“I will never respect death,” I say.
He sighs. “This world is eating away at your mother’s sanity. I know you see it, too. Someday soon she could be gone. I’ll die eventually, and it will be on your shoulders to feed your brother and sister. You are their last hope.”
I nod. There is nothing to say. Because he is right.
“Tomorrow we’ll start your Fear Trials. You’ll learn to defend yourself. You’ll learn that this world demands strength. And you’ll become strong so that you can provide for your brother and sister.”
He wipes my blood from his dagger and sheathes it against his thigh.
Chapter 7
The Fear Trials begin at dawn.
Peri is locked safely away in the bottom of the boat. My father and Koi are already on the bow. Koi won’t look at me. He just stares at his toes. He is a shadow of himself.
“What do you know about The Fear Trials?” my father asks.
I lean against the railing. “I know it’s an excuse for you to train me even more. As if we don’t do that enough already.”
“Meadow,” Koi warns, shaking his head. My father glares at him, and he looks back down at his toes.
“It’s a chance for you to prove yourself,” says my father. “And—” he unsheathes his dagger and drops it to the deck between us— “an opportunity for a prize.”
“Your dagger?” I ask.
It is my father’s favorite possession. The weapon that he swears has kept him alive for so long. He smiles. “If you win the Fear Trials, you will win the dagger. I want you to have it.”
I have never even been able to touch it. I have never even had a weapon of my own.
Koi and I follow him down the rope ladder and settle into the dinghy. My father hands Koi the oars.
As Koi rows, he stares out at the waves. “If I’d trained harder, I might have been able to . . . I’d be working today. I wouldn’t be here.”
“Don’t,” I say. I grab his hands and squeeze them tight. “It’s over and done.”
I should be angry at him. I should be furious, the way my father is, and a part of me wants that anger. But Koi is my brother. He is soft and gentle and he smiles the way Peri does, with the innocence of a child. He is a light in the darkness, and I love him. Nothing could ever take that away.
There is a jetty on the far side of the beach, an expanse of rock that juts out into the ocean like a finger. We hide the boat there, beneath layers of seaweed and palm fronds.
The beach is littered with people. There are too many to count. A man digs for sand fleas. A pregnant woman holds her swollen belly. A little boy splashes about in the water, laughing as he plays with a flat tire.
The sound is strange. It does not belong here. How nice it would be to still see the world through the eyes of a child. Instead it is all darkness and blood, danger and death.
“This will go in rounds,” my father says. “Each day, a different obstacle. We’ll stay ashore until you complete them. Even when the Dark Time comes.”
We go right, heading deep into the trees, toward what remains of the Everglades. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“I don’t want you to be afraid,” Koi whispers. He places his hand on my shoulder. “I want you to be strong, and do this right. So that you won’t end up a disappointment like me.”
“I’m not afraid,” I say, shrugging him off as I duck under a thorny branch.
The truth is that I am terrified. Everything has changed.
We stop walking when we reach the river. It is at least half a mile wide, and murky, swirling with mud and vegetation. Sweat trickles down my back. I spot a piece of orange fabric, flapping in the wind, tied to the uppermost branches of a tree at the other side.
“Cross the swamp and get the flag,” my father says. He turns to Koi. “Do everything you can to stop her. Be the man I trained you to be. Not the boy you have become.”
Koi sucks in a breath. He looks like he is going to say something. But instead, he simply nods.
My father pulls a heavy chain from his backpack and wraps it around my ankles. Tight, tighter, until I couldn’t walk if I wanted to. He threads a lock through the chain and tosses the key into the river.
He does the same to Koi.
Then he stands back, nods, and utters one word. “Begin.”
“I’m sorry for whatever happens next,” says Koi. Then he dives into the river.
I follow. It’s warm, almost too warm, like something is pressing in around my lungs. And it gets deep fast. With my legs tied, I move slowly. I’m carrying dead weight. I try to use my arms at first, paddling like my father taught me. Long strokes. Deep, even breaths, as if you are running.
The ocean has waves that help move me along, but the river is flat and still, and mostly fresh water, so it is not as easy to float. I have not trained for this. I go under. When I come up for air, my feet catch on something. My chin hardly breaks the surface.
“Dad!”
“You’re afraid, Meadow. Don’t be.” He watches me with cold eyes. “Stay calm, and free yourself.”
I go under again, kicking and fighting. I manage to kick off my shoes.
I’m going to drown. I’m going to die here.
I surface, take a gulp of air, and go back under, forcing myself to stay calm. I bend and unhook the chains from whatever nasty thing it was caught on and push to the surface like a dolphin.
Koi reaches the other side of the river just before I do. He drags himself onto the shore and starts fumbling with his chains.
As soon as I can stand, I dive under and squirm out of the chains, my ankles slick with blood and mud. Then I turn and run.
I don’t get far before Koi tackles me from behind.
We go down, hard, and my mouth is full of leaves and dirt. Koi grabs at me, but I kick back and feel a rush of blood as my foot meets his nose. I’m only a few steps ahead when he dives, his fingers locking around my ankle. “Sorry, little sister,” he says. He twists my foot, hard, and something snaps.
