He shakes his head, blond hair flopping around. “No. Scared, but not mad. You deserve to have a real boyfriend, spend time with friends, you know . . . have your own life. A real one, not a fake one.”
Or get a life. Same dif.
His fingers clench over the bills again and he waves them by his face. “You sure you want to give this back? I mean, you were my alibi for . . .” He pauses, trying to count back. He gives up. “Well, a lot of nights.”
“I’m sure.”
After another hug, and a “Thanks, Kel,” I walk back to the club locker room just as Kelli Pinkins, and not the Friday Night Alibi.
Mom and Dad surprise the crap out of me with a trip to Hawaii. Actually took me with them. Week before school in the sunniest place ever, with lots of pineapple equals awesome! Only downside, all the fruit made me think of Chase way more than normal . . . which is pretty much every millisecond.
We get home Friday morning and yay for me, I don’t have to be anyone’s anything tonight but Sades’ date. Her actual date, not a fake thing. Mom and Dad have a boring Sundale party, and I was okay with them leaving me be. I had to yell Dad out the door because he was so worried I’d be disappointed he wasn’t spending every second with me. I think I’ll need to talk to him about balance. One extreme to the other is giving me emotional whiplash.
Sades is sprawled across my bed, twisting her hair and staring at my ceiling. I’m painting my toenails next to her, trying to ignore how the green I’m using is the exact color of Chase’s eyes when he said he loved me.
A burst of air blows from Sadie’s mouth. “I may have to smack you,” she says, still looking at the ceiling.
I smile, stroking another line of polish on my middle toe. “Why’s that?”
“It’s been a week since you quit the alibi gig. Where is your Romeo?”
My eyes roll around in my head. She still hasn’t given up on this Chase thing. Ever since I shredded those packets and dropped all my clients, every day . . . “Have you called him, yet? Have you called him, yet?” Even when I was in Hawaii! Give a girl a chance to breathe.
“I don’t know. Probably out partying it up with sorority girls.” I say it, but I don’t really believe it.
She rolls on her stomach, her insanely gorgeous hair tumbling over her shoulders. “You know that’s not true. I don’t get why you don’t just call him. He’s the reason you quit, right?”
Yes.
“No. I did that for me.”
“For you and him. For your epic romance!”
“You really won’t let that go, will you?” I ask, dipping the brush back in the polish.
She shakes her head, her eyes smiling. “Nope. It is your epic romance and you’re missing out on something really awesome.”
“How can it be an epic romance if I don’t really know the guy? I kissed him a few times.” A few million times. “But I don’t know him.”
“Oh, Kelli.” She reaches over and pats my foot. “Sweet, stubborn Kelli. You have no idea what he’s done to you.”
I kink my head back. “Huh?”
“You have the ‘glow.’ Like the one people usually say when couples do the nasty?”
“Ew, Sades! I haven’t slept with Chase!”
“I know, I know! I’m saying, I think that glow is often mistaken. I mean, hookers don’t glow do they? Unless they’re under a blacklight.”
“Oh my gosh!” I twist my nail polish shut and wiggle my toes as I laugh. “I can’t believe you said that.”
“I have a point!” She giggles. “I’m saying, people glow when they’re in the relationship. The one that makes them gooey and fluttery and totally IN LOVE!”
No, no, no. I may like him, but . . .
“I’m not in love, Sades.”
“Deny it all you want, but I can tell. I never thought my emotionally constipated Kelli would fall in love so young.” She wipes a fake tear from her eye. “It happens so fast.”
I swat her with a pillow, smearing my freshly painted toes. Whoops.
“Will you just call him? Or hop online! See if he’s playing tonight.” She reaches over to my remote control and I body slam her back into the bed.
“No! Sadie, I can’t.”
“Why not?” She pouts.
I let out a puff of air through my nostrils and hop off her. “Because, I hurt him. I know I did. And how can I . . . ? What would I say?”
