His already furrowed brow creases deeper, and I know I don’t have him convinced in the least bit, but he drops it for now. He reaches behind him and yanks the screen door open to let me walk in first.
It’s a relief to not be hit in the nose with the pungent scent of unknown man, but even the absence of the smell pushes the visual of last week to the forefront of my brain.
Levi brushes past me, loosening his tie. He leans over Mom on the couch, brushing her curly and frizzy hair from her face, waking her.
“Hey, Brea’s home. I’m heading to bed. Early shift tomorrow.”
Mom yawns and stretches, blinking her eyes free of sleep. A sharp pang stabs me in my gut. I can’t even stand to look at her, and all the anger I shoved away starts to bubble behind my eyes. But I refuse to let it out.
Levi shuffles off to his room, and my feet bolt to follow him, but Mom croaks out a “Brea, sit please.”
“No thank you.” My feet keep moving.
“Brea!”
I stop where I’m at, refusing to do anything but stand and stare at the dark hallway.
“You can’t leave like that again,” she says, and it takes every ounce of energy I have not to scream.
She sighs when I don’t respond. “I never meant for you to see that.”
“You servicing someone for money? Yeah, I really didn’t want to see that either.”
“It’s not…” I catch her reach up to wipe her cheek in my peripheral. “I didn’t go through with it.”
My eyes finally drift to her. She’s picking at the hem of her shirt. “Would you have if I hadn’t walked in?” My voice gets harsher, but I keep quiet so Levi doesn’t hear. “Are you planning on any future ‘clients?’ Do you need me to let you know what I do every freaking second so I don’t disrupt a paycheck?”
Her tears bottle up, but like me, she pushes them back. Her lips purse, her brows pull together, and she stands over me, using the same tone I am.
“You’re too young to understand.”
“You mean I’m too stupid?” The word stings on my tongue, feels like acid and hurt and regret and pain and truth.
“I’m doing what I can for you. This is what mothers do for their kids.”
I shake my head, back up a few steps toward the front door. The walls press in on me, like I’m trapped inside my own body, in a world I can’t escape. That even going outside wouldn’t help. Running from the conversation won’t do a damn thing. But that’s what I want to do. I want to run and run and run till I can’t feel my feet anymore.
She reaches out and grabs my arm. “You’re not leaving again,” she says, but not like a command. More like a desperate plea that I don’t want to listen to. If I’m the reason she’s doing what she’s doing then I want out.
“I’m not going to be your excuse.” I rip from her grasp. “And if you make me stay here, I’m telling Levi everything.”
She drops her hand. Opens her mouth but says nothing. I hold my breath and force my feet to move toward my room. I pack nearly everything I own, which isn’t much, push back everything that’s building in my eyes clear down to my toes. My phone is up to my ear when I walk from the room. Mom doesn’t even attempt to stop me when Adam answers the line.
“Sorry it’s late,” I say, “but I need a place to stay.”
***
I sleep on Adam’s couch the whole week, but I’m moving to Jolie’s tonight because Adam’s dad is off work for the next couple days. And honestly, I don’t need more drama with the boy/girl sleepover interrogation. Fortunately I haven’t seen much of Jay because I can’t explain the need to sleep at Adam’s house without letting him in on way more of my home life than he needs to be—or anyone needs to be.
After asking Jolie and making sure it was okay with her family if I could crash for who knows how long, Jolie and Sierra dragged me off to the mall. I think they want me to talk about what’s going on with staying away from home, but I’ve kept everything firmly in my throat.
The mall was a good idea though. Every store we went to I picked up an application. Now we’re sitting in the food court, Sierra forcing me to eat some of her orange chicken.
“Zoe wants to do a slumber party for her bachelorette thing. You in?” she asks after shoving a particularly large piece into my mouth.
I shuffle through the stack of applications and pull out the one for The Gap. “Um,” I say over my mouthful, “I don’t really know Zoe.”
