‘I have full-hit Temazepam sleeping tablets helped down with a slug of cooking brandy which seems to be doing the job.’

  Autumn nibbles at her nails anxiously, then she touches the plaster at her throat.

  ‘Looks like you’ve got some troubles of your own, honey,’ Chantal says softly to her. ‘Cut yourself shaving?’

  Autumn shakes her head. ‘Threatened by one of my dear brother’s business associates.’

  Another worried glance does the rounds. ‘This sounds as if it’s getting pretty heavy, Autumn,’ I tell her.

  She nods in agreement. ‘I think this time, Rich is way out of his depth.’

  ‘And you’re getting dragged into it.’

  She nods again. ‘There was some thug waiting for me when I got home from the hospital last night. Wanted me to pass on a message to Richard.’

  ‘So, how is he?’

  ‘Better,’ she says with a weary sigh. ‘I’m going to see him later.’ She fingers the plaster again, subconsciously. ‘Pass on his message.’

  I sink back into my chair and pick another chocolate. ‘We could do with some good news.’

  ‘Well,’ Chantal says with a smile as she pats her tummy protectively, ‘I felt baby Hamilton move for the first time this morning. It was great. I think I’m finally getting used to this baby lark.’

  ‘How are things with you, Lucy?’ asks Autumn.

  ‘Same old, same old,’ I say dismissively. ‘I spent half of last night in a loo in an Italian restaurant after being groped by Marcus’s dad with Crush’s testicles an inch away from my mouth while Marcus’s mother tried to look under the door.’

  Is it a measure of my tortured life that my friends accept this garbled tale without question? ‘Now I’ve got to phone both of my parents and their chosen life-partners and invite them to the wedding. God, I hope they’re too busy to come. Would it be wrong to wait until a few days beforehand to ask them?’

  ‘Lucy, you are silly,’ Autumn chides. ‘What prior commitments would possibly stop them from coming to their daughter’s wedding?’

  ‘Golf, bridge, tennis. All of these could be factors. If it’s the club championship for any of them, then I’m onto a dead cert. Even my mother having a long-standing hairdressing appointment could make her think twice.’ Come to think of it, they’ll get on brilliantly with Hilary and Dave. ‘My mum and dad haven’t been in a room together since their divorce. I can see blood up the walls. We’ll be lucky if they survive the day without killing each other.’ Then I feel bad about mentioning anything to do with killing, with Nadia so recently bereaved.

  ‘At least we’ve got something to look forward to,’ Nadia says, thankfully ignoring my gaffe. ‘It’s only the thought of your wedding that’s keeping me going.’

  ‘I’m dreading it,’ I say – for reasons that are too varied and complex for me to even start thinking about.

  ‘It will all work out perfectly,’ Chantal says. ‘You wait and see.’

  Nadia is also quick to reassure me. ‘You’ll make a beautiful bride.’

  ‘I do hope so.’ I swallow a champagne truffle for comfort. ‘With my luck, the universe will conspire against me getting down that aisle at all.’

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  ‘He said that you’d got something that belonged to them.’ Autumn had just finished telling Richard the story of her encounter with the late-night knifeman. Her brother had gone paler by the minute.

  ‘He held a knife to my throat.’ She pointed, unnecessarily, at the plaster covering her wound. Then she realised that this was probably the same man who’d given her brother this beating and she wondered whether, this time, she’d got off rather lightly.

  ‘I’m sorry, sis. I never meant for this to happen.’

  ‘Is it true what he said? Have you got something that belongs to them?’

  Richard tried to shift slightly in his hospital bed, holding his ribs in pain. He looked away from her.

  ‘So, that’s a yes?’

  ‘I’ll sort it as soon as I get out of here.’

  ‘Will they be prepared to wait that long?’

  ‘They’ll have to.’

  It was bold talk, maybe foolhardy. But, at least she reckoned Richard would be safer in here than anywhere else. Autumn folded her arms, hugging them round her body. She was missing Addison. She was missing being held. Since Richard had been in here, she’d hardly seen him. Now it was time to rectify that.

  ‘What is it that you’re hiding? Money? Drugs?’

  ‘The less you know about it the better, Autumn,’ he said. ‘But I promise you. I’ll fix it, once and for all. You didn’t go to the police?’

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘Stupidly, I didn’t.’

