“Okay. Who would rather do a mouse play? Please raise your hands,” I said.
Mr. Scary snapped his fingers at me.
Snapping means the conversation is over, I believe.
I sat down.
That day when I got home from school, Mother was already back from work.
I like it when that happens.
She was in the kitchen with my dog named Tickle.
I gave her a paper Mr. Scary sent home about the play.
Her face smiled when she read it.
“Oh boy! Your class is going to do a play for Parents' Night, huh?” she said. “How fun!”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“Yeah, only it would be funner if it was a mouse play,” I said. “But Mr. Scary says it has to be about dumb old Columbus Day.”
Mother kept on reading.
“Oh, and look at this,” she said. “It says that over the weekend you're supposed to look up facts about Columbus and his ships. And whoever has the most facts will get to choose their part first.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Fact number one,” I said. “Columbus is not a mouse. And so I don't even care about being in this dumb play.”
After that, I turned around. And I clomped out of the kitchen kind of grumpy.
Tickle clomped with me.
We were almost to my room when my mother called after me.
“I just don't get it, Junie B.,” she hollered. “I thought you always wanted to be a star!”
I stopped clomping.
Tickle stopped clomping, too.
“A star?” I said. “Whoa. I never even thought about that situation.”
I quick turned around and zoomed back to the kitchen.
“A star?” I asked. “I could really be a star, do you think? Like the one and only star of the whole entire production, you mean?”
Mother grinned.
“Well … maybe not the one and only star,” she said. “But still, if you bring in the most facts about Columbus, you'll be able to choose any part you want.”
Just then, my legs jumped all around very excited.
“The star part, Mother!” I said. “I am going to choose the star part!”
I quick grabbed her hand.
“Let's go! Hurry! Hurry! We have to go to the library to get my facts straight!”
Mother undid my hand.
“Sorry, honey. But we can't go now,” she said. “Ollie's right in the middle of his nap. And I don't have a babysitter.”
I slumped my shoulders very glum.
“Darn it,” I said. “Darn it, darn it, darn it. That dumb old baby ruins everything.”
Mother wrinkled her eyebrows at me.
“Ollie's not dumb, Junie B.,” she said. “And besides, you and I can go to the library tomorrow. Tomorrow will be plenty of time for you to collect your facts.”
She stood there for a minute.
“Or,” she said, “if you want to do it right now … we can look up some Columbus facts on the computer. How does that sound?”
I grabbed her hand again and pulled her to her desk.
“Perfect!” I said real squealy. “That sounds perfect!”
And so me and Mother sat down at her desk. And she typed the name of Christopher Columbus on her computer.
And wowie wow wow!
A jillion pages came up about that guy! ’Cause he was famouser than I thought!
There were easy pages. And hard pages. And shortie pages. And longie pages. And picture pages. And poem pages. And there were even song pages!
Me and Mother read the pages out loud together. I read the easy pages. And she read the hard ones.
Then I wrote down lots of important facts we found out. And before I even knew it, I had eighteen whole facts printed on my paper!
I jumped down from my chair very thrilled.
“Eighteen! Eighteen! I have eighteen whole facts! And eighteen is more than my wildest dreams!” I said.
Then I hugged Mother real joyful.
And me and Tickle skipped to and fro.
And far and wide.
And round and round and round.
Just then, Mr. Scary finished taking attendance. And he said to please put our journals away.
“As you can see, we're missing three more classmates today,” he said kind of frustrated. “It's going to be hard to do a play with so many people absent. But we'll keep our fingers crossed that our classmates will be back in time to participate.”
Just then, we heard a rustly sound.
Sheldon was crossing his fingers inside his sandwich bags.
After he got done, he waved to Mr. Scary very pleasant.
Mr. Scary looked at him for a real long time. Then he waved back.
Finally, he stood up and walked to the board.
“Boys and girls, I thought it would be fun to base our play on the facts you gathered for homework,” he said.
He picked up the chalk. “If you have a fact you'd like to share, raise your hand and I'll write it on the board. Then—when we've listed all our facts—we can choose our play parts,” he said. “Now who would like to go first?”
José shot his hand in the air speedy fast.
“I would! I would! I have a poem!” he said.
Then he jumped right up, and he started to read.
In fourteen hundred ninety-two,
Columbus sailed the ocean blue.
He had three ships and left from Spain;
He sailed through sunshine, wind, and rain.
Mr. Scary smiled.
“Nice, José. That's a great poem you found,” he said. “Let's see how many facts we can find there.”
He wrote them down.
Columbus was a sailor.
He had three ships.
He sailed from Spain.
The year was 1492.
Just then, Sheldon started waving his plastic hands very urgent.
“I know the names of the ships! I know the names of the ships!” he called out. “They're the Niña, the Pinta, and the Santa María.”
“Excellent job, Sheldon,” said Mr. Scary.
He printed the names on the board.