“Okay, it’s not really for her. It’s for me and her, but I want to make a party out of it.” Sierra takes a loud sip from her Icee and looks at Jolie. “It’s sort of our last hurrah before she becomes old and has kids and lives her life totally away from me.”
She pouts at us, and I shake my head and start filling in the boxes with my name and all that other crap. I try really hard not to make my handwriting so loopy.
“Well, I’m down,” Jolie says, picking at the brownie on her plate. “Will there be a stripper?”
Sierra laughs, but my stomach drops through the floor. For some reason stripper sends thoughts of single dollar bills into my head, and that train of thought leads to a whole bunch of others I’d rather not think about.
“Brea?”
“Yeah?” I croak, forcing myself to concentrate on my age and date of birth instead of pole dancers.
“Please come?”
“When is it?” I move my eyes from the application and swivel them between my two friends.
“This weekend.”
I shrug. “I’m staying with Jolie, so I’ll be forced. Unless I have a job by then I probably won’t be able to—”
“I’m planning on you being there. So, just let me know if you can’t.” Sierra offers the rest of her Icee to me, but I shake my head and go back to filling out my lack of job history.
“I think we all need a night to relax and have fun,” Jolie says, and I can feel the burn of her stare in the top of my head.
“Totally,” Sierra agrees. “It’s like we never get to do that, and we won’t have much time either since we’re going off to college.”
“And you have a boyfriend,” Jolie points out as I huff into the papers.
“So does Brea now.”
Jolie fake gasps, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“That’s right!” she says. I catch her nudging Sierra with her elbow. “And I haven’t heard any details.”
“This is a girlfriend code red.”
“You guys,” I grumble, but there’s a small smile on my face. Talking about boys means I don’t have to talk about Mom. And Sierra brings it up every chance she can get. “I’ve got more important things on my plate.” I gesture to the applications and before I can get a good hold, Jolie swipes them from under my hands.
“I want details first then we’ll go job hunting.”
They blink big, faux-innocent eyes at me.
“I don’t have details.”
“Oh come on,” Sierra says, lips blue from her drink. “If you don’t spill I’ll start talking about Levi.”
My eyes narrow. “Don’t even go there.”
She sits back with a goofy smile, speaking to the heavens. “When we first kissed, it was like the skies opened up and rained fireworks just for us.”
“Sierra,” I groan while Jolie laughs.
“His lips tasted like salt, but the good kind. The kind you put on popcorn. And my gosh, his tongue—”
“Stop, please!” I chuck a straw wrapper at her, but I’m laughing so I know she won’t ever take me seriously. But nobody wants to hear how their brother’s tongue is during a kiss. “Okay, Jay kissed me again. A lot.”
Both Jolie and Sierra lean in, and I feel heat seep through my cheeks. I stare at the fry salt on the tabletop and mumble out “details.”
“We went to his place…which is gigantic. Like, he has a movie theater and a freaking fountain in his entryway. And we were going to watch movies, but he wanted to do that in his room.”
“Omigosh,” Sier
ra says, inching even closer. I raise my eyebrows waiting for anything else she wants to add, but I guess that was it.
“Well, uh, he kissed me in the theater…” and it completely erased all the crap I’m dealing with so I… “Um, I liked it, so I sort of kissed him back. Then we didn’t stop.”
“Did you make it to his room?” Jolie sort of whispers. They are both hanging on my every mumble. My cheeks are up in flames.
“Yeah…”
“Did you guys…?”
“We made things official, I guess.” But that was a week ago, and now I’m not sure how to juggle the drama at home, the drama at school, and keep a boyfriend at the same time.
“What?” Sierra is so far across the table she’s almost kissing me. “Official how?”
“He’s my boyfriend.”
“Did you sleep with him?”
“What?” Heat creeps up my neck. “No.”
Sierra leans back and blows out a whoosh of air. “My gosh. Heart attack. I can’t imagine having that conversation with Levi.”
