“Shit!” Bill yelled out as he palmed his shorts and reached inside his pocket, pulling out his phone which was dripping with sewer water. “My phone is soaking wet!” he said as I felt my heart skip a beat. Without Bill’s phone, we didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of locating the misplaced soul. That meant our entire trip down here would be for nothing. And who knew if we could even manage to make it back out of here alive? Well, who knew if I’d make it out of here alive, anyway?
“’Twill work,” Tallis said, showing little interest in the phone or Bill’s complaint.
“Um, not sure how well you did in science class, slick, but submergin’ electronics in shit water ain’t good for ’em.” Then he glanced over at me and frowned. “I bet the frickin’ thing’s broke.”
“It isna broken,” Tallis responded calmly before he stopped walking and turned to face us. “The Oonderground has a verra strong electric force field surroundin’ it, which enables anythin’ electrical.”
“That’s great an’ all, Einstein, but when you put a phone in water, the thing shorts out,” Bill insisted.
Tallis frowned at Bill who was already scowling back at him. “If ye doona believe me, look at yer phone.”
Skeptically, Bill flipped open the top of his phone, pressed a few buttons, and a huge smile lit up his face. “Shit, Tido’s right!” he announced, looking at me. “Frickin’ thing ain’t broke.” He studied the phone for a little while longer before nodding. “An’ looks like our soul in question ain’t too far away.” Then he addressed Tallis. “Thanks for the science lesson, yoze. Shit, maybe you will turn out to be my mantor after all.”
“Yer what?” Tallis asked even as he faced forward again and started walking, with Bill and me right behind him.
“Like mentor, only mantor,” Bill started, but Tallis shook his head as if to say he still didn’t get it. Bill sighed. “Like the man I aspire ta be. Like the ideal dude, ya know?”
“Aye,” Tallis responded but then shook his head again. “I doona wanna be yer mantor.”
“Yeah,” Bill answered. “Now that the moment’s passed, I’m startin’ ta think of you as the Yeti again,” he finished while looking over at me with a shrug. “It was good while it lasted, nips.”
“What does Dante say about this level?” I interrupted, my mind wholly obsessed with what awaited us in the sewer system. Although Tallis and Bill could discuss such trivial things like whether or not to be a mantor, I couldn’t. As the only one of us who risked being killed, I guessed it only made sense that I would take our mission the most seriously.
“Ah, shit balls,” Bill answered with a scrunched up face, which I assumed meant that he’d forgotten Dante’s book.
“Bill, the book was your responsibility!” I chastised him. “We agreed to that!”
“I know, I know; my bad,” he answered as he shook his head. “I totally forgot the damn thing on Conan’s table.” Then he cocked his head to the side and studied me. “I actually did us a big ol’ favor though ’cause phones might not get screwed up in vortex land, but books ain’t gonna fare well in water.”
“I guess you have a point,” I conceded with a sigh of frustration. “But how are we going to find out what’s lying in wait for us in this part of the Underground now?”
“Cerberus,” Tallis answered, glancing back at Bill and motioning for Bill’s phone, which the angel was carrying in his right hand. Bill didn’t say anything as he handed it to Tallis, who flipped it open and studied it for a few moments. He flipped it closed again and passed it back to Bill. “The soul is at the apex o’ the sewer,” he answered. “Nae doubt, bein’ guarded by Cerberus.”
“Cerberus?” I repeated. “As in the three-headed dog?” I could feel fear as it spiraled up inside me when I uttered the words.
“He doesna have three heads,” Tallis responded.
“Then why did Dante say Cerberus had three heads?” I inquired, although I should have probably known better, seeing how familiar Tallis was with this place.
“’Tis jist another detail ’twas incorrect,” Tallis responded. “Cerberus doesna have three heads, though he is ta be reckoned with, all the same.” He took a breath and then looked back at me from over his shoulder. “He is the leader o’ the pack o’ demon dogs.”
“What the hell kind o’ dogs?” Bill asked.