Fire, white-hot and angry.
I have never felt pain like this.
“Get up, Meadow!” my father roars. “Pain can control you only if you let it! What if it was Peri you were racing for? Would you stop then?”
The answer is obvious. I would never stop if it were Peri.
I stand and stumble forward. Already, the nanites are stitching up my broken bones, piecing them back together, but the pain is still bad and my vision blurs.
When I reach the tree, Koi is already halfway up, clinging to the trunk like a bug.
“You’re going to pay for that!” I scream.
I grab a rock. I take a second to catch my breath, steady my aim. Then I throw the rock as hard as I can. It stays true to its course and hits Koi’s right hand.
He yells in surprise and falls from the tree. I have seconds to break ahead. I rush forward, still hobbling, and leap over Koi just before he gets back to his feet. I am lighter. Faster. I used to climb the mast when I was Peri’s age. Climbing is something I am good at, as easy as breathing.
I scramble up, branch to branch, the pattern steady and even. Push with my feet, pull with my arms. My ankle has nearly healed. I stretch, ready to haul myself up one last time and grab the orange fabric. I want to end this and go home. I want to prove that I can win.
My fingertips touch the branch overhead just as I feel Koi’s hand on my foot.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
My strength is no match for his. I fall from the tree and hit the ground.
I hear a crack, a ringing in my ears.
Then the world is doused in black.
Chapter 8
I wake up on the houseboat to the sound of knocking.
When I sit up, my head wobbles all wrong. Peri is asleep on the mattress beside me, curls scattered across her face. I sweep them away and see dried tears on her cheeks.
She must have thought I was dead, when my father and Koi brought me home.
The
memory rushes back. I lost. My father is sound asleep beside Koi, his dagger clutched in one hand, a rifle in the other. I hate them both.
Someone knocks. Three times, the signal. I tiptoe to the door, move the slab of wood out of the way, and swing it open.
My mother is backlit by the moon, her silver hair illuminated so she looks like a ghost. She stumbles forward as a wave crashes against the boat. I catch her, feel her weight as she leans against me. “Where were you?” I ask.
She takes a deep breath, then pushes past me and sits down at the table. “Working. Always working.”
“Koi failed his test,” I say. “He failed, and now everything is up to me, and I can’t handle it.”
“You can,” she says. “Because you’re different than your brother.”
I don’t know what she means. I sit down across from her and place my hand over hers. She stiffens for a second, then relaxes. I lean my head against her shoulder. “Peri is upset.”
“That’s why she has you and your brother,” she says. “The beautiful thing about family is that we always step in for one another. Wouldn’t you agree?” She runs her fingers through my hair, the same way she used to when I was just a little girl.
“Koi isn’t himself right now.” I want to stay here, relax into her. Instead I scoot away and look her in the eyes. “And Peri was upset today because she wanted you.”
“Meadow, I can’t always . . .” She stops talking, looks at her hands for a moment. Her eyes widen, as if she is afraid of what she sees. “I’m busy.”
“You’re losing yourself,” I whisper. “We need you to stop disappearing. We need you to be our mother.”
She shakes her head. The silver seashell charm on her wrist clinks as she stands up and pushes away from the table. “Sleep. What we all need to do right now is sleep.”
I watch her stumble across the cabin and curl up against my father’s side.
In seconds, she is away from the world.
Chapter 9
My feet are swiped out from under me. I hit the sand, hard.
“Pay attention!” My father shouts. “Don’t let him do that to you again.”
Koi circles me like a shark, ready to strike again. He trains with a vengeance, as if he wants to prove himself to my father. But he had his chance. He will never have it again.
There are people littering the beach as always. They watch us fight from all angles. Some of them cheer us on.
I don’t like having so many eyes on me.
I lunge forward and grab Koi by the hair. He gasps, and I jab my elbow into his face, then pull away before he has a chance to catch me. Blood drips from his nose.
“Nice one,” he says. Then he dives forward and tackles me to the sand at the water’s edge.
We grapple, landing punches to the gut, the face, all the places my father taught us. Fighting is not about stopping an opponent. It is about ending them.
“That’s enough for now.” My father finally says. He looks up at the sun. “We’re late for round two. Your mother will need to leave for work soon, and we have to get back to watch Peri.”
“What’s round two?” I spit out a mouthful of blood. A wave crashes and washes it away.
Koi scrunches up his nose, where there are little bleeding claw marks from my fingernails. He shrugs when our father turns and disappears into the crowd. Together, we follow.
My father takes us all the way down the beach, past the jetty. We hike all the way to the Perimeter. It’s like a big silver scar rising from the sand.
We stop a few yards from it. “Touch it, Meadow,” he says. “Don’t be afraid.”
I choke on my laughter. “You’ve told me my entire life never to touch the Perimeter. And now you change your mind?”
“Do it, Meadow,” Koi says. He shoves me forward. “Always do what he says.”
My father gives him an appreciative nod. It must be more than Koi expected, because he actually smiles.
“Fine, I’ll do it,” I say. I place my hand on the solid titanium of the Perimeter.
It happens in an instant.
