“Oh, yes, William,” she moaned as another wave of shivers took over her body.
“Say it,” I insisted.
“I’m yours,” she answered breathlessly. “I’m yours, and I will always be yours.”
“Yes, you are,” I responded as I slowed down and took her in long, drawn-out thrusts. I was so close that I wanted to calm down, to prolong the amazing feeling of her wrapped around me.
“I love you, William,” she whispered as a second later, I lost complete control of myself and thrusting as deeply as I could, I exploded inside of her.
Chapter Sixteen
Delilah
I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as soon as I told William I loved him. It wasn’t that it was a lie—it was the absolute truth—but that didn’t mean that he was ready to hear it or that he wanted to. In fact, I was fairly sure I’d just made a huge mistake.
After William orgasmed inside of me, he pulled out and rolled away from me, neither of us saying anything as we both caught our breath. I watched him stand up and put on his boxer shorts as he stood by the front door. Yes, I was still panting and still completely awestruck by everything we’d just done. Sex with William was the most exhilarating, amazing, exciting thing I’d ever experienced. He was just so untamed, naughty, and dominant that I found myself ravenously wanting more even though we’d just finished. Yes, there had been a moment of pain when he’d taken my virginity with his fingers, but it hadn’t in any way affected how much I enjoyed our “lovemaking”, even if that wasn’t what William wanted to term it.
“William?” I asked timidly, once the silence between us became unbearably oppressive.
He glanced over at me, breaking his gaze which had been locked on the floor. His eyes were deep pools of conflict, and I could see a battle beginning to brew within their depths. I was suddenly terrified that he was going to end things right here and now.
“I took something from you that wasn’t mine to take,” he started as he faced me with a stern expression that almost bordered on angry. But I knew him well enough by now to know that if he was angry, he was angry with himself.
“I wanted you to be my first, William, and my last,” I said, my voice catching in my throat. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do if he told me we’d made a mistake, and he didn’t want to see me again. I honestly had no idea if I’d become irate, or if I’d break down in tears. Maybe both.
“What you gave me is something I will cherish forever,” he responded while I felt my stomach drop down to my toes. There was just so much finalization in his statement—it was something you said to someone you weren’t planning on seeing again, something you said before goodbye. If felt like eons went by as I waited for him to continue, to say something else, but he remained silent. And then I decided I didn’t want to be left hanging, wondering what was going on in his head. Instead, I decided to tackle whatever ugliness was looming, threatening.
“You’ll cherish what happened between us, but you don’t want to see me again?” I phrased the sentence as a question, but it was more of a comment, more of a fact. Tears started to prick the backs of my eyes. But they weren’t tears of anger. No, I wasn’t at that point yet. I was just sad. Incredibly so.
“No,” he answered immediately, frowning as he started shaking his head. “I would never do that to you, Angel, not after what we just did and what you…just said.”
“I’m sorry,” I nearly interrupted him as I dropped my gaze to the ground and shook my head, reprimanding myself inwardly for letting the words “I love you” slip out so easily and so soon. Maybe that had been the thing that spooked him so badly? Probably so.
“Don’t be sorry,” he insisted. “And look at me.” I brought my eyes back up to his and found his narrowed on me, studious. “I’ve never experienced anything like what we just did,” he said, surprising me because I imagined that although the sex had been mind-blowing to me, it was probably routine to him.
“But I’m sure you’ve had lots of sex before,” I started, not really understanding what he meant.
He nodded. “I’ve had more than my fair share of women,” he explained. “But all the sex I’ve ever had pales in comparison to sex with you.” He cleared his throat and glanced down at his large hands, looking entirely uncomfortable. “I’m not good at this emotional stuff, so you’ll have to forgive me if I’m tripping all over myself.”
“It’s okay,” I offered as I tried to be patient and understanding while he sorted through whatever was going on his brain. It was clearly a lot because he kept opening and closing his mouth several times before he finally pressed his mouth into a thin line.
“William?” My voice echoed around his cabin, sounding small and unsure, and I hated it, but I needed to know what was going on in his head because a lot of conflicting emotions were going through me right now.
William shook his head as he snatched his shirt off the floor and began to do the buttons, his fingers deft and sure. The same fingers that were all over me a few minutes ago. It was hard to imagine this was the same person.
Now, he wasn’t even looking at me.
I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, and bile rose in the back of my throat. “Say something,” I whispered.
“I don’t know what to say, Delilah.”
He’d never used my real name before. I visibly winced as the words cut right through me.
“How about you start with how you’re feeling?” I said, my voice sounding uncertain. “That’s always a good place to start, right?”
William raked his hands through his hair as he pushed one leg through his jeans then the other before buttoning them up. He started to brush his jeans as if they had something on them, but I knew he was just stalling for time.
“Usually yes, but I told you before, I’m not like other people.” William clipped as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
Suddenly, I was incapable of lounging on the carpet in my birthday suit, so my eyes wildly gazed around for my clothes which were on the far side of the room. I gulped thickly and quickly wrapped the blanket around my body, trying to ignore the weight of his gaze on me.