“Speak from the heart.” She sighs, placing her hands on her chest. “You love him, so it won’t be hard.”
Shaking my head, I say, “I don’t know this guy at all. How can I be in love with him?”
“Grrr,” she grumbles, sitting up and grabbing my shoulders. “I want you to do something for me.”
“I’m not calling him.”
“No, I want you to close your eyes.”
“Why . . . ?”
“Because I’m going to show you how wrong you are.”
I cock my head. “You aren’t going to smack me, are you?”
“Trust me.” Her big baby doll eyes drill into mine and they’re intimidating enough I snap mine shut so I don’t have to look at her stare.
“Oooohmmmmm.” I tease, putting my finger and thumb together.
She does smack me.
“Hey!”
“That was a warning, Kel. This is serious stuff.”
I hold back my grin, nodding because if I say something, it’ll come out majorly sarcastic.
“You think you don’t know Chase, but you do,” she says in this whispery voice that makes me crack a grin. “So picture him, and I want you to think. Really think about what you know about him.”
“Sades . . .”
“Just do it.”
Her tone makes me want to roll my eyes, but I listen to her anyway. Thinking about Chase is easy-peasy, since he’s on my mind all the freaking time.
Well, first thing that pops in there is his sexy stubble and the way it feels on my skin. But that’s not anything about him. That’s just a feature he has, but it’s a start I suppose.
His eyes change color . . . another feature, but I admit I know something more about it. His eyes are darker when he’s happy and lighter when he’s frustrated. I remember the green changing superfast in the pool. And when they’re blue, it seems like there’s something more on his mind he’s not telling me, or anyone.
Okay, that’s pretty good. I know his emotions and stuff. That’s romantic, yes? I don’t know.
“Sades, it’s all really lame stuff.”
“Concentrate, Kel.”
I sigh, trying to find something about the boy that’s deeper than his sexy features. Closing my eyes is helping, because then I can concentrate on not how he looks, but how he feels.
A thought pops in my head, and I run with it.
He’s supergood with his hands. I’m not saying that in a horny way, even though that’s true, but what he does with his hands is amazing. The violin, his fingers moving across the fret board making the beautiful melodies that would give anyone with a heart, chills. Water polo, when he shoots the ball, his hands are so skilled, he trusts them to line it up perfectly, give it the perfect aim, spin, or whatever, and then gives it the perfect shot. And tennis too. His hand is in tune with the racket every swing.
A violinist, tennis and water polo player. He’s more than that, but it says a lot. He’s superdedicated. It takes years of hard work to be that good at anything athletic or musical, and he did both.
“Anything yet?” Sades asks.
“Maybe.”
“Keep going.” Her voice has a hint of excitement to it, and I match it as I think more about this guy I’ve been trying so hard to push away.
And everything I noticed, but ignored anyway comes rushing into my brain. The way he dropped whatever was going on in his life to show up at that restaurant, just to see if I was okay. When he took care of me when I was sick. Hopped a big huge fence, climbed up to my third floor balcony, all with his hands full, just to give me medicin
e and OJ.
He waited till I was ready to kiss him. Even when he could’ve clearly done it at any time, he waited till I said okay. Then when we started kissing and things got too far and too scary for me, he didn’t ask what was wrong with me, or even accuse me of leading him on. He apologized over and over, and hasn’t pushed me since. Hasn’t even brought it up.
He has different smiles depending on what’s going through his head. He gets pervy when he’s nervous, but it’s not annoying, it’s cute. He says hello to his kitty when he gets home. He keeps a box of souvenirs under his bed, all labeled “For Robbie.”
He wore black till I implied it bothered me. He filled his fridge with orange soda because I said I liked the taste.
He’s cocky and self-conscious. He’s infuriating and exhilarating.
He’s everything.
My eyes pop open.
“Holy crap!”
Sades laughs, taking me into a huge hug. “I knew you’d figure it out!” She slams my remote into my hands, along with my headset. “Now, see if your Romeo is online, and tell him you love him.”
