"There's nothing more you could have done,” Crash said, as though reading her mind. His eyes drifted over her face, watching her closely. She hated that look. It made her feel vulnerable, naked, weak and exposed.
“You say that,” Sora murmured. “But I should have acted quicker.”
“If you have to blame anyone, blame Volcrian,” the assassin replied.
Or I could blame you, Sora thought bitterly, but she kept it to herself. No, this wasn't the assassin's fault. None of them could fight the wraith. Only her Cat's Eye. And she had waited too long.
"But what was that...thing?” she asked, a shudder passing through her. She could still feel its presence, a menacing shadow hiding between the floorboards, just out of sight. Her hand went to her necklace, remembering how she had destroyed it, trying to take comfort. “Was it a...a ghost? A demon?"
"Volcrian has many powerful spells,” Crash finally said. “He uses blood to create monsters, servants. Most use animal sacrifices...but there are spells that require human blood, too. They call it black-blooded. Any spell that requires one of the races is forbidden...especially those that raise the dead.”
Sora frowned. “Raise the dead?”
“Yes....” Crash's gaze dropped to the sheets. “That wraith was alive, once. In some ways, it still was when it attacked us. Perhaps the Cat's Eye is not as useful against such things.” Crash met her eyes. “He's growing desperate.”
Sora's eyes were wide. “So...so that wraith was a dead soul....”
“Brought back from the underworld. Yes.”
“That's...that's terrifying.” She blinked the tears from her eyes, remembering the fierce battle, Dorian's final moments on the field. A sudden fire lit within her—hatred. It was like a knife in her gut, far worse than her father's resentment or her fear of Crash. She knew it with absolute certainty. She hated Volcrian, loathed him, wanted him dead. She hoped that he would never find them. That he would perish somewhere in the mountains, lost and starving, eaten alive by wolves.
She shook her head. It was sickening, consuming. She didn't want to feel it, but the hatred was rock-solid in her gut.
"I could have done something," she finally said, unable to hold back the bitterness. She needed to confess. “I should have acted sooner. Saved him. It was in my power.” Her throat closed painfully.
Then Crash did something unexpected.
He sat down on the bed, his hand landing close to her face, gazing down at her intently. For reasons unknown, Sora felt her breath catch, her chest constrict peculiarly. She wanted to look toward the wall, the ceiling, anywhere but those moss-green depths. It was like staring into a forest pond, algae grown across its surface, the glimmer of her own reflection.
"Listen to me,” Crash said quietly. His voice was soft and rich, and her heart fluttered at the sound of it. “Only the future matters, Sora. Guilt is an illusion, a way of lingering on the past. You can't change what happened." He held her eyes, carving himself into her mind. "You are alive. That is what you should worry about. Your thoughts can torture you—but not the dead. They've moved on.” And he touched her head softly, as though proving a point. “Let it go.”
Sora couldn't speak—frankly, was having trouble breathing. Poignant words for an assassin, but they were not reassuring. Let what go? Her guilt? Her regret? Impossible. Dorian was gone forever—how was she supposed to let that go?
And what would an assassin know about grief? He didn't seem to care about killing her father, about the countless other victims he had murdered. Or did he think she had forgotten? She choked suddenly, full of anger, of inexpressible sorrow.
She closed her eyes, trying to hide her pain; she didn't want him to see her anymore, exposed and vulnerable. But one tear escaped and ran down her cheek.
His finger traced its path across her skin.
Then there was a knock at the door.
Crash's head snapped up. He stood up quickly. The door opened as he moved away from the bed. Sora watched him disappear out of her line of sight, and for a moment, she didn't want him to leave....
"Good morning, Crash," a woman's voice said from somewhere out of sight.
The assassin didn't respond, but she could feel it when he left the room. There was a gentle click as the door shut.
Footsteps approached her bed. Sora knew she was about to lay eyes on the person who had nursed her back to health. She fidgeted a little nervously.
The woman came into view and stood in the exact spot where Crash had been a moment before. Sora looked up. Her eyes widened. She was momentarily breathless.
