked softly.
“What do you think?”
“I don't know.”
“You sounded pretty sure of yourself a few minutes ago.”
I shook my head. “I wasn't, but I couldn't let Fawn know I thought she might be right.” My head fell into my hands. “But Fawn's right. I've got to get out of here!” I got up, raced to my room and began throwing clothes into my suitcases. “I can't make Chase stumble. I can't be his downfall.” I kept saying those words over and over.
Shay stood in the doorway. “Couldn't you just put your thoughts about sex out of your mind for a little while?”
I stopped and looked up at her. “If I could, I would. But it's like a battle within me, and the flesh is winning. I feel things for Chase that I never felt for Devyn. We talk and we bond. I know he loves me.”
I sat on the bed and lowered my head. “Chase is growing in his walk with God, Shay, and my relationship with the Lord is at a standstill.”
Shay came over and sat next to me. “Well, you can do something about that, Zoe.”
“I don't know what. I don't even know if I want to grow. I feel like I'm frozen in my stance, like a solid block of ice.”
Chapter 8
Please let me in, Zoe,” Chase said through the hotel room door. He sounded sweet and desperate at the same time. “I know you're in there.”
I wondered how he had found me. I'd left the apartment before he came home and the only thing my note said was that I had to get away. But then, I'd called Shay. She'd made me promise to let her know that I was okay.
Obviously that was my mistake. I'd have to straighten her out later.
“Zoe, I have to talk to you,” Chase continued pleading.
I felt bad for him, but there was really nothing to be said. This was the only way I knew how to protect him—from me.
“If you don't let me in, I'm sure I can get the key from downstairs.” His tone was growing more insistent.
With a deep sigh, I threw on my bathrobe and opened the door. Chase stood in the hallway, snow scattered over his coat and hair. His body still trembled from the chill, and he stared at me for a moment.
Then he threw his arms around me and squeezed me tight. His coat was wet and cold, but his embrace made me feel warm inside.
I had to get away. This didn't help keep away my desire to be physical with him. And knowing how much Chase cared about me wasn't making it any easier.
With great emotional effort, I pushed him away. “Chase, you gotta go. If you need to talk, we can do it over the phone. But I can't be with you.”
“Why not?” H
is voice cracked with sorrow. “I don't understand.”
“Chase, I…I'm no good for you.”
In one swift movement, Chase entered my hotel room and closed the door. He took off his coat and then took my hand. He led me to the fireplace, where he sat in the chair across from me. I watched him rub his fingers in front of the fire.
Staring into the flames, Chase whispered, “Shay told me what happened.”
I knew my friend had betrayed me, but something in my heart told me that I should be thanking her, rather than being angry.
Chase continued to speak. “Believe me, I know it's difficult not to take our relationship any further. I've wanted you for four years, Zoe, so maybe it's easier for me to subdue my feelings because I've been putting them off for so long.”
My heart began to beat faster.
“Sometimes I see you walking around the house wearing just a T-shirt. Your hips, them thighs. Hey, I'm all man, baby. It gets harder to resist you every day.” He turned and looked into my eyes. “But I don't know that walking away from the relationship is better. I've been praying for us for so long. We can be strong together; I know we can. I love you, Zoe.”
I wanted to get up, sit in his lap and hug him tight. But I didn't want to destroy the moment. This time, what I felt for Chase wasn't a physical joy, but a spiritual high. He understood me. I wasn't alone. Chase was wrestling with the same desires I had.
“I love you too,” I said.
“You coming back to the apartment, then?” he asked, his eyes full of hope.
“Not yet,” I replied against every desire inside me. “I'm gonna stay here tonight and think.”
I could see the disappointment in his face.
“Chase, I really do love you and that's why I'm doing this. I promise, I'll call you in the morning, okay?”
He nodded, though I could tell that he really didn't agree. With the way he looked at me, I knew I had to get him out of that hotel room.
“Be careful driving home.” I stood and tightened the belt of my robe. “The roads are probably pretty slippery if it's snowing out there.” I glanced out the window.
Chase stood. “If I don't hear from you, I'll call you in the morning.”
“Don't you have to watch film with the team tomorrow?”
“Nope. Since we won, Coach gave us tomorrow off.” Chase slowly slipped back into his coat.
I didn't want him to leave, but it was best. My hormones were raging and my heart was pounding.
I walked him to the door.
“Good night,” he whispered; then he walked out and gently closed the door.
I waited until I could no longer hear his footsteps in the hall, then collapsed on the bed and started to weep. Only a few minutes passed before I heard another knock on the door.
“Zoe?” Chase's voice filtered in.
I sat up and wiped my tears. “What did you forget?” I said through the closed door. I looked around the room but didn't see keys or anything.
“Zoe?” he called again, not answering my question.
I opened the door and stared at him, wondering what he was up to.
“The guy at the desk told me I shouldn't leave. He said the storm was blowing in real bad. I went outside and I couldn't even see my car, the snow is falling so hard.”
He walked over to the window and pulled back the curtain as if he wanted to prove it to me.
All I could see were sheets of white, on the ground and falling through the air. I sighed, relieved that Chase hadn't tried to drive in the weather. The last thing I wanted was for something bad to happen to him.
“Well, I'm glad you didn't try to go home in that. I suppose you'll have to get a room here.”
“Can't,” he said. “There was only one room available, and I let someone else have it.”
