MOM: I like my work. I like the variety. I like working with people like you. It’s a privilege that so many people let me into their lives on their most important days.
MRS. MORGAN: You’re a good girl, Jane Young. Sorry. We’re not supposed to call each other girls anymore, but I mean no offense. A good woman. A fine woman! The daughter I should have had!
MOM: Thanks.
MRS. MORGAN: Just tell me one thing you wanted to do before you were an event planner. You never say anything about yourself, but you let me blab all my secrets. Tell me what you studied in school.
MOM: Spanish literature and political science.
MRS. MORGAN: Political science. Politics? Did you want to go into politics?
MOM: Yes. But I found that event planning used many of the skills I would have used in politics: the stagecraft, the organization, the ability to bend people to your will. But I’ve told you all this before.
MRS. MORGAN: I’m going to help you out, Jane Young!
And . . . SCENE!
6. A couple of months later, the mayor said he was quitting. His wife has cancer of the anus, which is not a laughing matter, and he needs to take care of her, so he can’t be mayor anymore. Mrs. Morgan told my mom if she wanted to run for mayor, she would “back” her campaign. “Back” means “give someone money.” Mrs. Morgan also said she was going to have a “benefit for cancer of the anus.”
7. My mom asked me if it would be “all right” if she ran for mayor and I said, “All right? It would be SUPER AMAZING!”
8. Then, my mom said that when people run for political office, sometimes “nasty and untrue things” are said and I should be prepared for “nasty and untrue things” to be said about her. She said I should (A) ignore it and (B) not let it hurt my feelings. I said, “If I do part A, there’s no need to worry about part B!” She said, “Ruby, I am serious.” I said, “Mom, I am tough.” I am tough. I don’t know if I have mentioned it, but I am “not well liked” at my school. “Not well liked” means that “no one wants to sit with me at lunch.”
9. That’s how my Mom decided to run for mayor. So far I have not heard any “nasty and untrue things” about her, but there’s still six weeks left until ELECTION DAY!
10. The man my mom is running against is Wes West, and she planned his wedding. I don’t have much to say about him.
11. One thing I could say about him is that he was the one who decided not to have the ice cream truck at the wedding. Who doesn’t want an ice cream truck?
Your Meaning Twin,
Ruby
To: “Fatima”
[email protected] From: “Ruby”
[email protected] Date: September 29
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your American Pen Pal, Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program
Dear Fatima,
Hooray, my mom says it would DEFINITELY be possible for us to Skype with your class at the Indonesian Women’s Business and Leadership Academy! She says her schedule is “tight” leading up to the election, but as long as we keep it to an hour, it should be fine. It will be UH-MAY-ZING for us to finally see each other! Could you send me a picture so I know which one you are? “UH-MAY-ZING” is “my favorite way to write amazing.”
It is interesting that “single mothers” have difficulties getting elected in Indonesia! I told Mrs. Morgan that and she said that was “slut-shaming.” I asked Mrs. Morgan what “slut-shaming” was, and she said it is “when a woman is too free and it p*sses people off.” The “single mother” thing doesn’t seem to be affecting my mom’s candidacy too much, but maybe that is because (1) everyone knows my mom, and (2) my father is dead. It isn’t a tragic thing for me. I don’t remember him, and my mom doesn’t like to talk about the past because I think it makes her sad. I don’t know much about him. I guess I’m curious, but I also don’t want to make her sad.
In a way, I am happy I don’t have a father because I like having my mom to myself. And also, Mrs. Morgan says that I am “more independent” and have a “stronger character” because I have not been “influenced by the patriarchy.” Mrs. Morgan talks about the “patriarchy” a lot. She is very against the “patriarchy.”
I am helping my mom “prep” for the debate against Wesley West. I read questions for my mom off of my phone. The questions are like:
1. If the town has a surplus, how do you spend it?
2. What is the biggest problem our town is facing, and how would you address it?
3. How would you secure our borders and keep terrorists out of Allison Springs?
4. Towns like Allison Springs are soft targets for terrorism. How do we keep violence and terrorism out of public buildings, like schools, the city pool, the library, and the post office?
5. The statue of Captain Allison was hit by a car and destroyed last winter. Some have proposed that we don’t rebuild the statue but instead establish a farmer’s market. How do we keep terrorists out of the farmer’s market?
Et cetera.
So many of the questions had to do with terrorism that I said to my mom, “Should I be worried? Is Allison Springs a MAJOR terrorist target and not just some tiny town in Maine? People seem to be VERY WORRIED about terrorism here.”
My mom said, “The truth is, Ruby, if you know your neighbors and they know you, you don’t have to worry about terrorism nearly as much as people think. Not in a place like Allison Springs. But the other truth is, that’s not what people want to hear during an election.”
Still . . . my mom may have been trying to get me not to worry. I am “neurotic.” “Neurotic” means “I think about things until I am sick.”
I googled how to avoid terrorism, and it said you should (1) always be aware of your surroundings, and (2) if you see something, say something, and (3) remember that terrorism can occur in places where you LEAST expect it, places like Allison Springs.
