During a storm?
Brooke went to the front door, opened it and peered outside into the sheeting rain. ‘Fatima?’
No reply. There seemed to be nobody there. Brooke shut the door, then bolted it as an afterthought. She was just about to head into the kitchen when she heard it again – the same sound of shoes crunching on wet gravel, footsteps moving quickly round the side of the house.
A fleeting movement past the kitchen window caught her eye. It could have been anything in the falling darkness – leaves blowing from a tree, or a bird wrestling against the wind. But she could have sworn she’d seen the figure of a man hurrying past.
She caught her breath, stepped quickly across the kitchen and drew the largest of the carving knives out of the block on the worktop. She walked back to the front door. Her heart beat fast and her hand was trembling a little as she slid back the bolt and turned the handle.
‘Luis? Is that you?’
Still nothing.
Had she imagined it? It wasn’t like her to get jumpy in a storm.
Brooke strode back to the kitchen and replaced the knife in the block.
And looked up to see the face squashed up against the window pane.
She let out a gasp.
The man outside was staring at her. His hair and clothes running with rainwater. His face was wild, plastered with mud down one side.
It was Marshall.
‘Brooke – let me in,’ he implored. The aggression that had burned in his eyes last time she’d seen him in London had fizzled out. He looked utterly forlorn.
Brooke stared at him through the window for a second, then marched to the door and tore it open.
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ she managed to say through her shock.
‘I came to see you,’ he replied lamely. The rain was still pelting down around him, bouncing off the ground. The small case at his feet looked soaked through.
‘You scared the life out of me, Marshall,’ she said angrily. ‘Sneaking around like a bloody rapist or something.’
‘I’m sorry. I thought you wouldn’t want to see me.’
‘Damn right I didn’t want to see you. How did you know I was here, anyway?’
‘Your neighbour told me where you’d gone to.’
‘You’re lying, Marshall. Amal is someone I can trust, unlike you.’
Marshall hung his head. ‘OK, OK, I tricked him into letting me inside your flat, and I went into your computer.’
‘You really are a piece of shit, aren’t you?’
‘Yes. I know. I am. You’re right. But I had to see you.’
‘I don’t want you here,’ she yelled. ‘I came here to get away from you!’ She was about to slam the door in his face, then something made her hesitate. The wetness on his face was more than rainwater. He was weeping openly. She’d never seen a man so empty, so defeated.
‘All right, Marshall,’ she sighed. ‘You can come in. Have a shower and dry your clothes, and we’ll talk. But you can’t stay here. Do you understand what I’m saying?’
He nodded. Brooke stepped back from the entrance steps to let him through. He left a trail of muddy steps on the hallway flagstones.
‘What happened to you?’ she said, looking at the mud caked down his side.
‘Bloody cab driver dropped me miles away,’ he mumbled. ‘I had to walk. Slipped and fell in this stinking bog.’
‘You know there’s no access for a car here, you silly sod. That’s what the path is for. You should have stuck to it.’ She pointed up the stairs. ‘You do remember where the bathroom is, don’t you? There’s a clean towel and a bathrobe on the rail. Go.’
While he was cleaning himself up, Brooke paced in the kitchen, cursing loudly. ‘What do I do now?’ she asked herself over and over. A shutter banged in the wind, and she went round the downstairs rooms closing them. As she bolted the last one, the lights went out and the house went dark.
‘Shit. There goes the power.’ She’d been half-expecting it. It didn’t take much of a storm to cut her off out here. She lit candles and placed them around the kitchen and living room. A few minutes later, Marshall came downstairs, feeling his way in the dim light. He was wearing the bathrobe. His hair was still wet. He came shuffling into the living room and slumped on the sofa.
Brooke stood over him with her arms folded and glared at him. ‘You know your being here is totally out of order, don’t you? You’re lucky I didn’t leave you out there to drown like a rat.’
‘I am a rat,’ he mumbled miserably. ‘You came all the way to Portugal to state the obvious?’
