‘Oh, Marcus.’ All those things he was saying this morning and now this. I want it not to affect me, to be able to laugh it off. I want to be immune to everything that Marcus does. But I’m not. Even now it bloody hurts.
Marie-France jolts upright, aghast. I shield my eyes. I have no desire to see this much of her.
‘I can explain,’ he says.
‘Sorry.’ I hold up a hand. ‘Very sorry.’ Then, rather like shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, I do tiptoe out. Fast.
‘Wait,’ he shouts after me. But I’m out of there as quickly as my legs can carry me.
Slamming the door behind me so that it rattles on its hinges, I rush outside. The cold air slaps my burning cheeks. As I hurry along the pavement, my stomach is churning. I shouldn’t let Marcus mess with my emotions. He does it every time: I think I can handle him, but I can’t.
I set my jaw and stamp towards the Tube. I know that I’m doing absolutely the right thing in marrying Crush. Of that I’ve no doubt. But I do wonder whether I can, realistically, continue to work at Chocolate Heaven.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
When they got back from their great day out walking on the fells, Nadia was tired but elated. She wondered if she could sneak off for a long, hot bath before dinner. Unaccustomed to walking so far or up anything so steep, she was sure she’d ache tomorrow.
Her heart sank, however, when she saw Penny in the kitchen, busy at the stove. It was also quite alarming that she was dressed up to the nines. The woman had been here every night of the week and, no doubt, was a great cook. Dinner every night had been wholesome home cooking – if a little bland for Nadia’s taste. At first, she’d seemed quite a plain woman, mid-forties, no make-up, jeans and a sweatshirt, her brown hair pulled back in a scrunchy. Not a look that would turn heads. Penny had, however, got steadily more glamorous each day. Which was worrying. This evening, her grooming had reached new heights. Her hair had been done and was falling around her shoulders in waves that spoke of hours spent in jumbo rollers. She’d clearly taken care in applying her make-up and looked much more attractive than she previously had. Her outfit was a very Bodenesque dress in a mocha colour that flattered her curvy frame. Nadia frowned. Rather over the top for slaving over a stove.
‘Wow,’ James said. ‘Look at you all spruced up. Got a hot date?’
Clearly, Penny had hit the level where he actually noticed and she flushed furiously.
‘No, no. Of course not.’ That didn’t stop her from batting her eyelashes at him, then casting a sly glance in Nadia’s direction.
‘Don’t let us hold you up if you’re going out,’ James pressed on. ‘We can manage here.’
‘No, no. Just a night in for me.’ Penny fluffed her hair. ‘I’m a real home bird.’
Nadia sighed inwardly. So that was the game. Not only had Penny proved herself an invaluable help to the family, she was now trying to win James’s affections and obviously saw Nadia as a rival.
‘Dinner’s nearly ready,’ she said with more eyelash-batting on the side. ‘I’ve made your favourite.’
James rubbed his hands. ‘Great. No one makes steak and kidney pie like you.’
Salad was not in this lady’s repertoire. Nadia would probably go back a stone heavier after all this stodge on top of her usual chocolate and cake consumption.
To James’s credit he hadn’t allowed her near the cooker all week. Which was just as well because she’d never used an Aga before and it looked like a thing of terror. Her mind went over their situation again. Could she really consider living here? Would she be able to slot into the role of a farmer’s partner or even wife? It was all so alien to her.
But then did she want to stand back and leave James to the charms of this woman? Penny was looking increasingly likely to put up a fight for him. What would happen when she was far away and back in London? Could Penny turn James’s head with her cottage pies and apple crumbles? It was clear that she wasn’t going to let a usurper in if she could help it. In fairness to James, he did seem completely oblivious to her overtures. But how long would that last if Penny decided to up her game and come in dressed for the catwalk every day? If Nadia dallied too long in making a decision about whether they had a future together, would Penny swoop in and snatch James from under her nose? He might be unaware of her intentions now, but with Nadia out of the picture she might ramp up her efforts and, at the end of the day, James was a red-blooded man and that looked like an extremely good pie.