5. Niña, Pinta, Santa María
Then Mr. Scary started to call on someone else. But Sheldon stood up and read more from his paper.
“Columbus sailed across the Atlantic Ocean. He landed on some islands near America,” he read.
Mr. Scary added the new facts to the list.
6. Sailed the Atlantic Ocean.
7. Arrived in islands near America. “Okay. Well, thank you again, Sheldon,” he said. “Now I think we should let someone else have a—”
Sheldon interrupted. “My uncle Vern sailed to an island once,” he said. “He came back with a woman named Bunny.”
Sheldon kept on standing there. “Aunt Bunny has tattoos,” he said.
After that, Mr. Scary hurried to Sheldon's desk. And he put him back in his chair.
May went next.
“My fact is about the Mayflower,” she said. “The Mayflower is the ship that brought the Pilgrims to America. And so I am going to be the Mayflower in our Columbus play. Because both of our names start with May.”
Mr. Scary looked curious at her. “Yes, but the Mayflower didn't sail to America until over a hundred years after Columbus,” he said.
“I know it,” she said. “But both of our names still start with May. Don't you get it?”
“Yes, May. I get it,” said Mr. Scary. “But we can't change history. So I'm afraid the Mayflower won't be sailing in our Columbus play.”
May sat down in a huff.
Lucille stood right up.
“My fact is about the richie queen of Spain,” she said. “The richie queen of Spain was named Isabella. And she gave Chris the money for the trip. So I am going to be richie Queen Isabella in the play. Because if there's one thing I know, it's how to be rich.”
José raised his hand.
“You shouldn't call him
Chris, Lucille,” he said. “In Spain, they called him Cristóbal Colón.”
Lucille made squinty eyes at him.
“Chris … Crystal Ball … whatever,” she said. “A queen can call you whatever she wants to.”
She fluffed her hair and sat down.
That's when I springed up. And I waved my paper all around.
“Eighteen facts! I have eighteen facts!” I said real happy. “And so listen to this, people! The Niña was the smallest ship. And the Pinta was the fastest ship. And the Santa María was a big old tub.”
Mr. Scary winked at me.
“Those are outstanding ship facts, Junie B.,” said Mr. Scary. “Great job.”
He printed them on the board.
And guess what?
After that, Shirley told him even more ship facts.
And so that's how the whole rest of the morning kept going.
Room One kept on telling him facts. And Mr. Scary kept on writing them down. Until finally, we'd told him every fact in the book!
Then ha! That's when the funnest part of all happened.
’Cause Mr. Scary walked around the room. And he counted how many facts each of us had listed on our papers.
And wait till you hear this!
He said, “We have a tie!”
Because me and my friend José both had EIGHTEEN FACTS!
We jumped out of our seats and gave each other a high five!
Then I skipped around my desk very joyful. Plus also, I skipped to the pencil sharpener and back.
Mr. Scary came back and shook our hands.
He said we would choose our play parts when we come back from lunch. And so meanwhile we should be thinking about what parts we want.
“Yeah, only I already know what part I want!” I said real thrilled. “And it is the bestest part I can think of. Only I'm going to keep it a secret till after lunch. And so nobody ask me. And I mean it.”
After that, I pretended to lock my lips with a make-believe key.
Herb turned around. “You mean you're not even going to tell me?” he said kind of disappointed.
I got out my key and unlocked my lips.
“Okay … except for I will just tell Herb, and that's all,” I said.
I locked my lips again.
José frowned at me.
I unlocked my lips one more time.
“Plus also, I will tell José. But that is my final offer. And I mean it.”
Just then, Shirley did a big huffy.
“Okay, fine … and Shirley,” I said.
That's when Sheldon raised his hand and pointed to himself.
Then all of the other children pointed to theirselves, too.
And so that day at lunch, I whispered my secret to everybody in Room One.
But that was all.
After we got back from recess, Mr. Scary went back to the board.
“Okay, everyone. It's time for the big event,” he said. “We're going to begin choosing our play parts now. We'll start with Junie B. and José. Are you two ready to go?”
“Ready!” hollered José.
“Ready!” I hollered. “And guess what else, Mr. Scary? I'm even going to let José go first. ’Cause that will be very polite of me. Plus José already told me that he wants to be Columbus. And I don't. So being polite will work out beautifully this time.”
I pointed at José.
“Okay, go,” I said.
José looked annoyed at me. “But you already told him, Junie B. I want to be Columbus.”
I clapped my hands real delighted.
“I knew it!” I said. “I knew being polite would work out good this time! On account of I want to be the Pinta! ’Cause the Pinta was the fastest ship! And the fastest ship is the winner ship. And the winner ship is the star ship!”
I skipped to the pencil sharpener and back again.
Mr. Scary said please stop doing that.
“Being the Pinta is fine, Junie B.,” he said. “But you do understand that our ships will not be racing, right? All three of our ships will be arriving together.”
I did a little frown.
