“What the hell?” Charlie pinched his nose causing him to flinch.
Kristina was at Charlie’s side trying to clean him up. “Ethan Phillip, what is your problem?”
Ethan grabbed my hand and hauled me into the house. Once inside, he started kissing me and backed me into the kitchen counter. “What was that about?” I asked once Ethan let up on my mouth.
“Charlie needed to be put in his place. He has been an ass all day.”
“I’m being an ass?” We both snapped our head around to see Kristina dragging Charlie in. “I really like Dylan, but if you haven’t already you really need to carry her to the Dungeon and work off some of that . . .”
“Shut the fuck up about the club.” Ethan screamed and shook his hands in the air before Charlie got through with his spill.
What the hell? “What is the Dungeon?” I asked, looking over at Charlie.
“Oh, hell no, ask little Blondie if you want to know.” Charlie answered, pointing his finger over to Ethan. “He was the one that paid to have you killed and breaks my nose over mentioning OUR club.”
“Stop it, the both of you.” Kristina said as she chucked the ice pack she was filling up.
“E, what is he talking about?” My voice rose and grew sharp as panic raced through me. I pushed him away. “Fuck you!”
His arms encircled my waist and he squeezed me next to his body hard enough to make my breathing catch. “This is not the place.”
“Screw you, where is the place?”
“Get ‘em girl,” Charlie said.
Ethan froze. I took in his face that glared at Charlie. I was not so sure that I was not about to witness a blood bath. Neal walked in and looked at his two sons.
“Ethan, you need a breather. Charlie is the only brother you have left.” Neal said. It was amazing how that man could send terror throughout the room without even raising his voice. All I knew was that I wanted out of there. Ethan must have felt the same way because he squeezed my hand and pulled me to his truck fast enough to make me lightheaded.
“It is time you start running that damn mouth. What the hell was he talking about?” I asked Ethan as he shoved me into the truck. He slammed the door with such force it rattled the dashboard.
I watched as he walked to the front of the truck and smacked the hood. He turned and sat down on the bumper, pushing his fingers through his hair. He mumbled a list of profanity I was glad I couldn’t exactly hear. Minutes passed before he got up and joined me in the cab of the truck. He didn’t speak or even acknowledge me. Tires spun as he raced down the road. I felt like he had given me a swift kick in the gut, and suddenly had tunnel vision. I was aware of the billboards as we rushed by them, but all I could see were the yellow lines running down the side of the road. I heard the hushed sound of the radio. But it was no more than background noise. All I could focus on were the words: our club and paid to have you kill. What the hell?
“For once, you better start talking. No more excuses, I want the damn truth. What the hell was Charlie talking about?”
“In a lot of ways Charlie is more a father to me than my dad has ever been. He is the one that introduced me to my lifestyle.” Ethan started speaking, not yet completely placid.
“Lifestyle?”
“You know, tying up and beating the shit out of horny and submissive females before I fuck them.”
He was talking causing me to calm. I had never thought of it as a lifestyle and didn’t like thinking of Ethan being anything like Jamie. “You haven’t beat me, yet.”
“I won’t either. Maybe, a few love smacks,” he said and winked over at me. “You’re special. I won’t hurt you . . . Charlie and I own some, okay fourteen, clubs called The Dungeon. It’s a sex club, kind of like a country club for the sexual freaks.”
Ethan’s a freak. That owns a club were like minded females are readily available. Will the secrets ever end? “You are just now remembering this?”
“I honestly haven’t thought about it until Charlie said something. I won’t keep anything else from you,” he stated gently.
“Do you go often?” My lip trembled at the thought. I went numb.
“Shut up.” He slammed his hand on the steering wheel. “Do you honestly believe I’ve gone since you?”
The lump in the back of my throat kept me from answering. I nodded my head and started to play with the drawstring on my sweatshirt. I couldn’t bear the thought of letting him see the sadness in my eyes.
“My love, I would never do that to you. With you, I have it all. I will never risk losing us over meaningless sex. This morning . . . every time with you has been the best of my life.”
“I can’t do all that. I promise you I’ll never let you hit me.” I was dazed and glanced up at Ethan’s profile. Even with the swelling and marks, he still appeared too perfect. Too perfect for me.
“I have no desire to hurt you. It’s not what I need like some people. I just run a business that I’m very good at.” He rubbed his forehead, frustrated. “I would say I’ll carry you, but I won’t. I’ll never muddy your mind with a place like that. Privy, I like to play, but will never dish out more than you can handle.”
“Do you miss it?”
