He took the frame from my grasp and set it on the table. I turned. He held me close to him, his scent wrapped around me. Something suddenly shifted in the air between us. Kiss me. I couldn’t move as I watched him wet his full lips with the tip of his tongue. His eyes closed briefly. He opened them with a shake of his head. He steadied my balance and released me from his embrace. ‘No’, I quietly screamed as he stepped back. “Privy, I don’t let people in my life. I can’t. I’m not going to kiss you. Not until you know what you’re kissing.”
I wanted a kiss, more than I ever wanted one. I’d made it pretty obvious too, and he told me no. He has to like me a little. I am here in his home. I didn’t know whether or not to totally believe him, but to think I was the only woman he had ever opened his home to, affected me in ways that even I couldn’t understand. I needed to step away for a moment. His stare was burning through me, and his unbelievable smell flooded my nostrils. “I need to use the little girl’s room and call to let Deacon know I won’t be home till late.”
“The bathroom is this way.” He took my hand, leading me down a long hallway, bypassing the bedrooms to the hall bath. “I’ll be in the den.”
I didn’t need the facilities. I sat on the edge of the tub and called Sarah. I gave her a brief run-down of the morning’s events. She warned me to be careful.
“There is something about him, Dylan. I don’t fully trust him, but man is he hot.” She tried to whistle, but only managed to blow hot air.
“Bye, call Deacon, I was supposed to fry a chicken for supper. Tell her, I made better plans.”
I found Ethan lying back on the couch. He patted the spot beside him and without thinking I joined him. He wrapped his arms around me and snuggled. The painting of Dante’s Inferno was rolled back, and in its place was a flat screen TV. We watched reruns of Andy Griffith and Sanford and Son. Other than when he had a pizza delivered, we never moved. He told me about his job and college days. As if he knew I wasn’t ready to talk, he never asked one question about me. We had been lying there for hours when I nuzzled my face onto his chest and felt him cover me with a quilt hanging on the back of the couch.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
My head throbbed. The last morsel to have touched my lips was the chicken nuggets they served at school on Friday. My stomach rumbled in anticipation at whatever they had planned for breakfast the following day. I was so hungry at that point, I could have eaten slop. Louie, my mom’s newest live-in, was talking to a group of guys. Damn Louie, can you be any louder.
I covered my ears and hummed to drown out the moans and screams as mom performed her weekly ritual; entertaining a long line of men, in order to obtain hers and the ass’s drugs. I was used to it by then, and they mostly left me alone. That was why I bounced straight up in one frantic motion when I saw the light from the door being flung open.
I was disoriented as to where I was until Ethan’s arms tightened around me. His skin steamed under my touch. I was unsure if I was even awake and was unwilling to move.
“Privy, what’s wrong?”
I shook my head. The nightmares had vanished for a while, but were returning with a vengeance.
“Beautiful, talk to me?” He squeezed me to his chest and tangled his fingers through my hair.
“It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.” I couldn’t tell him about the dreams. I couldn’t stand the thought of telling anyone. I’d fled to the other side of the state to avoid talking.
“It matters. You matter.” He said, hoarsely and kissed my hair.
I snuggled onto his chest, not used to affection. For once in my life, I found a place where all the broken pieces finally fit together. I felt whole in his arms.
“What time is it?” I looked up and even in the darkness the gold flecks in his eyes sparkled. I was impelled to reach up and touch his face. No one had ever looked at me like that before. I wasn’t even sure what the look was, but it made my heart quiver.
He picked up a watch off the sofa table. “One, sleep love.”
Love, he called me love. He couldn’t love me. He wouldn’t even touch me when he learned the truth.
“Ethan, I’m not good. Back home I was viewed as trash.” I hid my face against his chest. I had never told anyone my story, not even Sarah knew it all. I had been lucky, the few people I had ran into here, from back home, felt sorry enough for me to keep quiet. His fingers fluttered across my neck, his hand grasped my chin, and forced me to look at him.
“Don’t ever say that again. What you feel for me has nothing on what I feel for you.” His head shook, hard “Just don’t.”
I closed my eyes, to avoid the flames coming from his. “I know I’m not trash, but I’m not a girl to be proud of. My mom is in prison.”
“So?”
“My daddy died when I was five. I don’t remember a lot from then. I can remember the cops knocking on the door and seeing my mom come totally apart. We were happy. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. My daddy always brought me candy on Friday.” I felt myself choke up. It had been years since I talked about my dad. My mom would never allow me to talk about him around her, and then my life got in such a state it took all my energy simply to stay sane. I didn’t have time to reminisce. I was comforted by the way Ethan softly stroked my hair. He didn’t speak, but I sensed he was with me in every way. He cared. “I was a daddy’s girl, his little princess. He told me I was born for a special prince. He loved to tell tales about kingdoms and bands of knights. I always fell asleep to his storytelling.”
