“No, wait…” Father Michael said. He lifted his hand, as though to grab me, but dropped it with a sigh. “I’m sorry.” He ran his fingers through his hair and flashed me a sheepish smile. “I am not very good at this. You may have noticed I’m not all that good with people.”
The admission was odd, for a priest, but he seemed sincere. Now that I had a chance to look him over, he did seem like more of a book person than a people person.
“Please, let me help you,” Father Michael said. “Demons are not something you should face alone.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyelids shut tight. He was right. I was overtired and letting my temper get the better of me, but going to that meeting without a priest would be a mistake. Trusting people didn’t come naturally to me, I wasn’t a people person either, and I was being pretty hard on Father Michael. I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head of pesky demons, smelly trolls, man-eating sharks, nightmare visions, the bogey monsters of Joysen Hill…and unicorns.
Okay, the unicorn was a bit more difficult to ignore. Especially since he was staring right at me.
Galliel was a beautiful creature. His body appeared to be carved from white marble, yet he moved with a sinuous grace. I know, marble doesn’t move like that, but I suppose when you’re a mythological creature you don’t have to follow the rules of nature. I, on the other hand, do have to obey the laws of physics. Galliel clomped forward to nuzzle my hand and the warm, moist breath on my palm was too much for my brain to process. My legs gave out and my butt hit the pew behind me.
Galliel took the opportunity to kneel down at my feet and put his head in my lap. He looked so content, I expected him to purr. Do unicorns purr? I stroked his head and looked up at Father Michael for answers.
“That…” Father Michael said, nodding his head at Galliel and clearing his throat. “That is even more unusual.”
“So, you’re telling me he doesn’t take to all new visitors like this?” I asked.
Awestruck, I realized that I was touching a strange creature and hadn’t even worried about being invaded by visions. I looked down into Galliel’s eyes and saw complete adoration. I smiled back, feeling totally relaxed for the first time in days. Huh, I wasn’t one for pets, for obvious reasons, but he was pretty cool.
“Unicorns are nearly extinct,” Father Michael said. He was speaking in hushed, reverent tones as though afraid to disturb Galliel. “So it is rare to encounter one, even in a house of God, but it is rarer still to have the ability to see one.”
“Wait, back up,” I said. “Why are they so endangered?”
“Alicorn, the substance that makes up the horn of a unicorn, has many magical properties,” he said.
“So they were hunted,” I said, anger edging my voice. Galliel nudged the hand that fisted on my lap and I went back to stroking his silky mane. How could anyone kill something so magnificent for a stupid piece of bone?
“Yes, they were hunted nearly to extinction by humans and fae alike,” he said. “Alicorn is an essential ingredient in some high ritual magic. It is also rumored to make any food or drink it touches safe to consume.”
“You mean safe from poison,” I said, eyes narrowing.
“Yes,” he said.
“That would be a valuable item for the faerie courts,” I said.
“Mab and Titania both drink from goblets made of alicorn,” he said. “At least, they did before they disappeared.”
The Seelie and Unseelie courts still gathered, but their queens had not been seen in over a century. The word of either queen was law in her realm, but I wondered how long they could rule from afar. For their sakes, they better stay away for another decade or two. I was pretty steamed about their flagrant slaughter of unicorns.
I bent down and murmured to Galliel, “I won’t let them get you.”
I don’t know what possessed me to baby talk in a unicorn’s ear. Something so majestic was probably used to more reverent treatment, but I couldn’t help myself. Galliel lifted his head long enough to give my face a “thank you” lick. Okay, I’ll admit it, this bundle of marble and fur was growing on me.
“So, humans and faeries all wanted alicorn, but how did they manage to kill so many unicorns?” I asked. “I know Galliel is being super cute right now, but aren’t unicorns supposed to be fierce in battle?”
“Extremely,” Father Michael said. “They have no equal on the battlefield.”
“Then how?” I asked.
“Unicorns have a weakness and those hunting them exploited that,” he said.
“A weakness?” I asked. “Like an Achilles heel?”
