“No. I guess not. But baby, darling, light of my life . . .” He ducked away from her playful swat, then came back to grab another kiss. “I don’t want you to feel like you can’t be yourself. It’s you who’s going to change all their minds, Nina. You being you.”
“They want to see something pretty they can pity,” she said flatly.
Ewan frowned. “I hate that you feel that way.”
Nina shrugged, but her expression had twisted. Her eyes and mouth, both hard. “You and I both know that the only way we are going to sway their opinions and get their support is to be sure the cause doesn’t make them feel too uncomfortable. We have to make it trendy. If I can make them see me as something they can fix, they’ll be on board, all flags waving. I’ve never been much of a martyr, that’s all.”
“Is that what this feels like you’re doing? Martyring yourself? Making yourself something to pity?”
“Isn’t that what I am?” she asked him.
Ewan kissed her. Held her close to him. “Never.”
“Thank you, baby. I appreciate that.”
“I appreciate you,” he said, thinking for a moment how she’d so laughingly said they were disgusting. Schmoopy. It was the truth, and he didn’t care.
She snuggled close to him, her head on his shoulder. “You’re going to mess up my hair, and then we’ll really be late.”
“I’d like to mess up more than that.”
She laughed, sounding lighter. “Don’t start what you can’t finish.”
“Oh, I can finish,” he began, but stopped himself when she playfully dug her knuckles into his sides.
Her eyes blazed at the small groan of pleasure that slipped out of him at the dull pain. “Behave, or you’ll get a spanking.”
“Promise?” he teased, but then kissed her knuckles and linked their fingers tightly together. “Nina, I mean it. If you’d feel more comfortable in your uniform, or whatever else you’d want to wear, then you should change your clothes. This isn’t about putting on a show . . .”
She raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips. “Uh-huh.”
“It’s not about making you feel on edge,” Ewan amended. “Or making you into something you’re not.”
She sighed and caressed his cheek. “It’s not just the clothes. It’s that this is exactly what you just said it wasn’t. A show. The dress, the shoes, the hair, it’s all part of a costume. We’ll be telling them the truth about me, but at the same time, only the parts they’ll want to hear. It’s a complicated game.”
“It’s politics,” he said.
“And I’m not a politician.”
“I’m not, either,” he reminded her.
Nina smiled. “You’re better at it than I am. You can act the part. Kissing hands and shaking babies.”
“I love you,” Ewan said.
Nina smiled. “I love you, too.”
“We got this,” he told her. “You and me together, baby.”
Nina took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. Let’s go do this.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
It wasn’t really the clothes, the hair, the shoes, or cosmetics. Nina thoroughly enjoyed a little bit of glamour now and again, even if she was eternally grateful that looking pretty had never been necessary for her job. It was the idea that in order to convince them that they had to support rescinding the law, she had to make them think she was somehow . . . less.
Her pride was never going to make this easy, she admitted to herself as she forced a wide, bright, and slightly vacant smile and took Ewan’s arm so they could enter the ballroom. Yes, the enhancement surgeries had given her the ability to use her body in ways none of the people in here would ever be able to. Yes, too, she needed the upgraded tech to keep herself not only capable of using those enhancements, but also to keep herself cognizant and alive and functional. It still rankled that she had to play on their sympathies, to portray herself as someone who was in any way, or who could ever be, helpless.
It was worse because in some ways, that was exactly how she felt. Nina knew how to train her body to keep it working at top efficiency, but she continued to struggle with the constant ebb and flow of her emotions. They assaulted her, switching in the span of a heartbeat. She’d grown used to simply hiding them all, which left her so drained by the end of the day that she wanted to collapse into bed, where Ewan was usually waiting, eager for her body in ways she never wanted to deny. The highs were no easier to handle than the lows—right now, she was on the verge of tears because the sight of the crinkles in the corners of Ewan’s eyes had her loving him so much it felt as though she might die from the glorious agony of it.
