I nestle my nose into his neck and just breathe. We reach the shower, and he puts me down. Sulking, I pout at him. He flashes me a super grin, then begins taking his clothes off...well...only the top half, considering he isn’t wearing pants.
I watch with a lazy smile as he slides his shirt up and over his head. I stare at his massive, tattooed body and sigh. I could look at him forever, and never get bored. He’s just so beautiful. I grip the last of my clothes, dragging them over my head until we’re both standing in front of each other, fully naked.
I turn, stepping into the shower, and turning it on. The warm water sprays over my body, and I groan. Spike steps in behind me and wraps his arms around my middle, pressing his hard chest against my back. I groan, dropping my head back into his chest and just standing there, enjoying every second.
He runs his fingers up and down my belly, and I reach down, tangling mine in his. He lets me hold his hand for a while, before he lets go and reaches down, gripping the soap, and pumping some into his hand. He rubs it over my body, causing little whimpers to escape me. He finds my ass, and grips it again, spinning me and pulling me toward him.
“You’re an ass man,” I murmur into his chest.
“Babe, I fuckin’ love your ass.”
“Oh?”
“Always have.”
“Really?” I say, licking his nipple.
He shudders and grips my hair, tugging my head back so I’m looking up at him. “Stop lickin’ my nipple, my cock is gettin’ hard again.”
“Maybe I want it to,” I grin, grinding myself against him.
“When did you get so...adventurous?”
“When I lost the man I loved because I wasn’t adventurous enough...”
His eyes fill with guilt, and a little anger. “Yeah, well, past is past.”
“Yeah, but the past defines who we are in the future...”
He grins. “So smart.”
“I can’t help it, it’s the good breeding.”
He snorts, and I narrow my eyes.
“What?” I say, stepping back. “Are you saying I don’t have good breeding?”
“Babe,” he says, stepping closer and pulling me back to him. “I know you’ve got good fuckin’ breeding. I also know that you’re the only one that got the brains.”
“Cheyenne was smart...” I dare to say.
“Cheyenne used her looks to get what she wanted, don’t take brains to do that.”
“Yeah,” I say, quietly. “I guess.”
“No more talkin’ about that shit, ain’t no point.”
I swallow and nod. Part of me will always be jealous that my sister got him first; how can I not be? What I just experienced then, she probably experienced many times over. The thought puts a crushing pain in my heart, and I struggle to keep my breath steady. I’m jealous of my dead sister, and I don’t know if I can ever take that away. She had what I wanted, and the only reason I have it now is because she’s gone. If she didn’t die...
“Fuckin’ stop it,” Spike growls.
I look up at him. “What?”
“Thinkin’. I can see it, babe. I know what you’re thinkin’.”
“No,” I whisper. “You don’t.”
“You’re thinkin’ that I’ve been here with Cheyenne before. You’re thinkin’ that I fucked her the way I just fucked you. You’re thinkin’ you’re always goin’ to be second...”
I flinch, answering him without even opening my mouth. He snorts. “Let me tell you somethin’, and listen close ‘cause I will not be fuckin’ sayin’ this to you every fuckin’ day. If you can’t deal with my past, and what went down, then you walk away.
“As for Cheyenne, what I had with her was very different. Cheyenne didn’t fuck, she made love. Cheyenne didn’t share a shower, ‘cause she liked her own space and was in love with herself. There ain’t no comparison, and there never will be. I’m not sayin’ I didn’t love her. She was my wife, she was growin’ my baby, I fuckin’ loved her, but the emotion I feel with you was never there with her. You make my fuckin’ heart hurt. You make my body so fuckin’ wound up with need it aches. You make my fuckin’ days bright, and not one of those fuckin’ days has passed that you haven’t been in my head. Might have had her first, might have fuckin’ loved her first, but you’re the one who ends this with me.”
Fuck. Crap. Shit.
I hate when he says things like that, because it makes me feel childish...and maybe that’s what I’m being, childish.