“Yes, ahem, unicorns are attracted to warriors who are true of heart and…virgins,” he said.
“Oh,” I said, blood rushing to my face.
Father Michael was blushing to the tips of his ears and my face was burning with embarrassment. My virginity? Not something I wanted to discuss with a priest. So. Awkward.
“I hate to pry, but…” he asked.
His question hung in the air between us.
“Yes,” I answered.
Fear of being touched had a downside. I didn’t get close to many people and had never dated. I was a virgin. Admitting that was embarrassing, but heck, I got to snuggle with a unicorn. That was something, right?
“I believe Galliel has two reasons to adore you then,” he said. “He does seem quite taken with you.”
Maybe it was because all the blood had rushed out of my brain and into my burning cheeks, but I wasn’t quite following.
“Huh?” I asked.
“You are a lady of supreme virtue and a warrior with a pure heart,” he said.
Me, a warrior? Not likely.
“I’m no warrior,” I said.
Father Michael raised an eyebrow and a smile quirked the edge of his lips. “Really?” he asked. “I would tend to disagree.” He raised a hand to stop my rebuttal. “You demonstrate great courage and are willing to face a demon to get answers about the fate of our city.”
“Oh, well, when you put it that way…” I said.
“So, as to that demon,” Father Michael said, grinning happily. “Tell me all about him.”
*****
It was past midnight when I dragged myself from Father Michael’s car. He waited for me to get inside the door to my stairwell before driving away. Nice guy, but he definitely had a thing for demons. If I hadn’t insisted that I needed a few hours sleep before facing Forneus, I’d still be at the church.
After much complaining, Father Michael agreed to let me get some sleep so long as we met back at my office by 6:45 AM. He would be bringing his bag of demon fighting tricks and I promised not to be late. I’d feel safer if Galliel were joining us, but after talking to Father Michael about the value of alicorn on the black market, I agreed that it was too dangerous for the unicorn to leave the safety of consecrated ground. He would have to remain in the church, for now. Saying goodbye to Galliel was the hardest thing I’d done all day—and this day ranked high on the crap-o’-meter. Who knew unicorns could be so darn cute?
I was having visions of bringing a unicorn home as a pet when Jinx whipped the loft door open. She glared down at me and crossed her arms over her chest. I was still a few steps from the top landing and she made an imposing figure as she towered above me. The mermaid tattoo on my roommate’s bicep twitched her tail impatiently as Jinx hugged herself. With a sinking feeling in my gut, I realized that this day’s crap-o’-meter rating just went up. Lucky me.
“Dude, where the hell have you been?” Jinx asked.
“Um, Kaye sent me to see a priest,” I said.
“Yeah, well, you may need a priest when I’m done with you,” Jinx said.
She tried to increase the scorch-factor of her glare, but the corner of her eyes wrinkled and a smile spread across her cherry red lips. I knew they were that exact shade because Jinx was wearing a sleeveless white robe covered with red cherries over a night slip that sported a cherry appliqu
é. It clashed with the flamingo pink, fuzzy slipper tapping the floor impatiently, but I wasn’t going to say a thing. I was just glad that she wasn’t staying mad at me—I didn’t have the energy to deal with a crazed roommate tonight.
I needed to crawl into bed before someone reported a zombie sighting. At least now I know why zombies are always shuffling around trying to gorge on brains. They need to replace all the brain matter that sleep-deprivation steals away. Don’t believe me? Then ask yourself this; have you ever seen a zombie sleep? Yeah, me neither.
“I’m so glad you’re okay!” Jinx said.
She looked like she wanted to throw her arms around me in a bear hug, but we don’t hug. I don’t do the touching thing. Well, except when it’s a unicorn.
“Yeah, me too,” I said, trudging up the last step and dragging my feet across the landing. I was doing the zombie shuffle. “Sorry I didn’t call.”
“It’s okay,” Jinx said, looking sheepish. “Actually, Kaye called me after you left The Emporium. So, I sort of knew where you were.”