“Ewan!” The tall woman approached him with open arms and accepted a kiss on each cheek before she turned to greet Nina as warmly. “Nina. So good to see you. Your gown is exquisite.”
“Thank you, Katrinka,” Nina said. At least she’d managed to get the right tone down. Blandly, vaguely, ditzy. All of them spoke that way, men and women alike. It was almost like a regional dialect, and she’d studied it the way she would have a different language. “Yours is gorgeous as well.”
Katrinka beamed and tugged Nina’s arm to unlink it from Ewan’s so she could loop it through her own. “I’m going to steal you away from him now so I can introduce you all around the room. Ewan, that group of blowhards over there in the far corner has been waiting all night to talk to you. I think most of them are in support, but you know there are always that one or two that need to feel courted.”
Ewan looked in the direction she pointed, then at Nina, his expression clearly asking her if she’d be all right without him. She would, of course. It was he who might run into trouble without her by his side, she couldn’t stop herself from thinking as Katrinka swept her away.
“If I’d ever had a man who looked at me the way that man looks at you,” Katrinka said, “I wouldn’t want to be pulled away from him, either.”
Nina let out a trilling laugh completely unlike her own. “It’s not that, although I won’t lie, he is awfully nice to be around.”
“You’re worried about him?” Katrinka murmured as she grinned and greeted everyone they passed without stopping for more than a second to speak to any of them. So much for introducing Nina all around the room. “You think someone might try to hurt him.”
“Old habits,” Nina said.
Katrinka gave her a sideways glance. “We have very tight security here. One of your own is on board tonight, in fact. I think you know Allegra Chastain?”
Nina looked in the direction Katrinka had nodded and recognized Al at once. Tonight she wore a dark maroon tunic spangled at the throat and sleeves with black beads and a matching pair of wide-legged trousers. She’d made the smarter choice of black boots instead of spiked heels like Nina’s. Al didn’t wear a harness the way Nina always had while on a job, but a slim-fitting belt carried Al’s choice of weaponry. Nobody would mistake her for a simple party guest.
“Are you asking Al to give a speech, too?”
Katrinka’s laughter tinkled like a fountain, and she waved a hand delicately, gesturing at nothing. “Oh, my. No. That would be imprudent, wouldn’t it?”
“Al’s enhanced, the same as I am. She’s got as much of an interest in this happening as I do. As we all do.” Nina knew exactly what the other woman meant, but it rankled.
“You, my dear, have been made the face of this effort. The beautiful, least-controversial face. You’re here to make an impression,” Katrinka continued in a low voice completely at odds with her light-hearted expression. “And not the kind you made when you punched my son.”
Nina glanced at Al, who was rummaging through the buffet table, loading up her plate with stacks of appetizers. Al shoved a piece in her mouth, chewing rapidly as she balanced the plate in her other hand and perused the room, eyes narrowed, rocking on her heels. Al looked antagonistic. A little dangerous.
Nina sighed. “I understand that.”
“Please, don’t misunderstand me.” Katri
nka had pulled them both toward the side of the room and an empty spot in the crowd. “If there’s anyone else in this room you can count on not to judge you based on what’s been installed inside your head, it will be me. Tech that changes the color of your eyes every time you blink is wildly popular, but I’d far rather have some that allows me to see in the dark so I don’t stub my toes when I get up in the night. But I’ve worked with these horses for years, and I know how to lead them to the water they would otherwise refuse to drink.”
“I’m glad to know that.” Nina kept her own smiling expression bright as she looked out at the crowd and watched for anyone approaching them who might overhear their muttered conversation.
Katrinka leaned a little closer to speak into Nina’s ear. “I’ve been a supporter of Ewan’s for years. Tech, environmental, almost any cause he’s ever had. Why do you suppose that is, Nina? Because it’s certainly not that I’m in love with him, although I can understand completely why you are.”
