“That sounds like it’d be best. Tomorrow morning?”
“Ah, sure.” All he wanted to do was get off the phone. His main concern was keeping Molly with him, until they’d had a chance to talk. It was just like her to run. Just like her to leave him grappling with regrets.
“At ten?”
“Fine. I’ll see you then.” Jordan replaced the receiver just as Molly hurried past him on her way to the front door. “Molly, please wait,” he called, nearly stumbling in his rush to reach her before she escaped.
She stopped, her purse clutched against her stomach.
“Please don’t go. Not until we’ve talked.”
“No,” she answered stiffly. Her eyes, which only moments earlier had been warm with passion, stared back at him, bleak and empty now.
“Molly, don’t do this.”
“Me? I’m not the one with both a fiancée and a wife. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve got one woman too many. I don’t want to see you again, Jordan. I’ll have my father notify you when the baby’s born and you can have Michael petition the court. All I ask is that you notify me when the divorce is final.”
“How can you walk away after what happened? What nearly happened,” he corrected.
“Easy. We’ve been married and, well, I guess you could say we fell back into an old habit. It didn’t mean anything. How could it, when you’re marrying Lesley? It was just one of those things.”
“Habit?” Jordan repeated. “You don’t honestly believe that.”
“Come on, Jordan,” she said and laughed, but the sound of her laughter was hollow. “We used to make love on that old couch more often than we ever did on the bed upstairs.”
Jordan couldn’t disagree with Molly. But kissing her wasn’t habit. It had been a rediscovery, a reawakening. He wasn’t ready to dismiss it, nor was he willing to leave the situation between them so unsettled.
“It was far more than habit and you know it,” he argued.
Molly sighed. “I’m not going to fight with you. If you don’t buy my explanation, then make up one of your own.” She met his gaze steadily, conviction flashing from her beautiful blue eyes. “What I said stands. I don’t want to see you again. Please don’t make this any more difficult than it already is.”
“If you’re worried about Lesley, then—”
“I’m not going to discuss Lesley with you.”
“It’s over between Lesley and me,” he said, then realized Molly had walked away. He debated whether he should run outside and try one last time to reason with her.
His relationship with Lesley had been a mistake. Jordan didn’t know why it had taken him so long to understand that. He wasn’t entirely sure why he’d gotten involved with her. Loneliness, he suspected. He’d been separated from Molly for three years and his life was empty.
One night, after a couple of drinks, he’d done some two-bit self-analysis and decided he was over Molly, over Jeffrey, and wanted out of the marriage. He’d wanted a new relationship, one that wasn’t weighed down with grief.
Jordan felt tired and old, and the emotional resilience he’d once prided himself on was long gone. The truth was he’d never stopped loving Molly. As hard as he tried, he couldn’t make himself not care about her. Oh, he’d managed to convince himself he had for a while, when he’d first started dating Lesley. That theory had been blown apart in a supply hut in east Africa.
The situation might have righted itself naturally if it weren’t for the pregnancy. The icy cold fear he experienced each time he thought about this new life they’d created left him trembling. But he’d be divorced by now if Molly wasn’t pregnant. He didn’t know if this baby was a blessing or a curse.
One thing he did know. He wasn’t ready to be a father again.
He didn’t know if he’d ever be ready. Or if he wanted to be.
Jordan walked outside, hands in his pockets as he strolled toward Molly. He was willing to swallow his pride in order to keep her with him until they could settle this.
“You’re running away again,” he said. It was what Molly had done after Jeffrey died and now she was doing it again.
“I’m running away again?” Her eyes filled with fury. “Are you seriously suggesting I was running away when I moved out? Did it ever occur to you, Jordan Larabee, that you all but pushed me out?”
“That’s not true,” he said heatedly, struggling to hold on to his temper.
“You couldn’t stand to look at me because every time you did…”
“You cried and cried and cried. All you did was mope around the house, sobbing from one room to the next for weeks on end. Jeffrey was the center of every thought, every conversation. Did you think that if you cried long enough and hard enough it would bring him back?”
“I was in mourning.”
“You didn’t even have the decency to tell me you were leaving. I walked in the house and found a stupid note on the refrigerator. You couldn’t have told me face-to-face?”
“Why should I? We hadn’t talked in weeks. The only reason I left a note,” she said, throwing back her head and glaring at him, “was because I figured that otherwise it’d take a month for you to notice I’d moved out.”
“I handled Jeffrey’s death in my own way,” Jordan shouted.
“You handled nothing! You wanted me to pretend he’d never lived…you wanted me to continue as if nothing was wrong. I couldn’t do it then and I refuse to do it now.”
“You’re throwing Jeffrey in my face again. You’re using him as a weapon to beat me up, to tell me how wrong I’ve been.”
“You’re the one who’s guilty of repeating the same mistakes,” she said. “You want to pretend this baby isn’t alive, either.” She flattened her hand over her stomach and her eyes brimmed with tears. “I find it ironic that you accuse me of running away when that’s what you’ve been doing for nearly four years.”
Jordan clenched his fists, fighting down his rage. “For once you’re right. We have no business seeing each other. By all means, let’s not make the same mistakes again.”
