For Poppy and Sweetie, of course!
—D. C.
To Kim, who holds my hand
—K. C.
Introductions
Welcome to the yard!
Meet the Chicken Squad: Four fuzzy little chicks who should fill their days pecking chicken feed and chasing bugs but instead spend most of their time looking for trouble and finding it. My job is to pull them out of it. My name’s J. J. Tully, retired search-and-rescue dog. Seven years on the job, two years in the yard. Keep your eye on these four:
Dirt: Short, yellow, fuzzy
Real Name: Peep
Specialty: Foreign languages, math, colors, computer codes
Sugar: Short, yellow, fuzzy
Real Name: Little Boo
Specialty: Breaking and entering, interrupting
Poppy: Short, yellow, fuzzy
Real Name: Poppy
Specialty: Watching the shoe (will explain later)
Sweetie: Short, yellow, fuzzy
Real Name: Sweet Coconut Louise
Specialty: None that I can see
Here’s the thing: I can’t watch them all the time. I have dog stuff to do. Keep your eyes on them for a while, will you? I’m just going to settle down and take a little nap. Wake me if they get into any trouble. Well, big trouble. I’m sure you can handle a little trouble on your own.
Chapter 1
Help!! Help!”
A squirrel came barreling into the chicken coop. He was out of breath and in a panic. “There is something big and scary in the yard!” gasped the squirrel. “It’s after me!”
“Describe it for me,” said Sugar. She pulled her notepad out of the old shoe.
“It’s big and scary!!” said the squirrel. “It’s BIG and it’s SCARY!!”
“Big and scary is not going to cut it,” said Sugar. “Lots of things are big and scary, kid. My mom is big and scary. Try again.”
“It’s ENORMOUS and FRIGHTENING,” said Squirrel.
Sugar put her pencil down. “Better. Keep going.”
“It’s HUGE and TERRIFYING!” cried the squirrel.
“Much better, Tail,” said Sugar. She checked her notes.
Big and Scary!
Enormous and Frightening!
Huge and Terrifying!
“Maybe I can help,” said Dirt. She took out her sketchpad. “What shape was it?” asked Dirt.
“It was . . . big,” answered the squirrel.
“Big is not a shape,” sighed Sugar. She put her notebook down. “You’ve got a good vocabulary, kid. But your poor shape knowledge means I can’t respect you. You should go now.”
“Hold on, Sugar,” said Dirt. “Let’s figure this out. Let’s start from the beginning.”
“It’s ENORMOUS!” snapped the squirrel. He was starting to get grumpy.
“I thought you said it was big,” said Sugar.
“Maybe I can give it a try,” said Dirt. “Is it bigger than a house?”
“Well, no,” said the squirrel.
“Is it bigger than the chicken coop?” asked Dirt.
“Well, no,” answered the squirrel.
“Is it bigger than you?” asked Dirt.
“I am a brave squirrel!! Of course it’s bigger than me!” said the squirrel. “Why would I be afraid of something if it wasn’t bigger than me?”
“Lots of people are afraid of things that are smaller than they are,” said Dirt.
“Well, not me,” said the squirrel. “I’m only afraid of one thing and it’s BIG and SCARY, and it came out of nowhere, and it’s out there waiting for me!”
“I think we need J. J. on this case,” said Sugar. “He knows the yard like the back of his paw. I’m going to run over there and ask him to join us.”
“Not the dog!” yelled the squirrel. “Not the DOG! NOT THE DOG!”
“What’s your beef with the dog, Tail?” asked Sugar.
“He’s big and scary!” answered the squirrel.
Sugar had a hunch.
“Fine, I’m just going to run outside and grab a shovel,” she announced. “I’ll be right back.”
“Not the shovel!” said Tail. “Not the SHOVEL! NOT THE SHOVEL!”
“What’s your beef with the shovel?” asked Sugar.
“It’s big and scary!” said the squirrel.