“Hell, no, it was empty and inconsequential. Did I enjoy it? Yeah, a lot. I like having complete control over someone. Bending their soul to meet my needs. Enough of this shit.”
“I like your games, but I can’t give someone complete control.”
“Babe, I don’t want that with you. I’m sorry you had to hear about this shit when we were with my family. Look at me.” He lifted my chin with the side of his hand. “You. You are all I want. All I need.”
Ethan knew what they did to me. He saw me laying in that field bloody and mangled. Yet, he expected me to understand when he admitted to having a pastime of beating women. I adjusted the jogging pants I was wearing and wondered if it was bought with money made off the backs of mistreating women. “You really are the big bad wolf.”
“Come here, little piggy” He shoved the armrest back and tugged me over beside him. “Babe, I have never once done anything that they did not want. They enjoyed it as much or more than I ever did. I’m not Jamie.”
I nodded, not wanting to hear anymore at that moment. That night could have only held more secrets and lies. I wanted it to stop. I would had followed Ethan to the end of the world. If only I knew where each twist in the road would had taken us. I shook my head. There was no turning back. I was in too deep to ever leave him even if he did pay to end my life. It was no mystery to me when the encounter was supposed to have taken place. The night he rushed me from that drive-in. The night he handed over a wad of cash to that kindly, older man. The night he left me. We both needed to find closure from the past if we ever planned on moving forward. After all, if I could stand in the family home of my attacker and enjoy myself I could handle almost anything. “How much am I worth?”
His lip did that cute, Elvis snarl. “You’re priceless. Why are you asking something like that?”
“How much did you give that man for my murder?” This time I didn’t look away. I had never wanted to see his eyes more.
“Twenty thousand dollars.” The hand not rounded tightly around mine clenched into an immediate fist. He pounded the steering wheel over and over before skidding to the curb. He crushed me to his side and gently kissed the top of my head. “I couldn’t do it, Privy. I didn’t want you to hurt, so I tried to make sure that you didn’t hurt. That no one hurt you.” He spoke into my hair. “But babe, that night all I could do was watch you. It was no doubt in my mind, I couldn’t live in a world without you in it. You were the one thing that has kept me focused the last five years. I couldn’t let anyone touch you. Let me take you somewhere and hold you, I will tell you everything.”
I nodded. He had already had more than his fair share of times to hurt me, but there I sat happier than I’ve ever been. That was right. I was beyond happy. Even after everything I learned, I had never been hap
pier in my life. You are an idiot, Dylan. An overly happy and content idiot.
“I hope you got your money back.” I wiped back one of those annoying tears.
“I don’t give a damn about the money.” He swiped the button on the radio with the side of his hand, blurring the music. He squared off his shoulders as he gripped the steering wheel. His jaw went tense. His whole demeanor changed. He grew hard and commanding. I couldn’t help but to believe that was the Ethan that visited the club.
“Where are you taking me?” I switched off the radio. He was not going to tune me off. Or treat me like one of his whores.
“With me,” he forcibly whispered and licked his lips. Oh, yes, I had the dominant Ethan on my hands.
“Where are YOU going?” Those women might not question him, but I was not one of his ‘girls’. I was the one. Or am I?
He kneaded his fingers deep into my thighs. “Not a chance.”
A chance? Why did that word always seem to haunt me when I was hurting the most?
“Is there a chance you made up this story to protect your mom?” The smooth dressed lawyer leaned over and propped his hands on the stand I was sitting in and accused me.
Bile rose to my throat as everything played out in front of me. Even the simple task of breathing became a challenge.
I scanned the courtroom. Larry O’Neal, the district attorney, appeared to want to beat the lawyer that was mentally mauling me to death. He was getting louder, but all I heard was my pulse thumping in my ears. I caught a glimpse of Jamie, out of the corner of my eye. I stared him down to prove to myself that he didn’t win. He might have terrorized me, but I couldn’t let him win. Jamie smiled at me. I flipped my head. I couldn’t bear to look at the support system of the man who used me, abused me, and left me for dead as if I was lower than excrement on his shoes. How anyone could support a beast like that was beyond me.
“Didn’t you often trade sexual favors for drugs?” The lawyer was in my face.
“Never, I was a virgin . . .” I felt as if the air had been sucked from the room. I grasped for a breath, but took nothing in. My vision went blurry as I collapsed to the floor.
“Babe, come back to me.” Ethan shifted in the seat and pulled me over onto his lap. It was not until that moment that I realized we were sitting on the side of the road. “Privy, it’s me.”
