They sometimes saw the sister Olga who was a teacher in Gossols but she never talked much about her sister Martha. The children liked Olga, they liked her, they liked to tease her. Mr. Hersland gave her good advice, when Mr. Hersland noticed her he was attracted by her. Olga was very different from her sister Martha.
She had as I was saying independent dependent being in her. She had very much vague being as a bottom to her. She had all sorts of attacking to make attraction in her. Later the children made fun of her. Later the vague bottom in her was stupid being and nervous being and sometimes silly being in her.
No one who knew her would think of her as a woman of a spinster nature. She was round and pleasant and men liked her and she had constant attacking ways in her to give to her more attraction and men could be in love with her and she wanted to have attention from them and she made them when they were anywhere near her give it to her, made them sure of her from her actions toward them and she had as a bottom a vague being and later this was in her as nervous being in her, never as impatient being in her.
No one would ever think of her as a woman with a spinster nature but this was true of her. She was as I was saying a pleasant person, more, even an attractive person. She was round and kind and pretty in a fashion. She had plenty of attraction and she was full up with attacking to give to herself more attraction.
As I was saying no one would ever naturally think of her as a spinster but this was true of her and more and more later it came to be clear in her. Always she had attacking in all kinds of ways to give to herself more attraction and always she had as a bottom a vague being so that she was a ways being baffling, always making for herself a stupid escaping, sometimes not an easy escaping, sometimes she had to escape by accusation.
She had in her independent dependent nature. Attacking was to her a natural way of fighting, she was full up with vague bottom and all the rest with constant pleasing attacking, she had never in her any real fighting. There was no connecting her attacking with her large vague bottom, with the large vague bottom in her that made her baffling, that later turned into nervous being in her. She had a spinster nature. No one who knew her ever thought about it in her. They never knew this in her. Every one just thought it was stupid being in her. Later the Hersland boys made fun of her.
Later there will be more history of her as Alfred Hersland comes to make fun of her, as Martha Hersland came to know her. Mrs. Hersland always kept track of her and was good to her. Mr. Hersland knew her in his later living when he had trouble. All this will be a history of her. All this will be written later. Everybody called her Olga. It was natural to be familiar to her.
There was then in the Hersland middle living this first governess who did not stay long with them. As I was saying when Mr. Hersland employed her, he was the one who interviewed her, she was the ideal for him. He wanted a real governess, a foreign woman with governess training, one who was a good musician, one who would talk french and German with the children. After she was with them whenever he noticed her he was certain that she was what he wanted to have for the children. When she left he had already in him a new beginning.
Now he wanted the children not to have their English spoiled by french and German. Now he was certain that music was a thing no one could learn when they were children. This was something every one should have in their later living, children should have freedom, should have an out of doors gymnasium, should have swimming and public school living, should have a governess who would live with them such a life and not teach them french or German, not teach them anything, just be a healthy person with them. And so this next governess was very different from the last one.
She was a tall blond woman. She had no queerness in her. Later she married a baker. She was a healthy person. There was no trouble for any one to know her stupid being. But it made no difference to any one that she had stupid being, that that was almost her whole being, there was nothing that any one wanted of her that made her stupid being a trouble in her. Stupid being was the whole of her. It was alright in her. It was not actively pleasant in her. It was just all of her.
She was not a music teacher, she had no french or German in her, she just knew the ordinary things and not very well either. The children knew the stupid being in her. Every one could see it in her, it was almost the whole of her. She had no evil in her, not much of anything in her, there was a great deal of her, she was tall and blond and stupid being filled her. She did not give it to Mrs. Hersland to have in her much sense of important being in her. They all, all the governesses and servants and seamstresses gave some of it some time to her but it was to come more strongly to her later through the third and last governess, Madeleine Wyman.
It is very interesting that every one has in them their kind of stupid being. It is very interesting to know it in each one which part in them, which kind of feelings in them is connected with stupid being in them. It is interesting to know it in each one the meaning of stupid being in them, it is interesting to know what each one finds as stupid being in every other one.
Each one then has in them stupid being, every one has in them their own way of eating, drinking, sleeping, resting, waking, wanting things and getting or not getting them. Each one has in them their own way of succeeding in living, or in failing. Each one has in them their own way of being, their own being in them, and sometime there will be a history of all of them.
Stupid being then is in every one. Stupid being then can be in every one mixed in them with their way of eating, or their way of drinking, or loving, or working, or waking, or resting, or doing nothing, or having pleasant or angry feeling in them, or succeeding or failing. Some can have stupid being mixed up with part of all of them, with some or a few or all the things in them that come out in them as repeating to make a history of them.