He wiped away a tear with the pad of his thumb. “I want to make you my princess.”
“Why me? E, you can have any girl you want.”
“I don’t want any girl. I want you and only you.”
You won’t when you learn the whole truth. Until then I will relish being in your arms. I rested my head on his chest and heard his heart. It was pounding harder than mine was. I did affect him. It was easy to tell in the way he held me. All hesitation and doubt was gone.
He didn’t ask me any more questions as if he knew I wasn’t ready. He was safe. For once in my life, I felt totally safe with someone.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
It had been a week since we rediscovered each other. A long week. Between my heavy schedule of classes and Ethan’s cram-packed days in court, we only managed to squeeze in dinner and a little stargazing on Wednesday night. Even the weekend was a bust, Ethan had a conference out of town. So what’s a girl to do? Clean. I scrubbed every square inch of the apartment and wrote a paper that was not even due for two weeks.
Ethan was not scheduled back before that Tuesday. So, I plopped down in bed and placed some ear-buds in, letting the music roar, anything to pass time. I let out a small yelp and slapped my hand over my mouth when I caught his reflection in the mirror. Ethan was leaning against the doorframe, staring as if I was the first lady he had ever laid his eyes on.
I jerked the ear-buds out. “Ethan.”
“Dylan.” He was a ball of energy. I leaped off the bed, wrapping my arms around his neck and jumping up, making him hold me. He gripped my ass with both hands, our eyes locked. He lightly pressed a line of kisses across my cheek, down my jaw, and into the curve of my neck. He started to move up to my lips and stopped. I thought I was finally going to get my first kiss when he kissed my left cheek and then my right. “I could get used to a hello like this.” He cocked his head toward the door. “Some chick with purple hair let me in.”
“That would be Deacon.” I pulled on his tie as he dropped me gently to the floor.
“I missed you.” Ethan breathed against my skin and inhaled along my neckline.
“Me, too.”
“You missed yourself?” He asked with a small chuckle.
I slapped him across the chest. “I missed you, idiot. It’s Sunday, why are you back already?”
“Cause you’re here. Dylan, you are turning me into a weak man. You want to know something?”
“Sure,” I whispered, unable
to say much. He had his cheek pressed against mine and had wrapped his arm around my waist. I took a deep breath, inhaling in his scent. The urge to bite him was overwhelming. What the heck? I had never thought of biting anyone, but I wanted nothing more than to plunge my teeth into him.
“I like what you are doing to me . . . It’s late, come home with me. I can’t stand being away from you any longer.” He pulled back and smiled.
Ethan opened the door for me as we went to leave. “I like you in my car. I can hold you hostage in there.” He laughed an unsettling laugh.
I couldn’t tell you why, but with Ethan was where I felt the most comfortable. He accepted me for who I was. But something deep inside of me knew there was more to Ethan Asher than I could ever dream.
Finally at his place, he loosened his tie. “Privy, I need a bath. Fix yourself a drink and watch some TV.”
He started emptying out his pocket. Cellphone, change, wallet, keys, Chap Stick . . . Crap, he seriously needs to downsize the junk. I thought to myself as he dumped his paraphernalia on the entry table. He stripped out of his shoes and socks. I loved his feet.
He raised an eyebrow. “Beautiful, make yourself at home. I won’t be long. I can’t wait to hold you.”
He started to walk down the hall and gave his behind an extra shake. I loved his cocky attitude and the air of dominance he exuded. I noticed he went into the third door on the left and wondered if I would get a glimpse inside his room. He had given me free reign over his main living area. I almost tiptoed to the kitchen, scared for some unknown reason.
I found a modern, spacious, and sleek space. His cabinets were made of bamboo, the counters were a gray, high-gloss granite, and every high-end appliance known to man were scattered about. I made a mental note to ask if he liked to cook. I heard his cellphone in the distance ringing and tried to ignore it. After all, I doubted he wanted me answering his phone. The ringing got frantic and unrelenting. I peeked down the hall, and Ethan was nowhere to be seen. What the heck, what is the worst that can happen?
“Hello.” My voice cracked upon answering.
“Is Ethan there?” Came from a demanding, but soft-spoken woman.
“He’s busy. Can I take a message?” Or tell you where to go. He’s mine.
“Roll him over and stick the phone to his ear. I don’t have time for this crap,” she stated.
“Excuse me,” I said and hesitated. Who did this woman think she is? “Ethan is taking a bath. May I take a message?”