Nadia pulled off her boots and, after quickly sprucing herself up, sent the children to wash their hands. Then she put on an apron that was hanging on the back of the door. ‘I can take over now, Penny,’ she said. ‘That looks lovely. I don’t want to hold you up.’
‘No rush,’ she said tightly. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
James was opening a bottle of wine. Please don’t ask her to stay and have a drink, Nadia thought.
Nadia manoeuvred herself in front of the cooker and took control of the oven glove. There were new potatoes in one pan, carrots and beans in another. She smiled sweetly at Penny. ‘This looks lovely. Thank you so much, but I really can manage.’
Thankfully, James only poured two glasses of wine – a promising sign – and Penny seemed to take the hint from that. She bristled slightly, but moved away from the cooker and removed her apron. Nadia suppressed a victory fist pump and gave herself a silent cheer instead. Winner of the Battle of the Aprons: Nadia Stone! The Chocolate Lovers’ girls would be proud of her for standing her ground.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ Penny said, addressing James. ‘Anything in particular you fancy for dinner?’
‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ James said. ‘Whatever you cook is always gratefully received.’
She turned and forced a smile at Nadia. ‘It’s your last day, isn’t it?’ Parting shot.
‘Yes,’ Nadia said. ‘But I’ll be back as soon as I can.’ Then she realised that she meant it. She had to go back to work on Monday, but in her heart she knew that she didn’t want to leave at all.
Penny pursed her lips and left. It didn’t seem to be the end of the war as far as she was concerned.
When she’d gone, James passed the glass of red to her. It was a good bottle, rich and fruity. She sipped it gratefully. ‘Mmm. Lovely.’
‘You look quite good in a pinny,’ he joked.
‘Would you dispense with Penny’s services if I came to stay?’
‘That’s not why I want you here,’ he said. ‘Surely you know that. She’s been with me since . . . well, you know. I’m sure she’d be more than happy to stay on, if that’s what you want.’
‘Hmm. Would she? I’m not so sure,’ Nadia said. ‘She likes you.’
‘And I like her.’
She raised an eyebrow. ‘Oh, do you?’
‘Not in that way!’ James laughed and came to catch her round the waist. ‘Do I detect a touch of green eyes?’
‘Just assessing the situation,’ Nadia countered. ‘I like to know who my competition is.’
‘She’s not that at all,’ James said. ‘I can assure you.’
‘I’m not sure Penny sees it that way. If it was left to her, I think she’d like to have a more permanent position here.’
‘Well, it’s not going to happen.’ James was emphatic. ‘If you turn me down, I shall simply pine for you for ever.’
‘Would you?’
‘Yes.’ He kissed her warmly. ‘I’d be inconsolable.’ ‘That’s good to hear.’
‘I might let Penny give it her best shot at cheering me up, though.’
Nadia thumped his arm. ‘Bastard.’
‘She does make exceedingly good pie.’
They laughed together and he held her close.
‘I might not have made this lovely dinner but, if you want a big slice of said pie, you’ll need to keep on my good side.’
He gave her another squeeze and said, ‘I love you. Nothing will change that.’ Then he winked at her. ‘You dish
up and I’ll call the children.’
Nadia’s heart skipped a beat. He’d said that he loved her. She watched him saunter from the kitchen – his long, easy stride, the way he had to duck to avoid the beams – and she was filled with a surge of happiness. She loved him, too. He was a good catch, no question. They might be joking with each other, but Nadia knew full well that if James was alone here, then Penny would do her very best to get her claws into him. She would be mad to let that happen.
For the children’s sake, she’d had a separate room at the house. But when the children were fast asleep, she sneaked into James’s room and lay in his arms in his vast bed amid a sea of covers. It was the first week that Lewis had been content to sleep all night without her – which was a relief, but also left her feeling a little sad. Her son was growing up quickly. He was sharing a bedroom with Seth and she knew that they were probably both up playing with Lego and goodness knows what else when they should be asleep, but she didn’t begrudge him the fun and companionship. She hadn’t seen him so happy in a long time.