Chapter 34
ChazTazXX4 is online.
“I’m out of here.” Sades throws her duffel bag over her shoulder.
“Wait! You’re my date tonight.”
“Uh-uh. You have a date with destiny.”
“That is the cheesiest thing ever.”
She wrinkles her nose at me. “I don’t care. You are going to talk to him, kiss and make up. I don’t want to be in the way.”
“What if he’s moved on? Or wants nothing to do with me?”
“Won’t happen.”
I thrust my hands over my face. “What if it does?”
“It won’t.” She pries my fingers away from my eyes. “It’s your epic romance!”
“I may smack you.”
She laughs and ducks out of my way. “Good luck, girl.” She blows a kiss then smacks her butt on the way out.
Depending on how this goes, I’ll either have to give her the biggest hug and most expensive present ever, or smother her with one of my pillows. I really hope I end up spending a lot of money on my best friend.
I slide on my headset, then pick up the controller with my sweaty hands. Shaking and hardly breathing, I tab over to request a game.
It feels like forever before I hear his voice come over the headset, and the screen lights up with HALO, version fifty thousand something.
“Hey, Stinky.”
I should’ve known that would be his opener.
“Moron.”
“Ready to be annihilated?”
Normally, I’d laugh, but it gets stuck in my throat. “I’m ready for some entertainment while you try.”
My character isn’t moving at all, because I can’t get a grip on the buttons. I’m so nervous and popcorny, I’m pretty sure he’ll be the one who wins tonight.
“I-is Raj home?” I really wish my voice sounded as blasé as his.
“Nah. Big frat party tonight. Before-school bash, you know?”
“You didn’t go?”
“Not really my thing. Only reason I joined was because I have a roommate who dragged me around to do everything he did.” He pauses, taking a shot at me and missing my standstill character by a few inches. “So, it’s just me and Fluffnut tonight.”
I gulp, before I let it out. “And your Friday Night Girl.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, I guess.”
Not exactly the reaction I was looking for, but I’ll take that over him signing off.
I duck my character behind a ruined wall, then drop the controller on the bed. Twirling my fingers together, I rack my brain for something . . . anything to say. But my voice gets lost somewhere on my tongue.
“I take it you’re working tonight, then,” he asks, running right by my character in hiding. He sounds like he’s trying to be cool about it, but it really bugs him.
“No. I, um, I don’t do that anymore.”
His character stops.
“What?”
“I’m not an alibi anymore.”
It’s a long silent moment, and I know exactly what he’s doing even though I can’t see him. Because I do know him. He’s rubbing his stubble, trying to hide a smirk, and his eye color has just changed.
“How long have you been a free woman?” he asks with a laugh.
“Hmmm, a week?”
“Oh.”
Crap. His eyes are lighter now, I’m sure. Maybe Sades was right, and I should’ve called him as soon as I quit. But I’m a big fat chicken.
“My parents took me to Hawaii.” I blurt, as if it’s an excuse.
“Really?”
“Yeah. My dad . . . he’s been trying to be around more. Actually, he’s like attached to my hip.”
Chase laughs with me, and I stretch out on the bed, ignoring the game altogether.
“That’s real great, Kel. You sound annoyed, but the happy kind.”
I laugh again. “I am.” I lick my lips, my heart pounding a million times a second while the popcorn tumbles through my toes. “Chase?”
“Yeah?”
Okay, here I go. I’m ready to be more than just some girl he kisses. I want to know the deepest parts of him. And I’m not sure if I should start with this, but I do it anyway. “Can I ask you about Robbie?”
He starts choking on the other end, and I hear him pounding on his chest to clear his airway. “How . . . how do you . . . know about that?”
“I don’t. That’s why I’m asking.”
“It’s really personal, Kel.”
“I know.”
His voice lowers. “You want to know? Really?”