“Listen, I don’t know what is up with him. But I do admit you are a brave slut for answering his phone. Now run along and fetch him? He ran out rather abruptly today, and I’m worried about him.” She hissed in my ear.
“Hey, Privy.” Ethan said, walking down the long hallway. He focused in on the phone at my ear. I felt myself shake at what I saw. Ethan’s eyes instantly went hard and cold. He slipped the phone out of my death grip. I heard him talking, but was unaware of what he was saying. Why did he look so mad at me? I got that it was not my place to answer his phone, but I wasn’t trying to do anything malicious. He slammed the phone shut and threw it against the wall. Hooking his hand around my neck, he tugged me against him. “Come here, babe.”
“I’m sorry I answered your phone. I wasn’t being nosey. I thought it might have been work.” I relaxed and pressed my cheek against his chest.
He released me and stood over me. He looked down at me with a look I found confusing. He appeared to want to consume me. “Dance with me?” He picked up a remote off the hall table; the room was suddenly filled with music. He held his hand out for mine. I nodded. He traced his fingertips around my waist and gripped me close to him. I placed my hand in his, and positioned my free hand on his shoulder. His eyes sparkled with a hint of longing. He kissed my forehead, and we were off. He glided around the den and kitchen effortlessly. I had always loved dancing and soon found myself laughing.
“If you only knew what I planned to do to you.” He murmured in my ear.
I stumbled and scraped my boot across his foot. I can’t do this.
“Relax, Privy. I’ll never do anything you don’t want me to do. Now come on, let’s get those shoes off before you cripple me for life.” His voice sounded husky and familiar, causing me to forget everything, but how I felt in his arms. He gently massaged his hand down my calves and wiggled the boot off with ease. He repeated the procedure on the other foot. “Now we can dance for hours.”
“Hold me,” I said and blushed.
“Does my Privy want to be held?” Ethan sat down and pulled me onto his lap. “Always tell me what you want.”
Pressing my head gently against his chest, he wrapped his arms around me and softly rocked me in complete silence. I was placid when he finally broke the quietness. “I like this cuddling thing when it’s you I get to cuddle.” His confession made the corners of my mouth turn up into the biggest smile.
“The big, bad Ethan doesn’t like to cuddle?”
“No, babe, I just screw ’em and leave ’em. Except with you. You deserve to be cuddled and kissed.” He kissed the top of my head. “What time do you have to be at school tomorrow?”
“My first class is at nine.” I relaxed in his arms.
“I have court tomorrow. Stay with me, I’ll leave the alarm set.”
“Okay.” I gnawed on my upper lip with my teeth, knowing there was nowhere else I wanted to be.
Monday, September 29, 2014
I slapped at the most annoying alarm ever and rolled over, shoving my nose in the back of the couch. Oh crap! I sprung up, realizing I was not at my apartment but at Ethan’s. I combed my fingers through my hair. Ethan was nowhere to be found. On the coffee table next to an alarm clock was a small bouquet of daisies, a glass of orange juice, and a folded note.
Thank you for staying. Stay forever. I liked being able to kiss you goodbye, even if you were asleep. I left you a key. Come home to me tonight. Yours, E
I had laid awake in his arms long after he was fast asleep; avoiding the dreams. I went over the words he said. How he had looked for me and now that he found me, he was going to do right by me. I had never felt connected in my life to anyone, except maybe my dad, until Ethan walked into my life. I glanced at his note one more time. I wanted to stay forever. The snooze on the alarm blared again. I spotted the key leaning against the glass of orange juice. Taking a swig of the juice, I snatched up the key, knowing I would be back.
I was relieved that Sarah and Deacon were already gone for the day when I got home. I only had time for a quick shower and change, not a hundred and one questions. The whole day actually passed rather quickly, and would had been humdrum if not for the never-ending stream of texts from Ethan. I read and reread the texts a hundred times that day and smiled knowing that night I would be with the man.
My phone vibrated. The chorus to Justin Timberlake’s Mirrors filled the room and Ethan’s name flashed across the screen. I giggled and I’m not a giggler, but the idea that Ethan assigned himself a ringtone in my phone made me giddy.
“Hello,” I said, and even I heard the excitement in my voice.
“Hey, Privy,” he said. “Hope you like the ringtone?”
“Of course, every girl loves to have her phone reprogramed.” I said, sarcastically. “When did you do it?”
“While you were snoring this morning.” He chuckled. “You want to know something?”
“Sure, I guess.”
“Even your snoring is cute. Are you coming home?” he asked.
The way he said ‘home’ as if it was a foregone conclusion gave me hope. Maybe that time he would not fall off the face of the earth.