The other woman thought she understood, but she’d never know the full depth of it, Nina thought.
“It’s about the money,” Nina said. She found Ewan with her gaze across the room, making sure he was all right. She took in the sight of everyone around him, looking for any tension, but it looked like all laughter and back-slapping and wink-nudging.
“Yes. It’s about the money. Isn’t most everything?” Katrinka laughed lightly. “I’m quite a fan of wealth, particularly that which I can gain through the efforts of others, because I am a lovely, lazy lady. Ewan Donahue knows how to make money, and he knows how to get others to help him do it.”
“You don’t care about the causes?” Nina snagged a glass of sparkling wine from a passing waiter, along with one for Katrinka.
“Not really. Honestly, if I truly cared, would I be doing this now? For you? If I’d really believed in the beginning that the enhanced shouldn’t be allowed to exist or that you were somehow less than human . . .” Katrinka trailed off at the sight of Nina’s face. She didn’t smile or laugh. “I never believed that, by the way, and surely you understand that Ewan didn’t, either. He never approached it from that angle. That came after, from other people with louder voices who thought they were entitled to scream.”
“I know that. I wouldn’t be with him if I truly believed he thought I wasn’t a real person. How could I be?”
Katrinka inclined her head and gave Nina a steady look before saying, “There are many reasons people get together and stay together, and so few of them have any base in love or admiration, Nina. I ought to know, I’ve been married four times.”
“That doesn’t sound like an endorsement.” Nina lifted her glass using the hand upon which the sparkling engagement ring glittered. She still wasn’t used to the idea that it meant they were going to get married. They hadn’t even started planning.
“It’s honesty,” Katrinka said. “Marriage is an outdated institution designed to remind us that we as human beings are born and die alone, no matter what relationships we forge along the way. It’s the bitterest reminder, as a matter of fact.”
Nina winced. “Yikes.”
“Oh, I’d do it again in the blink of an eye, if it benefited me. Or if I fell in love, I suppose. The best thing to come out of my marriages has been adding to my financial portfolio, and I certainly don’t regret any of that.” Katrinka sipped some sparkling wine and shook her head with a moue of distaste. “This should be more chilled.”
“What about your son?”
Katrinka didn’t laugh. “Jordie is his father’s child, through and through. If I hadn’t had the entire ordeal of his birth recorded in high definition, I daresay I would scarcely be able to believe he ever came out of me at all. I might have thought him switched at birth, aside from the identity chipping we had done in utero.”
“You had . . .” Nina cut herself off. Of course Katrinka would have had her unborn child chipped. She’d likely chosen his gender and genetics, too. So many of Jordie’s odd personality quirks made sense, now. It was more than the candy. The kid’s brains had been scrambled before he was even born.
“Controversial, yes. I know. There’s a reason why they’ve quietly outlawed the use of pre-birth ID chipping and all the rest. Those laws never got the kind of attention as the Enhancement Repeal Act, but to me they seem quite similar. They both deal with implanting tech inside people who were unable to give consent, and arguably, it has changed them in ways that left them impaired.” At Nina’s obvious bristling, Katrinka held up a hand. “Your impairment is the need to rely on upgrades in order to keep functioning without pain and distress. Surely you can’t argue with me on that, Nina.”
“So you do think the tech should be outlawed?”
“If I did, why would I be working so hard to change the act? Money aside, if my convictions were that strong, would I be able change my mind now?”
“What about the rest of them and their convictions?” Nina sipped her wine and tipped her chin toward the rest of the room.
“They need convincing, but not about your humanity. They need to be persuaded that changing the law will somehow benefit them. The ones who truly think the tech is wrong will never be induced to change their minds no matter how pretty you look all dressed up, so why bother with them?”
Nina frowned. “Members of the League of Humanity, for example.”
“Oh, them.” Katrinka waved a dismissive hand. “Bunch of crackpots. None of them have been invited to this party, I can assure you. I’m talking about the people who have the actual ability to affect the government. People we can either convince nor buy, Nina. It makes no difference to me how we do it, only that we do, and to the tune of clinking change.”
