Lily glanced up from the picnic basket to find Jake watching her, clearly amused. “Is something funny?”
“No.” His gaze shot past her to the water, but when he turned back to her, he smiled, his face relaxing and his eyes growing gentle and warm.
Lily experienced the effects of being near Jake almost immediately. She was so tempted to just reach out and touch him. She sat as far away as she dared without being obvious. Yet she was drawn to him like a homing pigeon to its place of rest.
“What did you pack?” Jake asked.
“Pastrami sandwiches and homemade lemon meringue pie.” She removed the cellophane and handed him a sandwich.
“Mustard?” He cocked one dark brow with the question.
“Your wish is my command.”
“Your memory impresses me.”
I’m glad something does, she mumbled to herself, suddenly feeling gloomy. Lily didn’t dare get close to Jake, even in the most innocent way. She was tired, having slept only a few hours the previous night. She yearned to curl up in his arms and nestle her head against his chest. She looked away, fearing he would take one look at her and know what she was thinking.
“Aren’t you going to eat something?” Jake asked. “I thought you said you were hungry.”
“I am,” she answered, somewhat defensively. Reaching inside the basket, she withdrew another sandwich, unwrapped it, and took a bite. “There’s cold beer if you want one,” she said.
“Sure.”
Lily grabbed one for him and another for herself.
“I didn’t know you liked beer. I thought you preferred wine.”
“I do sometimes. Beer’s good, too. It’s an acquired taste. Gram says it’s good for what ails you.”
Jake downed a large swallow and wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand. “Gram’s right.”
Lily took a more delicate swig. The liquid felt cold all the way to her stomach. She took another bite of the sandwich. “My dad was a big beer drinker.”
“You’ve never spoken much of your father.”
“He died when I was young.” Lily looked at the sails as they billowed in the wind, avoiding eye contact with Jake.
“What about your mother?”
“I don’t remember her,” she said, her voice growing soft. “The pictures of her Gram gave me make me wish I had. She was really beautiful. But she died of complications following surgery.”
“You must have been very young.”
“Three. Gram took me in then because Dad traveled so much. I don’t think Dad ever recovered from losing my mother. Gram says they loved each other like no two people she’d ever known, except her and Paddy. Yet my parents were nothing alike. Mom was delicate. From her pictures, she looks like a fragile princess. And Dad was this big hulk of a guy—a lumberjack sort of fellow. I have wonderful memories of him. Whenever he’d come home it was like Christmas; he brought Gram and me the most marvelous gifts. I saved every one. Mom and Dad’s picture sits on my dresser. I’ll show it to you sometime if you’d like.”
The smile in Jake’s eyes widened and spread to his mouth. “You must resemble her.”
“Me?” Lily laughed. “No, I’m more like my dad. I’ve got this big nose and fat cheeks and ears that tend to stick out.”
“You’re lovely.”
“Why, Jake, what a nice thing to say.” She laughed and took another swallow of the beer. “When was the last time you had your eyes examined?” It felt good to tease him again. “What about your parents?”
“There’s not much to tell. They’re both still alive. I don’t see them often. I’m kind of the black sheep of the family. My two brothers are successful. One’s a bank executive and the other’s a physician.”
“And you’re the almost-famous writer.” Lily was obliged to defend him. This past month, when Lily had been seeing Rick and Rex, had taught her how unfair it was to judge others by their bank balance.
“No, I’m a cab driver and a failure. After all, they paid for four years of college for me that have completely gone to waste.”
“They haven’t been wasted.”
“In their eyes they have.”
“You’re a strong and solid man and if your parents don’t see that, then I pity them.” Jake was earthy and intelligent. A man of character and grit. He may have chosen a different path from his brothers, but that didn’t make him any less a success.
“My mother would like you.” His voice was oddly gruff. “She’d see you as just the type who could reform me.”
“But you don’t want to be saved. Remember?”