"Hello," the woman said softly.
Sora couldn't speak. By the Wind Goddess! She looked up at the woman's face and felt like she was staring into a mirror. Aside from the subtle marks of age, the woman looked almost exactly like her. In fact, the resemblance was so uncanny, she could have been Sora's older sister, aunt, or maybe even....
No, it's impossible!
"Who...who are you?" she choked out. Once again she felt close to tears, but for an entirely different reason. This was too much.
"Sora," the woman said slowly. “I think you know who I am."
She shook her head, unable to admit it even to herself.
“My name is Lorianne. I am a Healer in the village. And...this might sound strange, but...I think I am your mother.”
My mother?
Sora wasn't sure what she felt—disbelief, to be sure. Maybe a little nausea.
“You can't be my mother,” she blurted out. The words tripped over her tongue. She could barely regain her breath. “My mother is gone...I mean, she left me a long time ago...it's impossible.”
“Impossible for a girl who wears a Cat's Eye?”
Sora didn't know what to say or do. Her mind raced, staring at the curve of the woman's cheek. She blinked twice. Her hand flew to her necklace, forgetting her discomfort, the pull of her sore muscles. She ran her fingers over the smooth stone.
Suddenly, she remembered a conversation from very long ago, in a mapmaker's shop. Something about discipline...about needing a direction....
The pieces were all there; she just didn't want to put them in place. This had to be a joke. “It's impossible,” she repeated in a shaking voice.
Unexpectedly, the woman smiled. There was kindness in her eyes. “That's quite a word, coming from you. Your friends told me of your journey through Fennbog.” She raised an eyebrow. Sora almost remembered her expression, as though from another life. “Are you truly surprised to be here?”
Sora kept running her fingers over the stone. She shook her head again, this time less vehemently. How many times had she held the necklace, how many times had she thought of her mother? Yearned to find her? Her journey through the swamp, turning this way and that, fumbling through leagues of wilderness....
All that time, she had thought she was running from Volcrian. But perhaps the necklace had been leading her somewhere else....
She stared at the woman fully, not daring to blink, hungry to study every minuscule detail of her face. She wanted to touch her somehow, make sure she wasn't dreaming. Still weak, she stretched out her hand toward the Healer, uncertain if it would go right through her.
The woman took Sora's clammy hand in her own warm, dry hand.
Then Lorianne sat down on her bed and gently embraced her. At first Sora was stiff with pain and shock, then slowly relaxed, easing into the embrace.
“Goddess be praised!” the woman said softly. “I never thought I would see you again." She hugged her closer. "I don't suppose your servants told you much?”
Sora shook her head a bit, but that was lost in the hug.
“If you'd like,” Lori continued, “I can explain everything.”
Lori released her and sat up, gazing down at her daughter. Sora stared, too. Once again, she was shocked by how closely they resembled each other. Blue eyes, golden-blond hair. For a moment she doubted herself—what if this was an elaborate joke? What if this woman was manic?
But, no. She knew the truth; she could feel it in her bones, in the subtle bond of the necklace. My mother. Somehow, out of all the acres of wilderness, the endless valleys and mountains of the world, the necklace had led her straight to this doorstep. The thought took her breath away.
“It's really you,” Sora murmured. “I can't believe it.”
Then tears flooded her eyes. She was no longer able to hold back. She sobbed, putting her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle the sound of sobbing. "Why?" she asked, still sniffling. “Lorianne—why?” She couldn't yet think of the woman as “mother.” But she had to ask. The question had been burning inside her for years.
Lori swallowed hard. "Where do you want me to begin?" she finally asked, her voice shaking. "What do you want me to tell you?"
"Tell me why you left. Truly," Sora replied. Suddenly she was afraid—afraid of abandonment, of betrayal. What if her mother had thrown her away? What if she had been unwanted...unloved?
Her dubious thoughts were soon answered. "I was forced to leave you," her mother said, shaking her head. "It is the hardest thing I have ever done. Lord Fallcrest threatened to kill me—and you—if I stayed."