Nina smiled. “Thank you.”
“For . . . ?” Katrinka looked bemused.
“I don’t care what your personal reasons are for getting behind any of this. But thank you for doing it.” Nina looked up to see a couple approaching them with expectant expressions.
It was time to meet and greet.
She did that for a while, falling into a rhythm of shaking hands and kissing cheeks, commenting on gowns and trying to fend of the awkward flirtations from both men and women as best she could without offending anyone. When she found herself finally next to the appetizer buffet, her stomach was so empty it was starting to eat itself. The only thing Nina wanted to do was pile her plate with snacks and dig in. She settled for taking a handful of crackers and cheese to nibble on while she waited to be swarmed again.
“Great party.” Al grinned but didn’t try to hug her, shake her hand, or air kiss her, and Nina would be forever grateful. “I figured you’d be making a speech or something, though.”
“In a few minutes.” Nina shoved a piece of cheese into her mouth and chewed. “Trying to refuel. Are you having fun?”
“So much fun,” Al said cheerfully. “I haven’t had to break anyone’s fingers yet. Or escort them out in a chokehold. Heck, I haven’t even had to reach for any of my weapons. This party’s kind of a bust.”
Nina laughed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. To be honest, I’m looking to get out of the business.” Al kept talking to Nina, but her gaze continually swept the room. Assessing the situation as Nina had done so many times herself. “I’m here by special request.”
“Interesting . . . Katrinka Dev requested you, in particular?”
Al tilted her head. “You know something, I didn’t really ask. Boss said they wanted me specifically, I didn’t really ask who ‘they’ were. I’m only going to take a few more jobs after tonight, and then I’m done. I swear it. I’m going to retire and devote my life to a cornucopia of cats and take up knitting.”
“Sounds boring,” Nina said.
Al chortled. “Yeah, you’re probably right. What about you? Looks like you’re giving up the life for a very different path. What’s up next for you? White picket fence, adding your ID number to his accounts? Maybe a baby or two?”
“Nothing quite t
hat drastic,” Nina said, even as she looked automatically toward Ewan. He was looking back.
“ . . . Yeah, so you’re practically getting pregnant right in front of me from all the way across the room,” Al said. “Whoa.”
Nina had never been one to blush, but she did now. “Sorry. I’m just making sure everything’s still all right over there. It’s weird to be at this party and not be working it at his side.”
“Don’t ever be sorry,” Al said seriously. “Never apologize for love, not when it makes your face look like that. You two are clearly a perfect match.”
Al’s declaration surprised Nina. “I didn’t know you were such a romantic.”
“Meh.” Al shrugged. “I consider myself an optimist. Maybe one day I’ll find someone who makes my face do that thing yours is doing.”
“We’ve had our problems. It’s not all perfection,” Nina murmured as she polished off the last of the cheese and crackers. She spotted Katrinka heading her way with a determined expression. She grabbed another couple pieces of cheese, determined that whatever Katrinka wanted from her, Nina was going to do it on a full stomach.
“Nobody ever said it had to be perfect,” Al said.
Nina paused for a second, thinking about that. “That’s good advice.”
“Not that I know what in the random hells I’m talking about,” Al added. “I’m categorically untamed, myself. Looks like you’re about to get yanked away. Go get ’em. The sooner you’re allowed to be fitted with those upgrades, the better for all of you.”
“You’ll be allowed to get them, too, you know.”
“I . . .” Al shrugged and cut herself off as Katrinka reached them. Her gaze met Nina’s steadily for a long moment before she waved a hand. “Go.”
Katrinka barely gave Al a glance, an irritating dismissal that annoyed Nina. “Ready?”
“You’ve met my friend Al?” Nina asked deliberately. “You hired her to work this event? Al and I were in the hospital together.”