For a man who didn’t say much, he sure did convey plenty.
“Do you regret what happened?” I asked.
“Not exactly, no,” William said, frustration leaking into his tone. “I wish it was that simple though. Unfortunately, it isn’t. There are certain factors that I hadn’t considered.”
“Like the fact that I was a virgin?” I asked bluntly, seeing no point in beating around the bush.
His eyebrows knitted together in surprise. “Yes, that’s part of it.”
I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “I see.”
He inhaled deeply and then looked at me with frustration in his gaze. “I need to go because the sheriff is expecting me, and there are some other things I need to take care of. We’ll talk later, okay?” William still resolutely refused to meet my gaze.
I hesitantly walked towards him and took his hand in mine. It was shockingly cold compared to before, and he just stared down at our hands before he finally brought his eyes up to meet mine.
“Just lock up on your way out,” he said as he offered me a tight smile before he slipped his hand away from mine. Without pausing to look back, he swung the door open, and it banged shut behind him
The sound reverberated through the cabin, and my legs gave out from underneath me, and I sank to the floor as tears streamed down my face.
So much for saying he wouldn’t hurt me.
Chapter Seventeen
William
Angel thought I didn’t hear her collapse into a heap on the floor as she started to cry. Every nerve in my body was screaming at me to turn around and comfort her. I kept twitching with the urge to forget about the sheriff’s appointment and then Janet, open the door and scoop her up into my arms. If I did that though, there would be no doubt in her mind as to how I felt about her. And that was a subject that was bothering m
e considerably because I felt too much for her. I was fighting myself. I felt like shit for taking away her virginity then walking out on her like I just had, but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to explain my reasons to her until I understood them myself.
Besides, I was no longer alone when it came to my concerns.
Janet was still a wild card, and if she learned about Angel and me, I definitely wouldn’t put it past her to seek Angel out and fill her head with all sorts of awful things. I couldn’t put Angel through that. And that was exactly why I was starting up my truck and heading into town earlier than planned. I couldn’t wait a moment longer to figure out this situation with Janet. I remembered she’d said she was supposed to be at work at two, so I’d get there right around one. She was going to be my first stop.
I had to get the subject of Janet and a potential baby solved. If I had any hope of being with Angel, Janet needed to understand that we would never be anything ever again. Of course if the child was mine, I would stand up and be a father but that didn’t mean I had to be a husband again. At least, not to Janet.
Yes, it was time to stand up and admit to myself that this was the start of…..something between Angel and me. I couldn’t deny that fact any longer. It was fairly clear that Angel cared for me, and I absolutely cared for her. And now after what we’d just done, I had to face the facts that we wouldn’t be able to go back to our distant acquaintanceship. If whatever we had between us had any hope of blossoming into something then I had to be completely honest and transparent with Angel. Something I hadn’t done in years. If I had ever done it. But the thought of telling her about my past and about Janet left me cold. The truth was that I was afraid. I didn’t want to see the look of disappointment and pain that would show up in her eyes.
Even if I did decide to completely open up to Angel, I wasn’t sure I could actually go through with it. Opening myself up like that wasn’t part of my personality. I was secretive, private, and I liked keeping to myself. I didn’t like the idea of someone being close to me and trying to sniff out things I had buried deeply within myself.
And the fact that Angel was a virgin… it was a thought I was having a very difficult time getting past. It baffled me how no man had ever touched her before given how desirable she was. It confused me even more when I remembered how confident she was, how she’d basically egged me on. But then I remembered how she paused while she was trying to seduce me, and it seemed like all of a sudden that bravado was out the window, and she was just a timid and nervous girl.
As I considered it, I couldn’t deny the part of me that was thrilled that I was the only man to ever know her intimately. At the idea that I might not be the last, anger began to flare up inside of me and I felt an almost inexplicable sense of possessiveness overtake me. I absolutely detested the idea of any other man touching her. But I couldn’t think about that right now.
I had more pressing matters on my mind.
Like Janet.
I had to take care of this mess and I needed to do it ASAP.
Once I was in Marshall Heights, I pulled the paper Janet had scrawled her address on from my pocket. I checked it one more time to make sure I had the street numbers correct. Then I glanced up and realizing I was in front of her apartment, I backed into the open spot right out front. I killed the engine and took a deep breath.
And then I started to think about how I’d walked out on Angel and how upset she’d been and that I hadn’t turned around. And I hated myself all over again. I couldn’t explain it, but the feeling to escape had been too overwhelming to ignore. I knew that what I should’ve done was hold her against me and stroke her as she lounged in my arms. It’s what she deserved. And it was what I wanted to do, but after her confession that she loved me, every bone in my body froze. I’d been like a deer in headlights, unable to so much as breathe.
I was afraid.