Sora was shocked. She stared at the woman, speechless. “What?” she demanded.
Her mother shook her head, her hands grasping Sora's. She closed her eyes painfully, her face growing pale. “First, Sora, you should know...that Lord Fallcrest is not your real father.”
Sora didn't know how to respond. She felt out-of-body, completely numb.
“Let me explain,” Lorianne said quickly. “I met your father when I was much younger. He was an adventurer of sorts. A treasure hunter. I traveled with him and his companions, chasing after lost artifacts.” She took a short breath, glancing down at her hands. “We were excavating a cave some miles north of Fallcrest lands, a great crater in the earth. The cave collapsed. Your father was killed. I had just learned that I was pregnant with you.”
Sora listened, her mouth slightly open, her heart beating loudly in her ears.
Lorianne continued quietly. “Word had it that Lord Fallcrest was unable to have children. He didn't have an heir, despite having remarried twice. The countryside was full of rumors; they said his seed was rotten."
“I was desperate, poor, without any prospects. You must understand, I had no way to take care of you. Dane and I—your father—owned no property. We had no livelihood.” She shook her head slowly, her eyes distant, still staring at her lap. A long breath escaped her lips. “Perhaps I was mad with grief, I don't know. But I courted Lord Fallcrest. I lied and told him that I was of noble birth, the youngest in my family with nothing to inherit. Dane's friends helped me, acting as my servants. Lord Fallcrest fell in love with my beauty. We were married two months later. And when you were born, he named you his heir.”
Sora's hands trembled. She couldn't hide that from her mother. Lori glanced up and met her eyes.
“Did he find out the truth?” Sora asked.
Her mother nodded slowly. “Eventually, yes. There was no record of a Lady Bloomsworth anywhere in the Kingdom. As soon as we were married, people started to talk. It was only a matter of time.” She stroked Sora's hand gently. “When Lord Fallcrest discovered the truth, he told me to leave. He said he would kill me if I didn't go. Then he gave you to a midwife and forbade me to see you. He needed an heir, you see, and he thought you were his own. But if I ever showed my face again, he said he would kill us both for shaming his family.” Lorianne squeezed Sora's grip, as though taking strength from it. “So I left,” she said.
Sora could hear the weakness in her voice, the tears just below the surface. But she was too stunned to offer comfort. Her entire world was slowly disintegrating, piece by piece. Everything she had ever known of herself, that she had ever taken pride in, was a lie.
“I went where he would never find me,” Lori finished. “I knew that you would have a good life, far better than I could give you. It took me years to settle here. I had to do things...things that you wouldn't be proud of. The world is not kind to a woman traveling alone. I was lucky enough to find a mentor and learn the healing arts. I wish I had learned them sooner. Maybe Dane would still be alive.”
Sora nodded. They became silent. She considered her mother's words, letting the story sink through her skin, permeate her mind. I'm not noble-born. Lord Fallcrest had never been her father. In some ways, it was unexpectedly liberating. Her entire life had been tainted by a sense of failure. Her father had always treated her like a disappointment, never quite good enough. Her essays were too simple, her hands were too heavy on the reins, her singing was off-key.
Now she understood. She was peasant-born. Perhaps he had suspected that she was not his own blood. But he needed an heir. So he had kept her, since his own seed was useless.
Her mother's blue eyes focused on her hand. "I see you've found your Cat's Eye.” Her lips puckered strangely. "I'd hoped you would...and also, I'd hoped you wouldn't. I didn't intend to leave it, but I had to pack so quickly....It belonged to your father.” She sighed, her eyes distant. “I guess it's good that you wore it. It's the only reason you're still alive. The stone will go to great lengths to preserve the bearer."
Sora frowned at this. "My father's?" she said. She couldn't imagine the man, had no idea who he was. “How...?”
“He found the Cat's Eye on one of our expeditions. He wore it for many years. I saw it...change him....” Lori frowned. “Not in a bad way, I suppose. When he died, we used it to identify his body. It was all I had left of him....”