“I give up, Tail,” said Sugar. “Sounds to me like you’re afraid of everything in the yard. Now get out of here and call me when you have a real problem.” Sugar made a last note on her pad.
Big and Scary!
Enormous and Frightening!
Huge and Terrifying!
Never mind!
Just then a dark figure appeared in the doorway and cast a shadow over Dirt, Sugar, and Tail.
“Everything okay in here?” asked a deep, gruff voice. Tail’s eyes went wide, his face went pale, and he hit the floor.
Chapter 2
How was I supposed to know the twitchy squirrel was going to faint? I mean, sure, sometimes I chase him around the yard. Big deal. You’d do the same thing if you were a dog. Especially if you were bored out of your mind and had nothing to read. So yeah, the squirrel took one look at my mug and fainted.
Like I mentioned, it’s my job to keep the Chicken Squad and their mom, Moosh, safe and sound. I saw the squirrel walking into the chicken coop that afternoon, and I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t check it out. Moosh saw it too. She wouldn’t be doing her job if she didn’t check it out either. But Moosh and I have both been around long enough to know that squirrels are never up to anything good.
“Now look what you did, J. J.,” said Sugar, frowning at the squirrel stretched out on the floor. She did not look pleased. Poppy and Sweetie jumped out of the shoe to get a closer look.
“It’s so soft!” said Sweetie. “Can we keep it?”
“Dead squirrels are boring,” said Poppy. “I’ll be in the shoe if you need me.”
Moosh burst into the coop, looked down at the squirrel, and rolled her eyes.
“I’ll handle it,” she said.
So there was only one thing left for me to do: go back to sleep.
Chapter 3
I hope that’s not what I think it is,” said Moosh.
“What do you think it is?” asked Dirt.
“A dead squirrel in my living room,” she answered.
“The squirrel’s not dead, Mom,” said Sugar. “He just fainted.”
“How can you be so sure?” asked Moosh. “He looks dead to me.”
“Dead things smell bad,” answered Sugar. “He just smells like squirrel.”
Moosh stepped right over the squirrel and walked to the old shoe. She plucked out Poppy by the scruff of his neck and then dropped him on the floor. “You are starting to smell like dirty feet,” she said. “Time for a bath.” Then she asked Sugar and Dirt, “What’s he doing here, anyway?”
“He claims there’s something big and scary in the yard,” said Sugar.
“Typical squirrel,” said Moosh.
The squirrel started to moan and twitch.
“Sounds like he’s coming around,” said Moosh out of the side of her beak. “Drag him outside. He smells bad.”
Chapter 4
You are one delicate squirrel,” Sugar remarked. Tail was awake, but his eyes were wide, and his color was not good.
“What would you call that particular shade of gray, Dirt?” asked Sugar.
“We’ve got more important things to do here, Sugar,” said Dirt. She studied the squirrel.
“No, we don’t,” said Sugar.
“You’re probably right.” Dirt put her sketchpad down and took out her big box of crayons. “It’s a cross between timberwolf gray and manatee gray. It’s definitely not regular gray. More like I-think-I-
may-pass-out-again gray.”
“Why don’t we call it ‘Scaredy Squirrel Gray’?” said Sugar.
“I like it,” said Dirt.
“Perfect,” said Sugar. “Now, let’s get back to business.”
“Is the dog gone?” asked Tail. His whole body twitched. “Is the dog GONE? IS THE DOG GONE?”
“Listen, kid,” said Sugar. “J. J. doesn’t want to catch you. He is never going to catch you. If he wanted to catch you, he would have caught you already and tossed you over the fence, like an old sock. He just chases you for fun.”
“I don’t believe you,” said Tail.
“Suit yourself,” said Sugar. “No skin off my teeth if you spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder.”
“Was the big and scary thing a rhombus?” asked Dirt. Her sketchpad was in her hands again.
“Tail here doesn’t know a circle from a triangle, and you’re going to start with a rhombus?”
“Do you know what a rhombus is, Sugar?” asked Dirt.