‘I do like it here,’ she said, resting her head on James’s shoulder. ‘Here in particular or Cumbria in general?’ he teased as he stroked her hair.
‘Both.’
‘Then don’t go back,’ he said. ‘Stay.’
‘It isn’t that simple.’
‘It is if you want it to be.’
‘There’s a lot to think about, James.’
‘Just think about us. That, surely, should make it easier.’ He sat up, leaning on his elbow and traced a meandering finger down between her breasts. ‘I worry about you. I don’t want anything happening to you while I’m not there to protect you.’
She knew what he was referring to. The mugging was always there somewhere at the back of her mind. It was only when she was out walking on the hills that she could say she’d completely forgotten about it.
‘The worst that can happen here is that you stand in sheep poo.’
‘If that’s the worst that can happen, then it doesn’t sound like a bad life.’
He moved above her, kissing her with increasing passion. ‘I’ll miss you.’
She melted to his touch. It had been so long since she’d been loved like this and it was intoxicating.
It was raining now outside, the downpour pelting against the windows. She’d left the curtains open so that she could see the black silhouette of the mountains. In here it was cosy, safe. If only she didn’t have to leave ever again . . . but they were both fully aware that their time together was running out.
‘If you won’t stay, then come back soon.’
‘I promise. Lewis’s half-term holiday is only six weeks away.’
James sighed and feathered kisses on her neck. ‘That’s a lifetime away. Just think of how many of Penny’s pies I’ll have to eat before then.’
She grabbed his bottom and dug her fingernails in. ‘You fiend.’
He laughed and flipped over, pulling her on top of him. His hands roved her hips, the curve of her buttocks, and she’d never wanted him more. He looked so handsome, lit only by the moon shining through the raindrops on the window.
‘I love you,’ he said, softly. ‘Marry me.’
Her breath caught in her throat. Had she heard him right?
Then his mobile phone on the bedside table rang.
‘Don’t answer,’ she said.
‘Hold that thought,’ he told her before he picked up the phone and said, ‘Hello?’
When he hung up, he was frowning. ‘One of the lambs has fallen between the bars of a cattle grid further down the road. My neighbour was on his way home from the pub and saw it in his headlights. They’ve had a go, but they can’t get it out. I’d better head down there.’
‘You’re going out in this?’ The rain was pelting the glass even harder. ‘Now?’
James was already out of bed and slipping on his jeans. ‘This would be the joy of being a farmer’s wife.’ He took her hand and kissed her fingers to his lips. ‘I did, however, mean what I said.’ He pulled on his shirt and headed for the door. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can. Hopefully, it won’t take long.’
As he left, Nadia flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. He’d asked her to marry him. There was a big squiggle of happiness inside her, but it was tinged with terror. Now what should she do?
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The day after Nadia comes home from her travels, we are all sitting in a wedding-dress shop in Sloane Square. It’s a very posh one, even though I don’t have a very posh budget to warrant it. But this place has a great reputation and I thought it would be worth a lickle-ickle, teeny-tiny peek.
Maybe it was a big mistake.
The dress I have on is absolutely beautiful. It’s a lace number in a gorgeous champagne colour, slightly retro style. I wouldn’t have looked at it at all, but Chantal picked it out for me and I have to say that she has fantastic taste. It has a scooped neck, three-quarter-length lace sleeves, a nipped-in waist and a full skirt. It says demure, but sexy. If you know what I mean.
When my Executive Bridal Consultant – their term, not mine – has zipped me up, I step out of the changing room with a ‘Ta-dah!’
The girls, who are sitting on a curved sofa sipping a glass of fizz while waiting patiently, gasp.
‘Oh, Lucy,’ Chantal says, dabbing tears from her eyes as if she’s the mother of the bride. ‘That is perfect.’
I’m sure she’s tearful because her emotions are running so high at the moment. I smooth down the skirt. ‘Thanks. It does feel amazing.’
The Executive Bridal Consultant wanders off to the accessories area to get me a hat and shoes to try on.