“That’s perfectly fine with me. Go back to Lesley,” Molly suggested, reaching her car. “I’m sure you’re exactly right for each other.”
* * *
The next morning, Jordan met with Lesley. He wanted to be kind to her, and hoped he could break off their unofficial engagement in a way that left her with her pride intact.
Following his argument with Molly, his nerves were raw. He felt edgy, impatient and so weary. He’d sat up most of the night thinking, not that it had done any good. In the morning, he felt as if he were walking in a haze, and the sensation reminded him of when he’d woken in the hospital after being shot.
“This time hasn’t been easy on either of us, has it?” Lesley commented, bringing him a cup of coffee. He sat in the leather chair across from her desk and thanked her with a smile. It was going to take a lot more than caffeine to get him through this ordeal.
“I’ve done some soul-searching in the past couple of days,” Lesley said evenly, taking the seat behind her desk. He saw that she avoided looking directly at him, and guessed she was as uncomfortable as he was.
“What did you come up with?” Jordan asked, sipping his coffee.
“Mostly, I realized that I’ve been playing a fool’s game,” she said nervously. “You’re in love with Molly. I should’ve realized it when you decided to go after her in Africa yourself. As soon as you came back, I knew immediately that things were different between us, but I didn’t want to admit it. Then…then at her cousin’s wedding, I saw the two of you dancing. It should’ve been clear then. You might have said something, Jordan, and spared me this.”
She had every right to be angry. Jordan had no defense.
“When I learned Molly was pregnant and you decided to hold up the divorce…well, that speaks for itself, doesn’t it?”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” How weak that sounded.
Her hands cradled her coffee mug and she lower
ed her gaze, taking a moment to compose herself before she continued.
“I understand now that I was willing to marry you for all the wrong reasons. We’d worked together for several years and were comfortable with each other, but there’s never been any great passion between us. The fact that we’ve never done more than kiss should’ve told me that. I was willing to marry you, Jordan, because I so badly want to be married. For years I’ve struggled to build my career and then I woke up one morning and realized how lonely I was. I wanted a loving relationship. Needed one.”
“We were both lost and lonely,” Jordan interjected.
“I …know I agreed there wouldn’t be any children, but I was hoping you’d change your mind later. Talk about living in a fool’s paradise.”
“I’d like it if we could find a way to remain friends.”
Lesley nodded. “Of course. I’m not angry—at least, not at you. You’re a good man, Jordan, and I’m hoping you and Molly can work things out.”
“I’m hoping we can, too.” But it wasn’t likely, not now. He stood and set down his coffee mug. “There’s someone out there for you, Lesley. You’ll meet him, and when you do, you’ll know.”
* * *
October was Molly’s favorite month of year. The winds off Lake Michigan were still warm, swirling up orange and brown autumn leaves as she walked along the redbrick pathways of the neighborhood park.
At four and a half months, her baby was actively making himself known, stretching, exploring his floating world. Despite the ultrasound she’d recently had, she didn’t know if her baby was a boy or a girl. She used masculine references just because she was so used to doing that, she supposed. Boy or girl, it didn’t matter.
Molly hadn’t seen Jordan since that afternoon six weeks earlier. He hadn’t made an effort to contact her, and she certainly had no plans to see him. Not after the terrible things they’d said to each other.
In the intervening weeks, Molly was struck by how different she felt. About herself. About life.
The years she’d spent in Africa, she’d been hiding in the shadows of the past. Her loss had become almost comfortable. It had defined her life. Ever since she’d discovered her son dead in his crib, she’d examined those final hours, those final words, those final acts, until the darkness took over and her life had narrowed down to one single point of light. She hadn’t moved forward since.
Until now.
She’d stepped forward into the sunlight. She’d leaped back into life and felt joy once more. Only now could she look with gratitude at the happiness Jeffrey’s short life had given her. The innocence of those few months they’d shared would always be with her. The memories of holding him and nursing him, so pure and perfect. And loving him with all her heart.
Now she was going to have another child to love. She wanted to laugh when she recalled how shocked and unhappy she’d been when she first realized she was pregnant. She wasn’t unhappy now. This baby had given her life purpose—a reason to look forward to each new tomorrow.
“I thought you were going to wait for me,” David said breathlessly, running up to her, wearing his new jogging outfit. He slowed his steps to match hers, stopped and braced his hands on his knees while he caught his breath. “How do I look?” he asked.
“Like an Olympic athlete,” she said.
David would have laughed if he’d had the energy, Molly guessed. “That’s what I like about you,” he said, gasping for breath, “your ability to lie so convincingly.”
Molly smiled, squinting into the sunlight.
“How about something to drink,” he suggested.
“Sure.”
He walked her to a café across the street from the park and ordered lattes for both of them. They sat at one of the outside tables.
“I’ve got two tickets for the gala production of Les Miserables for Saturday evening,” David said casually.
It wasn’t the first time he’d hinted that he’d like to take her out. Until now, Molly had declined, but the expectant look in his eyes stopped her. She hated to disappoint him.