“No,” said Sugar. “And I don’t want to know.”
“A rhombus looks like this.” Dirt drew a diamond on her sketchpad.
“I am a brave squirrel,” Tail repeated. “Brave squirrels are not afraid of diamonds!”
“Okaaaay,” said Dirt. “How about a triangle?” She did a quick sketch and showed it to Tail.
“Could be,” said Tail. “Maybe. I’m not sure.”
“Follow me, kid,” said Sugar, walking back to the coop.
“Hey, Sweetie,” called Sugar. “Come on out here.”
Sweetie popped her head out of the shoe. She was eating a carrot.
“Did the big and scary thing look like that?” asked Sugar.
“Big and scary things are not shaped like carrots!” said Tail.
“Not the carrot, kid,” said Sugar. “Sweetie’s got a weird triangle head. Did it look like that?”
“No, definitely not,” said the squirrel.
“This is going to take all day,” said Sugar. “Maybe Tail here can go to squirrel kindergarten, learn some shapes, and then get back to us. Don’t we have anything better to do?”
“Not really,” answered Dirt. She drew something else. “How about this?”
The squirrel tried to scream, but fainted before he got it out of his mouth.
“Nice work, Dirt,” said Sugar.
“So, the big and scary thing in the yard is a circle,” said Dirt, tapping her sketchpad with her pencil. “Interesting.”
“So Tail is either afraid of the birdbath or the blow-up pool,” announced Sugar. She looked down at her notes:
Nervous squirrel with good vocabulary and poor shape skills is terrified of something round in the yard.
Also, Dirt discovers a new shade of gray.
“Can we please do something about the dead squirrel in the living room??” asked Moosh. She deposited a clean-smelling Poppy just inside the chicken coop and then headed back out the door. “If it’s still here when I get back from my gardening, I’m going to make a rug out of it.”
Chapter 5
Listen, Tail,” said Sugar. She was standing on the squirrel’s neck. “My mom says that if you are still dead when she gets back, she’s going to use you as a carpet. So if you want help, you need to face your fear of shapes like a big boy.”
“Ow, my head,” said Tail. “Let me up. I am a brave squirrel. No more fainting, I promise. It was just so . . . so . . .”
“Big and scary,” said Sugar. “We get it.”
“You did great, Tail,” said Dirt. “Now we know the big, scary thing is in the shape of a circle.”
“Yes! A circle! A big circle,” said Tail. “A really big, shiny circle. It came out of nowhere and then stopped approximately four feet off the ground. It was a dark shade of green. Not quite forest green, but close. Possibly hunter green. After a while it made a weird hissing and popping noise. And it interrupted the atmosphere.”
“That’s quite an improvement over ‘big and scary,’ ” said Sugar. “You ought to bump your head more often, kid.”
“I don’t think I like you,” said Tail.
“I’m okay with that,” said Sugar.
“What do you mean, ‘interrupted the atmosphere’?” asked Dirt. Sugar was paying close attention while she wrote in her pad.
“Good question,” said Sugar.
“Thank you,” said Dirt.
“First it lit up,” said the squirrel. “Then I saw a giant door close. I ran away for a while and when I came back, the air around it looked really weird.”
“Interesting,” said Sugar, scribbling down notes.
Dirt was drawing as fast as she could. She put her crayons down and gasped. Sugar looked at the drawing and then looked at her own notes:
Round
Shiny
Atmospheric Disturbance (aka weird air)
Gasp!
“Gasp!” said Sugar.
“Gasp!” said Dirt.
Sugar took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled.
“You’ve got a big problem, Tail.”
“What is it? What is it? What is it?”
“This is a HUGE problem.”
“What? What? What?”
“Kid, you have one ENORMOUS problem!”
“WHAT??????”
“You’ve got a UFO on your tail, Tail. An unidentified flying object. And I suspect it’s not leaving until you get in it and fly away.”
The squirrel started to turn that weird shade of gray again.