When she’s gone, I lower my voice and whisper, ‘It’s perfect except for one thing. It has three noughts on the price tag rather than the two I can actually afford.’
‘A small consideration.’ Chantal dismisses my concerns with a wave of her hand.
‘You have to get that,’ Autumn agrees. ‘You look stunning.’
‘It also blows half of my wedding budget.’
‘You’ll never get anything else as nice as that,’ Nadia says.
‘I’ll have to try other dresses. This is monster expensive.’ I give the skirt a little swish. Oh, so nice. ‘Maybe we could pop along to Debenhams instead? Don’t they do wedding frocks?’ Which are likely to be hundreds rather than thousands. See how sensible I’m being?
‘This isn’t any old frock, Lucy. It’s your bridal gown,’ Chantal says.
‘I know, but . . . ’ Then I catch sight of myself in the mirror again and, they’re right, it does look incredible. I am the hottest bride there ever will be.
‘It’s elegant, sophisticated,’ she continues. ‘I’d wear that in a heartbeat. It’s going to be the best day of your life. You deserve to feel fabulous.’
I do feel fabulous, but Crush will kill me if I blow all our cash on this. We are on a Budget with a capital ‘B’.
‘This is the second time I’ll have splashed out on a wedding dress,’ I remind them. ‘And I got a measly few quid on eBay for the last one when I didn’t even actually use it.’
‘It was covered in chocolate, Lucy.’
Oh yeah. I’d forgotten that. I had a slightly emotional coming together with the chocolate fountain at the reception after my non-wedding to Marcus, now you come to mention it.
‘That won’t happen this time,’ Autumn says.
‘I know.’ I turn this way and that and look longingly at myself. ‘But it’s a lot of money.’
The Executive Bridal Consultant returns. ‘I have a little pillbox hat that I think would go perfectly.’
And, of course, it does. The crown is embellished with glass beads, crystals and tiny seed pearls. I am in love. It’s exactly the same colour as the dress and a wisp of net covers my eyes in a coquettish manner. Beautiful. More gasps from my girls.
‘And some silk shoes.’
Oh, these are beyond divine! They’re tiny and are fit
for a princess. She places them at my feet and, of course, they fit as wonderfully as the glass slipper did when Cinders slid her tootsies into it.
I check out the mirror again. I’m a vision of bridal loveliness.
This could end my wedding-outfit shopping now. I could walk from one end of the High Street to the other, make my fingers raw with surfing online, but I’d never find anything to better this.
‘I’d say that your search was over,’ Nadia agrees. ‘That was easy.’
‘Not quite.’ I torture myself by posing this way and that. I pout and preen. ‘I can’t buy this one. As fantabulous as it is. It’s waaaaay too much money.’
‘Are you sure?’ Autumn says.
‘Sadly, yes. We’d have to have a packet of crisps each instead of the wedding breakfast and, tempting though it is, I can’t do that.’ Jacob would kill me just after Crush did; his plans are well underway too. ‘The caterers have been booked, the champagne selected.’ It’s so pretty and it breaks my heart to put it back on the silk-covered hanger and step away. ‘Perhaps I could get a second-hand dress on eBay.’
Chantal drains her champagne flute. ‘Excellent plan – eBay it is.’
My spirits plummet. ‘You think so?’
‘You’ve said so yourself, Lucy. This is wildly extravagant.’
I know that. In my head I know that. I give one last twirl and smile sadly. This is all so perfect but I know I’m right to walk away from it.
‘Now go and get changed,’ Chantal says, briskly. ‘We all need coffee and chocolate.’
I head back to the changing room, heavy of heart. The Executive Bridal Consultant whips the dress off me – rather quickly, if you ask me. And the adorable hat. And the Cinderella shoes. She disappears. As does her commission.
When I come out, back in my jeans and shirt, feeling like a leaden lump, they’re all standing there grinning like loons. ‘What?’
‘I’ve ordered the dress for you,’ Chantal says. Now it’s my turn to gasp. ‘You can’t. I haven’t got any way of paying for it.’