“I still should have called,” I said.
“Kaye had you covered,” Jinx said, shrugging one cherry covered shoulder. “Come on in. I promise not to bite. You look like you’re about to drop dead.”
“If only I could be so lucky,” I groaned.
I trudged into the loft and dropped onto the sofa. One foot made it onto the cushion, but the other dangled above the wood floor. I was too tired to lift it the rest of the way onto the couch. I tossed one arm over my eyes, knocking my hat off onto the floor behind me, and sighed.
“That bad?” Jinx asked.
I winced. Jinx was my roommate, business partner, and best friend. She had stayed up worrying and waiting for me to come home when every sane person in this city was resting in front of a very big fan. I owed her an explanation, but I had no idea where to start. My head was swimming with demon lore, alicorn hunters, and an almost primal need for coffee.
“Yes,” I said, letting my arm flop down to my lap and meeting her eyes. “It’s bad. I have a 7 AM appointment with a demon and no idea what to expect. Kaye wasn’t much help; not really her magical bailiwick. Father Michael, Kaye’s priest contact at Sacred Heart, is book smart, sure, but I don’t have a lot of confidence that he can hold his own in a face-to-face rockem’ sockem’ show down with Forneus.”
My mouth filled with something warm and salty. Gross. I tasted blood and realized I must have bit my lip, hard.
“You’re worried,” Jinx said.
“Yes,” I said. “I am.”
Jinx ran her tongue over her lips, leaving it there while her eyes stared off into space. I recognized the look.
“I’m in,” Jinx said. She’d returned from Deep Thinking Land with a satisfied grin. “I’ll make sure you’re up in time to make our meeting with Forneus. Go ahead and catch some Z’s.”
“Wait,” I said. “Our meeting with Forneus?”
“Of course,” Jinx said, smiling. “Everyone knows you’re lost without me. If I’m not there, how will you find anything? Organizational skills are not your strong suit.”
It was kind of scary, but she was right. I had the raw talent and a nose for trouble, but Jinx did all of the real work that kept our little business afloat. Early morning appointment with a demon attorney? Not the best time to rock the boat and leave my first mate on shore.
“Okay, you win,” I said. “See you bright and early.”
“Goodnight, Ivy,” Jinx said, settling a blanket over me.
It was already too late for this night to be good. I just hoped it wasn’t our last.
Chapter 6
Sunrise was spectacular, the sky all vibrant shades of red, orange, and pink. Who knows, maybe it’s that amazing every morning. If so, I’ve been missing something by waking long after dawn. Not that I was planning on changing my sleep schedule. Getting up early is for roosters…and demons. When all this is finally over, I’m sleeping for an entire week.
Even an hour after sunrise the sky reflected brilliant blush hues in the east facing shop windows across the street from Private Eye. Jinx had kept to her promise. She woke me early—too damned early—and made sure I stayed upright. No going back to bed for this detective. Oh no, not if I wanted to stay sane. Jinx had dangled a signed copy of an Elvis record over my bed, told me it was from his drug-using, lounge singing days, and watched me squirm. I was up, dressed, and out the door with toast and coffee in hand in less than twenty minutes. My BFF may look like a cute extra from the set of Happy Days, but she was pure evil.
I started to slouch and nearly impaled myself on the stakes and crosses lining my belt. Forneus may not be a vamp, but the army style nylon equipment belt slung low across my hips made me feel better. In addition to the stakes and crosses, it held iron nails, vials of holy water, and a pocket knife. The side pouch contained a few white candles and quick-strike matches.
I rearranged a few of the pointier objects—still within easy reach, but in a less uncomfortable location. Turning myself into human shish kebab would give Forneus an unfair advantage. I didn’t want that. Plus, I was wearing my favorite bad-ass, black vinyl tee and black cargo pants. The shirt was a gift from Jinx and she’d kill me if I put a hole in it.
Of course, she might have to get in line.
“Red sky at night, sailor’s delight,” Jinx sing-songed. “Red sky in morning, sailor’s warning.”