Her mother's expression melted into sadness, her eyes growing dim.
The new silence was uncomfortable. Sora shifted, digging around for something to say. "I always knew you loved me,” she finally stuttered. “I wanted to find you so badly. And my father...I always thought he hated me, I just never knew why. I never thought...."
Her mother nodded, smiling slightly, as though waiting for something. But Sora didn't know what else to say. She was uncertain of herself and this woman before her. It was her mother, yes, but also a perfect stranger. She tried to summon up memories from her younger days, when her mother had still lived at the manor, but it was impossible. Lori had left when Sora was a baby. Her earliest memories were of the midwife.
Lorianne wiped at her eyes awkwardly, as though sensing Sora's withdrawal. “Well, I'm sure you're exhausted by all of this,” she said briskly. “Dinner is cooking, I should go check on it. Of course, I think those friends of yours will eat anything.” She laughed a little, but it seemed forced, anxious. “Sleep, Sora. We will speak more when you're stronger."
Sora nodded. In all honesty, it was too much. She just wanted to be alone, especially now that the excitement had waned. She could feel her body shaking from the effort of sitting up. Her breath felt strangely shallow, her eyes heavy. She nodded stiffly and lay back down.
I found my mother. It's really her, she thought as the woman left the room, shutting the door quietly. Not what she had expected, by far. Her fingers traveled once again to her necklace, marveling at the small stone.
Somehow, in the wake of Dorian's death, it wasn't as comforting as she had hoped.
She fell asleep, her mind heavy with new knowledge.
Chapter 18
The forest was lush, green, and utterly alive.
It had been almost a month since her brush with death and the loss of Dorian. Her wound was almost completely healed now, except for a sore red spot that was turning into a rather impressive scar. She figured it would be her badge of experience.
But the scar of Dorian's death went a bit deeper. She hadn't seen the world quite the same since; everything had a slightly different smell and taste, even her own thoughts. For the first week or so life had been strange without him, but now it was becoming disturbingly normal. She remembered him at strange times throughout day, their conversations, the sound of his voice.
The other two men hardly spoke of Dorian, and she had not seen them mourn his
death. It made her feel awkward during those times when she found herself crying. She still wondered if she could have saved him somehow.
Her thoughts were the same on this particular occasion, traveling with Burn to visit the thief's grave. The body had been burned, as Wolfy tradition dictated, and the ashes thrown to a westward wind—but for Sora's sake, they built a small monument in Dorian's honor a little way from her mother's house. She could see it now from atop her horse; a small pile of stones next to a winding stream, with Dorian's knives placed on top.
Burn rode his horse slightly behind her, silent and deep in thought, his mind probably just as far away.
Sora filled her lungs with the summer air and tried to keep her emotions steady; she didn't want to cry in front of the mercenary, and tears were becoming a waste of energy. She directed the horse around the giant roots of a tree. The forest surrounding her mother's house was large and dense, far more wild and untamed than the woodlands around her manor. She just wished she could share the sight with Dorian.
They drew up alongside the stone memorial and Sora lowered herself carefully to the ground. She was still stiff from her wound. She tied her horse to the lower branch of a tree and went to stand before the stones. She bowed her head, thinking of her fallen friend.
"Sora?" Burn's voice reached her a few moments later. "Why don't you sit over here next to me?"
She glanced at him. Usually he never spoke during these visits to Dorian's grave. The Wolfy was sitting at the base of the tree they had tied their horses to, polishing an apple on his shirt. He motioned to her. "Come on over here."
Sora paused for just a moment, then went over to sit next to him. She didn't say anything and waited for the Wolfy to speak.
"You know,” he finally said, “Volcrian is the only other Wolfy I've ever heard of."
Sora nodded slowly.
"The races are perishing...and I believe the Wolfies might be the first,” he murmured. “I have tried to seek them out...to listen for them on the Wind." Burn bowed his head, his golden eyes unfocused, his hair dappled with light. “Dorian might have been one of the last of our race.”