“Don’t do it, Tail,” said Sugar. “You hit the floor one more time, and my mom’s going to put you under the coffee table.”
“A UFO?” the squirrel squawked. “What would a UFO want with a squirrel?
“Maybe they want you for a pet,” Sugar suggested.
“Squirrels make terrible pets!” said Poppy.
“You took the words right out of my mouth,” said Sugar.
Chapter 6
Poppy dropped his carrot and cried out. “Mom is in the yard! We have to go get her before the aliens grab her.”
“Don’t get your feathers in a bunch, Poppy,” said Sugar. “UFOs don’t want chickens.”
“Why not?” asked Poppy. “Chickens are way better than squirrels!”
“Are not!” said Tail.
“Are too!” said Poppy.
“Are not!” said Tail.
“Are too!” said Poppy.
“Let me handle this,” said Sugar. “You know that nice lady Barbara, who lives in the main house?” Squirrel nodded. “Did Barbara build you a house to keep you warm and snug?”
“Well, no.”
“Does Barbara come out here every day just to feed you?” asked Sugar.
“No.”
“Did Barbara get a dog just to keep you safe?” asked Sugar.
“No.”
“I’m on to something here,” said Sugar. “Chickens are unique, beautiful, talented, special, and extraordinarily rare. But squirrels . . . are none of those things. . . .”
“HEY! I resent that!” said Tail.
“Let me finish, Tail,” said Sugar. “Squirrels are everywhere. Gray ones, black ones, big ones, fat ones. They are common, ordinary, boring creatures.” Sugar went to the door and looked out into the yard.
“I’m not sure I follow you, Sugar,” said Dirt.
“My point is that no self-respecting alien in his or her right mind is going to bring back a common, ordinary, boring creature as a pet.”
“I am definitely not following you,” said Sweetie.
“I’m saying the UFO isn’t here for you, Tail,” said Sugar slowly. “That UFO is here . . . for us.”
“Us?” Now it was Sweetie’s turn to drop a carrot.
“The aliens have come for chickens,” Sugar said decisively. “I always knew this would happen one day.”
“You did?” asked Sweetie.
“Mom is out there!!” cried Poppy for the second time.
“I don’t see h
er anywhere,” said Sugar, looking out into the yard. “Quick. We have to act fast! Poppy, Sweetie, go to the supply room and get me grass clippings, a bag of rocks, a ball of string, a tank of helium, and an orange balloon.”
“Chickens couldn’t possibly have all those things!” said the squirrel.
“Then you don’t know chickens, Tail,” said Sugar. “You don’t know chickens at all.”
Chapter 7
Sugar and Dirt were packing up their equipment so they could rescue Moosh from the UFO. Poppy lugged a bag full of rocks, and Sweetie carried a box of grass clippings, a tank of helium, and an orange balloon.
“You can’t leave me here alone!” cried the squirrel. “You CAN’T! YOU CAN’T!!” Squirrel threw himself onto the floor and grabbed Sugar’s tiny leg.
Sugar shook him off.
“How did you do that?” asked Dirt.
“My legs are too skinny to get a good grip,” answered Sugar. She turned to the squirrel. “You’re coming with us, Tail. But you have to keep quiet. And quit twitching. It attracts attention, and it makes me nervous.”
“I’m not going back out there,” cried the squirrel. “Never. Never. NEVER!”
“Listen, Tail,” said Sugar. “You’re going to do exactly what I tell you to do. There are aliens out there. Aliens looking for chickens. My mother is out there. My mother is a chicken. Do you follow me?”
The room fell quiet.
The squirrel’s eyes got wide again.
“Don’t even think about fainting, kid,” said Sugar. “I’ll drag you out there myself and toss you into that UFO. I’m pretty sure they’ll toss you back. But I’m willing to take that risk.”
“You are a brave squirrel,” said Dirt. “Be brave.”
“What do we do with the grass clippings?” asked Poppy.