‘This is a fabulous setting.’ He looks round him. ‘You’ve picked a great place.’
‘I want it to be casual and informal,’ I tell him. ‘There’ll only be a few family and our friends.’
‘Bridesmaids?’ Jacob asks.
‘The girls, of course. But I don’t even want them to have matching dresses. Everyone can come as they are.’
‘You want flowers, though?’
‘Maybe. Nothing starchy. I don’t want a prissy bouquet.’ What could possibly compete with the abundance of flowers cascading around us? And in June it will be fabulous.
‘You could have a simple, casual arrangement.’
‘Sounds just right.’
‘I’ll take some inspiration from here.’ Jacob studies the flowers around us, the colour of the rambling roses, the lavender that will soon be in bloom. He’s making copious notes on his iPad.
‘Then I thought we’d have a picnic here afterwards,’ I tell him.
‘What if it rains?’
‘Everyone says that! It won’t rain,’ I assure him. ‘Not on our wedding day.’
Jacob laughs. ‘I love your optimism, Lucy, but I might just make a contingency plan. Caterers?’
‘I’ll leave it to you, Jacob. But something fun. And, preferably, inexpensive.’
‘Involving chocolate?’
‘But of course.’
He taps that in, too.
‘Are you sure this is the place?’ Crush asks.
‘Absolutely sure.’
So when Yvette, the wedding organiser here arrives, we book the date – which, miraculously, is still free. That has to be an omen, right? When I watch her enter it into her diary it feels so positive that I could turn a cartwheel. Maybe two. We’re on the calendar! The date is sealed! Ain’t no stopping us now.
Jacob talks to Yvette about chairs and where the celebrant will stand and the form of our service, but I’m drifting on a cloud of happiness somewhere above it all. I’m finally marrying Aiden ‘Crush’ Holby and my little heart couldn’t hold any more love for him.
When Jacob has done his bit, we all say goodbye to Yvette. Then I kiss Jacob and Crush shakes his hand and he heads for home, leaving Crush and me alone. We sit on the worn stone steps surrounded by tendrils of luscious ivy, sweet honeysuckle and blousy clematis. The sun is sinking in the sky and Crush holds my hand.
‘It’s a done deal,’ he says. ‘Nervous?’
‘No. Not at all. You?’
‘Not one bit.’
‘This is heaven,’ I say. ‘I could happily sit here for ever.’ I lean against Crush’s chest. ‘I can’t wait to be your wife.’
Wife! Me, a wife!
‘I love you,’ Crush says. ‘For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.’
I think about what Chantal is going through and my heart goes out to her. Jacob is proving that he’s just as much here for her in sickness as in health and I know that Aiden would be exactly the same. He is a good person. One of the best. It’s true that you never know what’s around the corner and I want to spend as much of my life with Crush as I can. ‘I like the sound of that.’
We will love and cherish each other for ever. I know that nothing will come between us. And that includes Marcus Canning.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Autumn lay in bed next to Miles, both of them drifting in and out of sleep, neither wanting to fully wake and face the day. She was meeting Willow for the second time later and already she was nervous and excited.
A moment later, Florence jumped on the foot of the bed, crawled up and plonked herself between them. ‘I’m awake, Daddy,’ she bellowed.
Autumn smiled to herself. For someone so delicate looking she could be quite a bruiser. Still, fair play to Flo – it probably was time that they all got up.
‘Oh, no,’ Miles said. ‘Does that mean it’s time for your first tickle of the day?’ He pulled his daughter onto his chest, while she shrieked with happiness.
‘I wish you were both coming with me today,’ she said as she turned to Miles.
‘Me too.’ He put Flo down and settled her against his pillow. ‘But you need time on your own with her.’
‘I know. I hope she enjoys the exhibition.’ Autumn had booked for them both to see Hollywood costumes at the V&A museum. It was the hot ticket. If conversation was difficult between them, then surely that would give them a lot to chat about.
‘If it goes all right, maybe we could meet up for something to eat later. Ed’s Diner might go down well. Or Bill’s. Text and let me know. What time is her train home?’