“You’re right about that.” But if anyone could ever do it, it would be Lily. A house, family, and responsibilities wouldn’t be half bad if he shared his life with her. The change wouldn’t come easy, but he would be more prone to consider it with her.
They finished their beer and sandwiches and Jake ate a thick slice of pie, praising her efforts.
The sun shone brightly against the horizon and the boat plowed smoothly ahead through the choppy waters. Gradually, Lily’s head began to droop. The beer had added to her sleepiness, and now she fought to keep her eyes open.
Intent on his duties, Jake didn’t seem to notice until Lily started to slouch against his side. Instinctively he reached for her, looping an arm around her shoulders and holding her weight against his side. The sheer pleasure of holding her was overwhelming. And yet it felt so natural. Pressing his face into her hair, he breathed in the fresh scent of her. She reminded him of summer wine.
Closing his eyes, Jake took in another deep breath and held it. He’d never told another living soul about his parents’ disappointment in him. His love for Lily surged at the way she’d wanted to defend him. Her eyes had sparked with fiery indignation.
A slow, lazy smile spread over his features. The wind changed directions and he expertly manipulated the canvas sails around to catch the power of the moving air.
Relaxed now, he stretched out his legs and crossed them at the ankles. A man could get accustomed to this. The woman he loved was in his arms and the sea was at his command.
Lily stirred, feeling secure and warm. Slowly she opened her eyes and realized the cause of this incredible relaxed sensation. Suspecting that any sudden movement would destroy the moment, Lily gradually raised her face to Jake. His serious eyes met hers.
The sails flapped in the breeze and still Jake didn’t move. Lily remained motionless and the moment stretched out until she lost all concept of time. It could have been seconds or even minutes, she didn’t know. Jake’s face was so close to hers that she could see every line etched in his face. He smiled. Then, a fraction of an inch at a time, his mouth edged toward hers.
Lily closed her eyes, surrendering to him. Ever so gradually, his mouth eased onto hers. Lily felt her heart melt, but resisted the urge to lock her arms around his neck. Although she yearned for more, she was unwilling to invite it. Only the day before, Jake had ardently claimed he hadn’t wanted this. Yet here he was, holding her, kissing her, and looking as though it would take all the forces of heaven and hell to drive them apart.
The kiss lingered for what seemed like a lifetime. When he finally dragged his mouth from hers, Lily didn’t protest. Her response had to be careful. It would be tragic to destroy this moment. She kept her eyes closed and savored the feel of his breath as it continued to fan her lips. She could tell that Jake was as affected by the kiss as she was.
“Oh, Lily,” he whispered. Jake bent his index finger and gently pressed it to her lips. “Did you enjoy your nap?”
Her response was a faint nod.
“Good.”
Unhurriedly, as if moving in slow motion, Jake lifted his arm from Lily’s shoulders. She shifted her weight and stretched. Sitting up straight, she smoothed her hands over her jean-clad thighs, searching for something to say.
“We’re doing it again and we said we wouldn’t,” Jake said.
Lily cast her gaze to the deck. “You’re right.”
br />
“We should think about heading back. It’s been a full afternoon.”
Lily felt hurt and cheated. Why did Jake find it so objectionable to kiss her? Every time he did, it was wonderful.
“Okay,” she mumbled. “If that’s what you want.”
“Don’t you?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know anymore. What’s wrong with kissing me?” she asked him bluntly.
“Plenty. I’m not right for you.” His brow narrowed into a heavy frown. “I’d never make you happy.”
“I’m happy with you now,” she cried, her voice breaking.
“Sure you are, but it won’t last, Lily. I’m saving us both a lot of heartache, understand?”
“No, I don’t.”
His mouth hardened and he stared straight ahead, effectively closing her out. Lily had seen that look often enough to realize that she might as well argue with a brick wall, for all the good it would do her.
A sudden chill went all the way to her bones. She reached for her jacket. Jake was freezing her out again, but somehow it hurt more this time.