The second governess was a whole being, mostly to every one there was passive stupid being in her in every moment of her living. This is now a history of her.
There are some kinds of women and some kinds of men, there are then some women and some men of some kinds of nature who have it in them to have every one who knows them have about the same idea of them have about the same feeling about them. Some have more, some have less interest in such a one, some who know such a one may have a liking, some who know such a one may not have any such a feeling, some may have dislike in them toward such a one, some who know them never think about them, but every one who knows such a one has the same feeling about the being in such a one, the stupid being that makes such a one. There is a kind of being then that is very convincing. The second governess the Herslands had living with them was such a one. She was a big blond woman. She had just had an ordinary education.
There are many ways of being what every one who knows such a one thinks them.
There are many ways of being, there are many of many different kinds of men and women who give to every one who knows them the same feeling of them. There are many millions always being made of men and women who give to different ones who know them a different feeling of them. There are some, there are many of many kinds of men and women who give to every one the same feeling about them, Mary Maxworthing in her way was such a one. The second governess the Herslands had was a very different kind of such a one. Every one who knew her had the same estimate of her. The children laughed at her, they neither liked or disliked her, Mrs. Hersland had not any feeling about her. Later this one married a baker. He was a big blond man, and they got on very well together. She had children, she grew a little larger, her face was thinner, she was a little dirtier then, not very much busier, she never surprised any one who knew her. Her father and her mother had a dairy farm and they managed to get along. She had a brother who was to succeed the father. It did not make any difference to any one who was her father or her mother or her brother. No one ever had much interest about her, not even the baker, he liked her, they got along very well together, he gave the Hersland children cream-puffs while he talked to her. She married and som
etimes later the children or Mrs. Hersland or Mr. Hersland would see her, she was a little grimier then, but nothing was changed in her, she was a little larger, her face and neck were thinner, she and the baker were satisfied with each other.
As I was saying men and women have many of them in them their individual feeling in their way of feeling it in them about themselves to themselves inside them about the ways of being they have in them. Some have almost nothing of such a feeling in them, some have it a little in them, some have it in them always as a conscious feeling, some have it as a feeling of themselves inside them, some have it as a feeling of themselves inside them as important to them, some have it as a feeling of being important to themselves inside them as being always in them, some have it as being important to the others around them, some have it as being inside them that there is nothing existing except their kind of living, some have it that they feel themselves inside them as big as all the world around them, some have it that they are themselves the only important existing in the world then and in some of them for forever in them, these have in them the complete thing of being important to themselves inside them. Some have it as a feeling of being important in them from things they are doing, from religion in them, from the ways of living they have in them, from the clothes they have on them, from the way they have of eating, from the way they have of drinking, from the way they have of sleeping, some have a feeling of importance in them from the kind of living they have in them and the others around them have in them, there are many ways of having a feeling of one's self inside one, there are man}'ways of having an important feeling in one, there are some who have in them a feeling of importance inside but not a feeling of importance of themselves to themselves inside them, there are some who have inside them an important feeling in them but not an individual feeling in them, there are many ways for men and women to have themselves inside to them and this is a history of some of them.
Mr. David Hersland had in him a feeling of being as big as all the world around him. He had his ideas of educating children. He was always full up with beginning. He was as big as all the world around him. He never thought about it in himself then, it was natural to him. Each beginning was in him such a feeling.
He had first seen the first governess they had and he had had a feeling in him that was the ideal governess for his children. She was a good musician, it was necessary then to him that they should have much music in their education. She was a good scholar in french and German, he talked to her about the way he would insist always that his children should talk french and German. She was an ideal to him, she was beginning to him, he would see to it that the children learned all this governess could teach them. He talked to her in the beginning often about them and his rules and wishes for them. Then she made no impression on him, she was not evident enough in the family living to attract his attention. She soon died out of him. Soon he forgot about the children and their education. Then she left them. Then he was angry with the children that they knew so little french and German.
Then there was in him a new beginning, he thought it better for their English that they should forget all the french and German the first governess had taught them. They should not spend time learning music when they needed physical training, he would have a good healthy woman, not a too well educated one, to help them with their lessons and to see that they did gymnastics and swimming. This time he wanted a big healthy woman. He did not want a small one that had no color in her face and was careful in every motion. He wanted a strong healthy woman, one who knew something about farming, one who did not spend her time in reading or piano practicing. He had in him then a new beginning. He wanted a big healthy woman who knew all about farming. The second governess then was such a one. Her father and mother had a dairy farm and she was a big blond woman and she had red cheeks and she was not a musician and she did not know any french and German and she had had only an ordinary education and she knew nothing about spending her time in reading. There was no question that she was the ideal Mr. Hersland had then in him for a governess for his children.