I gripped the sleeve of Ethan’s shirt and hid my face in his shoulder. A tremor slithered up my spine.
“You’re pale. Where did you go?”
“E, do you really want someone like me, used, dirty, and . . .”
“Shut up, don’t even finish that sentence. You’re none of those things,” he snapped. I flinched at Ethan’s harsh tone.
He caressed my cheek with the side of his hand, touching me as if he had to make sure I was actually there. He had more than enough reasons to run, but instead he had spent every moment trying to hold on to me. He brought his lips to mine and run his tongue along my bottom lip. My throat went dry as his mouth melted into mine. I pushed him back. We needed to talk and the direction his hands where headed would lead us somewhere beside a serious conversation.
“You were there.”
“Where?” There was obvious distress in his voice.
“Court, you know all the horrible things they did to me.” I placed my forehead against his neck and took in his smell.
“Yeah, what THEY did to you. Privy, that has nothing to do with you. If anything it makes you unbelievably strong, because you lived through it and came out sane and able to smile.”
“Why do I not feel broken when I’m with you?” I glanced up at him and was taken aback by the way he was looking at me. As if I was the most delicious buffet and he was a starving man.
“Because you were never broken. We just didn’t have all the pieces until we had each other.” His lips twitched with a trace of a smile.
“You should really write a book on romancing the opposite sex.”
“Most girls would declare me less than romantic. Only with you, babe. Only you.” He kissed the top of my nose and paused. “We need to go, if we ever plan on getting there. Privy, stay with me. I’m not sure what triggers your mind to go back to those horrible places, but tonight I need you to stay with me.” He lightly kissed me one more time and slid me out of his lap, but still close by his side.
He drove in silence. We didn’t need words. I was content to sit quietly and contemplate where to go from there.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep from nodding off. Ethan had driven for hours. Where? I had no idea and really didn’t care because by the way he clicked his tongue; I knew when we arrived all the secrets would be exposed.
“You’re drooling.” Ethan whispered, waking me up. His face was smashed into my hair. “Who are you dreaming about?”
I sat up and noticed the wet spot on his shoulder. I wiped the dribble out of the corner of my mouth and blushed. If I’m drooling, I could only be dreaming of you and what you do to me. I smiled.
“I dream of you, often.” He said and took a nip at my ear. He hopped out of the truck and started to help me out. I didn’t just want to get out. I wanted to be as close to him as I could possibly get. I flung myself into his arms and wrapped my legs around his waist. I loved how his hands instantly gripped my butt. “If this is any indication as to what you were dreaming, we might have to act it out later.”
I hugged him tight, not ready to laugh. That is when I noticed we were standing in the middle of acres upon acres of the wide-open countryside. There was not a tree in sight. A clear view of the night sky draped around us like a heavy cloak. This was Ethan’s small sliver of heaven on earth.
“This is the place you told me about?”
“My grandparents’.”
He had told me about that place numerous times. It was the home of his mother’s parents. I felt a sense of pride that he wanted to share it with me. I squirmed in his arms. He refused to let me down. He pressed my back to the hood of the truck and massaged his fingers into my ass.
“Why here?” I asked.
“I wanted you to see it. Plus, I couldn’t think of a better place to be than here with my favorite girl.”
I leaned in for a kiss, but Ethan released me, letting me slip to the ground. He opened the tailgate to the bed of the truck. My heart started racing as fast as it did the night his brother threw me in the back of his. I felt myself losing control. Don’t go there, Dylan. Jamie is not here. He is not even alive. I reached for Ethan’s hand. I needed to feel his skin against mine. I looked up at the sky, unable to face the sight of an empty truck bed. Strangely, Ethan’s hand seemed off. He knew and still thought I would have climbed into the back of that truck with him. On the very night, I learned he tried to kill me. Ethan took a step toward the truck. He glanced back at me over his shoulder and smiled.
He dropped whatever he was holding, turning he had me in his arms. “Breathe, Privy.” He whispered in my ear.
“I can’t . . . I haven’t . . . please don’t ask me to lay in that.” I pointed to the back of the truck and shook. “I’ve haven’t been in one since . . .” I obscured my face against his chest and started to cry.
“Oh, Dylan, my sweet, sweet Privy, no, I was just getting the camping gear out. I asked Kristina to load up my camping crap when you were talking to Charlie.” He cupped my face in his hands. “Babe, don’t go there. I would never ask you to do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable.” He stroked my cheeks with the pad of his thumb, wiping away my tears.