There is a flash of white behind my eyes, like a lighting strike. My body twitches once. Then I crumple to the sand. Paralyzed.
The only proof that I am still alive is my heart, beating wildly in my chest.
My father approaches. His face blocks out the sun, so a halo of light surrounds him. “You can never leave the Shallows, Meadow. Even if you wanted to.”
I want to scream at him. You’re sick! You’re absolutely disgusting! If Mom were here . . .
“The nanites in your Pin heal you. But they also keep you trapped here. If you touch the wall, try to climb it. . . this happens.”
Koi comes up beside him and frowns down at me. “Don’t worry. It’ll wear off soon.”
You’re a bastard. You knew this would happen, Koi, and you didn’t warn me! You’re just taking his side because you screwed up, and you’ll never make him proud of you again!
They start backing away slowly. They’re going to leave me here like this? What if someone comes?
No. Not even my father would do that.
Would he?
My father swallows, hard. “The Initiative will send someone soon, Meadow, to see who tried to breach the Perimeter. They’ll take you in for routine questioning.”
My blood goes cold. No. Don’t leave me here. Don’t leave me for them!
“Your test today is to escape. Fight the paralysis. You can do it, if you try hard enough. Don’t let them take you into the city, Meadow. If they do, I’ll consider this a failure. And then I’ll have to come for you myself.”
Who are they going to send? Who is coming for me?
Koi and my father leave, and I am alone. I can’t move no matter how hard I try. I wait, the sun boring down on me, the waves my only company until I hear footsteps. I pray it’s my father or Koi, coming back for me.
“Well, well, well . . . what do we have here, boys?”
Three faces appear. Men, covered in scars and eye tattoos, the Initiative’s symbol.
I’d scream if I could.
Pirates.
Chapter 10
My mother warned me about the Pirates. They disgust me. They are nothing but citizens who sell everyone else out in hopes of a few extra Creds from the Initiative.
One of them squats on the sand beside me. “It ain’t very often we see a pretty face like yours, chickie.” He has a fat scar running down the side of his face. “It’s lucky we found you. Wouldn’t want someone else to have collected payment.”
Another Pirate laughs. His hair is as black as night. “We taking her in, boss?”
The man with the scar nods.
I don’t struggle when they lift me up. My body is limp, like an empty rations bag. They haul me down the beach, my toes dragging in the sand. Let me go, or I swear I’ll kill you.
It’s the first time I’ve ever thought it. The first time I’ve used that word for real. A little groan comes out of my mouth. The Pirates laugh at me like I’m a pathetic, useless child.
I fight the paralysis. I force myself, somehow, to speak. “Stop!”
The dark-haired Pirate grabs me by the chin. I can smell his sour breath. “Found your voice, did you? Won’t help.”
Now we are heading into the trees. I should feel the leaves and vines brushing my legs. But I can’t. “I didn’t . . . do anything . . . wrong.” I say.
“Only matters that we have you now, and when we get to Headquarters, your little run-in with the Perimeter will rack us up a nice payday.”
“You’re sick,” I say. “Let me go.”
I think of Koi. I think of my father. I think about what he will say to me if I mess this up. And I am afraid. I cling to the fear. It starts tingling in my toes, my fingertips. I can blink my eyes, wrinkle my nose. It is like coming back to life again, or thawing out in the sunlight after a bone-chilling swim. I glance around quickly. We are at least halfway to the city. My hands clench into fists. I sm
ile at the movement. It gives me hope.
“We could keep the girl for a while, boss,” the Pirate on my right says. “Have a little fun.”
Ahead of us, the scarred man grunts. He has broad shoulders, wider than my father’s. I doubt I could take him out. He turns around, looks me right in the eye, and smiles. “You’ve got five minutes with her. Make it quick.”
They drop me to the jungle floor. My breathing is rushed, panicked. Where is my father? Where is Koi? “Help me!” I scream, but no one answers. “DAD!”
“Daddy ain’t coming to save you!” The Pirates laugh. They flip me over so that I’m lying on my back, staring up at their filthy faces. I feel hands on my thighs, just above my knees. And that does it. No one touches me. In an instant, I am no longer paralyzed and instinct takes over.
I swing my legs up, lock them around the black-haired man’s neck. “What the . . . ,” he says, but I fling him to the side so his head slams into a tree. I kick him in the face, then scramble to grab the knife from his belt. I stab him in the shoulder. I bury the entire blade.
“Don’t come any closer!” I say to the other one. I wobble on my feet a little, but the adrenaline fuels me, and I steady. I hold out the knife. “I’ll kill you, I swear!”
“Handle her, Jameson,” the leader orders.
The man advances. I swing the knife wildly. It scrapes his thigh, then his bicep, and I jam the butt of it into his face. He goes down, groaning. Too easy.
The leader sighs. He stands up and walks over to me, lazy as a cat. His scar moves like a snake as he grimaces. “It’s always the little ones that fight.”
I throw the knife. It whirls, handle over blade and back again . . . and misses him by an inch.
“Nice try.” He laughs.
I turn and run.
At first I think I’m going to get away, but in seconds, he grabs me from behind. I scream, try to fight him off. “You think you can get away? You think you can stab my men?”