He never forgot about her altogether as he did about the first one. She was always some one to him, he liked big healthy women, she did not know much about farming but she listened while he talked to her about farming and about the children. Later he did not talk to her about the children, a little still about farming, but when he noticed her she made a certain impression on him. Later when she was married to the baker he would drop in to see her and eat a cake while he talked to her. He did not mind much that she was larger then and paler and a little dirtier in her dressing a little sordider, grimier. She was not important ever to the children but this will come out later in the history of the children as it will be written of each one of the three of them.
There are many ways for men to have loving in them and loving come out from them.
Some men have it in them in their loving to be attacking, some have it in them to let things sink into them, some let themselves wallow in their feeling and get strength in them from the wallowing they have in loving, some in loving are melting strength passes out from them, some in their loving are worn out with the nervous desire in them, some have it as a dissipation in them, some have it as they have eating and sleeping, some have it as they have resting, some have it as a dissipation of them, some have it as a clean attacking, some have it as a simple beginning feeling in them, some have it as the ending always of them, some of them are always old men in their loving.
Every one then every man and every woman have then their own feeling in loving, their own way of feeling in religion, their own way of laughing, of eating, of drinking, of going on living, of taking what comes to them, of looking for things to irritate them or content them, their own way of beginning and of ending.
Mr. Hersland then had his own way of being in him. The governesses had each one their own way of being in them. Each one had a certain effect on him.
It is very interesting that every one has in them their kind of stupid being. It is very important to know it in each one which part in them, which kind of feeling in them is connected with stupid being in them. There is then stupid being in every one. There is in every one their own way of living, of eating, of drinking, of beginning and ending, remembering and forgetting, of going on and stopping. There is then in every one their own way of responding to things, to any one that touches them, to everything in living. There is in every one repeating. There is in every one a different way of repeating in their beginning and in their middle living and in their ending. Sometime there will be a complete history of every one and of all the repeating in them.
Eating and sleeping then and drinking and being loving and working and waking and resting and doctoring and having religion and beginning and ending. Mr. Hersland was now in the beginning of his middle living. He was beginning then his habits of middle living. He was beginning then his regular country house living and governesses were then part of the regular living he had in him, with his eating and sleeping and talking and beginning. Habits were beginning in him. Repeating is always in every one, it settles in them in the beginning of their middle living to be a steady repetition with very little changing. There may be in them then much beginning and much ending, but it is steady repeating in them and the children with them have in them the pounding of the steady march of repeating the parents of them have in them. Mr. Hersland then was beginning to have in him his repeating of beginning middle living. He had then in him eating and sleeping and hygiene and much beginning and hearty laughing and impatient being and a kind of interest in some people near him and some brushing away of his wife from around him and his regular derangements in his stomach and in his dieting. He had in him then the beginning of his middle living.
Every one, then, as I was saying, have in them, always, repeating. Every one who does not die before then has in them the steady pound of repeating in the beginning of their middle living. It becomes then more and more part of them, their way, their
way of drinking, their way of beginning and of ending, their way of talking, of laughing, of having impatient being in them, their way of being attracted by women and by men.
There was then the beginning of middle living now in Mr. Hersland. It was in him then already in the beginning of their living in Gossols and having the first governess for the children. For Mrs. Hersland it was not yet in beginning. It came to her later with the governess Madeleine Wyman.
A part then of middle living in Mr. Hersland was his way of educating his children; his daily habits then in his country living with his wife and his children and a governess to teach them. The ideas in him then about their education were his habits of beginning middle living. The attraction each governess had or had not for him, the impression she made or did not make on him was all part of his middle living. Later in the ending of his middle living it came to be a more sodden repeating. Now repeating was in him a varied vigorous pounding. This is now a description.
Mr. Hersland, as I said once when speaking of the kind of loving he had in him, Mr. Hersland had then in the beginning of his middle living, had his wife to content him. She was then a pleasant feeling in him, she was then a little of a joke to him, she had then still a little resisting for him, he then did not much brush her away from around him, he did not then forget about her existing, in his feeling, she was then still important to him. As I was saying, then in their younger living, still in the beginning of his middle living she gave him all the stimulation he needed to attract him, for his loving; he was not then yet full up with impatient feeling, he had then yet a pleasant feeling in living and her resisting was important enough to him to hold him. Later he needed more to fill him, in his latest living when he was shrunk away from the outside of him, when he had not enough beginning enough impatient feeling to fill him, he needed then another kind of woman. This will come out later in the later history of him.