“Demon dogs,” Tallis answered. “They patrol the sewer an’ tear at the damned.”
“How much longer until we reach them?” I asked, my voice beginning to quake. I tried to remember my lesson from Tallis on how to remain calm. Demon dogs, just like demon clowns, could be defeated, I reminded myself. I breathed in for a few counts and out again for a few counts, remembering Tallis’s instruction. But I wasn’t sure if it helped.
“They patrol these toonnels,” Tallis answered.
“So we could come across them anytime?” I asked.
He nodded. “Ah’d advise ye ta be prepared though the threat isnae so great as ’twill be at the center o’ the aqueduct, where the souls o’ the damned reside.”
“An’ how much further ’til we come across that fun little party?” Bill asked, kicking something in his way. It bounced off the brick wall with an echo.
“Bill, don’t make so much noise!” I reprimanded him. “We don’t want to broadcast our arrival!”
“Aye, we dinnae,” Tallis concurred as he eyed us both. “The water level deepens here. Ye’d do well ta take plenty o’ caution.” The tunnel went downhill, and as I watched, the water level began to rise. I continued following Tallis with Bill behind me and tried to ignore the freezing temperature of the water as it rose up to my ankles, then my knees and finally, my upper thighs. The tunnel began to straighten out again and when it did, the water level was waist-high.
“How long is it going to be this high?” I whispered, but Tallis suddenly stopped walking and stood stock-still as he turned his head and appeared to be listening to something. He held up his right hand, indicating he didn’t want either of us to continue forward or to say another word. I felt my heart drop all the way to my feet.
I doubt if I even had the chance to take one quick breath before the water in front of Tallis began to ripple. It looked as if something were swimming around in circles, directly in front of him. Tallis drew his blade and stood with it poised over his head. Moments later, something grey and circular burst through the water, and as I watched in horror, a creature emerged from the cesspool. The water dripped off its light grey, slimy skin, which looked like it was peeling off the creature’s body in rivulets. The creature was nowhere near as tall as Tallis, but seemed about my height or maybe a few inches taller. It didn’t have any hair, just a round orb for a head with two large, black cavities for eyes. Inside the black orbs, I could faintly detect two small pupils, which seemed to glow grey.
“Son of a bitch!” Bill screamed as soon as the thing fully revealed itself from beneath the water. “It’s Aquaman! Aquademon!”
“We’re oan Afterlife Enterprises business,” Tallis announced, his voice steely, but calm. “We dinnae want any difficulties.”
I know who you are, the creature responded even though it didn’t have a visible mouth. It must have communicated with its thoughts, because I heard its voice in my head. I guessed its voice was sounding in Tallis’s head too because his body language showed that he was listening to something. The thing’s voice sounded strange—almost robotic.
“I think I’m gonna shit myself,” Bill whispered. “I think I’m gonna shit myself. I think I’m gonna shit myself.”
“Then grant oos passage,” Tallis requested from the thing.
The thought that I probably should have been prepared for battle crossed my mind, and I drew my sword from its scabbard and held it aloft, ready to strike. I mean, who knew how many of these water creatures lived in the tunnel? The creature inclined its head toward my direction.
I will not harm you, it said in my mind before turning back to face Tallis again. I have
been sent by the keeper of the Underground City, it continued. He requests the favor of your company.
“Like fuck we’re gonna go visit the devil!” Bill roared back. “You musta swallowed too much o’ this piss water, yo, ’cause this shit’s messin’ with yer head!”
The creature simply glanced at Bill but said nothing.
“We are here oan a mission,” Tallis replied tersely, in a controlled but annoyed tone. He was still holding his sword although he was no longer in striking stance. He must have believed to some extent what the creature was saying.
The master is aware, Bladesmith, the creature responded. He will allow you to capture the soul in peace, if, afterwards, you will agree to visit him in his headquarters.
Tallis was quiet for a few seconds. “As long as Alaire will allow mah friends ta return ta the Dark Wood oonharmed,” he answered. “Then Ah will go with ye.”