A chill went down my spine, all the way to my toes. She had no way of knowing that I’d been abstractly thinking of our morning meeting as a sailing adventure. It was silly, but the old maritime shanty felt like an ill omen.
Red sky in morning, sailor’s warning.
I jumped as Father Michael pulled up in front of our office, nearly spilling my coffee. Now that would have been a disaster of epic proportions. I downed the last of the caffeine goodness, and went to unlock the office. Our priest was here and a demon was on his way. Time to get to work.
*****
Jinx bustled around the office, trying not to hover, but failing entirely.
“It’s cool,” I said, waving her over. “You should hear this too.”
She nodded and came to stand beside my desk with both hands gripping her pink feather duster like it had remembered the bird it used to be and was struggling to fly away. Any other day I might have smirked, but my own white knuckled grip on the object in front of me described our situation aptly. We were up a creek and heading for the rapids. Our lizard brains were screaming at us to hold on tight, so that’s exactly what we did.
“So what the he…” I started to ask.
“H-E double hockey sticks,” Jinx interjected.
Okay Mom, I wanted to snark, but maybe she had a point. We were about to make nice with a demon. Mentioning its home turf may not be the brightest idea. Words have power.
“Right,” I said. “So what does this clockwork monstrosity do?”
Turning the brass and copper object over in my gloved hands did nothing to shed any light on the subject. The object was about the size of a pocket watch and resembled a mutant compass. I didn’t think the device got its looks from any of Father Michael’s tinkering. It had the patina, and aura, of something very old. If it wasn’t for the urgency of our situation, and the thick leather gloves covering my skin, I wouldn’t have dreamt of handling it.
“You hold in your hands, The Deffakus,” Father Michael said reverently.
That fanatic gleam was back in his eye and I was glad the good father was on our side. There was something scary about people with that much brains being so obsessed with the supernatural. It didn’t take much imagination to picture him in the vestments of the Spanish Inquisition.
Jinx started giggling, leaned forward, and tripped over her own wedge-sandaled feet. We don’t call her Jinx for nothing. She collapsed against the file cabinet, creepy phrenology head teetering precariously above her prone form.
“Ouch,” Jinx said, rubbing the knee she’d landed on. “So what does the A
lmighty Deffakus do, detect bullshit?”
“I can assure you that The Deffakus has nothing at all to do with vulgar cuss words,” he said. “The artifact was named for Horatio Deffakus, the man who discovered it.”
Great, we’d ruffled his feathers. In fact, he was flapping his arms agitatedly in a decidedly birdlike motion. If I didn’t put an end to this train wreck, my friend would put her foot even further in her mouth and Father Michael would expound upon the linguistic differences between feces and the metal object still resting in my hand. I didn’t think I’d survive that conversation, especially since our demon would be here in ten minutes.
“Please,” I said. See, I can play nice. “What does the compass thingy do? Will it help me deal with Forneus?”
“Yes, yes, it will,” he said, nodding his head. “See this knob here? Turn it thrice widdershins.”
I knew from hanging out with Kaye that widdershins meant counterclockwise. It was a direction that, when used in magic, was likely to precede something negative or an undoing. That was fine if you were working to dispel an item or disperse excess energy after a rite, but moving something widdershins to twist a curse was old-school traditional black magic.
A demon attorney may be high on the freak out scale, but I wasn’t letting my morning meeting turn me to the dark side. They may have cookies, but I had a freakin’ unicorn. No way was I changing sides this early in the game.
“No,” I said. “Not until you tell me exactly what it does.”
“It can determine whether or not a demon is telling a lie,” he said.
Huh, Jinx was right. It really was a bullshit detector.
“Is it black magic?” I asked. Might as well get straight to the point. We were running out of time and I needed to know if I could use the thing or not.
“Of course not!” he exclaimed.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch,” Jinx said, waving a hand at Father Michael. Her red lacquered nails froze mid-wave as she realized that she’d just said the word “panties” to a priest. Oopsie.