‘Not that late,’ Autumn said. ‘I wish she was staying over.’
‘That’ll be the next step,’ Miles assured her. ‘A little bit at a time.’
An hour later, Autumn was up, showered, dressed and ready to head out of the door. She was meeting Willow’s train at Paddington mid-morning and didn’t want to be late. There’d be nothing worse than leaving her daughter waiting for her. Autumn wanted her to know that, although she may have let her down once, she could be relied now. She’d never do anything to hurt Willow again.
Kissing Miles and Flo goodbye, she headed to the station. It was a good half hour before Willow’s train was due to arrive, but that was fine. She grabbed herself a coffee and a chocolate croissant while she waited.
At the allotted time, Willow’s train pulled in. Autumn’s heart lifted when she saw her coming along the platform. Willow was dressed head to toe in black again, wearing a short black lace dress and black denim jacket with her Doc Martens. This time her hair wasn’t straightened and her mop of curls mirrored Autumn’s.
‘Good to see you again,’ Autumn said as she hugged her tiny, tense body. ‘You look great.’
Willow studied the floor. ‘Thanks. It’s just something old.’
‘Did you have a good journey?’
Shrugging, she mumbled, ‘It was OK.’
Willow had retreated again and was shy, reluctant. But that was fine. At least she was here.
‘It’s the first time Mum has let me travel to London on my own.’
‘Hopefully not the last,’ Autumn said. ‘We can head straight to the museum. We’ve got timed tickets, but I think it’s going to be really busy. We’ll grab something to drink before we go in and then have a bite to eat afterwards. Does that suit you?’
The girl nodded and they fell into step together. Autumn felt emotion well in her chest. This was her daughter and, beyond her wildest dreams, they were going for a day out together.
The exhibition was all Autumn could have hoped for. The range of costumes and memorabilia from Hollywood films old and new was quite staggering. There were costumes from the Indiana Jones films through to Marilyn Monroe’s dress from Some Like it Hot, plus sumptuous period dresses from Dangerous Liaisons and Elizabeth: The Golden Age through to Morticia’s gloriously gothic gowns from The Addams Family. Surely Willow would like those? It was a feast for the eyes. The slow-moving queue snaking through the halls meant they could take their time and look at everything.
Soon the awkwardness fell away and they were chatting more easily about the displays.
‘Look,’ Autumn said. ‘There’s the ruby slippers from The Wizard of Oz.’ She bent down to point them out to Willow, who broke into a rare smile.
‘Cool.’
‘It was one of my favourite films as a child.’
‘I like the old films,’ Willow ventured. ‘I was never into the whole Disney thing. Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s is an icon.’
‘Her dress is here too, I think,’ Autumn said.
‘Wow.’ The smile was nearly a grin.
This had been a very good choice and Autumn thanked her lucky stars that she’d been able to get her hands on tickets.
‘I wanted to be in the drama group at school,’ Willow admitted, as they moved along in line. ‘But that’s where all the It girls hang out. I don’t belong. They spend their lives as if they’re aud
itioning for Glee. It’s nauseating.’
‘I know what you mean,’ Autumn said. ‘I was never one of the cool girls either.’ She wondered if Willow was bullied at school. Anyone who didn’t fit the mould tended to be. ‘But you have your own style and you’re an individual.’
‘I stand out like a sore thumb.’
‘Don’t let them thwart that. And don’t let them mess with your dreams. You should follow what your heart wants to do.’
‘I’d like to come to drama school in London,’ she said. ‘Or maybe do something with fashion. I hate the countryside. I don’t fit there either, but Mum won’t let me go.’
‘It’s a tough world,’ Autumn said, ‘and I’m sure that Mary’s only worried about you.’
‘I’m not a kid,’ she said defiantly and Autumn smiled to herself. ‘I know my own mind.’
‘I wish I’d been half as feisty as you at fourteen.’
‘Maybe you wouldn’t have given me away then.’ Willow’s chin jutted.