So now when I go out, I’m trying not to blink very much, and I’m making sure to scan in all directions for signs of TERROR. Do they have a lot of terrorism in Indonesia?
Your Meaning Twin,
Ruby
To: “Fatima”
[email protected] From: “Ruby”
[email protected] Date: October 1
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your American Pen Pal, Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program
Dear Fatima,
EUREKA! I went to the Allison Springs Public Library and I asked Mr. Allison to help me figure out what percentage of mayors were event planners. I tried googling so many combinations of words (“mayors, by occupation,” “mayors, by former occupation,” “mayors—what did they do before they became mayors?” “number of mayors who worked in event planning,” et cetera), but I couldn’t get an answer for you. Mr. Allison said we would have to do our own research. He said that we could take a “sample of Maine.” I asked him, “What is a sample?” He said, “Sometimes when you can’t see everything, you look at a small piece of something instead, and you can draw conclusions about the larger piece from the smaller piece. The smaller piece is the sample.” I said, “What if you are looking at the wrong piece?” He said, “That is true, Ruby. That is a danger. At the very least, though, we can learn about mayors in Maine. Are you ready for some painstaking research?” An interesting fact about “painstaking” is that it is pronounced “pain-staking” when it should be pronounced “pains-taking” because what you are doing is “taking pains.”
We found out that there are 432 towns in Maine, and none of the mayors are former event planners. So, the answer is 0 percent of current mayors in Maine come from an event planning background! My mom would be the first. Mr. Allison said we could increase our sample to the rest of the country some other time but it would have to be another day, because the library was closing.
Mr. Allison is the town librarian and the town historian. He is a descendant of Captain Allison, who founded Allison Springs. He went on a
date with my mom once. Mr. Allison looks like a pencil. He is very skinny, and his hair is reddish pink, like a pencil eraser. He has long, blondish red eyelashes, and his Adam’s apple is very “pronounced.” “Pronounced” means “I sometimes can’t stop looking at it when he talks.” My mom said the fact that he looks like a pencil is not the reason she did not go on a second date with him. I like Mr. Allison A Lot because he is even better at finding things out than me. I do not know much about boys, but I think superior research skills would be a Very Good Thing to have in a boyfriend. I asked Mom what was wrong with him. She said “no chemistry.” “No chemistry” means “a person doesn’t make you feel excited in your heart and other organs.” My mom says “no chemistry” about everyone, though.
Can I tell you something, Fatima? Maybe it’s because you asked about it or maybe it’s because my mom has been so busy with the campaign, but lately, I have been thinking a lot about my dad. I know he is dead, but I would like to know what he was like, and what he looked like, and am I like him, and do I look like him? Is he like Mr. Allison? Or is he like Ms. Reacher, back when she was “presenting” as a man? Who knows? I don’t even know his name. If I knew his name, I would google him. I don’t want to make my mom sad but I also would like to know. Is it wrong that I would like to know?
Your Friend and Meaning Twin,
Ruby
P.S. Please don’t mention any of the “personal” stuff in the Skype chat on November 2. I know you wouldn’t.
To: “Fatima”
[email protected] From: “Ruby”
[email protected] Date: October 5
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your American Pen Pal, Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program
Dear Fatima,
I may have done a Very Bad Thing. I’m not ready to tell you about it yet, because you’ll think I’m a terrible person. I don’t want you to think I’m a terrible person. The Very Bad Thing part comes at the end of the story, so I don’t have to say it right now anyway.
Thank you very much for the advice. It was hard finding a good time to talk to Mom because she is Very Busy with the election and always with Mrs. Morgan or the people (mostly volunteers) who work on her campaign. Late Friday night, everyone ate pizza, which took forever. Finally, they left, and I said, “Mom. We need to talk,” like you told me to. “I want to know more about my father.”
She said, “Ruby, why do you want to know about this now?”
I said, “Because I’m getting older.”
She said, “You are. It’s true.”
I said, “And I’m lonely.” I didn’t know I felt lonely until I said this.
She made a :( I pretty much live my life to avoid seeing my mom make that expression. I quickly said, “Not ‘lonely.’ But I am ‘alone’ more often, with the campaign.”
Mom said the story I have heard before. She said that she “loved him,” but in a way, she didn’t “know him” very well. (That makes no sense to me. How do you love a person you don’t know?) She said that he died in a car accident, and he didn’t know she was pregnant. She said that she came to Maine because she couldn’t bear to be around the places she’d been with him. She said it was a long time ago and she was a different person.
I said, “What was his name? You never say his name, and you don’t have any pictures either.”
She said, “It’s too painful.”
“Then just tell me his name,” I said.
“His name is . . .” She sighed. “Why does it matter?”
“Why is it a secret?”
“It’s not a secret,” she said. “You never asked. His name was Mariano Donatello.”
I repeated the name, “Mariano Donatello.” It felt so beautiful on my tongue, like licking a Creamsicle® in summer. I said it again. “Mariano Donatello . . . Mom, I’m Italian?”
“Yes,” she said. “I guess so.”
“I’m Italian,” I said. Fatima, it turns out that your pen pal is ITALIAN and GERMAN-JEWISH, which is almost as good as being INDONESIAN-MUSLIM.