“Yes.” Then I let it out. “I want to know everything about you.”
He’s got a smile on, I know it. From the way his breathing changes and the way his voice comes out, he’s got the big huge grin plastered all over his face.
“Robbie was my little brother. He died four years ago.”
“How?” I croak, pushing back the tears that are already forming. I knew this . . . or had a feeling, but hearing him talk about it makes me wish I’d brought it up in person, not over Xbox.
“He was a special kid. When he was born, the doctors didn’t think he’d live past two. He was lucky to make it to six.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. I spent every minute I could with him. My parents . . . well, they were a lot like yours I guess. Never around. I’m glad that’s changing with you.”
“So, he was like your best friend?” I sound so lame, but I don’t care. I’m getting to know this guy I’m totally nose to toes in love with.
“Absolutely. I had him, he had me.”
“That’s nice. I’m sorry you lost him.”
“I knew it would happen. In fact, the doctors told us Robbie would only have a little less than a year left the year he died.”
“Still, must’ve been rough, even with the warning.”
“But the warning gave me time to take Robbie anywhere he wanted. Since my parents were swamped with work, and didn’t put their kids first, I asked them to sign over my trust fund, and I spent it all on vacations with him.”
The tears in my eyes start to trickle out. That’s what he meant by giving it up for someone he loved. And he’s right, because if I were in the same position, I’d have done it in a heartbeat.
“Did he enjoy that?”
“It was worth every penny.”
I wish I could see his face, but I’m kind of glad I can’t, because I’m sure I’d attack him with my lips, which would be so inappropriate right now. Every emotion, from sorrow to blissed out smacks me in the chest. I’m smiling and crying and for once it makes sense to me. All the mushy stuff, the pull I feel toward him, is about who he is. Everything he is.
“Is that why . . . I mean, with those other girls . . .”
“Kel, there are no other girls. I’d lost the only person who meant anything to me. It put me in a dark place, and it wasn’t fair to anyone for
me to drag them down with my problems.”
“But, all those Facebook posts . . .”
“That’s about all the contact I had.” He clears his throat. “When I moved out, I thought college would help, but that one kiss I had at eighteen did nothing but remind me I wasn’t ready to be happy. Not without him.”
It’s silent for a second. We’re not even moving our characters around. I swallow hard before asking, “What changed?”
“You,” he says without any hesitation. “Every Friday night, you were the one thing I could rely on. Someone who seemed as lost as I was, but was too afraid to admit it.”
If it was a month ago, I would’ve argued with him. But he’s right. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted. And he was my constant through all of that. My stomach starts popping.
“Does Fluffnut need a babysitter?”
“What?” He laughs. It comes out a little shaky and juicy, like he’s watered up in the eyes too.
“Can you come over? I want to see you.”
“Hang on.”
There’s a pause where I hear a big grenade, blowing my character to smithereens.
“Give me a half hour.”
Chapter 35
I’ve never been a girly girl. My whole life I’ve been more of a preppy good girl. But I’m freaking and Sades already went home.
How do you dress when you tell the guy you love . . . well, you love him?
Sades would smother lip gloss all over my lips, telling me they look “kissable.” Then do her amazing makeup work she finally learned where it looks like I’m not wearing any, but it’s a ton better than an actual “natural” face.
I settle for a stroke of mascara on the eyelashes and ChapStick. It’s citrus flavored.
Too nervous to wear something other than jammas, I pull on the flannel bottoms Chase likes the feel of, and a white cami with accompanying sports bra underneath. I’m washing off the hair gel from my hands when I hear a tap on my balcony door.
Okay, this is it. This is the moment I make my epic romance happen, or I get my heart torn out like I did with his. I wouldn’t blame him at all if he meets me with a big fat rejection. I’m really a blind pain in the butt.
But this is what it’s all about, right? Taking a dive into something that could be the best thing ever or getting hurt beyond anything else. Welcome to the proper way to deal with emotions, Kelli.