“Not goin’ to live the rest of my life tryin’ to tell you that what I felt for your sister is different. Not goin’ to tell you every day that you and she don’t even compare, because you’re two different people. Not goin’ to keep assuring you that you’re not second to me, that in fact, you were fuckin’ first. You wanna be in this with me, Tom Cat, or you don’t.”
“I do,” I whisper.
“Then we ain’t gonna talk about this anymore.”
I nod, swallowing.
“We’re goin’ to get out, get into your bed, and I’m gonna fuck you real slow. Then we’re goin’ to lie next to each other. I don’t cuddle, but I will rub your hair until you’re asleep.”
Shit.
How can something so blunt sound so fucking sweet?
“Okay.”
“Okay babe.”
We get out of the shower, and he does just that. He fucks me real slow, bringing me to orgasm twice more, then he lays beside me, ringed fingers in my hair, stroking until I’m asleep.
CHAPTER 12
PAST - SPIKE
“Stop worrying about her,” Cheyenne snaps, rubbing her fingers over her slightly swelling belly.
“She’s your fuckin’ sister, sunshine, she deserves to know.”
“She doesn’t answer the phone, she doesn’t want a part in this.”
“Don’t matter. She still deserves to know.”
“Why are you always on her side, Spike? I know you two were friends and all that bullshit, but honestly, sometimes I think you wish you picked her!”
I sigh. Here we fuckin’ go again. I love my wife, fuckin’ adore her, but fuck...she gets something in her head and she don’t let it go. On and on, around and around, we go on about Ciara and my friendship with her.
I’ve been tryin’ for motherfuckin’ years to get in contact with her and attempt to make things better, but she won’t hear it. My fault, really. I fucked her and treated her like shit. She thinks it was to get back at Cheyenne, and part of it was, but shit...most part was ‘cause I wanted inside that girl from the day she turned eighteen and it was the best fuckin’ night of my life. Cheyenne will never know that, though. No, she’d flip her fuckin’ lid.
“Enough of that shit, Cheyenne. We’ve talked about it, and I told you to fuckin’ stop bringin’ it up. I’m only thinkin’ of you and your relationship with her.”
“Yeah, one that she refuses to have because she doesn’t like that you picked me.”
I sigh again. “Don’t fuckin’ matter why, I think you need to tell her.”
“You know she hasn’t called Momma for months?”
Can’t say I blame her. Their mother is a cunt. Yep, a cunt.
“Your Momma treats her like a dog.”
Cheyenne crosses her arms. “She does not.”
“Babe, I’m done talkin’ about this. I’m sick of it and it’s startin’ to piss me off. If you want to keep goin’ on about it, I’m leavin’ to go and see the boys.”
Seeing that she’s not going to get any further with me, her eyes soften and she steps forward. “You know I love you, and I love Ciara, but this is my moment...I want to enjoy it. It’s not always about her.”
No, it’s never about her, that’s the fuckin’ problem.
“Yeah babe, whatever you want.”
“I love you, Spike...you know that...”
“I know.”
“And you love me?”
“Forever sunshine...”
And forever is a fuckin’ long t
ime.
~*~*~*~
PAST - CIARA
“She was a virgin, you piece of shit!”
I can hear my sister screaming at Danny downstairs, but I can’t bring myself to move. Tears stream down my face, the reality of the situation crushing my soul. Danny had sex with me last night, and for a while, I thought it was because he wanted to. Turns out, it was all for Cheyenne’s benefit. She went off on one of her little fits, and decided to use another man to make him jealous. Angry, he came to find me, and one thing led to another. I didn’t tell him it was my first time. I came home, sobbing because I figured it out, and my sister found me. She asked me what happened, I told her, and everything came to light. She was jealous and angry, and I was downright heartbroken.
“I didn’t fuckin’ know!”
“How could you?! How could you fuck her, Spike?”
“Thought you were movin’ on. I was sick of playin your fuckin’ games.”
“So you fucked my sister to get back at me?”
That hurts, God, it hurts. I heave and my eyes burn from the salty tears continually leaking out of them. I wrap my arms around my mid-section and I cry and cry. A revenge fuck. That’s what I was. A fucking revenge fuck! I was no more than a way to get back at Cheyenne.