The creature shook its head and looked at me. The master also requests an introduction to the woman.
“Nae,” Tallis responded immediately. “Alaire has nae business with her.”
“That’s right,” Bill suddenly piped up. “Both you and the devil want nothin’ ta do with us. We’re just here ta get in and get out. We don’t want no trouble.”
The master is not interested in you, the creature responded before settling its attention on me again, as if to say, Alaire was mostly interested in meeting me. Why? I had no clue. Maybe he was pissed off that his two clowns got killed during my first trip down here. Actually, the more I thought about it, the more that line of thinking made sense. Maybe Alaire was going to kill me in revenge for the deaths of his two henchmen?
The master does not want to harm you, the creature said as it stared at me. It was starting to freak me out because I wasn’t sure if it had just read my mind and was now responding to my thoughts or what.
“Well, the maestro really shouldn’t be too thrilled over Bubble Butt neither,” Bill interrupted, shrugging. “She’s just a touron,” he continued. Then he glanced at me, nodding. “She’s a mix ’tween a tourist and a moron. Girl’s so dumb, she can’t do nothin’ to save her life. Seriously, the master dude wouldn’t be missin’ a single thing by not meetin’ nips.” He cocked his head to the side and his eyebrows reached for the ceiling as he started nodding again. “She reeeeeal dumb; know what I’m sayin’?”
I am merely repeating the master’s orders, the creature announced, as if it had no interest in whether I was intelligent or not. The creature faced Tallis again. I am to inform you that he will not harm her. He wishes only to make her acquaintance.
“Why?” Tallis demanded.
The creature shook its head. I was not entrusted with that information, it responded.
“An’ if Ah dinnae agree, what then?” Tallis barked.
Then we cannot guarantee your protection or safety during your mission. The thing glanced back at me. Nor that of your fellow travelers.
Tallis was quiet for a few seconds before he took a deep breath and simply nodded to the creature, indicating his consent. The creature turned around and started forward, moving through the sewage water as if it were swimming. I caught up with Tallis and gripped his forearm. “Why did you agree for us to meet Alaire?” I demanded.
“Yeah, that didn’t sound like such a great idea to me neither,” Bill piped up from behind me.
Tallis leaned down and whispered in my ear, “’Twas the only way ta guarantee yer safety, lass.”
“You think meeting Alaire will guarantee our safety?” I repeated in a hushed tone, shaking my head. “You think we’ll be any safer than if we just fulfilled our mission and got out, like our original plan?” I continued, clearly unconvinced. Bill, apparently disinterested in our conversation, lagged behind a few paces and I could hear him humming something I didn’t recognize.
“Och aye,” Tallis whispered back at me. “Alaire is merely curious ’bout ye, lass. We can troost his word.”
“The word of the devil?” I snapped back at him. My eyes narrowed with skepticism as I shook my head, not getting how he could place any trust in someone who ruled the Underground.
Tallis shook his head as he studied me, a slight smile pulling at his lips. His smile made him downright handsome. “Alaire isnae the devil, Besom. He is merely the keeper o’ the Oonderground. They are two verra different things.”
“Regardless of what he is, are you sure he isn’t going to want to get even with me? Don’t forget, Ragur and Kipur were killed during my mission!” I responded, paranoia beginning to occupy my entire body. I just couldn’t understand why Alaire, supposedly a pretty important person as head of the Underground, could be bothered with me, a nobody.
“Alaire doesnae care ’bout either o’ the clowns, lass,” Tallis answered while shaking his head. He stared at the creature in front of him, then on either side of the tunnel before focusing on me again.
“Then why did Alaire contact Afterlife Enterprises to report it?” I asked, keeping my eye on the water creature who was now a few strokes ahead of us. It was apparently leading the way to the apex of the sewer, where we would encounter Cerberus and the souls of the damned, or so I imagined.
“’Twas policy, Besom,” Tallis responded. “Alaire reported it ’cause he had ta, ’tis all.”