Autumn took the jibe. ‘There’s no question about it. I was too weak to stand up to my parents and I can only apologise for that. The decision was taken out of my hands and I simply went along with it. I felt that I had no choice, but I should have fought harder for you and I’ve lived with that regret ever since.’
‘It’s OK.’ Willow’s lip quivered. ‘Mary’s been a great mum.’
‘I never want to step into her place. I want to assure you of that,’ Autumn said. ‘But you’re my flesh and blood and we’ve spent too many years apart. I hope that we can become good friends.’
‘Yeah,’ Willow said. ‘We’ll see how it goes.’
That’s all she could ask and, for now, she’d hold onto that crumb. Then the line moved forward and they inched past a plethora of costumes until they finally stood in front of Audrey Hepburn’s iconic little black dress.
‘That is one sweet dress,’ Willow said in awe. They both gazed at it in admiration.
‘You can be anything you want to be, you know,’ Autumn said. ‘You’re bright and you’re beautiful. Let the world see what you’ve got. You know that if I can do anything to help you, then I will.’ Autumn grinned at her. ‘I’ve got your back, kid.’
Willow smiled back and tears sprang to Autumn’s eyes when she felt her daughter’s arm hesitantly link through hers.
The day ended too soon. After the exhibition, the two of them went for a cream tea at the café in the V&A. They sat in the old part, beautiful with its stained-glass windows and dark wood panels, enjoying the hubbub. A pianist played in the corner while they chatted easily about what they’d seen in the exhibition. Here in London, with all its different fashions and cultures, no one turned a hair at Willow’s appearance and she seemed a lot more relaxed than when she’d arrived. Despite all her bravado and fierce style, did she really just want to be like everyone else?
When it was time, Autumn took her back to Paddington station to catch her train. She felt tearful, and it was clear that Willow was feeling the same.
She hugged her daughter tightly. ‘It’s been a fantastic day. I hope you’ve enjoyed it as much as I have.’
‘It was great.’
‘You’ll come again soon?’
‘I will,’ she said.
‘Good.’ She kissed her cheek and Willow didn’t pull away. ‘You’ll have to hurry to catch your train.’ They’d lingered too long over tea. ‘I’ll call you.’
‘OK.’ Her daughter left her and ran down the platform. The guard was blowing his whistle and she swung onto the train as the doors closed. Autumn stood and watched it pull away, taking her daughter with it and the hole opened up in her heart once more.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chantal was in her hospital gown. Once the lump had been discovered, it seemed that everything was moving at breakneck speed. Practically, that was a great thing. Emotionally, she felt all over the place. But at least she didn’t have much time to dwell on it.
Today she was having isotopes injected, to check that the cancer was contained in the offending lump and that it hadn’t spread to her lymph nodes. She didn’t believe in God, but she’d never prayed so much in her life. She had to be well for Lana’s sake.
Jacob was here holding her hand, but she wished that the girls could have been with her too. Nadia and Autumn were sharing the childcare duties between them and she’d handed Lana over at seven o’clock this morning, a bit grisly and out of sorts. Chantal had squeezed her within an inch of her life.
Chantal had been glad to hear that Autumn’s first solo day out with Willow had gone well. She didn’t even want to leave Lana while she was in hospital, so how difficult must it have been for Autumn to hand over her child for adoption? She couldn’t even begin to imagine. Would there come a day when Ted would want to take Lana back to America, maybe for holidays? She didn’t think she could cope with that. Hopefully, it was a long way off. Even more hopefully, she’d still be here to experience that dilemma.
The girls had given her an amazing bouquet of flowers and there was a signed card for her, which she was now displaying on her bedside table. They’d all just texted her, too. They might not be here in the room with her, but there was no doubt that they were all rooting for her.
The consultant came in to see her. ‘Hi, Chantal. Big day. Lots of procedures. We’re going to be removing the lump for you and also checking the lymph nodes to make sure that the cancer hasn’t spread to another site. All good?’
Chantal nodded, shakily. She was trying to be strong for Jacob and Lana’s sake, but her insides felt like liquid.