After going so long not remembering what it felt like to have a woman say she loved me and really mean it, I was surprised to find that I had avoided it as obviously as I had. Of course it shouldn’t have surprised me, given how hard I’d tried to avoid getting attached to anyone ever again. Then again looking back on the trajectory with Angel, I shouldn’t have been surprised. It was a slow build-up, but all the smiles we’d shared, all the longing, all the thoughts of each other were there all the same.
I just didn’t expect love. I didn’t expect her to feel the same way about me that I felt about her.
I had to stop myself. Did I love her?
Of course you love her, you idiot, I grumbled to myself. What else would you call it?
Yet, when I heard those words from her beautiful mouth, I panicked.
I jumped down from the truck and slammed the door behind me. Then I strode up to Janet’s apartment building and finding her door, knocked on it a bit harder than I intended to. Clearly, I was upset.
It took her a few minutes to open the door but once she did, her wary expression gave way to one of joyful surprise.
“Well this is a surprise,” she started.
“We need to talk and figure this out,” I answered as I noticed she was still in her pajamas.
“Who kicked your dog?”
I scowled as she opened the door wide in invitation and then strolled back into her living room. I followed her, closing the door behind me as I took in the sight of her leaning against the wall with a cigarette dangling between her lips and a bored look on her face.
“I’m here to talk about this,” I snapped, harsher than I intended.
Janet raised one eyebrow and blew a ring of a smoke out of her mouth. It hit me squarely in the face, but I didn’t react as I watched her through the mist.
“Somebody is testy. Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed, Will?” Her lips curled back in what was intended to be a smile, but there wasn’t anything warm about it.
“We need to finish our discussion,” I said through gritted teeth. I wasn’t going to let her get a rise out of me, but it seemed she was already succeeding, and it wasn’t her fault. I was already flustered, and now it appeared I was going to take it out on her.
“Yes, we do,” she answered.
“I didn’t want to wait,” I continued.
“Well, you can talk while I get dressed. I have to be at work in fifty minutes,” she said as she took a long drag of her cigarette and let it out through her nose. Then she started for her bedroom and disappeared down the hall as I remained in the living room. It was the first time I was able to take in the complete and utter mess. Some things never changed.
“How long are you planning on staying in Marshall Heights?” I asked.
“How long am I planning on staying?” she called out, like the question was completely absurd. “I live here now.”
“Marshall Heights isn’t your speed, Janet, and we both know that.”
“I didn’t come here for the town, silly,” she started as she appeared in the living room again, in the midst of pulling a sweater over her head.
“What did you come for?”
“You,” she answered with a shrug. “I wanted us all to be a family again.”
I didn’t say anything right away because I wasn’t sure what to say. Finally I settled on: “Are you fucking crazy?”
“Well, if you’d asked me that question eight months ago, I guess I would have had to say yes?” she asked with a smile as if she weren’t taking my question seriously. “But as to where I am now? No, I’m not fucking crazy.”
“There is no chance in hell that we will ever be a family again,” I pointed out, angrily.
“I think that’s bs,” she answered as she crossed her arms over her chest and regarded me coolly. “We are not over, Will. You just need reminding.”
I shuddered at her calling me Will. Maybe I was “Will” once upon a time, but I wasn’t the same man today. “I don’t need anything,” I answered. “Even you must realize that you burned that bridge a long time ago and that it’s time to walk away and not look b
ack.”
“Why should I realize that? And, yes, we both made mistakes in the past, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make things work in the future.”
“We have no future together, Janet.” I took a deep breath. “It’s been years, and we’ve both moved on.”
“I think you just need to remember how good it used to feel between us.” Janet pushed herself off the wall and placed her hand on top of mine. She let it linger as she lightly stroked my arm above the fabric of my shirt. With a cold sense of detachment, I stared at her finger before I shrugged it off.
“I’m not interested in anything where you’re concerned other than finding out when you’re moving away again.”
Janet’s eyes flashed angrily. “You think you can just make me go away, William? That’s not how this works. Do I have to remind you that there’s a child involved?”
“I’m very well aware that there’s a child involved—a child that I’m not convinced is mine.”
“Oh, he’s yours,” she insisted.
“I suppose a paternity test will be the deciding factor there,” I answered.
“And when you find out that he is your son? What then?” she demanded.
“Then I will take care of him just like a good father would,” I responded.
“And what about me?”
“What about you?”
“Well, what becomes of me?”
I shrugged. “You continue working and you build a life for yourself, and you figure your shit out, I guess,” I answered. “I don’t know.” I inhaled deeply. “All I do know is that your life won’t overlap mine.”
Her eyes narrowed and that lofty expression she’d been wearing disappeared, replaced with something far uglier. “Is this because of the girl at the bank?” she demanded.
I felt my heart plummet as a cold sweat broke out along my hairline. “What are you talking about?”
“Word on the street is that you’ve got your eyes on some girl in the bank named Delilah.”
“That isn’t true, and it has nothing to do with anything so why even bring it up?” I lied, mainly to protect Angel. I did not want this manipulative, vindictive witch anywhere near her.