As they neared the marina, Jake momentarily gave her the helm and moved forward to lower the sails. The lump in the back of her throat had grown so large that she could barely swallow. Even breathing was difficult. Today should have been special. And now it was ruined.
“Lily, listen. I’m doing this for your own good.”
“Stop it, Jake,” she all but shouted. “Why can’t you be honest, for once? I don’t know what you’re trying to prove. I couldn’t even begin to guess. I’m tired of playing your games.”
The Lucky Lady glided smoothly into her berth. Lily waited just long enough for the boat to steady before leaping onto the dock.
“Lily, wait.” Jake jumped after her, pausing to secure the vessel. “Don’t leave like this. We need to talk this out.” He didn’t know what he could say, but seeing Lily this upset was more than he could bear. He had to find some way to reason with her.
She turned to face him squarely. “Sorry, no time. I’ve got a date with Rick.”
The words hit Jake with all the force of a freight train. She had a date? Jake held her gaze and a muscle flexed convulsively in his jaw. Apparently it didn’t bother her to go from one man’s arms to another’s. “Then what’s keeping you?”
“You certainly wouldn’t be interested in keeping me, would you?” Maybe it was cruel of her, but she wanted him to experience just a little of what she was feeling. “Rick likes me. He isn’t hot and cold.”
Sadly she shook her head. “Good-bye, Jake.” She turned and walked up the narrow dock. Every step took her farther from Jake and somehow Lily felt she’d never be coming back.
Jake watched her go, his fist knotted at his side. Half of him demanded that he race after her, but the other commanded that he stay exactly where he was. Against all good sense, he’d done it again. He’d kissed her and regretted it, punishing Lily for his own weakness. It wasn’t Lily’s fault he couldn’t control himself around her. Nor was it her problem that he’d fallen in love with her. But something had to be done. And quickly.
In the past, he’d toyed with the idea of packing up and moving down the coast. They couldn’t continue on this way. They were confusing each other, fighting their feelings, denying what they yearned for most. He had to get out of her life completely. There was no help for it. He had to leave.
Jumping back onto the deck of his boat, Jake moved with determined strides. Now that he’d made up his mind, he felt better.
Belowdeck, he reached for the sea maps, charting his course down the California coast. He was a free man, no ties, no bonds. He could go without a backward glance. Except …
Jake paused. Except.
He slumped against the counter. He couldn’t leave Lily. It would be like leaving a part of himself behind. Who was he trying to fool? He loved her. Loved her enough to give up the precious freedom he’d struggled to maintain all these years.
He’d sell the boat before he’d lose Lily. The thought nearly paralyzed him. He meant it. Lily was worth ten thousand Lucky Ladys.
When a man felt that strongly for a woman there was only one option: marriage. He waited for the natural aversion to overtake him. It didn’t. The startling fact was that it actually sounded quite appealing.
His mind conjured up a house with a white picket fence around it. He could see Lily in the front yard planting flowers, pregnant.
That, too, had a nice feel to it. Jake hadn’t thought of it much, but he’d like to have a son. And a daughter would be a joy if she looked anything like Lily.
Marriage, a family, responsibilities, a regular job—those were all the things he’d despised over the years. Jake had claimed they weren’t for him. But they would be if he had Lily at his side. All this time he’d had the gut feeling that Rex and Rick were wrong for her. Of course they were. He was the one meant for Lily. In time, Jake would give her the fancy things she wanted. He even looked forward to doing it.
Shuffling through his closet, Jake took out his best clothes. He’d shower and shave first so he’d look halfway decent. A man didn’t ask a woman to be his wife every day of the week.
* * *
“Hi, Gram.” Lily walked in the front door and tried to put on a happy face.
Rocking in her chair, Gram glanced away from the TV show she was watching. “You’ve been crying.”
“It … just looks that way. I’ve got something in my eye.”
“Like tears,” Gram scoffed, slowly getting to her feet. “What happened?”