I googled “Mariano Donatello” the next morning, and there weren’t many hits, except a few things in Italy, so I added, “Miami,” which is where my mom is from. And I still didn’t get anything. And I googled “Mariano Donatello, obituary” and still nothing. An “obituary” is like a “book report on a dead person.”
Mr. Allison said it wasn’t that weird. Mr. Allison said, considering the year Mariano Donatello died (I was born in 2003, so he must have died in 2003 or 2002), he might not have had that much time to establish an “online presence.” An “online presence” is “all the true things and all the lies about a person on the Internet.” My “online presence” is very pathetic. If you google my name “RUBY YOUNG” and “ALLISON SPRINGS,” the main thing you will find is a “fake” Instagram account called “RUBY YOUNG IS A LOOZER SPAZZ,” which someone made when I was in sixth grade and which my mom can’t get anyone at Instagram to take down.
The next day, Mr. Allison sent me a link to a genealogy website, and he said I should try using this website if I wanted to build a “family tree.” To start researching, you had to give the website $49.95 in the form of a credit card payment, and this is where the Very Bad Thing comes in. I went downstairs to ask my mom if I could use the business American Express card, even though this wasn’t really business, and she said, “Yes,” and waved at me. She was on the phone and I could tell she hadn’t really heard me. I guess I didn’t want her to hear me because I think she would have most likely said, “No.”
But I DID use the credit card anyway!
It’s going to sound ridiculous, but I was so anxious, I ended up throwing up. I said to myself, “Ruby, don’t be a spazz.” That’s what the kids at school call me, though you probably already figured that out. “Ruby the Loozer Spazz” or “Ruby the Spazz” or sometimes just “Spazz.” “Spazz” means “I have a lot of fears and I freak out sometimes.” It is NOT a compliment.
I mean, I’ll pay her back. I HAVE money.
I am a very honest person. I try never to lie, and I hate the thought of lying to my mom.
By the way, there wasn’t even any information about Mariano Donatello on the genealogy website.
Your Pen Pal,
Ruby the Liar
To: “Fatima”
[email protected] From: “Ruby”
[email protected] Date: October 15
Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your American Pen Pal, Friends Around the World Pen Pal Program
Dear Fatima,
I’m sorry it has been so long since I’ve written. I have disappointing news. I think my mom won’t be able to do the Skype. I’m really sorry . . .
:(
:(
:(
Thank you again for the advice. I created a PayPal account like you said and I transferred the $49.95 to my mom from my bank account. I explained what happened and she said it wasn’t a big deal, but I shouldn’t make a habit of using the credit card for “extracurricular” purposes. I think she misused the word “extracurricular,” but I understood what she meant. “Extracurricular” means “outside of school, like sports, newspaper, bullying, and French club.”
I think my mom was less mad than she might have been because I told her the afternoon before the debate. She was busy getting ready, even though everyone in town already knows what she looks like. When she is an event planner, she always wears black sleeveless dresses. But when you are a politician, you have to wear colors. So my mom had to buy some new clothes, and she had to have her hair trimmed.
The debate was at Allison Springs City Hall, which is only a couple of blocks from my mom’s work. Usually, we would walk, but Mrs. Morgan thought we should arrive in her Town Car. It was very silly, because it took twice as long for us to ride in the car as it would have taken us to walk.
The city hall smells like the library, but less
moldy. It smells like old things and paper and the radiator and wax, but I kind of like those scents.
Mrs. Morgan went backstage with my mom, and I chose a seat in the audience. No one was there yet, so I decided to sit in the second row. I did not want to sit in the first row because I did not want to distract Mom. While I waited, I read my book for language arts. The book is about a girl whose dad is a lawyer, who is defending an African American person who is falsely accused of a crime. Mr. Dower said it was his favorite book, but I was not enjoying it very much. The girl in the book was very naïve about the way the world worked and she was kind of obsessed with her father. Maybe I didn’t like the book because I couldn’t “relate” to it. For instance, if I ever wrote a book about my childhood, I would not have much to say about Mariano Donatello. I was still thinking about that when someone called my name. It was Franny West, Wes West’s wife.
“How are you, Ruby?” she said. “I like your new glasses.”
“They’re about six months old,” I said.
“I guess I haven’t seen you in ages,” she said.
I liked Franny a lot, but I wasn’t sure if I should talk to her, considering that her husband was “the competition.”
“What’s wrong?” she said.
“Nothing,” I said.
She sat down next to me. I must have stiffened because she said, “Don’t worry. I’ll move before the debate starts.”
“How have you been?” she said. “How is school?”
“I have a pen pal,” I said.
“I love pen pals,” she said. “Where is your pen pal from?”
We talked about You for a while. Only good things, so don’t worry.
People were starting to come into the hall. I was hoping Franny would move, but she didn’t. I said, “How are you, Franny?”
She said. “Oh, the election is very exciting! I’ve been running around all of the time.”
“Me, too!” I said.
She said, “I miss your mother. I miss having her to talk to. I know we weren’t really friends . . . Tell her I miss her, would you?”