  ‘Good girl,’ Richard said with a sigh of relief.

  Her brother seemed to be out of danger now, even though he was still very weak. He was pale and sweating, and there was a tremor to his hands whenever he reached for his glass of water. Autumn wondered how much of it was to do with his injuries or whether he was suffering from the sudden withdrawal from his drugs. To be honest, she didn’t really want to go into details with him. He was suffering and that was all she needed to know. She’d had enough of sitting by his bedside. Addison was right, there was only so much she could do to protect him. The rest had to come from Richard himself, otherwise she was going to worry herself into an early grave on his behalf.

  Autumn stood up. ‘Sleep,’ she said. ‘That’s the best thing you can do. Sleep. Get strong and get out of here.’

  ‘Don’t go,’ her brother begged. ‘Stay here. I feel better when you’re around.’

  ‘I have to leave,’ she told him as she kissed him goodbye. ‘I’m due at work shortly. You’re not the only person in my life, Richard. There are other people who need me.’

  Her brother didn’t look very enamoured of that statement, but he’d have to live with the knowledge – just as she had to live with the knowledge that whatever she did for him, it was never going to be enough.

  It was good to get back to some kind of normality. Having a knife put to her throat had shaken Autumn more than she cared to admit. Back in the sanctuary of her workshop, she toyed with a piece of peacock-blue stained glass; the depth of the colour reminded her of a tropical ocean, soothing her troubled spirit.

  Fraser looked up at her. ‘Penny for them, miss.’

  ‘Sorry, Fraser,’ she said, with a smile at one of her favourite clients. ‘I was miles away.’

  ‘It’s good to have you back.’

  ‘And it’s good to be back. How’s that suncatcher coming along?’ Her student held up his work proudly. All his months of attending here with the sole object of chatting up Tasmin hadn’t been entirely wasted. An unexpected byproduct was that, at long last, he was starting to become quite a reasonable artist with his stained-glass creations. Well, they didn’t instantly fall to bits any more, which Autumn took as progress. ‘That’s great, Fraser. Really great.’

  The young man glowed with pride. So often these kids were just lacking a little praise and encouragement in their dark lives. Finding one simple thing that they were good at could, in a few lucky cases, open the floodgates and turn their lives around.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Addison standing in the doorway watching her. ‘Hi, there,’ she said.

  His eyes went to the plaster on her neck, but he said nothing. ‘Did Fraser tell you that we’ve got him fixed up with a job?’

  ‘No.’ Autumn beamed with delight.

  ‘Engineering apprenticeship,’ their client said, puffing his chest out. ‘Start next week.’

  ‘And you’re going to be there on time every morning and stay there all day,’ Addison said with a warning note in his voice.

  ‘Sure thing!’ Fraser frowned. ‘D’ye think I’m a wee idiot?’

  ‘I’m going to call you every morning,’ Addison promised. ‘Just to make sure that you’re up on time.’

  ‘Tasmin can give me a nudge in the ribs
. That always wakes me up.’

  Ah, Autumn thought. So progress has been made on that front too. Romance had clearly blossomed while she’d been away and, suddenly, it felt as if she’d been away for months, not weeks.

  Tasmin came over to join them. She was wearing bright pink eye-shadow that matched her lipstick and her slashed T-shirt. Her jet black hair hung over her deathly white face and yet another new stud had been added to the collection on her lips. The girl leaned against Fraser with a casual disdain. She held out a bracelet for Autumn. ‘I made this for you, miss.’

  The silver wires twined delicately round tiny pieces of polished kiln glass in pastel shades. ‘That’s fantastic,’ she said. ‘Is it really for me?’

  Tasmin sniffed to hide her embarrassment. ‘We’ve kinda missed ya,’ she admitted grudgingly.

  ‘Isn’t this wonderful?’ Autumn said to Addison as she slipped the bracelet onto her wrist and admired it. The glass sparkled as it caught the light.

  Her boyfriend certainly looked impressed and she let her hand rest on his, wanting to feel closer to him as they both admired Tasmin’s artistry. Addison acknowledged her touch with a warm smile which made Autumn’s tummy flip over.

  ‘Have you thought about setting up your own stall to sell this stuff?’ he asked the girl. ‘It’s good enough.’

  Tasmin shook her head.