“Ew. You better not be telling him any part of this conversation or I’m not telling you anything again.” I point a fry at her so she knows I’m serious.
Jolie nods. “That’s also part of the girl code.”
Thank heavens someone has my back.
“Right, right, I know. It’s just so hard to hide things from him.” She fills her cheeks with air for a second, then smiles at me. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell him anything he doesn’t already know.”
“Thanks.”
“So,” she says, tentatively sliding the job applications back under my nose, “does Adam know?”
My pen freezes on the Orange Julius app. “About Jay? Of course he does.” I drop the pen and start unpicking my braid. “Why?”
They share a look, and I almost fling another wrapper at them.
Jolie chews on the end of her straw, and says, “It’s just, you always tell him stuff before you tell us. That’s kinda unfair.” She laughs it off, but there’s still this weird air around us.
Sierra gives me a pointed look. “See. You do it too.”
“What?”
“Tell Adam everything.”
“It’s because he doesn’t ask so many questions.” I get to the end of my rebraided hair and knot it up before tapping my application. “Can I get back to this now?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
They start chatting about the biggest houses they’ve ever seen and try to get me to join in with inviting them over to Jay’s just to see the big ass fountain. I somewhat contribute to the conversation, but my mind is full. Partly on the job application, partly on Jay, partly on my mom and my trailer, but mostly—and even more bizarre—I’m thinking that Sierra’s right. I don’t hide anything from Adam.
Chapter 14
How can I get more butterflies from studying than from making out?
“Ugh…” Jay groans underneath me. My phone has been going off non-stop since I got here, and it’s putting a damper on our make-out. I’m almost out of minutes so I haven’t answered it, but I figure my friends would leave a message if it was important.
“Sorry,” I say, pulling it from my pocket and looking at the caller ID. My stomach leaps to my throat at the unrecognized number. “Oh!”
“You need to get that one?” he breathes. He sounds a little annoyed, but that could be because this is the first we’ve seen each other since we became “official” and my phone keeps going off. Or maybe it has nothing to do with that and everything to do with him looking a little strained against the zipper in his pants. I can’t imagine that being comfortable.
“Yeah, hang on.” I crawl off his lap and turn to talk to the wall. “Hello?”
“Is this beautiful Brea?” an older woman says, and my heart gives an extra thwap!
“This is she.”
“Oh lovely. This is Aletha from Nut World. You remember me, dear?”
“Yeah. I mean yes. What’s up?” Gah… can I be any more unprofessional?
She lightly chuckles. “I was calling to offer you a part time position.”
“Really?” I shriek a little louder than I intended. But oh snap, yes! “When can I start?”
“Well, hold on a moment. I want to tell you the arrangement we’ve set up to take you on.”
“Oh…” My stomach gets a nasty weight dropped in it. “Okay.”
“We really can’t afford another employee, but our head squirrel offered to share the position if you’re willing. We’d need you every other Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.”
Share the position? “Wait…are you cutting Adam’s hours?”
“It was his suggestion, sweetie. Very nice boy, he is.”
The weight in my stomach triples. I feel Jay slide behind me, and he brushes my long messy braid to the side as his lips plant on my neck. It’s sweet. I should be appreciating that, but I’m reminded that I’m not alone right now, and I kinda want to be.
“Um,” I choke out. “Thank you, but I think I’m going to try to look other places. M-more hours and stuff.”
“All right.” She says it as if she expected my answer, but I try not to over-think it. “Let me know if you change your mind. The option is open.”
“Thank you, Aletha.”
“Have a good afternoon.”
I bring the phone down, pressing the end button and staring at it for a few seconds. Jay’s hands circle my waist.
“Everything okay?”
No. And the word is on the tip of my tongue, but his lips start patterning over my shoulder, and I let my answer fly into oblivion. I don’t say anything as I jam my phone in my pocket and swivel in his arms. He can kiss this away too.