He broke me. He truly tore me apart. My body is aching, a reminder of what went on last night. I’m trying not to think about it, but the images are haunting me. The way he touched me, the way he ran his fingers over my body...god...he made it feel so real. I thought it was real.
“God, you taste so fucking good,” he growls, swirling his tongue around my clit.
I arch my back, gripping the sheets and whimpering his name. Over and over, his tongue swirls around my swollen nub, bringing me to orgasm embarrassingly fast. His fingers are deep inside me, pressing, causing me to become wet around him. His lips have been all over my body. Every part of me is now his.
I will never forget the moment he moves up my body. His eyes are on mine, and oh, I’m desperate to kiss him. He hasn’t kissed me, I don’t know why, and I don’t care. He’s here. He’s with me, and that’s all that matters. I watch with hooded eyes as he rolls on a condom. He removed the spikes; he must have taken them out before he came here, because I can’t see them and I’ve heard from enough sources that they’re there.
His body moves over mine, and he puts his lips to my shoulder, soothing me before he presses inside. A stab of pain travels through my body, and I take hold of him, whimpering. He pushes in further, growling loudly and tangling his fingers in my hair. I cry out, but it sounds so similar to a cry of pleasure that Danny doesn’t notice it’s that of pain, too. He sheaths himself, and then gently pulls back out.
“You’re so tight, baby, so tight.”
I shudder, and wrap myself around him, tilting my hips to meet each of his deep, intense thrusts. The pain eventually eases and is replaced by pleasure so powerful, my mind spins. I close my eyes, arching my back and whimpering his name as he moves. His growls combine with my whimpers, and we make a magical sound all of our own. I have imagined this many times over, but this, this is so much better than I could have ever dreamed up.
“She’s devastated!” Cheyenne screams, snapping me out of my moment.
“Then let me speak to her, and tell her I fucked up.”
“No, you’re going to stay away from her. She doesn’t want you, Spike...she is so angry at you right now. If you care about her at all, you’ll leave her alone.”
“Didn’t wanna fuckin’ hurt her!”
“Well you did, and you hurt me, too.”
“I fucked up,” he barks. “So did you.”
“I didn’t fuck someone else!”
“Fuck, Cheyenne...”
I cover my ears, getting to my feet. My body hurts, and my eyes burn. I reach under my bed and grip my suitcase. I toss my clothes and belongings into it, and I wipe my tears dry. I won’t cry another tear for Danny. Not fucking one.
I can’t do this anymore. It hurts too much, my heart can’t handle another moment listening to them argue about me. Like I am just a huge mistake. I can’t watch him choose her, and I can’t sit around pretending like that wouldn’t bother me. It does, and I won’t live a second longer pretending it doesn’t.
I can still hear them arguing outside so I take my things, and I head downstairs. They’re out the back of the house, so they don’t even notice that I’m moving around. They’re too busy arguing. I stop at my parent’s room on the way out and I take their savings in cash, then I take one last, long look at my house before heading out the front door. I get into my car, start it and, swallowing hard, I reverse it out of the driveway. No way in hell will I be anyone’s revenge fuck, and I certainly won’t live as second best.
I need to get out of here.
I just can’t do it anymore.
CHAPTER 13
PRESENT - CIARA
I hear a bellow of pain, and I jerk awake. It takes me a moment to realize where I am, and what’s happening. Spike is beside me, thrashing in the sheets. His body is covered in sweat and he’s arching his back, gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles are white. He cries out again, tossing his head from side to side.
My heart begins to thump, and I feel awful for him. My stomach churns, because I know what he’s dreaming about. I know what he sees in his head every time he closes his eyes. He sees Cheyenne, and he shouldn’t have to see her. He’s living with so much guilt, and it’s slowly destroying him.
I gently reach over, touching his shoulder. “Spike, hey, it’s ok.”
He thrashes again, calling out her name. I swallow, and I can’t help it when I begin to cry. God, the poor man. I put my hand on his shoulder once more, shaking a little harder to try and get him to wake up. I know it’s risky; I’m touching a massive man who’s having a nightmare. He could easily swing his fist my way and cause big problems for both of us.