“Nothing.” Lily could feel her control slipping. “Jake … kissed … me,” she finally said.
“Why, that’s no reason to cry, child.” Gram gave her a perplexed look as if she couldn’t comprehend why Lily would find Jake’s kiss so repulsive.
“I—I … know … but … he … doesn’t … want … to.”
“He’d hardly be kissing you if it wasn’t what he wanted.”
“You don’t understand.” She wiped the tears from her face. “I’m so in love with him, Gram. But you know Jake. He doesn’t want a woman in his life. Loving him has ruined everything. We’ve lost him.”
Gram’s look was thoughtful as she slipped her arm around Lily’s waist and hugged her close. “Dry those tears. You and I have weathered worse over the years. And as for losing Jake, we can’t lose something we never had. Let Jake sort this out for himself. He’s a smart man.”
“I don’t ever want to see him again.”
The older woman smiled. “You don’t mean that. But I know how you feel. Paddy and me had some pretty good fights in our time.”
“We didn’t fight,” Lily insisted. In some ways she wished they had. An argument would have cleared the air. It might even have brought out the truth and helped them find a solution—if there was one.
Slowly Gram walked into the kitchen and put on the kettle. “I’ll make you a cup of Marmite.”
“Thanks, Gram,” Lily said solemnly. She’d spent so much time trying to find a wealthy man that she’d allowed herself to be blind to the treasures she already possessed.
The last thing Lily felt like doing was getting ready for her date with Rick. She had to end things. She’d been using him and that couldn’t continue.
The doorbell chimed just when Lily was touching up her makeup. The telltale redness around her eyes had faded and she looked reasonably attractive.
Lily stuck her head around the corner to be sure that Gram had answered the door. With the television blaring, Gram often didn’t hear the bell. It had gotten so bad that Jake had become accustomed to knocking once and letting himself in. At the thought of Jake, a tiny shudder went all the way through her.
Rick stood awkwardly in the living room and Lily offered him her brightest smile. She wasn’t looking forward to this evening. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”
“Take your time,” he said, smiling back at her.
Tonight wouldn’t be easy, but she wasn’t goin
g to be maudlin.
After grabbing her purse and a light wrap, she rejoined Gram and Rick in the living room, forcing herself to smile.
* * *
Knowing Lily would be out with Rick, Jake waited for what he considered a reasonable amount of time before heading over to Gram’s. Content now that he’d made his decision, he climbed inside his faithful taxi and absently ran his hand along the empty seat. He’d sell the cab. That would be the first thing to go. While waiting, he’d scanned the newspaper. Finding a decent job shouldn’t be too difficult. Engineers seemed to be in demand, and although his degree had several years’ dust on it, he’d been a good student. An employer would recognize that soon enough.
On impulse, Jake stopped at a corner market and picked up a small bouquet of flowers. He didn’t know what kind they were; flowers were Lily and Gram’s department.
Humming, he eased to a stop in front of Gram’s house, climbed out of the car, and slapped his hand across the hood as he ventured past. He felt good. Once everything was straightened out with Lily, he’d be on cloud nine.
Gram answered his knock and he proudly shoved the flowers in her direction. “Is Lily home yet?”
“Are these for me or her?”
“Both.”
“I’d say you’re a bit late.”
It wasn’t like Gram to snap or grumble. Jake glanced at his watch. “It’s barely ten.”
“That’s not the late I’m talking about.”
“Is Lily home or not?” His own patience was running short.
“Not. I don’t know what’s come over you, but Lily came home from her time with you in tears.”
Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Jake cleared his throat. He hadn’t expected the third degree from Gram. “I came to apologize for that.”
“And I’m telling you, you’re too late.”
A sudden chill went all the way through Jake. “What do you mean?”
“Rick was here earlier.”
“I know.” All evening he’d been haunted by the image of Rick kissing Lily. He’d considered intercepting their date, but he’d done that once before and had promised himself he wouldn’t again.
“Only this time Rick didn’t come alone.”