  ‘Somewhere like Camden Market would be perfect.’

  ‘That’s a great idea,’ Autumn enthused.

  ‘Would you be interested?’

  Tasmin shrugged.

  ‘Leave it with me,’ he said, taking her off-handed response as approval. ‘Let me see if I can get some more information and maybe some funding from somewhere.’

  An uncertain smile briefly crossed Tasmin’s face, which they all knew meant that she was deliriously happy.

  Autumn and Addison walked to the other end of the workshop. ‘I’m sorry I’ve not been around much,’ Autumn said. ‘I plan to make up for it.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it. You didn’t think that you’d get rid of me that easily, did you?’ Addison replied. ‘If it means that I have to share you with your brother, then so be it.’

  He brushed her chin with his thumb and threw a glance at her throat. ‘What happened here?’

  ‘I took a message for Richard.’

  A frown darkened Addison’s brow.

  ‘I’m frightened,’ she admitted. ‘They came after me at my flat.’

  ‘I’m moving in with you,’ Addison said flatly. ‘From tonight. It isn’t safe for you to be there alone. I won’t hear any arguments.’

  She hadn’t intended to offer any. It might not have been the most romantic discussion about the possibilities of cohabitation, but it worked for her.

  ‘Thank you.’ Autumn stood on tiptoe and kissed her gorgeous, thoughtful man on the lips.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Jacob has accompanied us all on a visit to the bridal department of one of London’s most famous stores. This man is proving to be an excellent wedding planner – not that I have anything to compare him to, but you know what I mean. He even went as far as checking our hands for chocolate-y residue after our trip to Chocolate Heaven on the way here. We simply had to fortify ourselves for the long haul ahead. Something so important needs a good solid foundation of chocolate on which to work, I think you’ll agree.

  I’m already on my seventeenth dress. To be honest I’ve felt pretty indifferent to all of them, but Jacob has hated them with a vengeance. This one is sparkly – but not too sparkly. Despite our recent visit to Chocolate Heaven, my chocolate levels are, I think, dropping dangerously low. My mind is wandering to thoughts of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut far too often. Back to the job in hand, the assistant zips me up and I emerge from the changing room, once again. My friends are sitting in a row, waiting patiently and I give them a twirl.

  ‘No,’ Jacob says, stroking his chin.

  ‘I quite like it,’ Autumn pipes up. Perhaps their patience is wearing thin.

  ‘Me too,’ Nadia agrees. We are still managing to drag our friend to all of our assignations despite her grief and despite her protestations that she’s thoroughly miserable company. There’s no way that we’re going to let her sit at home on her own and brood.

  ‘Absolutely not.’ Jacob seems to be morphing into Stella McCartney.

  Chantal purses her lips. ‘I’m with Jacob.’

  ‘The problem is,’ I say, admiring myself in the full-length mirror, ‘that I really envisaged myself on a beach at sunset, barefoot, in a shift of gossamer white fabric, clutching an orchid or two.’ Not that anyone seems overly interested in my opinion.

  ‘This is certainly a long way from that,’ Chantal says.

  I sigh at my reflection.

  ‘It’s not too late to back out,’ she adds.

  ‘I don’t want to back out,’ I tell her. ‘But all of this . . .’ I lift up the billowing skirt. ‘It isn’t exactly me. I hate fuss. I’d rather have a very simple, low-key ceremony with just my best friends attending. I don’t even know half of the people who are coming. They’re all friends of Marcus’s mum.’

  ‘That’s why you have to look your very best,’ Jacob says. He hands the assistant another dress. ‘This is it. Last one.’

  I shuffle off into the changing room and, with much disgruntled huffing and puffing, I cast off the previous one and wriggle into this one. And because I can’t risking touching any chocolate in this dress, I get out my emergency bar of Galaxy and slowly lick the wrapper all over, gaining the benefits of chocolate consumption by osmosis or something. Out I go again.

  This time, my friends gasp.

  Now they’re making me very nervous. ‘What?’

  ‘Oh, Lucy,’ Nadia says. Her eyes have filled with tears. But then, Nadia is understandably a bit over-emotional at the moment.

  I look at myself in the mirror and I gasp too. ‘Is that vision of loveliness really me?’

  We all giggle. Then Nadia takes out a tissue and sobs noisily into it. Autumn puts an arm round her to comfort her.