‘Don’t hurt me. You have no idea how I’m feeling right now.’
‘Things cannot go on like this, Marshall. You’ve got to snap out of this fixation, or whatever it is. You may have convinced yourself that you’re madly in love with me, but you aren’t.’
His face twisted. ‘Speaks the great psychologist. Is that a clinical diagnosis? I’m delusional, is that what you’re saying?’
Brooke breathed deeply and tried to sound calm. ‘I think you’re confused, Marshall. Maybe you work too hard and you’re going through a crisis, and now you’re at risk of losing everything. Phoebe loves you, you know. You’ll break her heart if you carry on like this. And you’ll end up with nobody, because the simple fact is that I don’t love you. I like you, you’re a great guy – or at least, you could be if you started acting more normally – and you’re family to me. But I could never feel anything beyond that for you and it’s important that you get that through your head. I’m with Ben. And even if I weren’t with Ben, even if I did have those kinds of feelings for you, do you think for a moment I could ever betray my sister?’
There was a long silence. Marshall sank his head into his hands and his shoulders began to quake. When he looked up at her, his eyes were red and his face streaked with emotion in the candlelight. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with me,’ he sobbed. ‘I just can’t control my feelings.’
Brooke sighed. He was a pathetic sight. ‘I think we could both use a drink,’ she said, going over to a little cabinet where she kept some red wine, some glasses and a corkscrew. She quickly opened a bottle, poured out two glasses and carried them over to the sofa. Keeping well away from him, she perched herself on its arm and laid the glasses down on the low table in front of them.
Marshall snatched his up and drained half of it down in one gulp. ‘Oh, Jesus, I’m such a wreck,’ he muttered. ‘I’ve been a real prick, haven’t I? You must hate me. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.’
‘I don’t hate you,’ she said softly. ‘I think you must be in a lot of pain and I wish there was more I could do to help you.’
‘What am I going to do?’
‘You’re going to go back to Britain. You’re going to drive straight to Exeter and find Phoebe and take her away from that course she’s on. Surprise her. Take her on a cruise. Jet out to the Bahamas. Look after your wife.’
He nodded slowly, sniffed, smeared tears down his cheeks with the back of his hand and slurped more wine. ‘Maybe you’re right,’ he murmured weakly.
‘There’s no maybe. As for me, I might be moving to France soon – could be when my contract is over, in six weeks’ time. That means you and Phoebe won’t be seeing so much of me, and you can seek some professional help to forget these irrational feelings you’ve been having. Get on with your life.’
‘Ben is a lucky guy.’
‘So are you. You have Phoebe.’
He started to cry again. ‘This is so hard.’
Brooke felt a surge of pity for him. She moved from the arm of the sofa to sit closer to him, set down her glass and laid her hand gently on his arm. He sank towards her, pressing his face into her shoulder, and she held him for a few moments.
‘It’s all going to work out fine,’ she said. ‘Trust me.’
Chapter Fifty-Nine
All his life, even before army training had sharpened his skills past imagining, Ben had possessed a strong sense o
f direction. As a child he’d been able to wander for hours in the woods and fields without ever once losing his way. Years later in SAS operations – jungle or desert or mountain wilderness – his inborn talent for navigation had more than a few times saved his life and those of his troopers. If he’d been to a place once, he could always rely on finding his way back there again without map or compass.
And it was the same unerring homing ability that led him right to Brooke’s little hideaway tonight. Even in the dark, sagging with fatigue, his morale all but washed away by the relentless rain and bombs of agony bursting in his whole side with every movement, he remembered every tree like a marker, every rock as if it had been put there to guide him. There was the stone wall bordering her property – and there was the grassy mound leading up to the house. He could see the terrace where they’d spent so many happy hours eating, drinking, laughing; and above it the ivy-framed window of the bedroom where they’d lain together watching the stars.