My phone starts vibrating again about ten minutes later, and Jay’s shirt is on the floor and my lips are nearly numb. It’s me who growls this time, and I whip the cell out and push the off button. I chuck it to the side of the couch and go back to pressing against his bare upper body, appreciating whatever he does to make it feel so good under my fingers.
“Brea?” he breathes around my mouth, and I pull back a little, licking my chapped lips.
“Hmm?”
“Sorry, but my parents are gonna be here soon. You want to move upstairs?” His hand gently slides up my midriff, but I shake him off.
“No. I should probably… I gotta go.”
He cocks an eyebrow at me like “Really? You want to stop?” and I jump off his lap even though I’m not sure if that’s what I want to do.
He sighs and smiles at his shirt on the floor before picking it up. “All right.” His hand dives down his pants to fix himself, and I turn away because whoa, I don’t need to see that, and I hear him shake his keys when he’s fully dressed.
“You don’t have to take me home. I can call my brother.” Or Jolie or Sierra or someone else who won’t ask me why I’m not going to my house.
“Don’t be stupid.” He smiles and shrugs his jacket on, but my heart has frozen in my chest, making it hard to breathe. I force air through my lungs, trying to shake the word from my head. It’s not like he meant that I’m stupid. I know that. It’s just a phrase. But it hurts in a way I’m not exactly prepared for.
He twines his fingers through mine and leads me out his front door. I’m fresh out of excuses, so I dig in my pocket for gum and jam it between my teeth. I snap it like crazy as I sit in the passenger seat of his BMW.
He gets his key in the ignition and pauses. Then he laughs at the dash. “Holy shit. I just realized I have no clue where you live.”
For good reason. I pop my gum and scratch the top of my knee, desperate for any excuse for him to not take me there.
“Uh…” Damn it, it’s going to piss him off, but… “I actually need to stop by the library.”
He raises an eyebrow, smile deflating. “Why?”
“Adam’s helping me with my Biology test tomorrow.” Not completely untrue. We were going to meet up at his house. What time is it? I hope I can catc
h him on the corner before he heads home.
“Do you want me to help?” His hand runs over the steering wheel. “I got a B in Biology.”
I try a reassuring smile. “I would, but I’m pretty sure you’ll distract me more than help me.”
He laughs. “Yeah, okay.” His fingers tighten over the keys, and he starts up the car.
Our drive is full of that awkward silence that I swear emanates from Jay himself. Or maybe it’s me. I’m not good around anyone really, but I thought after the way we’ve been all over each other we’d have something to talk about. But all that happens is Jay opens his mouth, then closes it without a word. And I just pop my gum and pray to the heavens that Adam is still at work.
Jay pulls to the side of the road, and my stomach sinks a bit when I don’t see a dancing squirrel on the corner. I quickly fumble over the seatbelt, and Jay leans over the console and sort of misses my mouth when he kisses me.
“Well, that didn’t work.” He laughs and grabs my cheeks to hold me steady. I shove my gum to the corner of my mouth, because his kiss is filled with tongue and heat, and he’s a great kisser, I’ll give him that. But I’m sort of counting down the seconds till he lets me out of the car. Which is so awful of me. So I force my impatience out of my mind and kiss him back.
We break away with a rush of air, and a small smile tilts his gorgeous and swollen lips. I let myself go girly and melt over the fact that they were just on mine. Maybe I’m developing multiple kissing personality disorder.
“We can hang out tomorrow?”
I nod, but then stop because I just remembered. “Oh… I can’t. Sierra’s having a slumber party.”
“Damn.” He plays with the tips of my fingers. “Saturday then?”
“Okay.”
“I’m gonna buy you more minutes for that thing.” He gestures to my pocket where my phone sits, and I know he’s trying to be nice, but it makes me feel like shit.
“Sorry,” I clip and hold back the dig I have about how not all of us can just ask Daddy for money. He has no idea that my father ditched us, that my mom is doing whatever the hell she’s doing… or not doing, or that my brother is the bread-winner at the moment.