David had become a good friend in the past six weeks. They’d never officially dated—Molly was uncomfortable with that—but they often walked in the park and occasionally their schedules coincided so they ate lunch together in the hospital cafeteria. But that had been the extent of it.
Molly feared that if she openly dated David, the hospital staff might assume he was her baby’s father, and she didn’t want to burden him with gossip.
“I’m starting to show a little,” she said, answering his suggestion with a comment.
“Does it bother you to be seen with me in public?”
She shook her head. “No, of course not.”
“Then why the hesitation? These are great tickets.”
David deserved her honesty. “I’m afraid someone might think you’re the father and I don’t want to do anything to taint your reputation.”
David laughed outright at that. “I’ve been waiting years for someone to taint my pristine reputation. Come on, Molly, let’s live dangerously. You’ll love the play, and we could both use a night out.”
“Well…”
“I just finished a seven-minute mile, and I told myself when I could do that I was going to treat myself to something special.”
“You mean the play?”
“No,” he said, taking her hand. “A date with you. You’ll go with me, won’t you?”
Although she wasn’t convinced she was doing the right thing, Molly agreed. She was lonely, and David was her friend.
* * *
Jordan wasn’t really interested in attending this play. He’d purchased the tickets six months earlier because Lesley had told him how badly she wanted to see Les Miserables.
He’d phoned and reminded her about the tickets, planning to ask if she wanted the pair herself. It was the first time they’d talked, outside of business, in six weeks. She was the one who’d suggested they attend the play together, and Jordan figured he owed her that much. Perhaps he’d agreed because he was lonely.
The past six weeks had been difficult. Molly hadn’t wanted to see him, and he’d abided by her wishes. And yet…he continually toyed with the idea of making one last-ditch effort to settle their differences.
He hadn’t done it, for a number of excellent reasons. All right, one excellent reason.
Molly was right.
He’d been running, just the way she claimed. He’d submerged himself in denial, refusing to deal with Jeffrey’s death or accept this new life Molly’s body was nurturing.
He picked Lesley up at seven and whistled appreciatively when he saw her. She was dressed in a beautiful dark blue full-length silk dress that outlined her trim figure.
“You look fabulous,” he said, but even while he was speaking his mind drifted to Molly. She was nearly five months pregnant now. Her stomach would be swelling, and the pregnancy would be apparent.
He shook his head in an effort to free himself from thoughts of his wife. He was going to enjoy himself this evening, put his troubles behind him and remember there was a lovely woman on his arm, a woman who was his friend.
They arrived at the Shubert Theater in plenty of time. Jordan was buying a program when he spotted Molly in the lobby.
His heart skidded to a sudden halt. She was laughing, her eyes bright with happiness, and Jordan swore he’d never seen anyone, anything, quite so beautiful. She wore a simple white dress with a high waist. The gown hinted at her pregnancy, and she looked elegant and—in a word—stunning.
Her hair was longer than he remembered. She’d tucked it behind her ears, and it bounced against her bare shoulders. Her earrings were a dangly gold pair he’d given her the first Christmas they were married.
Jordan didn’t know how long he stared at her. Several minutes, he suspected. It took that long for him to notice Molly wasn’t alone; a tall sturdy man stood at her side. Recognition seized Jordan. Molly was with the same man she’d danced with at
Kati’s wedding. That doctor—David Stern.
She’d had the gall to hurl Lesley in his face while she herself was involved with someone else! It took every shred of decorum he possessed not to storm over and cause a scene.
Getting a grip on himself proved difficult, but eventually he returned to his seat, where Lesley was waiting for him.
A few minutes later, Lesley turned to him, whispering, “Jordan, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Then why are you so tense?”
“I’m not,” he said sharply. It was apparent he wasn’t going to be able to disguise his irritation. “Excuse me a moment,” he said as he jerked himself out of his seat.
“Jordan,” Lesley said anxiously, “the play’s about to start.”
Jordan ignored her comment. Thankful he was in the aisle seat, he dashed back to the lobby. Not that he had any idea what he intended to do once he got there.
The minute he entered the lobby, Jordan realized his mistake. Molly was still there with her doctor friend.
She glanced up just then and their eyes met. The shock was enough to sweep the breath from his lungs. He felt sure that Molly had experienced the same phenomenon. She looked up at her date, placed her hand on his forearm and excused herself.
David Stern’s eyes sought Jordan out, but he refused to meet the other man’s gaze. Instead he focused on Molly, who was coming toward him. Her fingers nervously adjusted the strap of her evening bag.
Within seconds they faced each other. Silence followed.
“Hello.” It was Molly who spoke first.
“Molly.” Slipping his hands in his tuxedo pockets became necessary, otherwise he feared he’d drag her into his arms.
Silence again, as he absorbed the sight of her. “How are you feeling?”
“Very well,” she told him. She flattened her hand over her stomach; the pregnancy wasn’t obvious, but noticeable. “How about you?”
“Okay.” He shrugged. “You look great.”
She smiled, lowering her lashes, clearly ill-at-ease with his compliment.
“You seeing much of the good doctor?” His gaze briefly left her to rest on the man waiting impatiently for Molly to return to him. He clenched his back teeth to keep from saying something he shouldn’t.