I shook my head, suspicious that there was more to the situation than what Tallis seemed to believe. “There’s no reason for him to want to make my acquaintance,” I continued. “I’m just another Regulator, interloping in his affairs and territory. I’m just another thorn in his backside and someone who should be of zero interest to him.”
“Ye are innocent, lass,” Tallis argued and shook his head as if I just wasn’t getting it. “Alaire is as tainted as they come.”
“So why the interest in someone innocent?” I continued.
“Aye, ’cause he is fascinated with anythin’ ootside o’ what he’s used ta. Ye would simply be a plaything ta him, an amusement,” Tallis finished.
“That’s it?” I asked, my tone still doubtful. “You think he simply wants to meet me for that reason?”
“Aye.”
“How would he even know who I am? Or that I’m … innocent in the first place? It’s not like I’ve ever met the guy.” It still seemed like Tallis was keeping something from me. His answer was too simple for it to be the whole truth.
“The Watchers,” Tallis replied. Then I remembered the strange creatures that patrolled the Underground City and looked like businessmen wearing suits. They were Alaire’s eyes, and reported back to him everything that happened in his city. They were comparable to the Underground’s version of Big Brother.
“Oh, shit!” Bill called out. We had just emerged from the tunnel and found ourselves standing in the center of another enormous cavern. This, too, was made of brick and was circular, like the cesspool we’d just left.
But that’s where the similarities ended.
Instead of an empty pool of sewage, now we faced hundreds of damned souls who were wallowing in sewage that was up to their waists. Meanwhile, a ceaseless barrage of rain bled from the brick ceiling and showered everyone below with putrid sewer water in droplets the size of quarters. The damned souls beneath could only writhe and scream as if suffering excruciating agony from the rain above. The main focus of my attention, however, was centered on the three snarling “dogs” that were headed toward us.
“What the hell are those?” Bill wailed out.
“With his three gullets like a dog is barking over the people that are there submerged.”
– Dante’s Inferno
SEVEN
“Demon dogs,” Tallis replied as he held his sword up in a defensive stance and pushed me directly behind him. Reminding myself of Tallis’s lessons again, I breathed in for a few counts, trying to calm my frantic heart and scan my surroundings.
Demon water creature directly in front of Tallis, I thought to myself. Three demon dogs standing in front of the water creature and all seem lethal. Glancing
to my right and left, I realized there was no way to escape the cavernous room. I looked at the demon dogs again and figured Tallis would go for the largest one in front, leaving me to defend myself against the other two. If the need arises, Lily, just retreat until your back is against the brick wall; then lash out at anything that approaches you with your sword, I strategized. Tightening the grip on my sword, I breathed in slowly for another few counts, readying myself for the battle that was sure to ensue any minute.
The demon water creature that had led us thus far faced the three demon dogs and held its watery, grey arms open wide. Even though I couldn’t hear its voice in my head, I believed it was imparting its message and warning them that we must be left alone per Alaire’s fiat. The two smaller demon dogs continued to snarl at us, but soon dropped behind the largest one that appeared to be the leader, and the one, which I supposed, was Cerberus.
It stood on all fours and was maybe the size of a Great Dane, although much leaner. It didn’t have any ears that I could see, but its eyes glowed orange and its snout was long and very fierce looking. Its hideous mouth flashed enormous incisors. And its body was so thin, I could see every vertebra of its spine protruding from its back. It didn’t have any fur at all, but rather, a light purplish-colored skin that was darker in some spots than others. There were areas on its ribs where the skin was either missing or translucent, revealing the redness of its flesh and muscle, as well as its bones, which glowed yellow.
The two demon dogs behind the larger one looked nothing like it. Both were smaller in stature and the one on the right had ears that stuck straight up from its head like a German shepherd. It was a greyish-brown color and its skin looked loose and pillowy, like it was wearing a bodysuit that was maybe two sizes too big. It also had no hair or fur, but its skin looked leathery, like an armadillo’s, and its snout was long, terminating into a triangular, black nose between two glowing red eyes. Its fangs were just as enormous on both its lower and upper jaws.