“Yeah, only that's not how I actually had it pictured in my head,” I said. “’Cause a race will be more exciting, I think. And so maybe I will just arrive a little bit first. Like by an inch, or a foot … or half an hour, possibly.”
Mr. Scary shook his head no.
“This play is not about stars or winners. It's about teamwork,” he said. “You are more than welcome to be the Pinta, Junie B. But you can't arrive before the other ships. Got it?”
I did a big sigh.
“Got it,” I said kind of glum.
Mr. Scary wrote my name next to the Pinta.
Then he called on the other children to choose their play parts, too.
Lucille chose richie Queen Isabella.
And Camille and Chenille chose the Atlantic Ocean.
Then my bestest friend Herbert chose to be Land. And that is the importantest role of all, almost. ’Cause without Land, you can't actually land, probably.
After Herb, lots of other children picked their parts, too.
Then finally, it was May's turn.
May had to go last because all her facts were about the dumb Mayflower, and not about Columbus.
She stood up very grouchy. “All the good roles are already taken. So I guess I'll have to be the tubby old Santa María,” she grumped.
Mr. Scary wrote her name on the board.
“The Santa María is an excellent choice, May,” he said. “The Santa María was the biggest ship. And it carried Columbus, you know.”
May sat up a little straighter.
“It did?” she said. “It really did? It carried Columbus? Nobody told me that before.”
She reached over and tapped on me.
“I bet you didn't know that, either. Did you, Junie Jones? If you knew that, I bet you'd be the Santa María,” she said.
I rolled my eyeballs at her.
“Of course I knew that, you silly-head May,” I said. “The whole entire world knew that except for you, probably.”
May looked disappointed.
She turned her head back around.
I waited for a second to make sure she wasn't looking.
Then I slumped down in my chair. And tapped my fingers very annoyed.
’Cause guess what?
I didn't know that.
Just then, the bell rang for school to start. And so I quick put away my journal. And I got ready to work on the play some more!
’Cause hurray, hurray!
Today we were making our costumes!
Mr. Scary got out costume supplies from boxes he brought from home.
He gave me and May cardboard to make our ships. Plus also, he gave us ship patterns!
He gave Sheldon a ship pattern, too.
Because guess what?
Sheldon was going to be the Niña!
He said he didn't even care that the Niña was the smallest ship. On account of he liked the little squiggle over the n!
“The little squiggle makes the Niña look special,” he said. “It looks like a little bird.”
Mr. Scary smiled at that comment.
Then he told us how to tape our ship pieces together. Plus he showed us how to make banners and sails.
“I'm going to color my ship banner red. ’Cause red is my favorite color,” I said.
May looked down her nose at me.
“I'm going to color my ship banner gold,” she said. “’Cause gold means you're the golden best. And the Santa María had to be the best. Or else why would Columbus choose it?”
I tapped on my chin very thinking. Then I did a little grin.
“Maybe he liked big old tubs,” I said.
After that, I laughed and laughed at my own joke.
I see nothing wrong with that.
Pretty soon, Mr. Scary went to help Lucille.
She was not working on her costume.
“My richie nanna is go
ing to hire her sewing lady to make my costume,” she said. “Plus she's also going to buy me a crown of fake jewels.”
Mr. Scary said no. “We're all making our costumes in class, Lucille,” he said. “It's part of the project.”
After that, he got an encyclopedia from the shelf. And he found a picture of Queen Isabella.
Lucille did a loud screech.
“Eeeesh! She's not even cute!” she said. “And what is that ugly hat thing on her head? Look! It has ear flaps!”
Sheldon ran over to see the ugly hat thing.
“Maybe she just got back from snow-boarding,” he said.
Lucille started to cry.
Mr. Scary said to please calm down.
Then he brought her a fake velvet towel she could use for a robe. And he gave her gold glitter to make a paper crown.
Lucille stopped crying. “Glitter?” she said a little perkier. “I get to use glitter?”
After that, she got right to work on her golden crown.
A little glitter can turn your whole day around.
At the end of the afternoon, our costumes were almost done.
Mr. Scary let us go to the front of the room and show the other children what we made.
And what do you know?
Lucille's crown turned out very beautiful! She looked like a real alive queen in that thing.
Plus also, I liked Camille and Chenille's ocean costume. They cut roly-poly waves at the top of a long roll of blue paper. Then— when they held it near the floor—it looked like the real ocean, sort of.
Me and Sheldon and May went last.
We sailed to the front of the room in our ship costumes. And we introduced ourselves.
“I am the Pinta. And I'm the fastest ship,” I told them.
“I am the Santa María. And I am the biggest ship,” said May.
“I am the Niña. And I have a little bird on my n!” said Sheldon.
Then all of the children laughed and clapped. And me and Sheldon and May sailed back to our seats.
Only too bad for me. On account of May sailed way too speedy. And she got to her desk before I did.
She looked very smuggy at me.
“What took you so long?” she said. “Are you the poky little Pinta?”
Then she laughed and laughed at her own joke.