  ‘Perfect,’ Jacob announces.

  And he’s right, it is perfect. I look fabulous. Truly the blushing bride. The dress is a sheath of shot silk in a rich shade of white chocolate. It gives me curves where I’m supposed to have curves and has gentle pleating to hide those little areas that show a life-long friendship with chocolate. I never knew that a simple dress could imbue this degree of sophistication on a person who has previously been so lacking.

  ‘We’ll take it,’ Jacob says.

  Then I look at the price tag and gasp again. ‘I can’t possibly pay this for a wedding dress!’

  ‘Feel the pain and bend the plastic anyway,’ Chantal says.

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Marcus will love it,’ Nadia says, sniffing her tears away.

  ‘But if I buy this, then we’ll have to get your bridesmaids’ dresses from Primark. You’ll be wearing something cheap and nasty in lime green.’

  ‘It’s paid for,’ Jacob says. He avoids meeting my eyes and there are two high spots of pink on his cheeks. It makes him look very cute. ‘It’s my wedding present to you.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

  ‘You’re very special to me, Lucy,’ he says. ‘I’d like you to accept it.’

  ‘You can’t do that, Jacob. It’s far too much.’ I look round for someone to back me up. ‘I couldn’t possibly accept.’

  Chantal nods to me that I should. Clearly she thinks that Jacob can afford it. I have no idea what it costs to hire his services, but maybe his new profession is even more lucrative than his last one.

  ‘And I’ll pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses,’ Autumn says. ‘Just so long as they’re not something that clashes with my hair.’

  Now I’m crying my eyes out too. Nadia is back on the tissues as well and she hands one to me. My friends all come to hug me. Even Jacob joins in.

  ‘Thank you,’ I tell him gratefully through my sobs. ‘Than
k you, Autumn.’

  Everyone is being so kind to me. Despite the nagging doubts that are still assailing me, perhaps my wedding day will turn out to be the most wonderful day of my life.

  Chapter Fifty

  Toby’s family were Catholics. The funeral service had been arranged in their local church as Nadia knew that it would please them. She could hardly bear to look at Toby’s weeping mother. Although there were no accusations in her tearful glances, somehow Nadia thought she would have felt better if there were. His mother viewed her son’s suicide as the ultimate sin. Nadia thought the biggest sin was for him to leave his own son at such a tender age. Toby had never gone to Mass, neither had she, but Nadia knew that it mattered to his mother and she wanted to offer what comfort she could to the red-eyed grieving woman.

  Had Toby meant to let go of the rails at the top of the Stratosphere Tower, or had he been intending to climb back to safety, to her? There was a moment, the briefest of moments when she felt she’d connected with him again, seen the old Toby, but then she’d watched him drop backwards into oblivion. Perhaps it had been a figment of her imagination, a fantasy born out of false hope rather than reality. It was something that she could never be certain about.

  What would she be feeling now, if Toby had stepped back over those railings and into her arms? She’d still have a husband who was addicted to gambling, still have a mountain of debts, still have a future just as uncertain as her current circumstances. Would she have hated him, or would she still have been able to cling on to her love for him? It was an unanswerable question. The maelstrom of conflicting emotions refused to be calmed no matter how hard she tried. Even the cocktail of potent drugs she was taking to blunt her senses were only helping so much.

  The service was entirely alien to her. There were flowers everywhere and, it was a truly bizarre thought, but she considered the expense that such a lavish funeral was piling on top of everything else. There were prayers she couldn’t recite. Hymns that she didn’t know the words to. Ritual chanting that meant nothing to her. There was much standing up and kneeling down and Nadia followed it all with robotic movements. It felt as if the whole thing was happening to someone else. She was dry-eyed and hideously detached. There was no way she was even able to picture her husband lying, his body horribly broken, in the oak casket adorned with lilies that had been placed by the altar. Toby was gone. He wasn’t here. It might as well be empty for all she cared. Perhaps she’d done all her crying for Toby when he was alive. Was some part of her glad that he’d taken this way out and had given them some form of relief from his destructive addiction? Only time would tell. Even though she’d laid the unhappy soul of her husband to rest, the spectre of his debts would continue to haunt her. All she could do was try to get through each day without breaking down, for Lewis’s sake.