I glared at him, wondering if he had done that just so he'd have to share my room.
“Guess I'll have to stay here,” he said, taking off his coat again. As he did, he stopped and hollered, “Ouch!” His face winced in pain and he grabbed his shoulder.
Suddenly my anger was gone. “What's wrong?” I asked, rushing to his side.
“I bruised my shoulder during the game today. The trainer looked at it and iced it down and he gave me another couple of packs so I could take care of it tonight.”
“And where are the ice packs?”
“Oh, I'm having them brought up.”
“What? I didn't know this hotel had valets.” I glared at him with doubt in my eyes.
“It doesn't. I saw a homeless guy sitting outside the lobby. I couldn't bear the thought of him staying out all night in that blizzard. So I offered to get him a room. He insisted on bringing my gym bag up here. Guess he wanted to earn his lodging.”
There was a hesitant knock on the door and Chase opened it. An old, pale, rough-looking gentleman stood there holding a small leather bag. Chase accepted it with a smile.
“Thank you again, Mr. Farr. You been a blessing, truly a blessing.”
“Order whatever you want from room service, Mr. Sheely The bill's on me.”
The man paused, and nodded, as if he weren't able to say any more words. I was sure I saw tears in his eyes. “You saved me, Mr. Farr. I didn't think I was gonna make it through the night without some food and shelter. But I just kept quotin' from the Twenty-third Psalm, and God sent you my way.”
“The Lord is watching out for both of us, Mr. Sheely.”
“I reckon so.” The man shook Chase's hand. “Well, good night.”
“Good night.” Chase shut the door. “Nice guy.”
I felt bad, thinking that Chase had given up the last room just so this old man could have shelter. “That was really sweet of you,” I said, marveling again at what a wonderful man he was.
“I'm just trying to do my part.” He took his bag to the dressing area and dropped it on the counter. “I can't save the world, but it feels good to know I might have saved one man from freezing to death.”
He came back into the room and eased into the chair by the fireplace. I opened his bag and pulled out the ice packs and a tube of medicated ointment. “Here,” I said, “let me get you fixed up.”
Chase winced again as he slipped off his shirt. I gasped when I saw his abs up close. He was unbelievably fine.
“That feels good,” he murmured as I rubbed the ointment into his shoulder.
“You feel tight on this side too,” I said as I worked my hands from one shoulder to the other.
Chase moaned. I gently let my thumbs slide down his back, then worked them in circular motions.
“So, tell me,” I said, wanting to get us talking about something other than what my hands were doing and what I was feeling. “How does it feel to be a big star?”
“I don't know about a big star.” He chuckled. “But it does feel nice. You know how I felt when I came back to Miami?” he asked. But I didn't respond, knowing that he wanted to continue. “I was jobless, with no prospects in my future. I could have been like Mr. Sheely but God was merciful.”
“Do you ever wonder if it might all end soon? That as quickly as God showed you He could do it, He could take it away, just like that?” I pressed my fingers into his shoulders.
“I can't really worry about tomorrow,” Chase said, his muscles relaxing under my touch. “Life has so many uncertainties. And tomorrow is not even promised to us. But I don't have any fear about my football career because I've really put it in God's hands. He knows what He's doing. That's totally evident. I couldn't have planned my career any better.” He paused and I continued to work my finger magic.
Finally, he said, “The Lord has a calling on each of our lives, Zoe. A lot of people never realize what their calling is.” Chase sat up, completely focused on what he was saying. “They go through life never living up to their full potential in Christ. If I have any kind of fear, I guess that's what it would be. I want to make sure I don't miss my calling.”
His words and his faith inspired me. M
aterial things meant nothing to him. I longed to have Chase's attitude.
He leaned back again and I continued my massage.
“God can use a great athlete to win souls for Him, and I believe that's why He put me in this position. Not for me to get rich or gain fame, but to win souls for Him. I want to make sure I do that. I haven't been witnessing enough. I've been concentrating on my skills so I don't lose the job. But I have to step back and realize God will give me what I need. Sure, I need to be prepared. But I need to be about His business first.”
I stared at my hands kneading his muscles and suddenly stopped. Like an electric shock, the Holy Spirit revealed to me that my hands didn't belong on this man's body.
I walked to the window and watched the snowflakes fall from the sky as quickly as raindrops. I opened the balcony door and stepped outside. I shivered, but stayed and held out my hand, allowing snowflakes to touch my fingers. I wanted the snow to make me clean, the cold air to wash away my impure thoughts.
Most folks said it was too early in the year for snow in Seattle. However, as my eyes confirmed those weren't raindrops, I knew God worked miracles anytime. And maybe, just maybe, as the snow came early this year, God could work out a miracle for me.
Chase came up behind me and placed his coat around my shoulders. “Come back in, baby. It's cold.”
“See that snow?” I said, my voice trembling because of the temperature. “I wish I could be that pure.”
He hugged me from behind. “We all do. We're striving to get there.”
I let him draw me back inside and to the fireplace. We sat together on the rug, staring silently into the flames as I warmed back up.
“What's your greatest fear?” he asked minutes later.
I hesitated, then said, “I have so many. I guess I need to trust God more.”
“What's the fear on your mind right now?”
“Similar to yours, I guess. Not that I won't meet my own potential in Christ, but that I'll somehow keep other people from reaching theirs.” I looked up at him, the glow of the fireplace lighting up his gorgeous face. “I don't want to hinder you.”