The shutters were closed upstairs and down, as he’d expected Brooke to have left them when the place wasn’t in use. It meant nobody was around. Ben couldn’t wait to get inside. A safe, secret shelter where he could dry his clothes by the log fire, shower and re-dress his wound, fill his empty stomach with some of the tinned provisions Brooke kept in her larder, then take some badly-needed rest and regain his strength.
The rain was slackening as Ben walked the last fifty metres up the gentle slope towards the house. Running his fingers along the rough stone wall that bordered the path, he felt for the gap where she kept the front door key.
It wasn’t there. He paused, wondering where else she might have left it. He didn’t want to have to break his way in.
It was then that Ben noticed the faint light through a gap in the downstairs window shutters, and froze.
Someone was here.
Had Brooke started letting the place out when she wasn’t using it? She hadn’t mentioned anything. Maybe she was letting a friend stay there. Ben felt his plan crumbling into pieces. He gritted his teeth and moved closer to the shutter, taking care not to make a noise on the gravel path. He pressed his hand to the cool stone wall, bent down and peered through the gap.
And recoiled as if someone had stabbed a hot needle into his eyeball from the other side of the shutter.
There were two people inside the room. One of them was Brooke. The other was a man Ben had never seen before.
They were sitting close together on the couch. Brooke was barefoot, wearing her pyjama bottoms and her dressing gown. Her hair was frizzed from the shower. The man’s hair was damp, too, and he was in a bathrobe. On the low table in front of them sat a pair of half-empty wine glasses. The room was bathed in soft candlelight.
Brooke and the man were embracing. Not kissing, not passionate. Just the intimate closeness of two people who obviously had a lot to talk about and were very open with one another. As Ben watched in horror, they broke the embrace and Brooke said something to the man. Ben didn’t catch the words, but her expression was soft, her eyes full of warmth. The man looked emotional. He smiled and squeezed Brooke’s hand, murmured something to her. She nodded, smiled back and her lips mouthed the words ‘I know’.
Ben had seen enough. He reeled back from the shuttered window. He felt as winded as if he’d been punched hard in the solar plexus. He fought for air, bent double.
This was it. This explained it all. The lack of communication between them. Brooke’s strangely elusive behaviour of the last few weeks.
She was seeing someone else.
Ben wanted to scream. He wanted to charge inside the house and confront them. He wanted to ask her – why? Why?
Wanted to tell her how much he loved her.
But in that moment, he knew he couldn’t. He turned and stumbled away. When he reached the path that wound back down the slope, he broke into a staggering run, and ran and ran back through the night, until his heart was ready to burst and he fell to his knees in the sodden dirt, gasping in pain. He reached in his pocket for the remnants of his codeine supply, popped the last three pills and swallowed them dry.
All he could see in front of him were Brooke and her lover sitting there inside the house. The voices screamed inside his head until he couldn’t bear them any more.
She’s happy with this man. If she doesn’t love you any more, that’s your fault, not hers.
You chased her away. You screwed it all up.
Ben staggered back up to his feet and kept on running through the darkness. Branches whipped his face. He stumbled over rocks and through mud, losing all sense of time as he kept ploughing on. By the time he saw the village lights through the trees, he might have been running for twenty minutes, or he might have been running for a month – he didn’t know.
Half-blind with confusion, he made his way up the village’s main street. He heard the muffled thump of music coming from somewhere and turned to see a squat, stretched-out building with a neon sign and a scattering of cars and trucks and a couple of motorcycles parked outside.
Ben headed that way, and walked into the packed bar. After the stillness of the night, the clamour of a hundred raised voices and the heavy rock blast from the jukebox momentarily overwhelmed his senses. Glancing around him, he ambled up to the bar and perched on a wooden stool. The barman was a grizzled guy with long hair and a Harley Davidson belt buckle digging into his overhanging belly. Ben looked past the guy, saw the whisky bottle on the shelf behind him and pointed.
‘Duplo,’ he said.
The barman hesitated, running an eye over Ben’s wet, muddy clothes, then shrugged as if to say ‘what the hell’. He grabbed the bottle, set a glass down in front of Ben on the bar and poured out the double measure he’d asked for.