‘We’re going to turn you into one of my Smurf ladies, I’m afraid.’ Livia glanced at her notes. ‘We’re going to inject you with radioactive tracer and also a blue dye. They attach themselves to all the bad stuff to show us what we’re dealing with. But it means that you’ll wee blue and you’ll poo blue. You may even turn a bit blue for a while.’
‘I’ll look forward to that,’ Chantal said wryly. That, she was sure, was the least of her worries. As long as they got this cancer out of her then they could turn her whatever colour they liked.
‘If I think any of the nodes look as if they have cancer cells, I’ll remove those too and send them to the lab.’
Chantal blew out a wavering breath.
‘We’ll have a much better picture of what we’re dealing with after today. Are you doing OK?’
‘I’ll be a lot better when this is over.’
‘You will,’ Livia assured her. ‘I have no doubt about that. Ready to go?’
She nodded and Jacob hugged her tightly. ‘I’ll be right here waiting for you. I love you.’
‘I love you, too,’ she said. And she’d never meant it more.
Chantal struggled to open her eyes, which felt as if they had lead weights on them. Jacob was gently rubbing her arm and he smiled when he saw that she was awake.
‘Hey, sleepyhead,’ he said softly.
‘Have I been out for long?’
‘Quite a while. How are you feeling?’
‘A bit bashed and bruised.’
‘You look OK.’ He stroked her hair. ‘Your lips are a bit
blue. I was worried for a while, but they said it was only the dye.’
‘My mouth’s dry.’
Jacob passed her a glass of water and she sipped gratefully at it.
‘The girls are coming in soon,’ he said. ‘I’m going home soon to put Lana to bed. I just wanted to be here until you woke up again. Livia popped in afterwards and said that it had gone well. She’ll be back in to see you again soon.’
‘You look exhausted.’ There were dark shadows round Jacob’s eyes and his face looked grey with tiredness.
‘I’m fine. Worried about you, that’s all. I’m happier now you’re back from theatre and awake again.’
‘Me too.’ Chantal let her head rest back against the pillow. She felt weary down to her bones. She let her eyes close again as they were heavy and it was an effort to keep them o
pen. She didn’t drift off to sleep, but was grateful that Jacob sat quietly next to the bed, hand covering hers, until Livia came in.
‘How’s the patient?’ she asked brightly.
‘Still here.’ Chantal eased herself to sit up, feeling the ache across her chest and down her arm.
‘Well, you’ll be pleased to know that the surgery went well. I got a good, clean margin round the lump and that’s what we always look for. I’ve taken three lymph nodes and sent them off to the lab for analysis. It’ll be a day or two before the results come back and we can decide then what you need next in terms of treatment. We’ll keep you in overnight but, all being well, you can go home tomorrow.’
Chantal wanted to weep with relief.
‘That’s good news,’ Jacob said, squeezing her hand. ‘Great news.’
‘It is,’ Livia agreed. ‘I’ll leave you to it now, but I’ll be back to see you in the morning.’
‘Thanks, Livia,’ Chantal said.
‘I wish they all went as well as this,’ the consultant said.
Livia left and, a moment or two later, Nadia and Lucy arrived. They tiptoed into the room and whispered, ‘Hello.’
‘I’m awake,’ Chantal murmured. ‘Drowsy though.’ Her eyes kept threatening to close again.
When he’d kissed them both on the cheek, Jacob said, ‘I’m going to take this as my opportunity to go home and relieve Autumn from her babysitting duties. Is that OK?’
‘Of course,’ Nadia said. ‘Lana’s fine. She’s been a little poppet all day.’
He turned to Chantal and caressed her cheek. ‘I’ll call you later, hun, and I’ll be back in the morning.’
‘Kiss my baby for me.’ She could have wept for the want of a cuddle with Lana.
‘Will do.’
‘Anything you need, just phone me,’ Lucy said to him. ‘Whatever the time.’
‘Thanks, Lucy.’ And he left.
The girls both kissed her and Nadia asked, ‘Are you pleased with how it went?’