I can’t let him suffer any longer, though; he’s in pain. I shake him again, and he groans, fluttering his eyes open. I can see the moisture in them, and fuck, it hurts my heart. It really hurts. I don’t bother blinking my tears away.
“Hey, you’re okay, it’s okay.”
He stares at the roof for a moment, and then he turns his face to me. I can see he’s confused, but I can also see when reality dawns. He swallows, and his face...it’s broken. He’s broken.
God, what an idiot I’ve been. I never looked at the black and white of the situation. I can see it now, plain and simple. Spike is fucking broken because he witnessed his own wife being shot. That’s it. Plain and simple.
Tears thunder down my cheeks, and I reach across, gripping his face and running my thumb over the one tear that slides down his cheek. For a man like Spike, that might as well be him crying a waterfall.
“Baby,” I rasp. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you lost her.”
He heaves, and turns his face away from me. His body shakes so violently, it worries me, but I let him go. He needs to feel this. He needs to just feel. I place my fingers on his chest, and I can feel his heart hammering under them.
“I’m so sorry, Danny. So sorry I didn’t just see this for what it was. I thought of myself, and I didn’t think enough of you. You lost your wife and your baby. God, I’m so sorry for that.”
He makes a pained sound and sits up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He puts his head in his hands and his body starts shaking even harder. I put my hand on his back, and I scoot closer. He turns to the side, looking at me, cheeks wet with pain that runs so deep, even I could never imagine it.
I take his head, and I bring it down to my chest and he turns, wrapping his arms around my tiny body, and holding me so tightly I can hardly breathe. I let him. With my arms around his head, I hold him against my heart, letting him get it all out. If that takes all night, I’ll sit here all night.
“Shhh, baby, it’s okay.”
He doesn’t say anything, he just sits there, holding onto me like he never wants
to let me go. My legs begin to ache, and his body grows heavier, but I don’t complain. He needs this.
All along, he’s just needed someone. He never had anyone to break to. His best friend was gone, his wife was dead, and he had no family. God, I was such a fucking bitch. I’m a terrible person.
I stroke his thick hair, swallowing back my tears. How selfish I was. I feel him begin to move, and I look down as he lifts his head and looks up at me. He reaches up, gripping my face. I let him. He brings his lips up to mine. I let him. He moves us, so his body is over mine and my back is on the bed. I let him.
Then his lips are on mine, soft, gentle, and sweet as hell. His hands are in my hair, stroking, gently soothing me, even though it’s him who needs to be soothed. I close my eyes, and tears slip heavily down my cheeks. He wipes them away, and he deepens his kiss. I spread my legs, letting him shift between them, and I gently place them on either side of his body. He pushes inside me, his cock hard and full, stretching me. He begins to move, slow, beautiful. More tears fall, because I realize what he’s doing.
He’s making love to me.
I reach up, running my fingers up and down his sweat slicked back. He rocks his hips, gently, beautifully, bringing me to the edge. I bury my face in his neck, and I breathe him in, not wanting this moment to end.
Not a sound passes between us, and that’s perfectly ok. We don’t need to say anything. There are no words that could ever describe what we’re both feeling right now.
Instead, he’s showing me. He’s showing me with his lips. He’s showing me with his body. He’s showing me with his heart. He rocks in and out of my body until I’m silently shuddering around him, my orgasm warming me from the inside out. He follows a moment later, burying his head into my shoulder and pulsing deep inside me.
Then we just lay there, both of us breathing heavily. I run my fingers up and down his back, tickling his skin softly. For a long while, he doesn’t move, but finally he rolls off me. He hooks one arm around my body, and takes me with him, making sure I land in the crook of his arm. I rest my head there, and we just lie in pure silence, neither of us wanting to speak—or perhaps we just don’t know what to say. How do you speak in a situation like this? He knows how I feel, I know how he feels, now we’re just leaning on each other, hoping that maybe, just maybe, the other person might take a touch of the pain away.