Ben knocked it back without tasting it. He slammed the glass back on the bar and pointed at it. ‘Outro.’
The barman poured another. Ben sank it. ‘Outro,’ he said again.
By the fifth refill, the barman was frowning at him. Ben ignored him. He didn’t care about anything. Didn’t care about the people around him, didn’t care about the bullet hole in his arm, didn’t care that a high dose of codeine mixed with alcohol could cause him to black out – or maybe just drop dead on the spot. None of it mattered.
His glass was empty again. ‘Outro,’ he said to the barman. The guy shook his head. Ben reached across the bar and grabbed the bottle. The barman tried to wrestle it out of his grip. Ben hung on to it, dug a damp, crumpled banknote out of his pocket and flicked it over towards the guy without checking whether it was twenty euros or five hundred. Whatever it was, the barman must have thought it was a decent price for a bottle of cheap whisky, because he let go and snatched up the money before the crazy foreigner could come to his senses.
Ben couldn’t feel his legs move as he carried the whisky bottle back through the noisy crowd to the far side of the room. He slumped heavily on a padded window seat, clasped the bottle between his knees and sank his head into his hands. When he closed his eyes, he felt himself swirling backwards through a spinning tunnel of nausea. The thud of the music was like one continual roar in his ears. However hard he clamped his eyes shut, he couldn’t close the image of Brooke and the other man out of his mind. He opened them again and took another swig of the whisky.
Some guys at a nearby table covered in bottles and glasses were grinning at him and waving drunkenly at him to come over. Ben shrugged, and swayed up to his feet to join them. He didn’t understand all of the conversation that followed, but vaguely gathered that they were local guys out celebrating someone’s birthday – Ben had no idea whose. In a swirl of blurred impressions, more drinks came, glasses were clinked and in the midst of a lot of shouting and joking, he found himself switching from whisky to beer. He was pretty sure a full glass got shoved in front of him every once in a while, and he just kept numbly drinking the stuff down. The pain in his arm was completely gone now, but there were other kinds of hurt that no amount of alcohol could suppress.
&
nbsp; He felt himself muttering her name. Shaking his head, as if he could make it go away just by refusing to accept it.
‘Quem são vocês falam?’ one of his new friends asked, clapping him on the shoulder. Who are you talking about?
Ben muttered a reply. He said more than he meant to. Once he started, it all came pouring out, until he stemmed the flow of words with another long pull of beer.
‘Ela é uma puta cadela,’ a voice from across the table said. Ben nodded. Then frowned and looked up as the meaning of the words sank slowly in.
‘Bitch whore,’ the guy repeated in English. ‘Like all the rest. You fuck them and then you leave them. Before they can do the same to you. I am right about this, no?’
A couple of the others were nodding and grinning and raising their glasses.
The grins dropped away radically when the guy who’d said it suddenly dived forward in his seat and cracked the table in half with his head. Drink flew. Glasses smashed on the floor.
Ben had hardly felt himself move. He realised he was up on his feet. Tangled in the fingers of his right hand was the big hank of dark hair that had come away from the back of the guy’s head. The guy was face down on the floor, groaning and clutching his bloody face.
There was an instant’s stunned silence; then the whole group were leaping up from their seats and the place erupted in fury. Ben saw a punch coming his way and blocked it instinctively. He moved his arm and saw another guy go flying backwards into the wall. Someone else grabbed a cue from the nearby pool table and came at him swinging it like a bat. Ben ducked backwards and felt the wind of it whoosh a couple of inches past his face. Moving around the side of the pool table he scooped up a ball and as the guy came in for a second swing he dashed it in his face at close range. There was a short scream. The cue clattered to the floor, together with some small white-red objects that Ben realised were teeth.
Nobody else tried to attack him after that. The crowd parted as Ben staggered away and tried to make it as far as the door. Then the bar-room floor came rushing up to meet him, and someone turned out the lights.